Shadows

 "Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet to the nations" - Jeremiah 1:5

Over the weekend I decided that I needed to get back to blogging.  Writing is cathartic exercise for my soul.  It allows me to talk openly about what is going on in my world, how God is moving, and allows me to aspire.

This morning I woke up and could not get the thought of "stop hiding in the shadows" out of my brain.  Sure, it could be the chemo, stress, or just something that is weighing on my heart.  I got up and wrote out these words; shadows, guilt, fear, remorse, doubt, shame, and fraud.  And, yes, I knew what my spirit was telling me I needed to stop hiding in the "shadows" that I've created and restore light into my life.

We all battle "shadows" in our lives that to encompass & drown out who we are. And, more importantly,who God intended us to be. It is a way that we define ourselves rather than what God's light tells us.  In some warped view we see ourselves as unworthy, unloveable, and never enough.  What God tells us is that we are : loved beyond measure, uniquely created and woven, and we are priceless in his eyes. 

I referenced Jeremiah 1:5 because it is familiar to me.  When I was a teenager, full of self doubt and loathing,  my mom would pray this verse over me. It never hit me until my 40s what those words meant for me and each of us.   "Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet to the nations".  The words ; formed, sanctified, and ordained came at me as if they were in neon. Each of these words serves to battle the shadows I've spent a lifetime in. Do any of these sound familiar?

Guilt: not doing enough, not being enough, and unworthiness
Fear: what ifs plague our soul and attach on like ticks on a dog to suck us dry of joy and leave abandonment and fear
Remorse ; shoulda, coulda, woulda
Doubt: worthless and not worth a care
Shame: all those things that we've done that allowed darkness to surface in our lives and spread
Fraud: defining ourselves in the worlds terms rather and turning our back on what God says because he wants you to suffer, hurt, and scramble

In reality each of these "shadows" that plague me are a load of crap that I've allowed to creep in.  Each are joy robbers and defeatest to the God's light and truth.  Let's go back to His truth about us: formed, sanctified, and ordained

Formed; that means you are created as our Heavenly Fathers choice...you are choice! You have his holy approval.

Sanctified: that means you have a special premise and purpose in this world that is uniquely yours from our Heavenly Father

Ordained: each of us has a eternal purpose in this world. We are meant to be in a perpetual state of movement to be his light to one another and to stretch ourselves further.

This afternoon as I write I feel the need to silence the shadows once and for all.  Guilt has no premise because in Him I am enough. Fear is replaced by trust in a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants to exceedingly and abundantly meet my needs . There is no time for remorse over the past there is a clear light to the future. Doubt that one is harder to silence but it is through the bright light of God that I know I was created to do wonderful and splendid things in this world which would make no room for shadows. Shame is a sham of our own devices He created us unique, wonderfully woven, and with a purpose to share his light. Finally, fraud, I think this is the toughest shadow for me to break.  Fraud ties in with all the other shadows for me.  The what if they knew things from my past.  The "fraud" that has captured me for 20 some years is that I know I love my Heavenly Father but if given a choice of him or my earthly dad ...well, I falter to run to my Heavenly Father.  I long for the man I knew as my earthly father that would rescue his daughter, led me to believe I was his princess, and was my fixer of all things worldly that could crop up. What if this girl that claims to be after God's heart would simply run to an earthly father if given the choice?

The shadow of "fraud": weighs heavy on my soul, hear, and mind.  I've always known my Heavenly Father throughout my whole life but I've always associated myself as "Dale's daughter" not my Heavenly Father's beloved daughter.  This summer my son told me of a dream he had that on my final day I would be given a choice of my Heavenly Father or my earthly father.  He told me that he sees me standing in the middle of the two and instead of running to God I stand in the middle crying unsure of which to choose.  My son told me that I need to work that out and its something that I would have to do on my own.  He told me that he prayed over how to help me choose easily God but that God told him that is all on me there is nothing he can do to help me.

All the shadows come full circle now with that realization from my sonshine.  I realize the magnitude of the shadows in my life.  I realize that it is choosing to stay in the shadows or coming out into the light. I've been working on "trusting" my Heavenly Father over the course of a lifetime. I often forget or give credit to others rather than to Him.  He has allowed that to happen . Now I feel a pressing from God that He wants it all ....he wants my praise, my trust, and my devotion to him.  He is prompting my heart, mind, and soul to align with his.  This morning when I couldn't stop thinking "come out of the shadows" as our Heavenly Father waking me.

I know my Heavenly Father created me unique.  Created a girl that loved art and writing. That contrives joy in teachable moments as a teacher, student, or friend. This morning I'm stepping out of the shadows and into the light.  I choose my Heavenly Father who created me, is omnipresent, has boundless grace, mercy, and love for me.  I choose love which is our Heavenly Father.  What do you choose? Do you choose to hide in the shadows or come out in the light?

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've been doing chemo again this month. My consult with my oncologist has me heartsick  We talked about my immune system being compromised and that I need to take it slow.  He told me he realizes that I don't listen but I need to. I caught a cold from my husband two months ago and it is finally over.  This has been a hard pill for me to swallow.  I'm currently praying over what the future holds and how God designed me to be his light.  I feel like blogging is the first step.
•  Emily was officially diagnosed with epilepsy this month because of her seizures.  It has been three years since the first seizure. She still is not seizure free even with meds.  We applied to health insurance for her from the state because of her disability.  She can't drive and has to live at home because she stops breathing during seizures for a couple of minutes up to 10 minutes. I"m asking for prayers that she would receive insurance from the state so we can get her to a epilepsy neurologist.  Because she is young she is a candidate for brain surgery to remove the portion of her brain where the seizures come from or to have a button installed that would be a sensor and stop the seizures.  Both are realistic for her but she needs health insurance before we can go further. We've prayed as a family and continue to over Emily that she would be seizure free and be able to be God's light.
• Dale was accepted to KU within 24 hours of sending his application.  He has dreamed of being a palentologist and KU has that program.  We are praying on his ability to get scholarships and recieve financial aid to help pay for college. 
• We are still saving to replace our furnace and air conditioning.  It is a struggle since I'm paying for chemo. It weighs heavily on Ted and I as its starting to get chilly out.
• We were blessed to purchase a work car for Ted.  It is a Ford Focus.  We name our cars and his is Faith Ann Focus....through faith in our Heavenly Father and his ability to do far more than we could ask we were able to purchase Faith Ann in late September so I could start chemo this month.  Faith Ann Focus is named such to remind us that through faith and focus on our Heavenly Father all things are possible. 
• In November we will open The Artroom again for creative classes.  Both Dale and Emily have stepped up to lead classes in November to gift me time to rest and recoup after this round of chemo is done.  We are working on a theme of "home for the holidays" in a series of creative projects that are suitable for gifting.

    

Grace x 5

Grace x 5

Have you ever prayed over things in your life? When do you pray?  Is it just when you feel you are literally up the creek without a paddle  Or is a part of every day where you share with your friend, aka JC, aka Heavenly Father, aka Abba?  Over the course of this past year I come to know just how personal my relationship is with our Heavenly Father.  And, just this summer I saw in fruition what happens when you trust God and forget the world. 

August has been a big month for our family.  Our darling dot had a birthday, I started full time teaching art classes at The Artroom in our home, and things started feeling a little like home.  I enjoyed the "settling in" and decided to take my trust with my Heavenly Father a step further and ask for things to be done "exceedingly and abundantly" far greater than I could understand.  I asked for restoration and open dialogues with the hubs & I.  I asked that He allow my children protection and to flourish. I asked that He see to my health and give me clarity of mind and resources to be cancer free.  And, I praised Him for solace, security, and joy in His light.

This is what happened':

• Our air conditioning broke down twice and needs to be replaced along with our furnace. The freon that it takes is costly to say the least and we've got freon leak.  Not to mention both the ac & furnace are almost 20 years old. The worst has been that it broke down during weather that was scorching hot. Because of radiation & chemo from last year my body doesn't do well with the heat which led to bouts of nausea & blisters on my skin. 
• I asked for restoration in my marriage and the ability to dialogue with the hubs. A little over a week ago the hubs called from KC to say he was going to try to get the jeep home but it was running rough and kept stalling out.  He got it back in town and to the shop.  The transmission in his jeep is out & we will have to look for work car for him.  Until we can afford another work car I daily have been driving him to work and picking him up from Shawnee.  That trip takes 45 minutes one way from our house. 
• I started bleeding again this month and having horrid pain. I've went for a scan this month to find the source of the bleeding and to check the cancer nodules in my stomach and intestines.  I had a consult with my oncologist.  He shared with me that finally the drug company & my insurance company are willing to help with the cost of infusions that could help shrink the nodules or even kill them off once and for all .  I would still have to pay some of the cost but the thought of being cancer free...that is hope. I can start the series of infusions the first full week of September.
• I asked that God help me with my Etsy shop to sell exceedingly and abundantly so I could afford to pay for the darling dots tuition and the sonshines weighted classes. I asked that he would exceedingly and abundantly give me students to teach art classes to and help me to have clarity to promote the classes on social media, etc. 

Here's God Grace;

•  We have a friend that has been filling the freon in our air conditioner to get us through until we can get financing for a new ac and furnace.  We've gotten bids to do the work .  We were turned down for a home equity loan. We don't have credit cards and will have to save for the work.  This week we got another bid and he went and sourced the materials.  He wants to do the work this weekend & is willing to start without a down payment. We are going to talk with him this afternoon to let him know what we are into with the car, chemo, and see what kind of payments he would allow us to make.
• Although having our jeep break down is stressful it has led the hubs and I to be confined in the car each day.  We have probably talked more this past week and half then in the past year.  My joy is that daily we share our fears, joys, and trust God with them in prayer.
• We have a friend that is selling a used car that would be ideal for the hubs as a work car.  He is selling it for $3,000.  He told us that if we can come up with $1500 we can have the car and make payments.  
• To do chemo or not that is the final question. I love that finally the drug company is willing to give me a break and my insurance will pay for part of it.  I love the sense of hope that I have that I could live cancer free and not have the pain, nausea, and heartache it has brought into my life & our family.  I still would have to pay a portion of the cost to start.  
• I was blessed to talk to the darling dot's college which has given us until December to finish paying her $600 bill. The sonshine's weighted class has to be paid on periodically but can be stretched out until November. I trust that God will help my Etsy shop will be able to cover both their bills.

Grace x 5;

What are we going to do? We've been blessed exceedingly and abundantly with God's grace on so many levels.  Our dilemma is being able to afford ; a used car, replacing the ac/furnace in our house, and the ability to pay for chemo.  We run about $2,000 dollars short after paying for our mortgage, utilities, and bills. Yes, we feel God is moving exceedingly and abundantly for solutions to our problems but we can't afford those solutions. What should we choose to do first and what should wait?  If we do one would another suffer?   That is when things got real.  We've prayed over what to do to make ends meet. We are going to do a Grace x 5 plan.  What is that?  God gifts each of us with grace and the biblical number for His grace is 5.  We are asking our friends in multiples of 5 to help us meet our financial goal so that we can give "grace" to God's solutions.  How?

• Keys; we need 25 friends that would donate $20.  I engrave key necklaces. Before I engrave the key I pray over the person that will receive the key and what word I should choose....then I engrave it and wrap it up.  If you would like a key necklace or to purchase them for gifts that would "grace" our family.  I can ship them domestic free.  If you want to choose the word I would be happy to engrave it as well.
• Sunflowers; we need 10 friends that will donate $50. I can hand paint a sunflower decor boards for each of them.  I will then hand paint a bible verse, special word, or just leave it as is. I can send them but you will have to pay for shipping.
• Getting Schooled; we need 10 friends that would like to gift $100 each.  In return you will receive one month of Artroom classes for your whole family or the hubs will do "Computer Maintaince" on your laptop or PC.    

We are going to set up a "Go Fund Me" too.  But when the hubs & I prayed on it we feel compelled that we have to earn the money to help & be a part of our solution to ; purchase the used car, put a down payment on the ac/furnace, and be able to start to pay for the chemo plan for me.  I would appreciate if you are interested in helping our family meet this hurdle that you message me or contact us.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

 

Show Off

 Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. Isaiah 40:31

I've got a gal pal that praises the Lord & says "God is just a show off".  I love the ideal of God being the ultimate "show off" in my life and the world. How about you?

That being said there are many times that I fail to let God show off.  If I'm honest most days I choose to sing "anything you can do I can do better". It struck me this morning that self reliance is great.  God gifts each of us with free will right?  But what if instead of taking credit we simply show up. 

This morning I chose to "show up" rather than "show off" & do things with my own understanding.  I can honestly say that I feel at peace and the flow of my day has went better than the randomness and restlessness that I normally face.  I've been set on God's time rather than my own.  All my incidental things I got done before noon. 

Perhaps, its not just a matter of having free will but accessing it at the right moments rather than on a consistent basis. Remember being a kid and just wanting to not only show up but show off?  I do.  I frequently was serenaded by my dad to the tune of Miss America and would practice my best wave and even sashay around the living room and then take my perch from the dining room table...yeah, that is showing off.  My brother and I still argue because he sees me as the "show off" whose presence rises and sets the sun in my parents eyes. 

What if instead of worrying about rising and setting the sun to others we concentrated on rising and setting the sun in our Heavenly Fathers eyes?  What would that look like?  Would we choose to be as loud, post on social media as much, or "show off" for the world?  I like the perspective that the only worthy way to "show off" is to our Heavenly Father.  How does that look?  In reality He is God, right?  He does not need us yet he chooses us.  He does not need to solve every dilemma in our lives but he chooses to if we trust him.  That's where I think we need to "show off" in our trust of him.

Since we got home from South Dakota I've had some phenom talks with my kids.  It changed each of us for the better and got us in tune with our Heavenly Father.  My sonshine shared that he sees my problem with God as a lack of trust.  He told me that he sees me clearly and if given the choice of choosing my Heavenly Father or running to my Earthly Dad he thinks that I would be unable to choose to at my worst run to my Earthly Dad leaving my Heavenly Father in the dust.  That hit me full force because at my core I can't say that I would always run for my Heavenly Father either.  It's been twentysomething years since my Earthly Dad died.  I still harbor the need for my confidant, my fixer, and friend.  I miss him dearly and when thing are crazy in my life ; finances, car repairs, cancer I don't readily scream at the top of my lungs for my Heavenly Father.  I don't trust my Heavenly Father with it.  I simply weep for the loss of an Earthly Dad.

 I recognized this last year when I got news my Betsy Bravada was no longer safe to drive & her repair bill was beyond my means.  I got in Betsy to drive her home and wept for my Earthly Dad who would have fixed my car & I wept harder that I chose my Earthly Dad rather than my Heavenly Father. That drive home rattled something inside me.  It made me realize that my Heavenly Father was who I needed to trust.  He had never left me, wanted to be my confidant, and wanted to "show off" to me. 

The talk with my sonshine helped me.  It reminded me that I need to work on my relationship & trust God.  I need to daily trust Him "show off" rather than just show up. I love the idea of trusting a Heavenly Father that created me, entrusts me with so much, and loves when I trust him enough to ask Him to "show off".  That's my challenge this week is to engulf my trust to my Heavenly Father, allow Him to show off, and me to sing His praises.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• The Artroom re-opened in July to a handful of classes.  I was blessed with a handful of friends that came to create, gab, and be a source of light in my world.  I'm trusting in my Heavenly Father to help me to with August Artroom Classes ; supplies, people to come, and to promote them.  If you would like to help in any way or need a schedule please let me know.
• I'm working on a proposal that would allow me to teach art classes for a non-profit in KC.  I'm trusting that God will help me put into words what my heart, spirit, and mind can do with this opportunity to shine for Him. 
• I'm hopeful that our fam will return to Wagner, South Dakota, in September.  I'm trusting God to help me with the dates, the ability to travel, and the resources to do so.  
• The sonshine starts his senior year this month.  The darling dot has made the decision to go into counseling and is headed back to Longview this month.  I'm trusting our Heavenly Father with their care for His love is far greater and more encompassing than mine ever could be.  I entrust each of them to Him and ask that he keep them safe and guide their path.

Welcome to the Artroom

Dare You

You received Gods spirit when He adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him "Abba Father". Romans 8:15

Wowsies, its been another long stretch from blog to blog.  If I'm honest I've felt distracted and then uninspired to write.  I've been focused an "aspiring" with God on what in the world I can do & he wants from me.

That journey has led me and my kids to Wagner, South Dakota.  We packed art supplies, a little know how, and whole lotta faith when we left KC.  When we left I knew God was going to push me out of my comfort zone and into something that was totally him.

We arrived late Friday night and were ushered into our friends house and thankful to crash and stretch out. Saturday we got a key to the church and they had two bedrooms for us to stay.  When I walked into the bedroom my heart, mind, and spirit were silenced.  I looked around and saw four tan brown walls, a bed, nightstand, and chair.  It was functional but it is was something else.

Last year during radiation and the start of chemo was bleak point in my life.  I felt like friends that I thought had my back were running for the hills.  My hair had started to fall out and I felt wretched .  I stopped at a church to pray before going home because I needed time, space, and God.  They allowed me to go into their sancutuary to pray and I began to ramble about all the emotional baggage that was plaguing me.  I told God how angry and hurt I was that I felt like he was silent too.  I then heard, "You are Mine" and a feeling of overwhelming peace came over me.  I also felt God telling me when he was silent I ; needed to rest, do what they (the doctors) told me, and that I was never alone.

Throughout last year I had a series of dreams that were the same.  I was alone in a room with four walls, a bed, a chair, and window.  It was not familiar but I felt at peace about being there and I could see myself journaling, praying, and resting. When I walked into the bedroom at the church last Saturday I saw the same room from my dreams,  I saw the same view from the window from my dreams.  Later that afternoon I sat on the chair to journal and cried because I felt so attuned to God and his calling from last year.  He told me that he had big things in store but I needed to rest.

This morning is the last Open Artroom in Wagner.  I woke up periodically through the night and finally got up around 5:00.  I started to just dialogue with our Heavenly Father to praise and thank him for healing my heart and spirit by taking me out of my comfort zone in my own artroom.  By allowing me to be the girl he designed that ; loves, trusts, is creative, has spunk, and has felt over the course of a year more like a burden than a blessing.  My wake up call was from God who is telling me "You've done what I dared now your ready".

Ready? Yes, ready to head back to KC to the oncologist for blood draws, a scan, and consult about my chemo meds.   Ready, to start working with young women at two shelters doing art therapy in July.  Ready, to start slowly integrating programs for my own community into my artroom ; tutoring with the reading lab Daisy Lou,  bringing back Mama Mia class for kids & their moms, Boys DIY Bootcamp with Dale leading the group, and a couple of others.  And, making a bi-monthly commitment with my kids to return to Wagner to do Open Artroom for the kids & families that we've met over the course of the past two weeks.

I feel a tie to Wagner in a way I wouldn't have if I did this before cancer.  Cancer is an equalizer and helps you evaluate your life in a different perspective. I've said since last year I want to live in a place where I can walk to get a coffee or grab an apple.  I thought that meant moving into KC.  But in Wagner I can literally walk up the street from the church and grab an apple at the grocery store.  Walk a little further up the block to the coffee shop and then walk another block to a park where I can sit, journal, and praise God.  I think God put in perspective that I need to take time to serve Him and renew my own spirit.

I can honestly say this morning I think God was waking me up to praise Him for the past two weeks.  For provisions that He set in place before I was even born.  That when He calls & I answer I see far greater his exuberance & abundant care. This afternoon I'll close Open Artroom in Wagner.  We are leaving in our place; kid art, a refinished table, an art cart, a little library at the church, a community garden in a barrel , and a small nursery space so God's littlest of lambs have a space to roam.

Our journey to Wagner I nicknamed "signs of life".  It will be once we leave but its also more personal.  This journey took me out of my comfort zone where I totally relied on Gods provision...let's just say He does NOT disappoint.  I'm thankful for feeling renewed in my faith, renewed as a artist, and renewed to what God sends me to do next. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I got confirmation last week that one of my big medical bills has a zero balance after appealing it for over a year and a half.  There are still more but the oldest one is resolved....God is good.
• I'm looking to collect school supplies both new and used to take with me to do art therapy in KC and Bonner Springs.  If you would like to donate contact me for a list.
• We will leave tomorrow to head home to KC.  Please pray that the kids & I travel safely.
• Next week I head back to my oncologist for a consult.  I had a bad reaction up here to one of the new chemo meds that I started.  I stopped taking it and we will talk about what else can be taken or used.  Pray that goes well and the scan shows the nodules in my stomach have stayed the same or even shrank.  

 

Worthless vs. Worth

Ephesians 3:20 : God can do anything you know- far more that you could even imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams.

Hey, hey, hey....long time no blog, right?  I've been busy with chemo, changing oncologists, and trying to figure out what my new norm is.  I joke that chemo is my new lifestyle choice and am daily reminding myself to "suck it up" emotionally & physically.  Cancer is a battle that I always feared and now I feel worn from it.  Initially, I thought if I gave it a year the radiation & chemo would kill it.  A year and some months later I'm realizing what a worthless opponent cancer is.

You heard me right "worthless opponent".  That goes for the battles you are facing too ; financially, physical, mental, toxic people & relationships, and yes, even cancer.  They are a "worthless opponent" in the face of our Heavenly Father who moves mountains like anthills.  When those worldly "worthless opponents" come in to tackle us, cause despair, and weaken our body, mind, and spirit we need to remember we love a God that loves us beyond limits and is beside our strife every step.

I know I compared radiation to having the life dragged from me like a cartoon character that just got an anvil.  What I didn't realize last year was that God was building a silent resilience in me that would refuse to give cancer or any hardship in my life value.  I believe the enemy is waiting for the right diagnosis or series of unfortunate events to prey on each of us to cause to shake, quake, and question our Heavenly Father.  Through the series of a year, chemo, radiation, more chemo, more radiation, and more chemo I'm still standing and can see it clearly for what cancer is in my life ; a worthless opponent.

That doesn't mean I don't think about the future.  I've actually had a heart to convo with the hubs about the what ifs.  I told him the world will keep spinning without me.  I confided to him in the hardest of days I think that I might die.  Then I challenge myself to keep fighting until I'm 52.  Why 52? My dad was 51 when he died and I'd like to one up him by at least a year or more. My earthly dad and I had that kind of relationship to try to one up one another.

I'm getting real and I have my Heavenly Father and cancer to thank for that. In reality I know in my heart, soul, and mind that cancer won't take me out. I'm too spunky for that worthless opponent. Within the last month I hear God calling me to aspire.  I feel this whirlwind of aspirations at my feet if I dare to jump in and do what comes natural...be a risk taker.

I'm certain that this message of worth and worthless is something each of us needs.  I've personally spent fortysome years seeking my worth and value in people, what I had, what I could do, and the list goes on.  It took a year of cancer, radiation, and chemo to come up for air and realize that my worth is in my Heavenly Father.  That all other forms of worth are false and have no place in my life.  It took until this week for me to stop calling cancer a worthy opponent and deny its worth by declaring it a "worthless opponent".

It's my hope that each of you see your very own worth in our Father's eyes.  I would dare you to call situations, relationships, and material things what they are ; worthless. Our Heavenly Father is "worthy" the rest fails in comparison.

Below you'll find an update into my life, needs of our fam, and prayer requests.  Feel free to message me prayer requests that you have....it is my blessing to pray over them to our "worthy" Father.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

1. I've been blessed this year by; a new oncologist and team taking on my case. They are billing me for much of my chemo and other expenses that will be due one year from now. Its not perfect but gives me solace.  I can bravely say; "I don't know how that will work or how much but I know my Heavenly Father has provisions beyond my wildest expectations".

2. I have safe & reliable transportation to get me to appointments, chemo, and to small stuff. My Heavenly Father provided provisions for a car for me through friends that love and care for me. It's truly remarkable what provisions open when we gift them to our Heavenly Father and allow our friends to know what they are too.

3. I'm learning this round of chemo is harder than I envisioned.  I vomit daily and am drained.  I'm looking for friends to pick up the pace for me.  Here are four ways;
                                                    1. Get a gallon of milk and orange juice weekly.
                                                    2. I need an emergency gas card for $20 to have if I need it.
                                                    3. I need to get back in the swing with a field trip weekly...want to
                                                        take this girl to lunch or for a tea?  Come and get me.
                                                    4. I need someone to take me to cancer support group on Thursday
                                                        afternoons at Gildas Club.  I haven't been in over a month b/c I
                                                        feel so crappy & I don't feel like driving.
                                                  
4. When consulting with my newbie oncology team they suggested that I stop eating sugar and avoid caffeine.  I've done well with my diet & caffeine I feel like I can do.  Sugar, however, is my hangup.  I was born with a sweet tooth.  We have changed as a family that uses Stevia and Cane Sugar which is better.  I literally went to eat a Snickerdoodle this week and felt like the cancer nodules in my stomach laughed at me because I was literally feeding them what they love.  Please pray for me about my ability to eradicate sugar and use more natural sources.  If you have a caffeine free tea send it my way or a great recipe for Snickerdoodles without sugar send it my way.                            

4. I'm starting to "aspire" of what God has in store for me & what I believe He wants me to do.  I love the idea of using my Artroom in three ways ; 1. creative sanctuary for myself & others, 2. to do creative classes for my community, and 3. to tutor school age kids in reading, math, and science.  I'm praying over my ability to provide these services, what to charge, and what it will look like.

5. Please pray for our family.  The kids and Ted are tired from my battle with cancer and need some encouragement.  Please pray on how that looks and what you can do to help them.

6. Its been almost five months since I blogged.  I'm reminded of what I tried to instill in each student I had when I taught...."your words have power".  I feel God telling me to aspire and that my words have power.  It is my goal to start to blog again bi-weekly or weekly depending on how I feel.  I think God has a premise and purpose for my words and I'm only really learning how He is shaping me to use them.

7. Ephesians 3:20 has been marking my path for over a month.  Two weeks after I heard God tell me to "aspire" it came to me as I was reading.  It keeps coming back daily through reminders, things that I write, or literally on Pinterest...lol.  Ephesisans 3:20 says, " God can do anything you know- far more that you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams" .  I love that I have a Heavenly Father that told me to "aspire" through this round of chemo.  He has designed a path and purpose that is far greater than I could see...now to pray over that path. 

Choke On It

This afternoon our lab, Daisy Lou, got in the trash and had a bag over her muzzle.  As she was running around the house playing catch me she started to hyperventilate. Did she give up the chase....nope.  Dale, my sonshine, finally had enough and yelled at her, "I give up, Daisy,  just choke on it!".

That statement although rude expressed his exasperation with the dog.  One of Daisy's fav games is to nab something that we like, love, or have used and run around with it daring us to chase her.  It made me think that in lots of ways we as humans are very "Daisy-like".

I know I have creature comforts that I love.  Things like warm coffee in the morning, listening to music, watching Netflix, and doing artsy stuff.  It causes me to ponder how much of those creature comforts are more like my own will.  They are my own plastic bags that I run around with trying to be daring, cool, or gain attention when the only true attention I need to be focused on is my Heavenly Father.  It baffles me to think how many personal choices I make that God shakes his head at and thinks, "she's gonna choke on that". 

It causes me to be aware at this moment & evaluate my day. I've had a parade of trips to the bathroom today because the newbie meds. I've been cranky because of this until the most recent.  As I was washing my hands in warm water and soap I began to praise God for my home, the bathroom that was messy but clean, running water, toilet paper, and soap & water to wash up afterward.

Funny how I had been in the bathroom most of the day but forgot to praise God for what I feel are essential items ; indoor plumbing, warm water, toilet paper, soap.  Those items that I deem essential for my life are but in reality there are others without them.  If I got real and listed all my creature comforts most are not essential but make life a lot easier.

What is essential is the praise that we need to give our Heavenly Father through the fun, joys, sorrow, and miserable times.  He designed us to be able to look beyond our mere circumstances into his light.  To see ourselves and others as He does.

I believe much of our days would look outstanding if we dropped the "plastic bags" that are causing us to hyperventilate and choke.  For me that would be my words which are my sword to the world.  When the going gets tough so does my attitude, my language, and my words.  I'm finding that when my world stinks this year to hunker down and start to praise God for the small stuff that surrounds me.  Praise pops that "plastic bag" of gloom, anger, and ridicule.  It causes a weight to be lifted in my mind, heart, and spirit.

This year has been spent in soul searching and reflection for me.  There have been moments that I felt like I was choking as I went through radiation, chemo, and financial insecurities.  What I've found is that praise pops that "plastic bag" of fear, insecurity, self loathing, and doubt. Instead of hyperventilating on the "plastic bag" I give praise. Praise fills my mind, spirit, and body with light that I breath into my life.

Hoping today that you pop the "plastic bag" that causes you to hyperventilate and choke through praise in the Lord.  Know there are no right or wrong ways to praise...just do it!

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've got the week off from chemo and just did blood work and a check in yesterday.  I'm still concerned about the pain that I'm experiencing, frequent bathroom trips, etc. I've been joking that chemo is my newbie "lifestyle choice".  Prayfully, the injections this round will be effective & efficient.  
• Our family was remarkably blessed with movie passes and went to see the newbie Star Wars movie on Christmas. 
• I've got two WOW (workshops on wheels) planned in the coming weeks for a preschool and daycare.  It is my thrill to get to share my love of art, being crafty, and teaching.  If you would like to know more or schedule one for your facility please let me know.
• I finished writing my parts of lesson plans for a newbie children's ministry curriculum this past week.  I love being able to design materials that will inspire a newbie generation of believers. Now I wait until the new year for another writing assignment from my group.
• This week I'm going through my Etsy stash and gifting coats to friends that work with a homeless ministry.  Scarves, texting gloves, and legwarmers to other cancer patients in the KC area.  And, finally, making plans for workshops in The Artroom that I would like to teach.  I'm praying on offering tutoring classes for students weekly and perhaps a monthly GNO (girls night out).  Please pray and dream with me.  
• This week I've got both the kids home from school and am enjoying "hoarding" them to myself.  Yesterday, we went to KC for me to do bloodwork, had lunch, and reconnected. They helped me fix some small stuff today around the house today.  And, tomorrow we will do the WOW (workshop on wheels) together.