Sweet Sounds

How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear! It soothes her sorrows, heals her wounds, and drives away her fear.

I woke up and burst into tears this morning. I think part of it is being frustrated because I love to go places and do things. Right now its not an option because most of my best pondering places are closed.  I've got compromised immunity because of the meds I'm on and am scared that I'll catch "the virus" so I've been trying to stay home.

I decided to go to pray this morning about the loss that I feel.  My best pondering place in KC is in front of Waterlilies by Monet at Nelson Atkins Art Museum. Waterlilies has been a source of contentment in my life.  Its been my steadfast place where I've ran to since I was 22 fresh outta college. In times of trepidation or delight it is where go to get grounded. It is my place of solace where I ponder and pray. Where I feel the love of my Heavenly Father at my core.

 I feel like Waterlilies is an old friend at this point that is too far and scarce to find in our new reality.  My pondering to my Heavenly Daddy has been ; Why didn't I get one more chance? One more chance before they locked the doors to be with Daddy.

I know that sounds crash, right?  It's a piece of artwork not a human friend. The grace of God is he hears our prayers even those that are selfish like my Waterlilies whiny prayer. It popped into my head that the painting and place was merely just a thought away.  I felt like God said close your eyes, use your great imagination Sherry...guess what you are there.  And, I was there in front of Waterlilies.  Then I heard "tell me" and with eyes closed I poured my heart out:
"I feel unheard and scared.  I feel so much that I've got no words for". 

 I heard this back "Tell me about it, kid, I see what is going on not only with you but the rest of my children. I'm in pain over it because you are forgetting whose in charge, who loves you so much I created you because the world couldn't be without a Sherry. A sweet Sherry that hears me and closes her eyes and sees Waterlilies. A sweet Sherry that knows I've got her but is trying to prep things for the worst rather than hope and see the best.   I roar over you to break the fear of the unknown because you are listening".

I think its quite possible for me and perhaps you to listen today.  Not to the news or all the pings on our phones.  Maybe we each need to take time to close our eyes and go to our best pondering place.  If you don't have one you can use Waterlilies.  Unload it all allow our Heavenly Daddy to respond and to roar over you.  It feels better trust me.

The world right now is not perfect. That's when grace over rides if you allow it. After pondering this of course I checked my phone that had been pinging as I wrote.  I clicked on a new Instagram post and found this ; How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear! It soothes her sorrows, heals her wounds, and drives away her fear.

May you allow God's grace and mercy soothe you sorrows, heal your wounds, and take away your fears today.  Amen

Peace be with you-Sherry

Mother's Intuition

I've been praying and asking for words of encouragement this morning as Dale and Emily, my kids, travel to Maryville to get Dale's dorm room cleaned out. His college is going to have the dorms open until next Monday when all key cards will be deactivated. Northwest said that students should come to grab their textbooks and clothing but prepare to return sometime in April. 

This little red hen went to the Lord in prayer yesterday.  I wanted and needed confirmation that what I think is right. I needed the confirmation. What I got was the word intuition and this morning resound.  Ohh, Lord, I just need to hear "it is so".  

Let's begin with yesterday afternoon. We got the email from my son's college. I wanted to jump in the Sandymobile , go to the 'ville, clear out his dorm room, and get home as fast as I could. I did not do this. I went to my Heavenly Daddy in prayer.  He sent back the word intuition. I pressed on in prayer about intuition ; "should I rely on my own?". The response took my breath away.  It was simply this ; close your eyes, take a deep breath, and know I am with you. You can see with my eyes, ears, and heart daughter, you know wrong from right...use your Daddy's intuition as your own. 

I took that deep breath and closed my eyes and took a few more deep breaths. I knew we should go to Maryville to get Dale's things. I could sense that I wasn't the one that was going to go. I was to stay behind. I would over complicate things. 

I had my kids at the kitchen table last night and as I started to talk about Maryville. I froze up. I began to cry. I started to feel my heart beat faster and my skin prickle. I was having an anxiety attack. I haven't had an anxiety attack for a while but I knew what it was. As I started to sob and gasp for air my kids took over. They got an inhaler, spoke softly and calmly, and got my a drink of water. They began to stop their mom's unraveling.  They began to talk about going to get Dale's stuff from his dorm room and made a plan to do it in the morning. 

As they talked I wept not because of the anxiety attack but of the goodness of God. He created two remarkable children that he allowed me to mother hen.  He made them calm, sensible, filled with wonder and tenacity.  They used  God given intuition right in front of me so I could learn.  I wept and marveled at the goodness of our Heavenly Daddy. 

This morning as I was thanking God for revealing his intuition and how to use it.  I heard the word "resound".  Resound is a sound or voice that fills a space loud enough to echo.  I began to pray and was sent to Psalm 96:11 "Let the heavens be glad and earth rejoice. Let the sea roar, and its fullness". Ohh, Lord, you know that I'm a city kid and nature isn't my jam.  Then he sent me to Isaiah 42:12 "Make God's glory resound; echo his praises from coast to coast". 

I thought, ok, Lord, I can do that.  I can praise you through writing about my experience.  I can praise you as I embark on doing art classes twice this week via FB live.  I'm reminded how at my very worst during my cancer journey I told God that I would still praise him even if I go out kicking, screaming, and proclaiming his name. I'm reminded I need to start clicking the publish on my blogs rather than save.  

Have you had some restless nights or days ? How about an anxiety attack?  I feel your pain and want you to know the Lord does too.  He is groaning to hear you come to him and purge all your fears, pain, and discomfort. He is eager, willing, and calls you his beloved even when you don't know you are.  The beauty of relationship with our Heavenly Daddy is that we get to be real, honest, and be ourselves. We don't have to omit or leave anything behind as we talk to him. I would encourage you to have a chat time with God. If you need someone to chat with you know I'm here too.  You are welcome to message me and it would be my honor to pray over you.  

Peace be with you- Sherry 

writing prayer

Be blessed you oh’ creative one. Be encouraged with what has and what is about to come. May your eyes be enlightened by the knowledge of God, with the purpose of your mind to create written words to inspire who Christ is. Your willingness for the kingdom and for Christ himself is not done in vain but rather for glorification to our Father above. From my heart to yours, may your needs be met and your desires be given as you sacrifice your time to give.

Slam Dunk

Whose ever said "I'm getting drowned by ; finances, work, family commitments, the holidays...etc"? I feel like we need to change the word drowned to dunking. Dunking is annoying, gets your attention, sometimes takes your breath away but you recover.

I got this idea after having the same dream two nights in a row. Below you will find my ponderings, what I feel like our responses from God, and my responses back. I'm hoping that I'm not alone and that by sharing this helps some one else. Here goes friends.


grapple grasp fall

I was surrounded by cold water too deep to gain my footing. The skies were overcast. I'm trying to keep my ahead above the water.  I feel tired beat by the waves and like at anytime I could just go under.

Then I see a hand with a strong arm.  I grapple to grasp for the hand. Instead of pulling me out of the water the hand plunges me into the water and dunks me.  The continued dunking keeps coming all night.

I wake up this morning after the second night of being dunked. I literally feel the dunking in my nose, my lungs, and body this morning. and then I start to pray.

It occurs to me that it was a dunking. a repetitive dunking. It was not a drowning. The hand didn't try to kill me but chose to dunk me. It reminds me of being a kid at the pool or lake with my big brother. What big brother in his teens wants his kid sister to come to the pool with him? Mine would dunk me repetitively.  He would dunk me and tell me that I was going to be a stronger person for it. He would dunk me so many times that I would finally give up.  He would jump out of the pool and help me dry off, make sure I had my flip flops on and watch as I marched to the library nearby. 

There is no pool at the library only books.  It hits me this morning how much I hate getting my face wet and swimming. I really don't like the water. My mom, dad, and brother loved the water. not this chick, Lord, so why dunk me?

"i didn't drown you, Sherry" is the reply.

What's up with the dunking? In my mind I'm taken back to the southside pool and my brother. Dunking is annoying and a sure fire way to wake up. Dunking makes you stronger according to my big brother. Dunking takes you away from the moment. Then this response from the Lord;

"Dunking is a reminder that I'm with you even when you didn't ask, Sherry. Dunking is a reminder that you have my promise and perspective in the world. Dunking is a reminder that you can do hard things. Dunking is a reminder that I am with you in the hard things that are coming and will be. I am there dunking you and getting dunked with you, kid. When you choose to shake off the dunking and are ready to walk then and only then you'll take my hand once again.

For now enjoy the dunk.  Know you are loved and i call you mine to whomever would question".

Thank you for the reminder that I can walk with you and don't have to settle for anything less. Tonight I would appreciate less dunking and more walking, Lord. Love, Sherry


Hoping this excerpt from my journal helps maybe one or two of you reading it. I want you to remember when you think you are drowning you are simply being dunked. With each dunking you need to remember that God is there with you and he is ready when you are to walk again. God loves me and he loves you. He calls us his kids.  I'm really thankful that the dunking has stopped in my dreams.  In honesty I still feel like I'm being dunked but I will not drown because God has me, is with me, and will not falter.

May you see the dunking as a way to be stronger....just like my big brother told me.  I do.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates;

• It's been two weeks since my mom passed away. I still feel splintered bot broken but splintered. I have hope that now that God is going to take those splinters and make a beautiful mosaic from them that will be the next season of my life.  
• Emily, my daughter, has spent the week at MU hooked to monitors.  She has had uncontrolled seizures for six years. We are finally finding out exactly where in her brain the seizures start and spread. Continued prayers for her are appreciated. 
• I opened The Artroom this week for classes. I know it's been two weeks but it feels like God is saying that I not only need to but I have to. Being a teacher and artist is dear to my heart and part of my spirit. I'm so thankful for the families that came and will come. 
• Thank you for the kind words, prayers, and messages sent my way.  It is an incredibly hard season that I'm in. I realized before heading to South Dakota this summer God was telling me it would be the hardest time in my life. He prepared me in South Dakota for things that have happened. Even the words "splinter" and "dunking" were part of my journaling while I was there. God is just that awesome. 
• Continued prayers for the Sandymobile as we will be traveling back and forth to MU this coming week. Then later in December back to Des Moines.  

Rocketgirl Five

Family is defined a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.  The second is ; all the descendants of a common ancestor. As I type that I start to ponder the lyrics to Rocketman by Elton John once again.  Why, God, am I hearing that song still? Shoot, I went back to Des Moines and saw my brother and even went to see my mom. Then it occurs to me that there are other people & places that I have been orbiting for a while.

My daughter, Emily, was 19 and a college freshman in St Louis. She was in college algebra when it struck and her life and world would never look the same since. In class she had a seizure, stopped breathing, and was unresponsive for 45 minutes. She was transported to the hospital nearby and after 57 minutes was responsive. We got the call from her college three hours later about what had happened and where she was.

We got her home, had tests ran, and everything looked fine. To quote a neurologist "she has a beautiful brain".  She went back to college in St Louis for another semester. She would wake with her mouth bitten and battered and bruised. The only conclusion we had was that she had a seizure in her sleep.  When I was diagnosed with cancer she came home from college.  With her home we realized how severe her seizures were and how many occur.

Emily has seizures in her sleep. She has seizures when she is awake. She has had multiple seizures on the same day. Each seizure leaves her battered and bruised. Because she's home we are usually with her and have learned how to maneuver her so she doesn't stop breathing. The seizures not only have battered her body but her memory as well.

From the start at 19 we looked for a reason.  We were told by a leading neurologist in KC that sometimes there are no reasons and we had to accept that.  We have been told that she could be a candidate for a stimulator that is a button placed in the brain that stops a seizure when it senses it. Then we found out that her seizures begin at the frontal lobe and then spread quickly through her brain ; stimulators aren't designed for the frontal lobe.

We have met with 8 neurologist total. Each looks through her scans and tests and sees that Emily has a "beautiful brain". We have went through medications and nothing ever sticks; her body responds at first and then within a month or so the seizures continue. Her current neurologist in KC suggested surgery when we first met. Emily was all for it.

As her mom I should have been all for it too, right? I haven't. I wanted there to be a magic pill that would keep my darling dot seizure free. I hoped that she would outgrow the seizures since the brain is still growing from age 18-25...yeah, thank my educational background for that. I prayed that God lift and restore Emily. I felt like I heard at 25 she would be. She turned 25 on August 5 this year and had a seizure as she sat across from me eating breakfast.

It was that seizure that became the catalyst for me rallying my daughter and her wishes to pursue surgery. At her September appointment to her KC neurologist she began to wobble when she walked and garble her speech. This happens at least twice a week but her neurologist has never seen it. I had to advocate for Emily because she could not. Her neurologist got her accepted by the University of Missouri neurology program.

After we made that appointment with MU Emily talked to me. She shared that she would have pushed for the surgery years ago but I was battling cancer. She told me "you were so sure that God was going to heal me that I didn't want to tell you no". Emily and her brother have prayed together over her for the past year that it would be; the right time, place, and moment to say we are going to pursue surgery and that I would accept it.

It makes me ponder and cry that my kids were afraid to tell me. It makes me marvel at God that he heard their prayers and began to soften my heart as Emily approached 25. It makes me ponder if I have been orbiting around like the Rocketman too distracted by my own feelings on Emily to ponder hers.

There is a current of light from God that calls us back from self doubts and idleness the world floods us with.  All the insecurities as a mom with a daughter with uncontrolled seizure disorder. How many times have I begged God not to take my daughter who was beautifully and splendidly made whom I love. It hits my like the cold snap this morning my daughter; in my mind I know that Emily has always been God's beloved daughter. I've prayed and released her each day in his care since she started kindergarten & through college. Somewhere between college & after her first seizure I began declaring her my daughter. It is a haze that has been clouding my judgment, reason, and heart for a while.

 It is a haze of selfishness that I've been walking because I didn't want to release my daughter into the arms of her Heavenly Father like I did on her first day of kindergarten. A haze that I've walked in and didn't even notice. The haze that the enemy has placed in my path that leads me to mumble and grumble and make excuses. The haze that takes me away from the current that is our Heavenly Father. 

The difference is I'm starting to spot the haze as it lingers around us. It seeks to challenge me; give easy alternatives, name call, and divide not only me but our family. This past week we were united as a family when we drove to Columbia, Missouri for a consult with Dr. Bendy. He was honest and said from her previous scans and tests there is no reason for the seizures. He told us he took her case after talking with Dr. Seeley about Emily. He knows that MU has resources for Emily that she hasn't had in the machines that do the imaging. He said that he could not say if she is a candidate for surgery or not based on her scans but if we did the scans, tests, etc.available at MU he might be able to find out.

The haze began to dissipate with the drive there on then as we consulted  with Dr. Bandy. When we left and got in the car I could feel the weightiness of the haze returning; it wanted me to cry, call out God for not healing Emily, and to be angry...really, really angry.  My daughter took my hand and squeezed it and the haze dissipated. I saw the beloved daughter of the King of Kings before me. I was humbled that the King had chosen me as her earthly mom. 

There is a haze around each of us seeking to pull us into anger, resentment, and abandonment of our beloved creator, God.  I've never felt like this in my life but it is a poignant time for me; I'm no longer an abandoned child at the side of the road that has lost her dad and possibly her mom soon. I'm no longer intertwined with the worldly stuff but have began preparing myself for kingdom things. As I've begun freedom the haze started to enter that left me polarized, orbiting outside of; people, places, and situations.  I allowed that haze to stick rather than beat it with a stick. 

On the ride home from Columbia I shared this with my husband while Emily slept in the backseat. I shared about the haze that seeks to encompass my emotions, play on my fears, and stop me from praising the Lord for his children that I call my daughter and son. Ted reminded me that the greatness is that I recognize it and know Jesus is the solution. Jesus is the haze breaker. United we refute the haze that we may stand brave, strong, and true in the splendid light of Christ Jesus. United we refute separation from our creator as his creations. With eyes wide open we call ourselves and each that we meet beloved children of the King.

Here's a prayer that has helped me and I hope it will help you as well. "United we refute the haze. United we refute; list out whatever it is, friends. United with Christ Jesus we are brave, strong and true in all situations. United with our Heavenly Father we can do all things in our path with grace, dignity, and mercy.  There is no haze that can keep us from our creator...thank you Heavenly Father this is true. We call on your mercy for our day. We declare victory and sweet insights of your eyes in our situations. That we know we are far from alone or abandoned we are yours. Amen".

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates

• We are home from South Dakota. I spent most of the trip driving from Wagner to Marty to do art with the kiddos there. Two out of the five days Emily was sick with food poisoning. I had to decide to just stay in Wagner with her or go out on my own. I choose to go out on my own proving that this old artsy chick still has some nerve. With your help we brought ; 110 bags of Takis chips to the Marty kids and gave them away. We were able to have 30 more bags of chips that we gave away to the Wagner kids...yes, God is all that and a bag of chips. 
• This week MU will call to schedule appointments for specialized MRI's and scans and for a week long stay at the hospital where Emily will be hooked up to try to make a seizure happen. I'm asking for continued prayers in the process, for bubble wrap of protection over the Sandymobile to get us there and back, and for bubble wrap of protection over our family. If you would like to help us with expenses; gas, travel, and stays in Columbia please let me know. 
• I'm planning on doing a set of 4 artsy classes called ; Home for the Holidays in my art studio. Each class will be a make & take style where you get to create gifts.  Look for more info on my FB; Mamasunbear2 events. 

Rocketgirl Four

When you have lost hope and think there is no way to make it through the Lord releases his goodness upon you. He moves mountains and literally breathes life into our lungs. God reignites the flame of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. He brings his lost children home with hope, confidence, and grace.  

In Rocketgirl One I shared about my broken relationship with my mom. How my brother and I are trying to navigate care for the end of her life. It has brought me to tears for the past few weeks. It has reminded me that our parents raised us to be ; smart, capable, brave, and compassionate.  My brother, David, was born with a compassionate, empathetic heart beyond my own. We share the same sense of humor and believe sarcasm is a lost art. 

I've been reminded daily of how I ran away from Des Moines. It wasn't entirely because of my relationship with my mom. I ran away to Kansas City after college. I decided to stay in KC once my dad passed away. To be like the "rocketman" that Elton John sings about floating close but far enough away to run from my own hurt and pain. 

My dad died one week before I was married in 1993.  It was horrible and has taken me years to process. After my dad's visitation my mom insisted that we stay and say good bye to our dad.  Neither my brother or I wanted to do it. My brother looked at me and I looked at him and we watched our mom and didn't move.  I finally went to his casket and felt totally broken. My brother came beside me and promised my dad he would take care of mom and not fail her. I was standing next to him and took his hand and said we both will we are in it together.

I'm brought back to that promise we made to our dad to take care of mom. There is guilt that she isn't able to live in her home. Pain that soon I'll have no parents here on this earth. At moments I'm without words. The precious blessing is my brother is reeling from the same emotions. I have my brother and he has me. 

Last Saturday on our way home from South Dakota I took a detour to Des Moines. I took the turn for Des Moines near Omaha and instantly it felt weird.  I kept seeing the signs on the interstate to turn to go south to Kansas City. I began to pray that I wouldn't turn off and just home.  God, if you intend for me to get to Des Moines you are going to have to help me stay focused and protect me; my mind, heart, and spirit beyond just bubble wrapping me in my travels. I looked out into the sky and saw it was filled with clouds like a trail heading east.  I said Holy Spirit it is going to take more than clouds to distract my brokeness and I felt like there was a beautiful gold light that was winding around my hands, arms, and body and weaving over to Emily and throughout my Sandymobile. Good distraction Holy Spirit, I'll take Wonderwoman's lasso of truth to get me to Des Moines and back to Missouri too.

Emily and I had lunch with my brother.  It was time to talk about small stuff and the larger things too. Half way through my brother said "So, do you want to go see mom today?". Inside I wanted to scream NO and grab Emily and run for it.  Instead I told him maybe we could wait a couple of weeks. David looked at me and said "Sherry, I don't know if she has a couple of weeks and I think you need to go now". Emily nodded in agreement and so did I.

David said not to let my mom offend me because she is out of it most of the time. He prepped me that she looks different from the mom that I knew from age and because she doesn't eat right because of the dementia. We got to the care center and I started to cry in the Sandymobile. God this is bigger than me and not what I had planned. I accepted that you told me in Heavenly realms my relationship with my mom would be restored. Now, I'm here ...help me.

Brilliantly the words brave, strong, and true that have been a part of my prayers came to mind. I knew it was a sign that I needed to stand brave, be strong, and stay true in my faith and not waver.  We got to my mom's room and David brilliantly became the big brother I remember as a little sister. He said "Mom, there's two people here to see you. Do you know them?". She looked and rolled her wheel chair over and looked at us and said "No, I don't know these women, do you David?".  He asked if she remembered who Sherry was and she said yes. He told her that it was Sherry and Emily and we had drove from South Dakota to see her. She asked for me to come closer. I did and she hugged me and said, "Ohh, Sherry, you came so far to see me".

She had no idea that "far" wasn't the miles it took. Far means that the little girl that she raised was a woman who loved the Lord with all her heart and trusted Him. Sherry was standing brave, strong, and true in grace gifted from God. She was standing; not cowering, not running away, standing.

We talked for a while and it was clear that although she was my mom she wasn't my mom. My mom was always OCD about things and with dementia it shows up huge; she washed her hands constantly, went to the bathroom several times, and had to fix her sink area and get towels to scrub the sink numerous times. She asked me "how is your boy doing?" and I told her about Dale. Then I realized that she probably didn't understand what I was talking about. We decided to stay while she had dinner. She brushed her hair several times and Emily looked at me. I brush my hair a lot too and have a hair brush in my car. I looked at Emily and said "apple doesn't fall far from the tree".

My mom sent David and I out into the hall and shut the door on us. It was just her and Emily in her room which freaked me out a little. The precious thing was that she wanted Emily to check her hair to make sure it was ok because "my kids will lie to me".  She and Emily got a chance to talk and Emily felt like the grandma that she loved as a little girl was there with her.

Finally, it was time to leave. I went to hug my mom goodbye and as she hugged me she said "I know your my family but will you be my friend? I really need a friend".  Then she didn't remember who I was or Emily.  As my brother hugged her she told him "thank you for bringing your friends with you".
So, yeah, Rocketgirl Four, has this Rocketgirl returning to Des Moines.  It was a heavy load but no longer a burden or pain for me. It was exactly what I needed to know; my mom loves me, my brother loves me, and although Des Moines holds some heart break for me it is still my hometown.  We stopped by a local grocery store for me to buy sauce that my friend makes and sells there. I was waiting for the butcher to slice some cheese...ok, you gotta have great cheese with the sauce. I started to cry silently. Emily was beside me and hugged me. She said "Mom you are so strong. You have been strong my whole life. Dale and I have seen you remain strong with things that would break most people but not you. Go ahead and cry and know that I will stand strong for you. It is my honor to stand strong for you now".  I absolutely love when God confirms what he says through your children; he told me to stand brave, strong, and true and now I get the joy of seeing my daughter do that for her mom.

The time with my mom broke my heart into a million pieces. There were so many very good moments and then she didn't even really know I was there. Perhaps, the time spent with her was more about me than here. More about me learning what it means to stand brave, strong, and true in the face of adversity, pain, and hurt that has no words.  Our Heavenly Father reflected beautifully how compassionate he is in the time that I could glean with my mom. He gave me a glimpse of the heavenly realms that he promised me in my prayers. For that I am thankful.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates;

• We leave tomorrow to head to Columbia, Missouri to The University of Missouri for a consult with their neurological team. They have Emily's records and have reviewed them. We are hoping they will take on her case and can find where in her brain her seizures are happening and are able to do surgery to stop the seizures. Any prayers would be appreciated. 

Rocketgirl Three

Ephesians 2:10~ “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Whose ever had their identity robbed...like a bank account or credit card?  It feels rotten and takes time and patience to sort out.  What about the premise and purpose that you came into this world with that our Heavenly Father sent you with? Have you ever felt robbed of it?

After cancer I will never be able to teach in a classroom full time again. Because of Chron's Disease and arthritis there are days this chick moves slow...like in slow motion slow.  It caused me a lot of tears and heartache when I realized I could never be a teacher in the way I once was.   I talked with my oncologist about going back to substitute teach and he axed that idea. The meds that I'm on have compromised my immunity for the rest of my life. 

Yeah, so what is a girl to do. I've known since I was five that I wanted to be a teacher. How do I answer about not earning what I once did.  How can I overcome feeling like a worthless slacker each day of my life? How do I stop my identity from being robbed?

 Every morning I wake up and declare victory on my day and ask God what should I do. I have to take some deep breaths afterwards. God has blessed me with a home where I have my art studio. He has blessed me with a spirit of courage to open my garage door and do a few art classes each month in my studio. He's challenged me and the limits of what I'll say yes to each time I go to South Dakota.

I think it's important in what we choose each day. Will I see the world through God's eyes? Or will I choose to be robbed? Do I look in the mirror to see the girl God calls his beloved daughter? Or do I see what the world roars as my identity? 

Since I came back from South Dakota it has been brutal to find my identity. Every day when I ask God what I should do I hear one word "write". Most days I crumble at the word. I know I can write but why that Lord? I'm a teacher did you forget? And, the response comes back as one word "write".

It hit me that I have been bogged down trying to interpret what "write" means. I stopped writing daily.  I've stopped writing in my journal in September.  I have been robbing myself of my identity as a writer. As I sit at the keyboard I say ; "I refute the feeling of oppression. I refute the ominous feeling I've had in my spirit since leaving South Dakota. I refute it all God and solely seek you".

Refute means to prove a statement or theory wrong or false. I found the word refute when my daughter, Emily, was diagnosed with epilepsy. She began having uncontrolled seizures at age 19. I use the word refute; "I refute Emily's seizures , I refute the diagnosis of epilepsy in Christ Jesus name and ask in Jesus name for Emily to be restored and healed". That has been my battle cry as a mom for six years.

I've never thought of the word refute for myself. There are bigger battles that people bear. Bigger challenges in the world that need the word refute. That is me being an identity thief. I've been thinking a girl that God sees as his beloved daughter isn't worthy of using the word refute for herself. We can be so darn busy fighting others battles that we forget our own. We forget who we are and our creator.

We each need to remember to take the sword that bears the name "refute" and slash what robs us of our joy, our praise, our own promise and purpose. We need to refute whatever lies we tell ourselves. God will prove them false.  Our statement is " I refute ____ in the name of Christ Jesus that calls me his beloved.  I am the daughter /son of the King of Kings and will not be judged by this world or taken out by it".

May each of us stop robbing ourselves. May our pace be slowed that we would be steady and methodical. That we would not be silenced with; fear, oppression, or distractions. That we would be the beloved children of the King.

Peace be with you- Sherry

UPDATES

• Emily will be seeing the neurological team in Columbia, Missouri at MU on November 8. They have evaluated her records and scans.  We are hopeful that they will be able to do surgery on Emily to stop her seizures.  Your prayers are appreciated.
• We will be going back to South Dakota the last week of this month.  We will be spending time at the Marty Boys and Girls Club doing art and checking in on our Wagner crew too.  We are taking donations of ; new socks & money to buy Takis chips for the Marty club. If you would like to donate to either please let me know. You can send cash donations for the chips on Venmo; Sherry-Snider-2.