Eagle vs.Albatross

28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:28-31

This month has me blessed with lots of ideas for blogging.  Things like ; hope, weariness, waiting, trusting, and being an albatross.  Is that diversity or what?  As I approached writing this week I was bogged down in how to incorporate all these things in a nice little bundle.  Here's my attempt.

This fall has been a windfall of ups & downs and learning that God will "supply" our family with what is necessary for us to withstand the hard times.  I've learned to be more faithful, praise filled, and diplomatic than I ever would have thought I could.  The thought "don't sweat the small stuff" comes to my mind daily and I give God thanks that I know he will handle both the smalls & larges.  I thank him that my large is truly his small.

Last month I started to grow tired and honestly weary.  I never knew the word exhausted until a few weeks ago and that describes me mind, body, and spirit. If I could spend each day in bed this week sleeping I think I could.  Instead, I think it is God's challenge in my life to complete each day to the best of my capabilities which means ; getting up, getting dressed, following through with the "smalls" for my home & family, and following up with my own health concerns.  It means trusting that God has blessed me with enough for the day in smarts, attitude, and will power.  Yes, will power, because I could easily just sit, mope, and do nothing but instead I get up & fight the good fight.  And, feel the small blessings in each day because of it.

The "albatross" in my life?  That would be some people that I love that don't see things for what I do.  They see me as their "albatross", their opponent, and scape goat.  Have you been there?  In a season where you are literally weary mind, body, and spirit and someone lays their own worries & guilt on you?  You become their "albatross".  I use "albatross" because I was an English major.  I remember the story of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" & kidding around with college friends that we were the "albatross" in certain situations. In this season in my life being considered the "albatross" is no joke to me.  I feel that weight each and every day since my diagnosis this past year.  I feel I'm a burden to my family & friends and wonder what in the world God is doing.  Isn't he a God that loves us?  Why in the world would he have me consider myself a burden and why would he allow people that I love to tell me that I am?

I was reminded of Isaiah 40:28-31 this weekend.  That God promises us that "we will soar on wings like eagles, renew our strength, and we won't just walk we will run".  Ohh, Heavenly Father, how can you expect me to run?  I go to the grocery store and literally have to sit down a couple of times while I just nab groceries?  I went for my mammogram, sonogram, and got my blood drawn last week and slept the rest of the day.  Am I becoming an albatross?  Simply weight on everyone's shoulders, Lord? Did my loved one that told me that really mean it?  How can I change it?

That's when I stopped in my tracks.  God didn't place me in this season to rely on what others say....he put me here to rely on Him.  They were right in that I move slower, am tired, and am not the "Sherry" that they need or want right now....but this is a season in their life as well where they are having to be self reliant & strengthen their faith.  Instead of thinking of this season or people as "albatross" I choose to think of it as a time of slowing down, learning to listen, and making wise choices after prayerful consideration.

Over the weekend I started a "list of 5" with my kids & for myself.  In the list are 5 small things that need to be done for the day.  Once you are done with the list you are free to do what you want as long as you have a willingness to help one another when asked.  It has turned into a remarkable way for my kiddos & I to re-connect, gives us time together, and time apart....it truly has started to renew my spirit.  Saturday the kids #5 on their lists was to go see Santa here in town.  I told them both I wanted to get a picture of them with Santa & Dale told me no that his list said "go see Santa" & he didn't want his picture taken.  I told him I was sure that I wrote "picture with Santa" & he pulled out his list of 5 from his pocket to show me I had wrote "go see Santa".  Well, he didn't get his picture taken but I took note to be very specific in that list of 5 with him from now on.

This week I would challenge you to complete a "list of 5".  My list today included: cooking dinner, picking out paint for the kid's bathroom from my stash, fixing a shutter so we can hang out dog leashes up, helping the kids paint the accent walls in the living room, and baking cookies for a Christmas gift.  And, I've done 4 out of the five...maybe it's time to thank God I got 4 done & go rest.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

1. I went to my doctor's appointment this week and have a game plan.  The sonogram shows that I've got cysts in my intestines.  They need to be removed.  And, in order to try to prevent newbie cysts they put me on a two newbie meds.  They also are planning to remove the cysts in an outpatient surgery next month and they want to start radiation which scares me to death. I was blessed to talk with my cancer counselor this week to talk out my fears, cry, and then go home to try to be "swim" for my kids & hubby because it's Christmas this week, right.

2. I will need help in January beyond prayers as I get the cysts removed and come to grips with starting radiation.  Here's what I need:

•  Someone to pick up Dale after school & bring him home.  If you are willing to do this let me know. 
• Someone to pick up Emily after her classes out at Longview Monday through Thursdays.  

 3. Pray over Emily.  She just finished her finals & is gearing up for next semester at Longview where she is taking anatomy & physiology.   She has to take the TEAS test to be admitted to the nursing program this semester.   She has test anxiety and so this is gonna be a challenge for her.  She needs a set of flashcards to study for the exam & a study guide for it.  If you have either of those or would be willing to help her get them let us know.  That would bless her world.






 

Gross Grace

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed; 2 Corinthians 9:8

Ever read a verse and it has you thanking God for that moment you found it?  And, feeling free?

I'm right there this morning as I brew tea and pray over the nausea that is my life right now.  I was blessed to get the meds that I need last month but wowsies they make me feel really gross.  Although, I was thankful for resting last weekend I'm still super tired. My topper this week was looking around my home and seeing that I really needed to deep clean it & trying.  That left me with a huge pain on my left side that made me cry.

If I'm honest my old pal doubt comes in to let me know I'm not alone.....I've got doubt.  Doubts that I will ever feel like Sherry again.  Doubts that the meds aren't working....and I'm just sick from them as the world's sick joke on me?  Doubts about resting & sleeping this past week....everyone is just gonna think I'm lazy.  Doubts that I can't even be a mom, wife, or friend that my fam & friends deserve, need, and value....all they get is the girl that cancels stuff because she doesn't feel good, throws up, or cries.  Doubts that I'm doing the right thing in my life with the artroom and why don't I just go back to the classroom or sub....wouldn't that make more sense?  

This morning I ready for 2 Corinthians 9:8 and came up for air in my doubt ridden week. 
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed"....why does that mean so much this morning?  Because it stops my friend "doubt" dead in its tracks.  It allows me to know that my life is not perfect and God knows it.  What it promises is:

1. God's grace will abound to you : that means He isn't leaving anytime soon and is sending reinforcements to my life daily.  That means the friends that message me....you are my grace from God.  The gal pals that insist that me being late is no worry just come along ....you are my grace from God.  My son who swept throughout our house this week....you are my grace from God.  My sweet Emily who comes home from finals & nannying to do laundry....you are my grace from God.  And, Tedster, for commuting to Kansas to work to ensure we can pay for our home, utilities, etc....you are my grace from God.  

2. Always having all sufficiency in everything:  that means being blessed to open the artroom up a couple of days this week after resting.  Making enough in the "tip jar" to send my son with lunch money and putting gas in the car.  It means looking at my messy house and taking a deep breath and knowing it is not a lifetime of "messy house" it is just a season.  It is me making phone calls this week to get appointments to my cancer doc for next week to see what I need to do next.  It is thanking God for each of these things.  Having a perspective that doesn't see doubt or failure but the "win" in the smalls. 

3. You may have an abundance for every good deed: I'm praying on this one this morning.  I'm praying that God will let my "little red hen" spirit be ok with resting and taking time for me.  I'm praying God will allow me to ask for what is needed right now....rather than wait, be filled will with doubt, or let fear creep into my life.  

All that from one verse.  I'm truly thankful this morning for 2 Corinthians 9:8.  I've got a list of "Great Smalls" that our family & I need right now. If you are able to help let me know and if you can pray for us in this season that would be remarkable.  I've learned to ask and so this is what I need help with.

The Great Smalls List : 

1. We need the oil changed in both the subaru and bravada.  I'm going to go the my cancer doc down in KC next week, get a mammogram, and also see my cancer counselor.  My cars are my way to get me there.  They are "oldish" like me & need the oil changed badly.  My bravada also needs to be tuned up....if you can do that I would love it!  

2. We've got missing shingles on our house.  I need someone to come and put shingles back on for us.  I've got the shingles and nails.  I need someone brave enough to take on this task.  

3. I've got a couple of things that I need to nab for Emily & Dale for Christmas.  If I'm honest I'm tired most days and just want to rest rather than shop.  I need to get them each a pillow to sleep on & an egg crate for their bed.  If you would like to nab those when you are out let me know.

4. I use "stress relief" lotion from Bath and Body work each day.  This week I ran out.  If you can nab a bottle for me that would be awesome. 

5. My birthday is next Wednesday. Each year for my birthday I go and help with Angel Tree here in Pleasant Hill.  Pray that I will be able to rest and feel like "Sherry" so I can help with the Angel Tree to wrap presents and distribute them next week.  

May you find the comfort in the "smalls" of life.  May you see those gross moments that you have a "gross grace" from God and keep going.  He's with you each "gross" or fab step of the way.

Peace be with you- Sherry

  

Expert Knitter

As long as my soul is inside me, I thank You, my God and God of my fathers, master of all creations, creator of all souls. 

Blessed is a word that I use regularly.  I genuinely believe in this world that I am blessed because I'm a gal after God's heart.  What could be better than that?  Well, this morning I have to admit that my heart hurts.  Why?  Let me share.

Today as I was dropping Dale off at the high school part of the parking lot was blocked off.  I slowed down to see what was going on and Dale said, "ohh, that's right it's grandparents day today".  He told me that he was going to ask one of our friends to go and be his grandparent but thought she might have something better to do.  He then told me,"I think Sandy is an awesome choice for a grandma because she's not a crazy lady and I actually can talk to her".  My heart gave thanks for having Sandy in our lives and it mourned that both Dale & Emily don't have grandmothers in their lives....they just adopt out.

When you've had a great relationship with a grandparent or a special bond you want that for your kids too.  Emily was blessed to have my mom to bond with when she was younger.  My heart break is that my mom isn't the ever present grandma.  She has health problems and trouble with her memory.  The last time Emily called her grandma she didn't know who she was or me either.  That is just a heartbreaker in itself.  Dale never really got to know my mom well which makes me sad.  He doesn't see the snappy, smart, articulate, compassionate woman that raised me he just sees her as someone that may or may not know him.

Just writing this blog makes my heart sing rather than mourn my son's words this morning.  I hear, "Sandy is an awesome grandma.....because I can talk to her". Thank you heavenly father for blessing my son with a lady that he loves like a grandma and knows he can talk to.  Thank you Lord for all the people that bless our lives daily, for a season, or for a lifetime.  You truly have expertise in knitting us together.
 

Peace be with you -Sherry

Potty Mouth Slayer

"You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say"- Martin Luther.

A few years ago I overheard Dale, my son, as he was playing a video game with a friend.  And, then I heard it....let's just say an unmentionable word come out of my son's mouth.  I waited, listened more, yeah, I'm sneaky like that, on the chance I hadn't heard it.  But then again it popped out and this time I was going to confront it head on.  As I talked with Dale he told me where he heard the word and called his mama out.  He called me a "potty mouth sayer".  Ohh, kids!  They also make you have to think, right?  As I told a gal pal about it she suggested that I go back to Dale and tell that it was true that I was a "potty mouth sayer" but I was going change and become the "potty mouth slayer" starting with him.  And, you know what it worked for both Dale & I.

I came across this quote from Martin Luther this week and have been journaling every since.  It could be taken in so many ways in my life.  It's basis sounds a lot like what I've been saying around the house lately to my kids, "You talk the talk you walk the walk".  Meaning that it isn't always our words that we've got to have a grip on we also need to do what we say and follow through.

Follow through has been coming slow and steady for me since the past month.  I've been approved for insurance but my doctor's office wants the actual card in hand in order to make an appointment.  And, yes, I've been on the phone to see when the cards are coming, to talk to a cancer counselor on the phone to cry because of the sheer frustration and weariness I've got with my health.

I'm in a waiting game...ever had one of those? You are prepped, talked a good game, and ready to go and then something beyond your control stalls you from going onward.  For me that makes me question whether or not to go back to my cancer doc or find a new one.  It makes me think maybe I should go a homeopathic route since after about a month of being on my meds again they are literally making me feel sicker and I feel more tired than I've ever been.  Maybe if I just prayed enough and trusted God enough I wouldn't have gotten ovarian cancer, wouldn't have cysts in my intestines that keep coming back, and wouldn't have the problems I do.  Did I mention that I'm tired right now and getting whiny....sorry.

Well, this is what I think Martin Luther's words mean to me in this season.  It has nothing about walking the walking or talking the talk.  It has everything to do with finding serenity in the moment and thanking God for them.  It has everything to do with resting and finding solace in resting and not being "busy".  It has everything to do in me realizing the little girl with a smart mouth is still there but she's grown into a smart, capable and woman of integrity & honesty. Through my integrity and honesty I'm able to show God's love whether that be writing a blog, a message on FB, or finding solace in creativity in my artroom.  It's learning to be content that I don't have to "do" big things but the smalls really do matter. Ohh, wowsies....big sigh.

This weekend I'm hunkering down and going to be like a bear.....that means hibernating.  I desperately have needed to sleep this week and rest to re-charge. It means finding the joys in the smalls that I can do through my words & actions daily.  And, shining God's light even when I'm exhausted through my words and actions. Will you take the challenge of finding the small joys, re-charging, and radiating God's love via your words and actions?



Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I was blessed to go help at my local food pantry this week.  It was remarkable to see the large volume of food available and distributed within my small town.  It give new meaning to the words "feed the need". 
• After a couple of weeks on my meds the nausea I experienced without them was nothing to compared to with them.  I know in my heart and mind I need to keep them up.  Pray that I gain  inner strength through this season of my life and knowledge that even on the worst of days God is by my side.
• Emily got to get her blood drawn at the KC Care Clinic this week and they are more than willing to send the results to her neurologist and work together in her care.  Pray that the results come and they are able to get her meds regulated so she stays seizure free.  
• My birthday is on December 16!  I would love to have some newbie stuff for the artroom to help me.  The two things that I would love is a 24 pack of water for the frig and a set of speakers for the computer in the artroom.  

  

Quiet Time

I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes through Him.  Psalm 62:1

There were two things as a kid that I detested and still do.  My mom would tell me each day it was "quiet time" which meant no talking, humming, singing, etc.  I remember each day within minutes asking, "Mommy, is quiet time over?".  And, the other thing I detest is getting my face wet whether that means in the shower or getting dunked in a pool....strongly dislike it.

This season of my life I feel like the world is pouring over me and my family like waves in the ocean.  The things that I know like having honesty and integrity and loving the Lord don't seem to matter.  The waves literally left me submerged in the depths of an ocean of hurt and not knowing what to do.  I shared with a friend last week that there were things that it felt like the world was pushing me under the waves to lie, cheat, and live without the integrity that God gave me and my heart was breaking trying to be who God intended me to be.

On Tuesday of this week I literally was sunk.  Do you know the feeling?  Not being able to come up for air, being told no everywhere you turn and you feel like you are in a corner that you can't break free?  Your trust that you've got in God to meet your needs or "supply" is wavering and you feel forgotten and broke...yeah, that was Tuesday afternoon for me.  I literally wept because I didn't know how to to fix my heath, our lack of insurance, or meet our financial needs for meds that all of us need. I felt conflicted on what to do, who in our family do I prioritize and who gets left behind, and how God do I make worldly choices when my soul is not at peace with it.  How can I say I live in faith and confidence this day when all my phone calls were "no" to my requests. I had to pick Emily up from college early because she threw up & her head hurt from the fluorescent lights in her classroom.  I was in fear knowing that I couldn't afford Emily's seizure meds next week.  And, yes, I literally bleed when I went to the bathroom and felt sick.  That was my Tuesday and I wept.  I told God I knew he would meet our "supply" needs but how much further did I have to sink to have it done. 

Know what happened?  Wednesday.  Wednesday morning I got a call from the state to ask about the paperwork that I filled out for our family and the info they had from our family through the marketplace aka Obamacare.  At that moment I thought do I "lie" and make up a truth like the world is pushing me to do or stand my ground and hear her say "no".  I stood my ground and told her the truth.  I told her it was complicated and explained what had happened to us this year.  And, guess what?  She understood and said it made sense.  I told her we were literally sinking and didn't know where to turn and so anything we could fill out we tried.  She told me that Dale, my son, qualified for sure.  I told her thank you for that as my "win of the week".  I was grateful for that and I could wait until January for insurance.  She told me she heard the honesty in my words and I shouldn't have to wait until January and was going to talk to her supervisors and get back with me. 

Melinda, the case worker,  got back with me Wednesday morning.  She said it wasn't perfect but they would cover insurance for both Dale and I. She said once I was better to call her and let her know because we were in her prayers.  She said that she gets lots of applications, calls, etc but she could her the desperation and honesty in my words.  That is why she went to her supervisor and insurance for me was granted.  She told me "today it paid to be honest in the world".  After I got off the phone with her I cried and praised God who knew I had been dunked in the water on too many times.  He knew our family not only needed a "win" but I needed to be reassured about honesty and integrity. 

Thursday, I called, the pharmacy to get all six of my meds refilled.  I called my cancer doctor's office and made an appointment.  And, prayed over having courage to go get the mammogram asap.  I thought of Emily and how my daughter who has a seizure disorder is still without insurance and I wept and prayed over her.  Then, I saw the phone and thought this is the day I make some noise, don't take "no" for an answer and I get her meds.  We had applied for Vimpat her seizure med through the company and so I called.  They said that her application had been approved Monday and mailed out Tuesday.  They showed it should be at Emily's neurologist.  Yesterday, Emily & I trotted on into her neurologist and picked up six months of meds for her.  In dollars and cents it is $5,000 worth of meds.  Take a look at our "bragger pic" below...our God knows how to show off, right?

It's Friday and my "win" for today?  Well, my daughter got her hair cut by our friends that wanted to help.  And, Dale, gets his hair cut tomorrow.  Ted got signed up for insurance for he and Emily which will go in effect in January.  And, I don't feel like I'm going under the waves.  I'm actually on a ship with the wind in my sails. 

Our situation health wise still is unknown.  But God granted us with the tools and resources to meet our "supply" to be able to handle, confront, and meet them head on.  I'm I still sick....yeah.  Emily has seizures, and Ted is an insulin dependent diabetic.  Dale jokes that he is the best of the bunch...lol.  Do we still have stress...yeah.  Do I know that my God won't let me sink when I stand in the storm with honesty and integrity...yeah! 

I've been asked by people to make a list of things that they can do or help us with that are smalls.  I've got a list of Snider Smalls following this post.  If you would like to help with any of them that would be remarkable.   I walk with faith and confidence that God is gonna heal me physically & do great things through me & my family. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Snider Smalls :

1. Pray for Emily.  She takes her finals in a couple of weeks which will be stressful.  Pray for her protection and for God to cease all seizures from her.  This is huge, peeps.  I wouldn't have asked for you to pray that over her before this season in our life but it is with faith and confidence that I do.

2. Pray for courage for all of us as I go into a season of my life that scares that heck outta me.  I want to walk in faith and confidence that I will be healthy.  I want to walk in faith and confidence that I can what they tell me, take on that challenge, and go full force for the Lord. 

3. Here's the list for our family.  It's got stuff that we like, love, and need.  Ok, maybe it is more like "like" because we love & need just our Heavenly Father.

•  Dale : Loves to draw & sculpt. He adores homemade chicken noodle soup, fried chicken, and beef jerky.  He's saving for an x-box1 with his money from his boy's workshops since this summer.  If you would want to leave him a "tip" in the tip jar to help him that would be fab.  He is about $75 short of having enough for the gaming system.  If you would want to swing over with jerky, soup, or fried chicken you would have a fan in Dale.
•  Emily :    Loves the Lord and her family.  She would love some new knee high socks & new pillow to sleep on. She loves lemon zinger tea, apple cider, and diet Dr. Pepper or diet cherry Pepsi.  If you really want to treat Emily she would love some stuff from Bath & Body Works or something girly like a hairbrush, ponytail holders,or new jammies.
• Ted :   He worries about smalls all the time like gas in the tank to get to work and having enough Ramen in the jeep for lunches. He literally is the breadwinner in our home & he needs your prayers that God would uplift him and let him lead our family with strength and integrity.  Feel free to drop off a gas card or microwave lunch stuff for Tedster to help him.  
• Sherry : Pray for me that my courage that God gifted me with prevails through the doctor's appointments, tests, etc.  I love chai tea, chocolate carmels, and bread. I would love some new socks and a candle this year.  I usually light a candle each morning, pray, read scripture, and journal.   

 Thanks to each of you that have reached out to our family.  We appreciate you prayers, love, and strength that we've feel daily....and we pray that we are that same sense of strength, love for you & your family.

Relevance

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

This weekend Dale, my son, and his friend stirred up batter to make a double batch of chocolate chip cookies.  Although, I helped them to find some things I left the project up to the boys.  Yesterday, when they both were at the house after school.  I told them to get out the dough and I would bake some cookies for them.  Being the awesome mom I am I taste tested one after it came out of the oven and it was lacking something.  What could it be?  I took another bite and then went to ask the boys if they added brown sugar . 

The answer came from Dale, "No we put the regular sugar in.  I didn't add the brown sugar because I didn't think we had any . I didn't want to ask about the brown sugar and  have you start crying about how we don't have enough money for even brown sugar".  That hit me like a sucker punch.  Because my 15 year old sees the stress that I'm under.  He doesn't want to see his mom cry over petty things like brown sugar. That he isn't coming to me when he needs something... even small things like brown sugar for cookies.  That made me think.

How did my world get so warped that my son won't even bother me about brown sugar?  That caused me to sit back, think about what to say and pray.  Last night when things were winding down I took and talked to Dale one on one.  I told him that he could share anything with me and ask me for anything.  I shared with him that this year has been unique but I feel like God is moving mountains in our family's life and mine....but those mountains don't move easily and it is going to take time but I've got faith that God will supply what is needed. 

Dale confided to me that it literally hurts him to see what I'm facing this year, the challenges, the disappointments, and the hurts.  Did I mention that Dale is my kiddo that wears empathy on his heart like a medal of honor?  He is like me in so many ways but he hasn't ever been heartless, callous, or cruel.  He is quiet, kind, and resilient.  If I'm honest I just wanted to cry but I didn't.  I told Dale I thought we needed to pray about what is going on, how it affects us, and allow God to take care of the hurt, pain, or fear that we've got.  He told me he does and then challenged me if I do. 

Have you ever been spiritually called out by your kid?  I was.  I told him that each day once he, Emily, and his dad leave that I read my Bible, write down passages, thoughts, and feelings in a journal.  And, then I pray to God, release my angst about the day, hurts, and cares and let God supply me.  I realized what is lacking though at that very minute.  Dale doesn't see his mom do that. I generally am the one that leads our family talks at the dinner table, talks to him while being his "chauffeur" and prays with him about situations, people, and things.  What is lacking right now is his ability to see his mom come to her Lord and savior in prayer. 

I've been too concerned over trying to earn enough financially to pay for medical bills, insurance, and medications.  My soul focus has been trying to get our health care insurance back and making ends meet until it does.  I've made calls, filled out forms, got a cancer advocate, and prayed silently about what I saw as "relevance" in my world and my family's lives.

What I forgot is the definition of "relevance".  Relevant is defined in Webster's as: "bearing upon or connected with the matter in hand; pertinent".  What is pertinent or relevant in my book isn't the same for Dale, Emily, or Ted.  I've been spending so many hours and days being "relevant" in our battle with the insurance company that I forgot about the "matters in hand" like brown sugar and showing my kids my faith through prayer. 

This morning I got up and felt nausea and pain on my side.  I decided to rest in but I didn't stop being "relevant".  I prayed with Emily and over her about her chemistry test today and her safety on the road.  I took time with Dale and prayed over his heart that loves the Lord and empathy that could move mountains.  I told God that both Dale and I know He can move mountains and I asked in his name to remove that mountain that makes me disconnected.  

This week's message is something different for me.  I've always been a mama who knew her kids, what their needs were, and prayed with and over them.  This fall I've broken from that since I'm busy on the phone, physically feel ill, or justify it with they are older.  My challenge is to restore my relationship with my kids and my Lord.  I need to find the "relevant" issues for each day and pray about those with my kids.  I need to not let those "relevant" issues overwhlem me and rob my joy with my kids, Ted, and my family.  

This week I've challenged my kids to ask me "Is that relevant to right now?".  And, if it isn't something pertinent I've gotta let it go because otherwise it consumes my body, mind, and spirit. I refuse to let my son not ask for brown sugar for cookies because he doesn't want me to cry over not having it.  I'm learning I need to run this season of my life for myself, my kids, Ted, friends, and the blessings God puts in front of me daily.  I need to be grateful to God for this season and the ability to learn what "relevant" means. 

Here's a song that is my "jam" this fall....yeah, I pick one song each season that I like and that fits my life and call it "my jam"....lol.  It is something I've done since high school that has stayed with me through life.  My "jam" this season is Andrew McMahon & the Wildreness, "Swim".  Here's a link to it.  He wrote it during his battle with cancer but it is "relevant" to all of us.  It reminds us that when things are tough we need to "swim" rather than sink in the currents that life throws at us. 

Here's a link to a video of  Swim :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZTsdKt6e74

 Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• This week we are blessed to afford another week of Emily's seizure med.
• This week I called my advocate to check in.  After I hung up I left all my angst to God and am gonna swim with what is "relevant" for my here and now.
• We are meeting to figure out health insurance today. Pray that our decisions are wise and decisive. 

What's So Funny About Peace, Love, and Understanding?

"My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19

I love Elvis Costello's song "Peace, Love, and Understanding".  The first time I heard that song I thought, "Yeah, what's so wrong with being a peace punk?  What's wrong with loving everyone irregardless of who or what they seem to be?  And, wouldn't the world be a whole Lotta better if we just took the higher ground with some understanding?".

I've been doing my Bread of Life cards each day and using them to write my thoughts & feeling, etc in my journal.  I came across Philippians 4:19.  I was instantly shuttled back to my peace punk phase growing up.  I read the devotion thought on the other side of the card which said, "That love that gives, not as the world but shares all it possesses with its loved co-heirs".  And, despite what has happened in my lifetime I stay steadfast to my peace punk way : love others, do the right thing, and reflect Christ in my life through my words and actions.

It sounds great, right?  But even I have a breaking point with people and situations.  I come into contact with people that are just "difficult".  They act less than God pleasing and seem to flourish in this world.  The "difficult" seem to say, act, and do as they please and God still blesses them beyond measure and they have no trepidation in their soul, heart, or mind.  The phrase "they just keep on keeping on" seems very fitting for "difficult" people.  And, I feel myself roll my eyes, sigh, and groan about them.

I read from Philippians 4:19 and it encourages my heart, brings peace of mind to me, and encourages me that God will "supply" for my needs and my family's needs.  I've seen that over the past few weeks with the Go Fund Me account I set up to meet our medical expenses until we can restore health insurance in January.  I feel it as friends check in on me, encourage me, and pray over my weary soul.

I hate to say it but I feel like I'm becoming a "difficult" person.  Why?  Because I'm a tired and weary soul.  I need an intervention of the heavenly kind. Ever feel that way?  That you are less than God intends and you need his intervention so you don't ever become a "difficult" person.  Well, here's what I did to consult my Heavenly Father.  

 I prayed yesterday that God not only brings me peace and love to my spirit and mind but to my body.  Each day I wake up achy with nausea.  I've got a painful cramp on my left side that literally takes my breath away when it comes. I don't know what to do and I feel like an ungrateful bitch most days.  Today, I surrendered it all to God and gave it all to him....not just my worries and fears but my physical pain that drains my joy.  My Heavenly Father will "supply all my need in your riches in the glory of Christ....supply me with rest physically.  Allow me to find the ability to rest.  Allow me to eat a dinner with my family without getting sick afterwards.  Allow me days without pain in my side.  I believe and know you can supply me with not just moments or hours but with days without pain and heal me.  Come supply my body, soul, and spirit with your healing.  I work daily to show my gratitude through sharing my blessing with my family, friends, community, and world.  Supply me so I can be like you".

This time in my life is one that I face challenges that aren't just about lack of health insurance, cancer, or family.  I face a challenge that I've got to come good with the Lord about what I do on his behalf daily.  Instead of talking about peace, love, and understanding I've got to show it.  I have to show it when I follow up with my cancer advocate this week instead of crying and feeling restless I need to be thankful to have an advocate.  Instead of leaning on my family and draining them I need to lean into the cancer counselor group that I got connected with.  They said I could call anytime night or day to talk and instead of harboring resentment with my family because they don't know what I need, want, or how I feel.  I need to access the counselors so I'm not a "difficult" person that even I would run from.

I know this blog is more for me....yeah, I'm selfish this week.  I guess that goes with being a "difficult person".  I want to share that yesterday my family worked to help me prep for this coming week.  I'm double booked this coming Saturday for two craft shows and literally have nothing to sell.  They worked to get wire on boards, make window tables, and let me make fabulous ugly Christmas sweaters.  They let me work alone in the artroom and even then I started crying and yelled at them to stop helping me I did want their resentment.  Emily came to me and made me sit down to talk with her.  She told me that lady that started yelling wasn't her mom, the one that hurts, throws up, and is crabby isn't her mom.  She sat and told me she and Dale love me and that is why they are trying to help me.  She confided that she would rather study for her Chem test on Tuesday and Dale would rather sleep in and play video games but they are there because they love me.  They understand I'm stressed and in pain but they want me to know they love me irregardless.  I then broke down, cried like a baby, and hugged her. 

Last night we were done with stuff around 4:30.  Em and Dale got me upstairs to rest because my head was pounding. Emily went and got me some advil & a coke to help with the headache.  And, then, I fell asleep for about 4 hours.  I got up for about 30 minutes and fell back to sleep around 9ish.  And, I slept until 7:30 this morning.  Why do I write about sleeping?  Remember, I prayed to God yesterday for rest...He came through.  I got up and made breakfast for my family and ate a little and didn't get sick!  Yeah, God came through.  Now, to spend the rest of the day resting...I feel like it is time. 

I'm hoping by sharing my "difficult" self to you that you see yourself in it.  We all are selfish and self centered at times and have the ability to become "difficult".  I would hope that you are able to see when you are turning into the "difficult" and pray for God to take that from you.  He designed each of us with joy that should shine through us even when life is hard.  He gave each of us understanding aka empathy and we need to use it daily on those "difficult" souls out there.  He loves us with unconditional love....let's try that on our families, friends, and the "difficult" souls out there.  And, what about peace?  Let's pray for God's peace to wash over us, allow us rest & calm so that we can shine for Him. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:
 

• We filled out paperwork over 3 weeks ago with the Vimpat company for Emily's meds.  We are praying we hear from them soon to see if they will cover the cost of her meds or we could get it at a reduced cost.  Pray the company approves this soon. God is good.
• Ted has insulin for a month from a friend.  And, we were able to afford his Metaformin for a month. We are waiting to hear from drug companies to see if he gets approved for his insulin and the other meds he needs for diabetes. God is good.
• I'm hoping to raise enough in funds from "Go Fund Me" weekly to meet Emily's needs for Vimapat and start to work on my meds. This week we were able to afford another week for Emily and one of my meds....God is good. 
• We meet this coming week to determine what type of health insurance to get.  It is open enrollment time we are asking you to pray that God guides our path so we get insurance that will supply for our family's needs.