On My Way Home

 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Ephesians 5:1

This year I am pulled into another realm of thinking.  God is challenging me to think not of the world but of kingdom things. It is becoming abundantly pressing on my heart, mind, and soul. I don't wake up or go to sleep without kingdom things on my mind.

Kingdom things are relevant for me now. As a kid there were things that were uniquely me that I closed down in order to fit in or conform to my family and friends.  In adulthood I got told that those things wouldn't pay the bills, That I shouldn't try because I wasn't good enough.  Instead of leaning into what I understood I choose to cower and bow down to worldly expectations.

Over the course of being sick for the past few years it has caused me to re-evaluate what I know.  I've learned to rely on others and ask for help.  I had to grow in reliance of our Heavenly Father and learn what it is to truly trust Him.  My views of what is mine changed to everything being mine to realizing nothing is mine its just worldly things that were Gods all along.  And, the biggest leap has been forgiving myself for things of the past and realizing God had long ago...its called mercy. In the spirit of redemption I have found clarity, my voice, and what truly matters to me; listening for His call.

Our Heavenly Father has created each of us unique with his characteristics. For me that means I love to learn, to teach, share, be creative, and uplift.  That is a mix that makes me an optimist at birth, the oddball in my family, the one that hopes when hope feels lost, stays constructive and finds joy in the least.  In other words I'm finding my way home.  Home to my birthright, to a Father that calls me beloved , to a friend that doesn't forsake me, and the spirit that waits to light up this world through me.

This month my health insurance will be cancelled via the state leaving me speechless.  I've cried myself sick, gotten angry, got an advocate, and trusted our Heavenly Father.  What I've heard from God is that He has the world and to keep focused on kingdom things.  I ask for a favor from our Heavenly Father and he repeats that he has the world. I'm shown a hand with the world in it that changes to a hand holding a rubber bouncy ball in a second. It is then that I hear our Heavenly Father say "you know the truth"....the truth is Him.  Yes, dad, I'm on my home.

May I spend each moment for the rest of my life being your light ? May I be your love to others?.  May I have clarity, strength, and compassion where I see none?  May I show you through creativity, teaching, and mentoring? Am I enough?  Through "favor" I am.  Thankful for; the freedom to hope, dream, and love without boundaries. To be His light through creativity, to teach art, to mentor. For knowing what a gift I'm given as the daughter of the king that I need to take care of my Dads people.

I woke up this morning at 3 with blisters over my stomach and abdomen in the places I was radiated.  I took a shower and began to write lists of "small" , "complex", and "kingdom" things to do.  Took time to pray and praise.  Got to hug Dale as he got up, sing Happy Birthday to him, and make my kid an omelet and get him a cappuccino on the way to school.  I had time to load my car with donations to my friends homeless ministry and get back home to finish this blog. I have just enough time to get ready and pray for favor as I travel to KC to teach an art class to preschoolers and their families.  I believe that I will get home in time to Dale from school, make homemade chicken noodle soup for his birthday, and praise the Lord for the precious gift of being a mom. That is part of who I am, who I aspire to be, of God's favor in my day, and of kingdom things.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates;

• Emily has an appointment via Social Security tomorrow afternoon.  My appointment with Social Security is on Monday.  Pray for strength, clarity, premise, and purpose to get us through this process to ensure that both she and I will have health insurance.
• Dale is going to Northwest Missouri State in the fall to major in geology.  It is less expensive than KU.  Dale toured the campus with me and after he met the professors in the geology department he was confident it is the right choice.  Plus, they've got a museum with a casting of a T-Rex skull and would get to help Dr. Pope with putting together a dinosaur fossil.
• We are still working on getting a home equity loan so we can make home repairs ; get a new roof, siding for the house, and new linoleum for the kids bathroom.  
• I've taken a position with a single moms ministry in KC as their Children's Ministries entity of their event planning. Although, it doesn't pay a great deal it is "kingdom things" and I feel blessed for the ability to work from home using the skills that God created me with.  If you would like to volunteer to work with my team with kids doing "Mad Science" on April 14 let me know.  I would love to have your help.

Tunnel Vision

 Philippians 3:13-14 (NKJV, emphasis added), “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,  I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

 For the past month I've been wanting to blog and my spirit has needed to blog .  It is when I write that I feel closer to our Heavenly Father and think out loud with my words.  Writing like art has always helped me to think, process, and be decisive.Instead of blogging I've been choosing to be bogged down by the magnitude of what it going on in my life.

 Last week went down like this;  no firm answers about the darling dots epilepsy. We still do not know what part of the brain her seizures come from.  I showed up for my oncologist consult only to be sent to my primary doctor to see me so insurance would cover both consults.  I went to the wrong place for a meeting with a non profit and showed up totally late.  To say the least I've been a hot mess; unable to control the big things as well as the small.

Monday night we went to our small group and it was journal night.  I was so thankful for the gift to write and listen to our Heavenly Father.  What came out totally called me out.  Through writing I was able to share with God how thankful I am for the new endeavors that are divinely his in my life.  I then waited for his response and what I heard hurt me.  He told me that he sees that I'm growing weary, impatient, and doubtful.  That I'm tired both physically and mentally. That my own apprehension is leading to my fatigue and cold acquisitions of Him and others around me.  At that point I thought yeah, who wouldn't be tired, Lord, give me a break.  I have the right to be ; angry, furious, and point fingers.

That is what sickened me. I tried to justify my actions and my owness without owning it myself.  I literally wanted to run to our friends bathroom and throw up.  Instead, I waited, and heard "I want you to know what matters to you matter to me.  You are my beloved daughter which in my own grace and mercy walk.  You know you are mine and I light your path.  Ponder and fear no more...go, do, walk".  Before I could even crab, justify, or make matters worse I heard  "silence, seek joy, be light, find tunnel vision".

Ohh, but, Lord it feels good to grumble and its easy.  Don't I have something to gripe about, Abba Father?  Don't I get to be hesitant rather than jump in and get hurt and disappointed again?  In fact he does sense all that angst, anger, and wants it to become His glory and connection back to Him.  He wants me to have tunnel vision.  I stopped at that point and did some breathing exercises to calm my spirit. I went to sleep trying to decipher what "tunnel vision" meant.

After two days spent in prayer and scripture I understood "tunnel vision".  It means stop focusing on all the incidentals in life and focus on Him.  Tunnel vision means being blinded to all distractions and threats and simply narrowing your line of vision.  Our Heavenly Father is calling me to stop and narrow my sight to Him and Him alone. That I would see with faith, joy, and light. It gives me peace of mind to know others have the same problem; Naomi, Peter, David and a list of others that include you and I.  We are all seeking synchronicity with our Heavenly Father that we trust His divine leadership in our lives no matter how uncertain, hard, or unbearable it feels.  I simply need to hunker down to the girl of grace and mercy He designed.  I need to tunnel to see Him and only Him.  To let go of the waves of anger, hurt, and shortsightedness and to see how God is working in my daily life, my families lives, and the world.  That I would be able to rest in the fact that God is in control.

Today I choose to look with tunnel vision to see the our Abba Father and lean into Him.  I choose to praise Him rather than haggle.  I choose to seek his mercy and grace so that my words and actions can be like His.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• I went to my oncologist last week and my blood work was ok, my MRI of my brain was normal, my scans showed the nodules are still there but have stayed the same. We talked about the vertigo I've been experiencing and it could be due to the meds I'm on.  I don't have alternative meds to choose from and I desperately want "quality of life" at this point which means taking the meds, doing some exercises that will help with the vertigo. My Crohns  Disease is the reason for the recent blood which is better than it being from the nodules. I got a steroid shot, got told to check back in in three months, and do weekly blood work.  
• I'm excited after my meeting with a non-profit.  There are several things that were said that reminded me of how God has been building me up over the past few years.  I've praised Him for the meeting and coincidences that are uniquely His.
• I've started teaching art to school aged kids each Wednesday night and am blessed with each class.  The kids are enthusiastic and I get to see them be challenged to use the gift of creativity that God placed in them. 
• Emily spent last week hooked up in the hospital to get a reading of a seizure in hopes we would know what part of her brain they start at and how it spreads.  She went through; lights being flashed daily at her, shallow breathing, sleep deprivation. On Friday, Dr. Seeley, checked in and told her she could go home and took off the electrodes. He left the room and heard the "seizure groan" and found her seizing. We have a phone consult with him today. Pray that we are able to talk openly and ask questions in order to better understand where we go from here. 
• I take Dale for a tour and to meet the head of Geology at Northwest Missouri State on Friday.  He was able to receive scholarships and it is more affordable than KU.  I am hopeful that he will like the campus and the Geology department.   

I Tried

  “You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.”― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 The kids & I had a marvelous time donating movie ticket money to purchase kids tickets.  We were blessed to have friends that partner with us.  And, blessed that last night once those tickets were purchased I got to purchase to more for my own kids to go to the movies.  

 We saw the "Justice League" which was a wonderful distraction for the three of us.  Early on in the movie there are images of the world as they mourn Supermans death.  There was an image of a homeless man with his dog with a cardboard sign that read "I Tried".  It really got to me not because of the dog, the homeless crisis, or Supermans death.  

 The simple cardboard sign that read "I Tried" is what did it.  It left me thinking and rethinking throughout the movie, last night, and into the morning how many times I try to do the right thing,  I try to be kind, I try to impact the same love that God gifts me daily.  At the end of each day I hang my head for God's grace and mercy to wash over me because it didn't feel like quite enough.  

The magnitude of what the world is facing, the magnitude of what my own family is facing and myself bears and wears on my soul.  I bet it does yours too.  And, at the end of the day as I ask for God's grace and mercy to wash over me I bear the sign of "I Tried".  That is really why that small segment of the movie got to me and stuck with me.  

What if I stopped saying "I Tried" and change it to a present day tense...bear with me I was an English major once long ago.  What if today I started saying "I Try" and each evening as I humbly ask for Gods grace and mercy instead of feeling inept I know in my heart, mind, and spirit that "I Try". 

Try defined means:  make an attempt or effort to do something. That means that I start a task, I attempt it, and there is effort in it.  Does it mean I complete it ?  No, but I sure can "try".  I realized within the first years of teaching that I was not going to change the world or the 25 precious souls in my classroom.  I did realize that each child and family that I came into contact with would know what it is to ; feel safe, cared for, be given the ability to learn, and to feel welcomed and dare I say "loved" during their year in my classroom.  I recognized it as a small simplicity that became not only my teaching mission statement but my mission statement in life. 

 This morning I was going to hit "publish" and something stopped me.  I found myself reading in James 1:1-6 ;"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting. My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed". 

James encouraged my heart that I'm on the right path with "I try" but that I'm forgetting to include Him in that mission statement.  It isn't about me perchance it is about God and fully leaning into Him in faith to accomplish small, mediums, and large in our lifetime.  That still may be one child, one family, or one person that you make an impact on...or perhaps it is you that is changed for the better to face the light rather than darkness.  

May I find the stronghold of His light in my daily life. May I never waver in faith and ask my Heavenly Father who has been patiently waiting for me to seek the gifts and uniqueness that I bring to the world.  This afternoon I'm willing to "try" because James tells me that He does things "liberally.  How awesome is that?  Are you willing to "try" today?  Me too.     

Peace be with you-Sherry

 

Update: 

We've been in Wagner for exactly one week today.  I've been challenged to be "bold" with the kids and feel like I'm failing.  Yesterday, out of the blue on the girls says to me, "I've got a song, Sherry, and I know you'll like it". She started playing it on her phone and then singing to it along with two other girls.  It was a song about Jesus being their superhero.  The group from Harrisonville this past summer.  I asked them if they knew Jesus and what did that mean to each of them....yes, the old school Lutheran girl is alive and well. The girl that began singing the song told me that Jesus is the light in the world so she doesn't have to be afraid. Another said He is like our heart full of love and goodness.  Then one girl shared that she sang the song because it was catchy and the people that came before us this summer were fun and it was something to do.  She told me that she met us and she knew who Jesus was not because we told her about him but because we showed her about him.  I asked how?  And, she said, "who comes to Wagner on Christmas to do art stuff and hangout ?"...yeah, that would be us.  I'm grateful for the girls "boldness" and out ability to be His light in our words and actions.  Praise God...and doing a happy dance.

• We leave on Saturday morning to head back to KC.  Please pray for good traveling weather and God's favor to get us back to Pleasant Hill.  

Silver Springs

 "He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers". Psalm 1:3

Yes, I admit it, I love Stevie Nicks, & Silver Springs is on my list of top 10 songs from my life.  I heard it as a kid and loved the poetry of it.  When I grew up and was separated from my hubs I would play it and sob for a life lost.  When we reconciled a few years later I would play as a victory anthem. Now, I hear that melody and chorus "time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too..." and it brings to me to tears because I think of my relationship with our Heavenly Father and how long he waited for me to know I was His. To actually rest in His security and trust Him...wowsies, let's just say we both got "older".

This morning Silver Springs is on my mind and that melody.  I feel the Lord saying "your older now be bolder".  Uggh, but Heavenly Father I love being a sneaky Christian that others would see your light in me & your wisdom & grace in my actions.  Seriously, I said, I don't want to be that girl with the bull horn for you Lord.  And, his reply "what are you going to do...I didn't know it was a choice". 

How do you respond to that?  I mean its one thing to rebel against earthly parents, right and their wishes?  But when your Heavenly Father lays it out...how do you respond? I simply heard the refrain from Silver Springs "time makes you bolder". It gave me clarity when I needed it. It boosted my soul and spirit, and allows me to "boldly" think with clarity and purpose this morning.  It is the first time that I have planned all the The Artroom classes before the end of the month.  It is the first time that I see that I am literally holding in all the goodness graciousness with God by not seeking others to partner in my adventures. It made me "boldly" post on social media asking for people to partner with the kids & I as we prep to leave for Wagner, South Dakota next week.  It has me posting in groups I belong to with lists of supplies.  My dream of gifting 30 kids with movie tickets seems more of a statement of what will be than just an aspiration. 

Wednesday of next week the kids and I are headed back to Wagner, South Dakota.  We will spend Christmas and the break there doing Open Artroom with the families and kids in the community.  I've planned a series of "light" inspired art activities and mad scientist lab projects that will be "teachable God moments" which will cause not only me but my kids to be "bold".  

This week has left me knowing our Heavenly Fathers "boldness" for me. I met a friend for tea yesterday and she asked what kind of funding I have for The Artroom and our travels to South Dakota.  I told "me and my husband".  She remarked that it wasn't about just us. She challenged me to think what we could do with some help.  She is getting me in contact with a grant writer that will help me to write a business plan and then apply for grants and she also has a 501 number for non-profits that her group wants to offer to help me.  That is provision directly from our Heavenly Father.  I started writing a business plan a couple of years ago and it was daunting to say the least.  Then, I got the diagnosis of ovarian cancer and finding funding for The Artroom was lost. 

To His glory he saw my vision of The Artroom and kept it silent as I went through chemo and radiation and continue to fight cancer.  He took away pieces of me last year, all my norms, all the things I was were gone.  He left me with one thing ""you are mine" and I felt in my soul that I had no idea what or how he was going to use me for His glory but that it was far greater than I could comprehend.  This week I am feeling His truth and recognizing and praising Him for it. 

All that being said..."time makes you bolder, children get older, and am getting older too".  I know my soul worth and title is as His beloved and not of this world.  I realize that my roots were never here in this world and cancer was my wake up call to the truth in my life.  I realize the ramification of what he intends and when he says "I didn't know it was a choice" it allows me to freely lift all cares up to Him and live bold. 

May we live in "boldness".  Peace be with you. 

Updates:

• Continued prayers and messages and calls on Emily's behalf.  She does not have health insurance and we are coming on 3 months when they will determine if she qualifies for disability health insurance.  Pray for God's favor. 
• We leave next Wednesday for Wagner, South Dakota.  Pray for safe travels for the kids and I to get there and get home.  Ted will be home with the dogs and although miles will separate us our hearts are united in being God's light.
• Message me if you would like to donate materials, snacks, or help with movie money for our trip.  I can give you more details. 

 

The Sheer Placidity Of Life

 I've been placid this week.  I've worked at making phone calls on the darling dots behalf to ; ensure her meds are still covered via the drug company, continued calls to epilepsy neurologists to see if they will take her on as a patient without insurance and allow us to be billed for the consult,  and finally I got a hold of a precious lady who listened, helped, and was a ray of Gods jubilant light.

The darling dot still has not been approved for disability health insurance via the state.  Wednesday of this week I finished calls and felt at peace that I had truly advocated for her the best I could as her earthly mom and now it was time for her Heavenly Father to show His favor and light.

I've always known that it is by His grace that I have my kids.  I am here to be His hands and feet to them.  To mentor them, love them, and gift them daily back to their creator.  When they were small I read that we must glorify God and then gift our children daily back to him knowing his care was far greater than our own, his love boundless, and his strength and endurance impeccable.  I've done that daily for most of their lives because it allows me the ability to be "placid" as the world spins, the waves of life crash, and to see the joy in each moment that is a gift from him.  That doesn't mean that I don't battle with the darkness that feels encompassing at times. It means I have the ability to see the pinhole of light from our Heavenly Father and know that we aren't alone.  I know the one that roars when I want to wimp out, give up, and succumb.

Placid defined means; tranquil, still, calm, peaceful, serene, and my two favs, unflappable, and unperturbed.  Each of us is beloved by our Heavenly Father. Because of this we can access placidity in our lives despite our circumstances. I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, abandoned, and alone for me that meant cancer.  Cancer took me out physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It took friends that I had for years and made them strangers.  It took my family on a tailspin that I still pray daily for restoration.  As all those things were taken and I felt very alone I felt our Heavenly Father telling me "you are mine".  I heard him clearly he declared "placidity" over me this past year.  He roared when I could barely speak because of sores in my mouth from chemo.  He raged for me when I felt inept and alone.  He told me to come home to him, trust him, and rest for He had far greater things planned for me now that I realized I was his.

This week I got conformation that the state does have the darling dots medical records.  That her paperwork was entered in and within less than two weeks it went to the medical board for review and decision. I found this out on Wednesday.  I have asked for God's favor to our darling dot because she is his beloved daughter.  I'm able to be placid again because my trust is in him that his reach, care, concern are far greater than mine.  What makes me sob, drives fear, and causes me to be lost to help her causes our Heavenly Father to roar.  He breaks the darkness with that roar and brings placidity to my heart, mind, and spirit.

I'm asking you today to allow our Heavenly Father to "roar" for you.  To realize the magnitude of His blessings and favor in your lives.  May you come to Him broken and allow Him to fill you up so you walk in his grace, mercy, and placidity.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• Pray for Gods favor on Emily that the medical board see epilepsy as a disability.  That they realize she needs insurance and approve her. I am asking you to partner with me to pray this simple prayer daily three times (morning, noon, and night) to speak life for Emily . "Give Emily victory and be her shield. Guard her course and protect her way"...Proverbs 2:7-8. 
• I had new people come to the Artroom in November and have been blessed to see how my creative sanctuary from the world is for others too.  I'll be posting December classes this weekend.  I will be offering gift certificates to The Artroom feel free to message me on how to get one. 
• We will be heading back to South Dakota around December 20.  I feel God telling me to spend two weeks there.  I need help to purchase snacks & a few supplies to create a "Mad Scientist Lab".  Please let me know if you would like to help bless the kids & families that come to Open Artroom.  

Your Face

This is the face of an uninsured active voter in your area. This face has epilepsy and uncontrolled seizures that could kill her. This is the face of a daughter, sister, friend, and lover of the Lord.  This face has tenacity, compassion, and a servants heart.  This is the face of a future counselor, missionary, and world changer. This face has a name, has a voice, and will not go unanswered. #healthinsurance4emily #epilepsy









 List of Senators and Representatives;

Vicki Hartzler 1-220-225-2876 For Vicky, I went to her website and typed “email” in search bar and filled out form

Donna Pfautsch 1-573-751-9766 Donna.Pfautsch@house.mo.gov

Roy Blunt 1-202-224-5721
Blunt, website and then contact is under the drop down menu, fill out form.

Claire McCaskell (has an office in KC at 4141 Penn Ave, KC, Mo)  1-816-421-1639  or her DC number is 1-202-224-6154 senator@mccaskill.senate.gov

Born 2 Fight Built 2 Love

The darling dot & I passed a billboard promoting a new kids movie with the tag lines "Born to fight, Built to Love".  I asked her to write that in my journal because I felt like that is how God designed us as his warriors in the world against darkness that we would be His light & love.  I got a little preachy to say the least in the car.

She listened to me rattle on and then asked if I wanted to know what she thought.  Of, course, darling dot.  She said simply this; "I know God is wasn't born but He is the ultimate fighter that loves us enough to fight for us".  Yeah, she took those words to a whole other level, right?  She made it personal but the words aren't about us but our Heavenly Fathers capacity to love us each so much that He fights daily for us.  That's powerful coming from the darling dot considering what she has faces; epilepsy, uncontrolled seizures, and uncertainty.  Yet, this girl knows her Heavenly fights for her, has premise in her life, and loves her majestically.

This morning I woke up early birdy not to shop but because I felt God whispering to me to wake up, spend some time in me, and listen.  I trooped downstairs, journaled, & then listened to Him. I feel Him urging me to "trust in the moment, hasten hurry and reap joy. Emily is my adoration and Dale is my splendor take care of them, Sherry, delight in their joy for they are my truth and light to you through me". 

What a wondrous blessing from my Heavenly Father that He has it all under control; my fears, my frets, and my worries.  That He is fighting for me and wants me to reap His joy in my children.  Today, we are headed into KC to see if we can win a Blick bag full of art supplies. We were just going to hunker in after Thanksgiving but Dale saw the postcard and wants to try. I love that!  He is imaging how great all the supplies could be for him & for our family to use in The Artroom for art classes & to take on our journeys to South Dakota.  He actually inspired both his sister and dad to wake up this morning and go with us because 4 is better than 2.

There it is, God's light and definition for my life 4 is better than 2.  Not just for free giveaways but in my lifetime.  God graces me with 3 others that love me in a remarkable way.   May He grace you today through your kids, family, and friends.  That His love shine through them that you know what a fighter He is. 

Peace be with you- Sherry