Choke On It

This afternoon our lab, Daisy Lou, got in the trash and had a bag over her muzzle.  As she was running around the house playing catch me she started to hyperventilate. Did she give up the chase....nope.  Dale, my sonshine, finally had enough and yelled at her, "I give up, Daisy,  just choke on it!".

That statement although rude expressed his exasperation with the dog.  One of Daisy's fav games is to nab something that we like, love, or have used and run around with it daring us to chase her.  It made me think that in lots of ways we as humans are very "Daisy-like".

I know I have creature comforts that I love.  Things like warm coffee in the morning, listening to music, watching Netflix, and doing artsy stuff.  It causes me to ponder how much of those creature comforts are more like my own will.  They are my own plastic bags that I run around with trying to be daring, cool, or gain attention when the only true attention I need to be focused on is my Heavenly Father.  It baffles me to think how many personal choices I make that God shakes his head at and thinks, "she's gonna choke on that". 

It causes me to be aware at this moment & evaluate my day. I've had a parade of trips to the bathroom today because the newbie meds. I've been cranky because of this until the most recent.  As I was washing my hands in warm water and soap I began to praise God for my home, the bathroom that was messy but clean, running water, toilet paper, and soap & water to wash up afterward.

Funny how I had been in the bathroom most of the day but forgot to praise God for what I feel are essential items ; indoor plumbing, warm water, toilet paper, soap.  Those items that I deem essential for my life are but in reality there are others without them.  If I got real and listed all my creature comforts most are not essential but make life a lot easier.

What is essential is the praise that we need to give our Heavenly Father through the fun, joys, sorrow, and miserable times.  He designed us to be able to look beyond our mere circumstances into his light.  To see ourselves and others as He does.

I believe much of our days would look outstanding if we dropped the "plastic bags" that are causing us to hyperventilate and choke.  For me that would be my words which are my sword to the world.  When the going gets tough so does my attitude, my language, and my words.  I'm finding that when my world stinks this year to hunker down and start to praise God for the small stuff that surrounds me.  Praise pops that "plastic bag" of gloom, anger, and ridicule.  It causes a weight to be lifted in my mind, heart, and spirit.

This year has been spent in soul searching and reflection for me.  There have been moments that I felt like I was choking as I went through radiation, chemo, and financial insecurities.  What I've found is that praise pops that "plastic bag" of fear, insecurity, self loathing, and doubt. Instead of hyperventilating on the "plastic bag" I give praise. Praise fills my mind, spirit, and body with light that I breath into my life.

Hoping today that you pop the "plastic bag" that causes you to hyperventilate and choke through praise in the Lord.  Know there are no right or wrong ways to praise...just do it!

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've got the week off from chemo and just did blood work and a check in yesterday.  I'm still concerned about the pain that I'm experiencing, frequent bathroom trips, etc. I've been joking that chemo is my newbie "lifestyle choice".  Prayfully, the injections this round will be effective & efficient.  
• Our family was remarkably blessed with movie passes and went to see the newbie Star Wars movie on Christmas. 
• I've got two WOW (workshops on wheels) planned in the coming weeks for a preschool and daycare.  It is my thrill to get to share my love of art, being crafty, and teaching.  If you would like to know more or schedule one for your facility please let me know.
• I finished writing my parts of lesson plans for a newbie children's ministry curriculum this past week.  I love being able to design materials that will inspire a newbie generation of believers. Now I wait until the new year for another writing assignment from my group.
• This week I'm going through my Etsy stash and gifting coats to friends that work with a homeless ministry.  Scarves, texting gloves, and legwarmers to other cancer patients in the KC area.  And, finally, making plans for workshops in The Artroom that I would like to teach.  I'm praying on offering tutoring classes for students weekly and perhaps a monthly GNO (girls night out).  Please pray and dream with me.  
• This week I've got both the kids home from school and am enjoying "hoarding" them to myself.  Yesterday, we went to KC for me to do bloodwork, had lunch, and reconnected. They helped me fix some small stuff today around the house today.  And, tomorrow we will do the WOW (workshop on wheels) together.  

Unbelief is Our Only Limit

 One of the joys of a small town is during the holidays.  This week we had Santa come through neighborhoods riding on a fire truck.  When we got the paper this week there was a special section devoted to kid holiday art & letters to Santa.

I love the enthusiasm, trust, and merit that the kids placed in Santa.  I adore that they questioned him, requested what they wanted, and praised him for being, well, Santa. What if we as believers in Christ had that same enthusiasm, trust, and merit like kids do?  It made me think of John 14:12.^"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father". 
  
I've always loved this verse since I was a kid.  It made me feel powerful even though I was young and little.  It made me believe that God had remarkably made me and that adults should follow my lead. That "lead" as a kid would have meant walking to Dunkin Donuts for munchkin donuts each morning, then heading a couple of blocks up to the library for story time & to check out books.  Yeah, that is the mind of a childlike Sherry.  But, in reality, it was unquestioned faith, an enthusiasm to sing and praise Him, and trust Him above all others that the verse is talking about.

I adore the idea of writing letters to God with the same zeal, trust, and merit that kids do to Santa.  This year I've started writing a letter to God most mornings that holds praise, trusts him with my fears, and honors the provisions he makes for myself and my family. Generally, it takes less than thirty minutes but leaves me feeling unashamed, refreshed, and ready for the day.  

Because I've found my voice, contentment, and refreshment in writing these letters it was my goal to write each of my kids a letter and make them a journal. I started making their leather bound journals yesterday.  I find myself contemplating what to write to each of my kids and praising God that I never have to contemplate my convos with Him.  

Peace be with You- Sherry

Updates:

•  This week I had a steroid shot and did a consult over the newbie chemo and meds. I've learned that Imodium is my newbie friend over the past week.  I'll have my second chemo injection in January but daily take meds.  
• Bragger Believer Moment: we had a water pipe burst on Sunday and within an hour we had the water shut off , the pipe repaired by a friend, and a wet dry vac borrowed to clean up the mess.  It has allowed me to redefine my Etsy shop space and start to organize it better. Thankful for a God that shows up with provisions for our family.
• Last week I got confirmation that my Christmas request I gave my cancer counselor was going to happen. Our door frame has been broken over a year and my gift that I wanted was to have it repaired. Accessibility Remodeling came out yesterday and got the door frame replaced and a newbie door in its place.  
• We are planning a quiet Christmas at home this year and maybe a trip to the movies. This year cancer has taught our family to bond together rather than break & trust our heavenly Father which is gift in itself.

Prince Of Peace

"For unto us a Child shall be born, to us a Son shall be given. And, the government shall be upon His shoulder, And His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace "  Isiah 9:6

"Ain't no rest for the wicked.  Money doesn't grow on trees.  I've got bills to pay, mouths to feed, ain't nothing in this life for free"...song lyrics but wowsies, so true in life.  We get so colluded in our own search to pay bills, keep our kids safe, and have some quality of life that we forget we are free. That is where the challenge starts.

The past couple of weeks I've been denying my freedom through Christ. I feel bound and gagged but my world.  Cancer is a fierce foe. I've got nodules in my stomach that were reduced with radiation and chemo but require further chemo and maintenance meds in order to keep them from growing or shrink them more. Sprinkle in the woes of borrowing a car to get to your doc appointments along with a dash of guilt over finances.  You've got a wicked recipe for self absorption.

No matter who you are or what your circumstances its easy to get caught up in self absorption.  Its so human to buckle under the pressure, get on a pity pot, and refuse to see any of the gracious goodness that God has blessed you with.  Some days you must praise for the small stuff and there are other more glorious days that you get to praise for the large.

 What I've forgotten to do this week is to praise God for either.  Instead, I've been a crabby kid filled with anxiety and turmoil.  On Tuesday I went to KC to start a newbie chemo plan that will hopefully stop the nodules from growing or spreading.  I paid the chemo for the month and in doing so over-drafted our bank account because I didn't check before I just did.  I was so focused on going, doing, and self absorption that I didn't think of the smalls like checking our bank account.  I didn't find until Ted walked in the door after work and asked me about it. By that time I was already feeling the physically bad and then the mental mind game started to flood my spirit.  I had failed my family to keep them financially safe.  Failed Ted that he doesn't even have gas money to get to work.  And, from there my self absorption grew, festered, and hurt.

Its Christmas time and I was reminded of the Isaiah 9:6. It promises that through Jesus we've got a  "wonderful counselor, mighty God, everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace".  I know this in my core.  I rely on my Heavenly Father to confide all my worries and fears to.  I know He is mighty creating provisions for me and my family.  I believe He is everlasting, omnipresent, and the light into this world.  But what I failed to remind myself is that He is the "Prince of Peace".  That means there is nothing worldly that we face that can not and will not be conquered by His peace when we beacon it.  It is a peace that covers all the anguish, guilt, sin, and fear that we face.  It is a peace that washes over us daily as a sweet release from the here in now.  It allows our hearts to be full, our minds at ease, and our bodies rest.

This year I've been learning what God's peace is all about.  Through radiation & chemo I may have cried but then felt a resolve that all was well.  Cancer has taken its toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally but I feel an inner peace.  A peace that allows me to joke that cancer is a worthy foe but something far greater is going to take me out.  Peace that crashes what the world throws in my path and does not allow me to be defeated.  But I have to beacon that peace for myself.  I have to call on Christ to bring "heaven on Earth"  for me and my family through his peace.  I have to trust in his peace to wash over each of us daily, allowing us to trust him, and give him control over our fears & hurts. 

Peace be with you

Updates:

1. Emily finished her finals this week.  She signed up for two classes for next semester. God is good.

2. We have been trying to save for a down payment on a friends car.  Since I overdrafted our account this week we are at square one of trying to save again.  It is bittersweet in trying to choose what we can afford ; chemo or transportation.

3. My birthday was Friday.  A friend gifted me with gas money for Ted for work for next week. Emily made my fav cake ; angel food confetti. I was crabby on Friday. Emily told me to stop it.  She shared that it was my birthday and a day to celebrate because she and Dale have a mom...love that girl for bringing perspective into my day.

4. Ted and I worked today on a budget and trying to handle the overdraft.  Its hard situation but we are determined to work it out together.  If you would like to help head to my Etsy shop, stop by the house to go through scarves, legwarmers, and texting gloves.  Any purchases will help me to afford chemo and then Ted can focus his checks on saving for a car for me. 

5. Dale and I are working with Blue and Daisy on commands so they can be tested as therapy pets. Over winter break if you have a child that would like to come and read to one of them that would be swell.  Please send me a message and we will work out a time.

6. Open Artroom is each Sunday from 3-6 pm.  Each Sunday there will be an art project that is appropriate for all ages.  This Sunday is a snowman made from an old spring.  The materials are provided & it is come and go as you wish.  We will have the "tip jar" out if you chose to donate to keep our community creative.

Revolver

I recently got a set of four Beatles drinking glasses and adore them.  The best was that one of them has the album cover for Revolver my fav Beatles album.  I told my fam that if they broke one of the other three it would be sad but I'd get over it but to not use the Revolver one because its my fav & if anyone breaks it I should be it....lol.

The whole idea of the word "revolver" tripped something in my mind over this past week.  My journal is filled with words describing being a "revolver" meaning someone that keeps having the same thing happen, doing the same, and never varying from the status quo.  I feel that after last week and still being a financial crunch, having cancer nodules...shrunk as they may in my stomach, and trying to figure out a solution to it all.  I also journaled that rather than being a "revolver" that God was creating me into a "evolver".  Evolving means changing yet keeping the some of the same characteristics. I tried to figure out how to share that and thought a revolving door was a great example.

Who knows what a revolving door is ? As I worked on writing this blog it came to mind that most doors are automated these days.  For those that don't know a revolving door is one that runs in a 360 degree pattern and that you gently push and walk its circular path to get inside or outside.

I've been working through some tough emotions this past week.  I've been a little over a month and half without chemo or meds that I need.  I've entrusted by filling out financial paperwork & being abundantly honest about what we can afford when it comes to treatment.  I say I'm blessed to have done what I can do and leave it to God to handle because I haven't a clue of how to make it work.

It feels like a revolving door of doom & gloom...yeah, I said that in my best Eeyore voice (you know the donkey from Winnie the Pooh).  I'm challenged daily to keep going.  Challenged to find the silver lining, the beacon of light, and to be the light to others through the darkness.

My one insight is when the revolving door of doom & gloom beacons for me to enter that God keeps that door revolving until I spot the light.  The light of the moment, the humor in the situation, or the grace laid before me.

This past week I was not a good light catcher.  I cried, whined, complained, and was snarky. I allowed sass to be my weapon of choice rather than grace.  Instead of remaining hopeful I let what physically challenged me to rule.  I chose to let the physical, emotional, and financial pains isolate me from my Heavenly Father rather than to draw me closer to Him.  Have you been there?  Have you walked through the revolving door and refused to push it or walk on?  Let the worlds darkness envelop, isolate, and abuse you?

Its an easy trap to get stuck in the revolving door and stay put and choose not to walk into the light. It's not comfy or calm but grueling and futile. I think so many times we feel stuck or trapped that we forget to walk.  It feels like life is at a stand still and so what do we do ...stand still.

What can we do? Deliberately and intuitively walk.  Within that walk start to give praise to your Heavenly Father for what you do have.  For me that would be Him who knows, loves, and created me. My kids who love their crazy hazy mom & steadfast hubby.  I also am blessed with a comfy bed my very own "therapy pets".  I adore that when I'm in KC through radiation, chemo, blood draws, scans, and more that the one thing that silences my fears is the idea of coming home.

Once all those praises come out you can see the light.  Sometimes the light is a sliver and sometimes it could blind you.  It doesn't matter you keep WALKING.  If you don't see a sliver of light after praise you keep WALKING.  The light may not be instantaneous for you to see but I guarantee that it is there waiting to erupt from the shadows, the murkiness, and the dark.

There is something satisfying to me within this blog. It brings solace to my soul which is still walking the revolving door.  My revolving door has me feeling within my body and spirit that I need to make choices about chemo meds soon. I've allowed the darkness to overshadow my light this past week because I've been bogged down with trying to meet my health care needs.  Rather than receiving God's natural light or His light from within myself I've put on sunglasses and kept walking the revolving door.  This blog has enlightened me to what I know which is ; WALK, praise, WALK, praise, WALK, praise, and keep me head up for the light to shine upon me.

May each of you keep walking, praising, and take a deep breath to see the light God has placed within you. Peace be with you- Sherry

UPDATES:

• Last week I got approval via the hospital for my mammogram but not my insurance company.  I waited most of Tuesday in KC to hear they had approval but the tech that was set to do my mammogram had left for the day.  They told me that I could come back in the morning at 7am to have it done and I said "no". I borrow a gal pal's car : 1. I wouldn't have a ride, 2. insurance won't cover the mammogram until my birthday, and 3. I was worn out physically and emotionally. I'm planning to do my mammogram on December 16, my birthday, to ensure that insurance will cover it.  
• I headed to another dispensary aka pharmacy this week to see what med costs would be and if I qualify for any additional financial aid via their hospital.  I should know within the next couple of weeks.  I contacted an agency for cancer patients to help pay for meds. They are sending me forms to fill out and told me that any determinations of assistance will be dealt with in January.
• Physically & emotionally this past week has taken a toll on me.  My bff nausea is back. From walking on Tuesday in KC my feet and ankles swelled so it was hard for me to get my shoes and socks off.  Ted and Emily wound up helping me. 
• Emily has a final in her lab tonight and then a final for her Anatomy & Physiology class next week.  Pray that God calms any test anxiety she may have & that she can focus.  She has started to drive again to class keep her in your prayers that she is safe behind the wheel.  
• Open Artroom continues to be open each Sunday from 3-6 pm.  Feel free to stop by, create, or just gab.  It will do wonders for your spirit and mine as well.  

Extraordinary Process

'

 "Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you should have always been" - David Bowie

Ahh-haa, moment.  Just take that quote in, digest it, ponder it, & then confront it.

How old is too old?  How young is too young?  And, at what point to do we wake up and realize that age is just a number.  Start to work together in cooperation rather than judgment.  How about leading with light & grace each morning rather than worry, regret, and fear.

Nostalgia has kicked in for me over the past week.  I seem to be reminded daily of my earthly dad who was my confidant & fixer.  In the last couple years of his life he really took God on full force.  He talked to everyone about God and fearlessly did so.  He took time daily to talk to my brother & I about God and how we need to bond with our Heavenly Father.  His words, "I won't always be here to fix your problems but God will.  He always has been and always will be here to love you. He'll be here to love you when I'm dead and gone".

My earthly dad always bragged on me.  He told me daily how smart, decisive, and capable I was.  He told me I was a beauty on the outside and inside with my ability to love & forgive freely.  In the last year of his life he became excessive in telling me all those things and how prayed that I would know God like he did before I was old like him.  "I can only imagine the impact you would make on the world and how God could use you.  You are smart, capable, and likeable, Sherry.  You could be a force to be reckoned with". 

In my early 20s I passed it off as my dad being a "Jesus Freak" and laughed at him with my brother. In reality it broke both our hearts to think of a world without our earthly father & made us uncomfortable to think our confidant & fixer would ever die. His death left a hole in my heart that only the grace, hope, and love of a Heavenly Father could fix.  My Heavenly Father took that hole and gave me empathy for others beyond what I knew before.  He filled my heart with love, encouragement, and light.

I'm now 40 something & have cancer.  I'm battling with my insurance company & drug companies for affordable chemo meds. I've got a mass on my left breast and have to wait for a mammogram to be covered by insurance.  Most days I could sink into the darkness that the world offers.  The negativity that tries to bury itself in your mind, heart, and soul.  It would be so easy to be all consumed, all angry, and well up in self pity and doubt.

For the past two weeks I've woke up early around 5 am and feel completely rested. I hear, ""I can only imagine the impact you would make on the world and how God could use you.  You are smart, capable, and likeable, Sherry.  You could be a force to be reckoned with".  I know it's not my dad talking to me but my Heavenly Father.  He is challenging me to wake up and get going.  He knows what I'm capable of.  He knows I'm; smart, decisive, capable, and likeable and wants to use me as his allie in this dark world.

Because I have cancer I realize that it is not going to be anything huge and world changing.  I do realize power in my actions that they may serve others to encourage, facilitate, and mentor their minds, hearts, and spirits.  I could be one of the small factors in cooperation with others that lights the dark world for the Lord.  The best part is how God shows off for me to inspire, encourage, and spur me on.

* Waking:  Up early I have time to praise God, confide my needs, and praise him again for his influence in my heart, mind, and soul.

*Listening:  I wake up and see its dark out and then check the clock to see its 5 am. There was no alarm that went off but my internal alarm is going off.  Instead of laying there to whine I've been getting up and then feel a sense of what I should do in my heart, mind, and spirit.

*Compulsion: Being compelled by your heart & mind into doing things. These are all things that I have the time, ability, and materials to create, do, and give.

*Provision: I'm finding that as the world darkens that I found a small ray of light and then start praising God for it which leads to a floodgate of light to shine.

Each of these serves as reference in the small, outstanding ways, that God can use, propel, and provide for each of us.

I love the Bowie quote because it speaks to my heart right now.  I realize what I should have been doing all along but it wasn't until 40 somethingness and cancer kicked in that I feel propelled to be who God designed me.  There was always a worry of what the world would think & fitting into the gaggle.  I love the idea of being the girl that my Earthly dad saw and my Heavenly Father created.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• Today is a city day filled with a consult aka check in, blood work, and I had hoped to get my mammogram done.  I'm still waiting to see if the mammogram is going to happen but am "provided" for as I had time to get lunch, relax, and finish blogging at Gildas Club just down the road from the clinic. 
• Open Artroom has been lively for almost a month.  It's once a week on Sundays from 3-6 where anyone can come use my materials, tools, and space at no cost.  If you know of a scout troop, dance troop, cheer team, sorority, school group or other group that would like to use my artroom please let me know and I'll reach out to them.  They can call me, schedule a visit, or book a time to come create at no cost.  If they would prefer to have a project available I would love to schedule a workshop for them.  
• This year I actually want to put up our Christmas tree.  If you are willing to help Emily carry up the tree from the garage and decorations let me know.  Also, we have greenery for above our garage doors and front door.  If you are willing to help Dale with it please let me know. 
• My birthday is December 16th and I would adore celebrating it with friends.  I'm praying on what that looks like and how to make it happen.  
• We are working on saving to purchase a car from a friend that will get me to KC and home safely and be reliable.  Another friend offered to help Dale fix the problems with Betsy Bravada over the next few months so that he will be able to use it as his first car.  God is good.

Hide & Seek

 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  Jeremiah 29:13

Remember the story of Samuel that kept getting woke up in the middle of the night?  He kept checking with Eli because he heard his name being called. With Eli's help Samuel realized that it was God calling him and to learn to listen.

This year I have learned to silence the world, my own self, and just listen. Earlier this year through radiation and chemo I found myself discouraged.  I wasn't able to do the things that came normally because I was just physically unable.  I found myself confiding in my Heavenly Father, asking him to wake up and feel well enough to take my son to school, do a load of laundry, or even dare to go to my artroom.  And, I heard nothing. 

Physically it became harder and harder.  I became discouraged because my confidant, my Heavenly Father, wasn't moving my mountain.  Instead he was quiet, silent, and resolved.  It wasn't that I didn't feel at peace and know He was in control I did.  One of my joys daily is to see the smalls that God places in my life and I was blocked by a cocktail of chemo and radiation.  My days were filled with waking up, getting sick, resting, sleeping some more, and getting sick.  There is no joy in that.  To have your daughter take the car keys and say, "let's just get you in the car.  I'll drive" discouraged me rather than encourage me that God gifted me with a dynamic kid that was by my side 100%. Where was the freedom, joy, and longing to glow for God in it all?

I found myself being a crabby kid that was mad at her Heavenly Father for not swooping in to save the day.  I gave thanks for the smalls; my daughter, my son, my hubby, transportation to get to the clinic, ice water, oatmeal baths and my quirky sense of humor that helped me laugh when it would have been easier to cry.  But still I felt a distance from my Heavenly Father like I had never known. Then something changed.  I went to journal at the Kemper Museum before a chemo.  I was tired, worn, and had cried to have to go to the clinic again.  My world where I see the light was turning into a darkness that I was creating because of my heart, mind, and spirit had blinders.

That morning I poured my discouragement out onto the page.  It was filled with ramblings, complaints of not being able to do what comes normally & longing for freedom.  At the heart of the darkness was my longing to hear from God, be overwhelmed by His peace, and shine for Him to others.  The need to say if I can do this you can do it because God is present...but it seemed like he wasn't.

The page became flooded with anger at God over being silent.  I get that there are other more pressing things in the world but wasn't I the daughter that you loved & created? Shouldn't I at the very least get something for that? The next flow in my journal "Stay Silent" & then I started to define it with Gods help.  "Stay Silent" meant when I am silent you are silent.  When I am silent you rest.  When I am silent you take care of yourself and do the chemo, radiation, and whatever else.  And, then you are silent and rest.  It occurred to me that God couldn't use me as his light in the ways that I know because I was just too physically, emotionally, and mentally taxed.  He was gifting me with time to rest, sleep, and do what I needed to do in order to become whole again.  He didn't leave me he simply said, "stay silent". " The things I have planned for you are great. I'll use you but you need to be healthy, rested, and have a solace in knowing I am God".  

So, this summer when I started radiation again in the heat & chemo I found peace in my heart.  When my mouth was filled with blisters and my throat swelled so I couldn't talk I wrote in my journal and praised God for "staying silent".  I had two of my worst days this summer but felt an inner hope in both that God would see me through.  I learned about having resolve.  All the things that I say to others had to come to fruition for me.  God challenged me in ways I can't comprehend this year.  Some things there are no words for only tears of pain, hurt, and grace.

My challenge to you this week is when you feel God is silent to take time to evaluate.  Time to assess your situation, lay it all out and relentlessly gift it to God, and then stay silent. Silence brings time for you to rest and endure what the world is throwing your way.  Grace will see you through the silence because it is building you up for something far greater than you can imagine.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I went to the oncologist this week.  I found out that the nodules that are in my stomach have been reduced in size through the radiation & chemo. We discussed what comes next, talked openly about finances, and what I can afford.  My insurance will cover only the meds that I was given last year which did not work so they are out.  They have two options: 1. a weekly shot & oral med that would cost $280 a week or two oral meds that will cost $220 weekly.  I shared that I thought of looking into homeopathic plan and for once my doc said that it was an option.  I also need to have a mammogram and sonogram because of a lump in my left breast.  Insurance will not cover it until December.  I wrote a formal appeal with the insurance company with a social worker at the hospital yesterday about the tests and the meds. My doc & his office are also going to make appeals to the insurance company to see if they can get the tests done sooner and see if they would cover either of the med plans. I'm hopeful within the next two weeks I'll have answers.  
• Open Artroom has happened twice this month.  It is a freebie to my community to come to my creative space to create, gab, and hang out.  You can have free space, materials, and use my tools.  I have a tip jar out that you can donate to help keep Open Artroom happening.  Open Artroom is Sunday afternoons from 3-6.  Please share & stop by.  
• I worked creatively each day this week....God is good!  I'm working a series of work inspired from the words peace, love, and understanding.  
• We are working on saving for a down payment on a car for me.  A gal pal graciously offered to sell her car to me and it will bless my world.  Thankful for her gracious offer & the hope of having reliable transportation to get me to KC.
• A friend is going to take on trying to fix Betsy Bravada with Dale as a project.  It is our hope that the work will go swiftly and easily as they work to replace the ball joints and then the radiator.  Feel free to pray for them as well.  Betsy would then be gifted to Dale for his first car.  

Run Across

Wowsies, its been a long time since I blogged!  Truth be told I haven't felt well enough for a while to sit, meditate, pray, and then blog. The chemo round that I did this summer completely wiped me out mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was plagued with mouth sores, a swollen throat, and the inability to talk beyond a whisper.  It was harder than the first rounds & challenged not only my body but my spirit.

This week I ventured back to my oncologist this week for a consult & to file financial assistance paperwork for drug companies along with blood work and a scan.  I found out that I need to check in with my primary doc in order to have him sign the referrals needed so I can see my oncologist and run tests.  And, lo and behold I can't get in for two weeks. It is never a dull moment, right?

I also stopped into a thrift shop down in the city to just gander around and digress from my day.  That's where I ran across a copy of The Creative Call by Janice Elsheimer.  Here's the description from the back cover " our creativity was meant to be used.  Whether you are an artist who has already identified your gifts or you have artistic talent that has never been developed.. The Creative Call will help you grow closer to becoming the person God designed you to be".

That was a total God moment for me.  There was no way that I just "ran across" this book, took time to read the back cover, and paid fifty cents for it.  You see this summer was rough on me physically because of the chemo that gave me lots of time with my bff nausea.  I also have been plagued with sores in my mouth and throat and loss of my voice more days than I care to count.  I also mourned the loss of time in my artroom to create.  I mourned not opening my artroom up to my community this summer and most the loss of the laughs & joy that stem from creativity happening in the artroom.

This month I finished the chemo round.  They told me what comes next and what oral chemo meds they want to use.  After receiving financial aid for the meds it was going to cost me $500 a week for the meds.  My Besty Bravada started to overheat last week.  I took it to the shop & found out that the repairs she needs are beyond what I can afford.  That flowed me into a weekend pity party. I felt totally out of control.  I couldn't afford the chemo meds and I couldn't afford the labor intensive work that needs to be done to my car.  The worst part was that it made me miss my dad.  He was my confidant & my "fixer" of all the wrongs in my world.  If I needed my car fixed he did it, someone hurt my feelings he listened to me, and if I needed money for chemo meds he would have made sure they were paid for.  But, I lost my dad over 20 years ago and in that moment all the pain became brand new.

I literally wept in my driveway with my kids holding onto me and praying over me.  I realized that I no longer had an earthly dad that would take care of my needs but I had a Heavenly Father that would and always had.  It was bittersweet to talk to God and tell him how sorry I was.  That I was being irrational and a brat.  I praised Him for guiding my path and allowing me to live in confidence that He would take care of transportation, cost for chemo meds, and any other curves the world throws at me. 

I realized that God is pressing me to be who I'm designed to be.  I always tell others that they can pretty much have anything that I have because its all just material stuff.  The situation with my Betsy Bravada causes me to back up those words "its all material stuff" & to recognize that my Heavenly Father has a plan for transportation for me even if I don't have a clue.

I also spent some time mulling over & praying about my artroom.  I rarely use it and when I do it is an all day love affair.  I prayed over opening on Sunday afternoons for a few hours for Open Artroom.  Open Artroom is when you come over, have a creative space, can use any and all of my supplies, and just feel free to gab, meet with friends, and work creatively.  It wouldn't require anything more from me than to life the garage doors and be a hostess....I kinda dig that idea.

Hope that you "run across" something, someone, or an idea that inspires you & requires you to think outside the box.  I hope that it causes you to re-think what you know & consider a new perspective that is what our Heavenly Father intends. 

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• The Artroom will open on Sunday afternoons from 3-5 pm. It is a my creative space that has oodles of supplies.  We've also made a smallish coffee bar area & have a small frig if you bring a snack or drink that needs refrigeration.  It is also available by appointment.  If you have a Christmas project you need to work on my artroom is yours....just ask.

• My Betsy Bravada was a hard one for me.  Its been my car for 16 years.  Its kept the kids & I safe.  And, it did its final job in allowing me freedom to go through cancer, radiation, and chemo.  It has a cracked radiator and the ball joints are gone.  The repairs are costly because of the ball joints are labor intensive.  The part that makes me sad is that I had the total heating and cooling system replaced this summer in her and I was hoping to gift her to Dale as his first car to get him to school, youth group, and home. 

• My latest endeavor is selling vintage clothing and accessories via Etsy.  I have for the past 8 years but never really took that component of my Mamasunbear2 too seriously.  This year I've been challenged financially & haven't been able to work creatively freely.  What happened is that grace took over, my fashion passion, and some research.  I've launched a new genre of creativity for me that doesn't require me to work physically hard like re-doing furniture.  It does require me to use my love of fashion, my know how of marketing, and to creatively take pics & use social media.  All those things can be done in my pajamas or while resting.  Feel free to find me on Etsy, Instagram, or FB.  And, if you are looking for some vintage fashion come shop in my garage. I love that God guides me to do things that I know, love, and am capable of.
• I contacted my gal pals that I was writing curriculum with last year.  I took time off this year but felt compelled to get a hold of them this week.  They have a couple of smallish things that I can help write so I feel productive, can use my love of teaching, and share God's love.
• I was contacted about painting sets for the local community theatre.  I have accepted their challenge to paint windows for "A Christmas Carol" and am looking forward to working on the logistics & having Dale and Emily help me.