Happiness is Beautiful

 "He gathers the water in the sea like a dam and puts the oceans in his storehouses" ; Psalm 33:7

I've been having a time discerning what to write about in the series I call "Lioness Among Tigers". I've taken a timeout to access and discern what God is leading me to write about and then praying over it. What is being asked to write about is deeply personal. It is about Emily's journey and my own, friends. 

I have been guarded because of the mama bear that protects her daughter. In the second year of seizures I was praying more like pleading with our Heavenly Daddy in tears for Emily. It was during one of those whiny pleas that I heard "Emily's story is my glory. It is her story. Dry your tears and be her mom. You are my hands and feet, daughter".  I stopped writing and speaking about Emily and her seizures. About the extreme pressure my daughter was under and I as her mom. 

Now our Heavenly Daddy has done a miracle. Emily is 48 days seizure free. She has not been seizure free for this long since she was 19.  We are now in year 7 of "her story for his glory". It feels like God is telling me it is time to open the dam and the storehouse that has been guarded. It's been a challenge friends and a heartbreaking process to write the second in this series. How much do I share; the response is "all of it". Won't that make me volatile? The response "not a chance it will make you free".  Ok, here we go, friends; 

My mom passed away last year. As I went through my mom's clothing to donate last year I came across her perfumes. I stood in her bathroom and just cried and sniffed perfume. I found a bottle of "Happy" perfume and cried more. 

When I was a teenager I so wanted a bottle of "Beautiful" perfume. My mom and I went to the mall. My mom told me that I needed to smell all the different perfumes and find the right scent that was uniquely me and not just what I wanted.  We sniffed and sniffed and then went and got a coke. We came back to sniff and sniff some more. I found the bottle of "Beautiful" that I wanted. My mom sniffed and said "Beautiful is too heavy for you, Sherry. I think Happy is exactly you. Happy is what God created when he gave me you. When I look at you I see a happy girl that perplexes me because she can always see and find the good". 

Each year after we would go on my birthday to the perfume counter together and she would buy me "Happy". I wore the perfume not only as my scent but as a reminder of what God created me to be; to find the the positive and hope for the best. Secretly, I still longed for "Beautiful" but knew that beautiful was too heavy for me. It became a metaphor for my life, friends. I have spent years spinning in happy ; finding the good in the moment, seeking the best from God, and knowing heartache that only the Lord could heal. Being happy but never feeling beautiful. 

November marked the first anniversary of mom's death. I totally forgot it. My daughter was in the hospital fighting for life and we were in a battle for a miracle from Heaven. At the time it didn't feel happy or beautiful. It felt painful, prolonged, and personal ; that is right where our Heavenly Daddy wanted me. He wanted to teach me a lesson that even when you feel attacked, frightened, and overwhelmed you can be happy. That kind of happy is beautiful because it is heavy. 

A friend asked me last week how Emily was doing. This is what I shared; Today she felt like she was slurring her speech. I assured her that she wasn't and she sounded just fine. She actually repeated her sentence a couple of more times to make sure that I heard her and it was correct. Her hair has started growing back which is a huge self esteem booster. The biggest thing is that she has not had a seizure since we got home".  Just typing that makes me happy. Can you feel how that could be happy or possible even beautiful? Yeah, probably not enough for beautiful but definitely happy.  

I went on telling my friend ; I think the biggest praise to our Heavenly Daddy is that the girl I sent to college at 19 is back. I have not seen Emily track this well in years which brings me to tears. I have seen her gradually being reduced to one or two days that she tracks well. The rest of the days she; has garbled speech, stumbles as she walks, has migraines, and sleeps her days and nights away.  Right now she is doing NONE of that. She does nap but when she is up she holds a conversation well, is pertinent with information, and shares from her heart and soul beautiful stories about her journey. The most impressive is that she has told me that she has felt she has felt trapped in her own body for years with no way out and feeling like she was loosing it".  There are lots of things within that where you could find happiness especially that Emily can now talk freely rather than having something holding her back...but beautiful? Check this out.  

I finished up telling my friend this ; "Emily told me what got her through all of it is that she could feel that she wasn't alone. She says it felt like someone was always there with her but it wasn't me, her dad, or brother it felt different. Emily shared she felt the same way at the hospital. At the hospital she had a dream that Jesus was sitting next to her holding her hand as she slept. Emily told me that it has been Jesus there with her for the past 7 years beside her. That she couldn't realize it was him because of the seizures, migraines, memory loss, and not tracking well but now she knows that it was always him". I believe that is too heavy to be called just happy, friends, that can only be called beautiful. 

As I sat writing for the past couple of weeks to come up with a second blog in the series I kept coming back to the "Happy" perfume with my mom. I kept thinking about my text to a friend. This week it became clear I needed to write about being happy and the heaviness of truly being beautiful. 

I would be hard pressed to tell you that everything for seven years with Emily has been easy or happy. The seizures she experienced were grueling for her physically, mentally, and spiritually. The seizures came unexpected in the night or even when we were sitting eating dinner at the kitchen table. The seizures came to reap and sow in fear not only in Emily but in me and our family. We could not live a normal life and we could never anticipate the weariness of sheer happiness. I took everyday as a challenge to remain happy.  To give God praise each day that I woke up and that I had a daughter named Emily. I praised God that he had promise and perspective for Emily and that her story would be for his glory. We began doing a "celebration of life" over Emily after every seizure. It was a time to celebrate she was still alive and pray over her.

Friends, I know it is hard to be happy. I know it is hard to find praise when you want surrender. I have believed for years that beautiful was too heavy a fragrance for me.  I also began believing that beautiful could never be a descriptive word for me or my life. Seven years ago my life changed my life.  Seven years ago in January when Emily's college called and said she was in the ER and was unresponsive after a seizure. They told me that she began seizing in class and stopped breathing. That she was unresponsive and the EMT's were called. They told me that she laid in an ER in St Louis alone and unresponsive. I had no idea what had happened. The one thing I did know was that she was not alone that Jesus was there with her. I put all my trust that Jesus was there as I called the hospital and quarreled with the staff until a nurse had mercy on me and told me that my 19 year old daughter was alive and details. 

 As I began thinking about writing about being happy and beautiful this week. I can't say that Emily or my story has been a happy one for the past 7 years. In honesty, friend, yesterday, stunk! Emily wasn't tracking well and almost fell down twice trying to use the stairs. By the grace of our Heavenly Daddy I was home with her and could get her up the stairs and in a chair. I asked if she was ok and her response was "overwhelmed" and then nothing. Nothing but "overwhelmed" and tears. 

I know the face of disappointment, delay, and anguish yesterday just like I did 7 years ago with the phone call from Emily's college.  I felt Psalm 33:7 pop out; "He gathers the water in the sea like a dam and puts the oceans in his storehouse". I sense that God has been gathering the waters around Emily and our family for the past 7 years and creating a dam that held back despair and replaced it with determination. He created a storehouse of God given grit for Emily, myself, my husband and son to access when needed, necessary, or we just wanted to. 

God given grit allows the passing of time without recognizing the pain of the moments in between. God given grit allows you to wake in the morning and praise our Heavenly Daddy for waking up and ask him what should we do today and listening for a response. It allows each of us the capability of being happy in the face of what we are going through personally or what is happening in the world. 

God given grit allows us to seek mercy and peace at all times. God given grit is ours even when we do not hear a response as we pray.  God given grit allows us the freedom to deal with the day and the challenges we encounter. God given grit is the blessing of trusting our Heavenly Daddy, our creator, who calls us beloved with everything and walking in mercy and peace not only for our own happiness but to bear his light brilliantly to the world. 

I feel like I need to point something out, friends. Something very important. There are times I have come to know when our Heavenly Daddy is silent. He is NOT silent because I have made him mad or that I am undeserving. It is by grace that he is gifting me silence because my world is so very, very extraordinarily noisy. It is his gift that I would find solace in the silence of just being with him. Solace in silence can bring happiness if you realize the gift from Heavenly realms that it is. 

In the past 7 years there have been mornings that I hear what I am to do and I relish those mornings because they bear my heart and soul of who I am created to be. There have been more mornings that I heard silence and that I knew it was going to be a tough day and one that I could feel compromised. In the silence I grew in resilience with our Heavenly Daddy for the day and how to approach it. Resilience led me to an alignment with our Heavenly Daddy that says "you can go if you want but I would really like it if you stayed a while". That alignment is fierce and is a step to allowing yourself to dig your heels in and stand when the world roars to knock you down and make you whimper. If you have experienced moments like that and stood tall and firm on the rock of Jesus guess what? That is God given grit. 

Grit lets the world roar and knows that our Heavenly Daddy's ROAR is so much bigger, louder, and fiercer than anything else. Grit releases you to tell your Heavenly Daddy to ROAR over you and situations to break you free. Grit requires absolute trust and praise to a Daddy that will always be there and ready to pick you up out of the mud and clay and sit your feet back on the rock and make you steady. Grit is allows you to be happy at times that would bring tears. Grit is saying that happiness is beautiful when the world sees a mess. 

Emily had surgery on November 19. I got to bring her home before Thanksgiving. One week after coming home I was up in the morning watching the news. I saw a commercial advertising makeup at Macys and cried. It hit me that it had been one year since my mom passed. One year and I forgot it. Emily heard me crying and came to make sure I was ok. I told her that I thought we should go buy some perfume. I shared with her I forgot my mom's death anniversary. I shared with her about "Happy" and "Beautiful" and asked if she would go with me to buy perfume. 

By God's grace my daughter was two weeks out of her second brain surgery and was walking and talking. She hugged me and told me she would get ready. We went to Macys for perfume. I bought a bottle of Happy and a bottle of Beautiful. The happy is for the girl that I was and still am that loves the God, sees the best in people and situations, and hopes. The beautiful is for the mom that helped me realize that being happy can be beautiful but it can feel "too heavy" for us. Beautiful grace steps in when that happens. Emily and her journey has allowed me to see that beautiful is not heavy but it is connected to being happy.

Today I praise our Heavenly Daddy for God given grit that he has in storehouses for us to use. I find thanks for generations of women that challenge me and allow me to be who I am. I had to stop writing to praise our Heavenly Daddy for the gifts of my mom and my daughter. I am thankful for the ability to see that happy and beautiful work together harmoniously even as the world roars. I know my Heavenly Daddy ROARS over me and you too. I am praying that I will walk in mercy and peace today. I pray that you will find yourself walking in mercy and peace too. 

There it is friends. The second one is wrote. Wowsies, what an incredible blessing to dig in and share with you. 

May you walk in mercy and peace- Sherry 

 

Fascination

"I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry for help. He pulled me out of a horrible pit, out of the mud and clay. He set my feet on a rock and made my steps secure". Psalm 40;1-2

This is the first of my "Lioness Among Tigers" series of blogs. This week I was given several words and have some idea of what our Heavenly Daddy is after me to write. I chose the title "Lioness Among Tigers" for a variety of reasons. The first is that I began calling Emily "little lioness" after her first surgery to put a grid on her brain in October. She was so brave, determined, and filled with the Holy Spirit. Why tigers? The University of Missouri aka MU's mascot is the tiger. Here is my first tale in the series; 

It's been almost 7 years since my darling dot, Emily, had her first seizure at 19. Initially, we thought it could have been a fluke and then the second seizure came. I could sense that it wasn't a fluke. We have been a roller coaster ride for almost 7 years. One that we can't get off and one that it feels like we are locked into. 

Emily was 25 when we found not just a neurologist but a team. A team that went through her medical records and did not reject or cast her out. A team that said we want to help your daughter and believe we can. Emily began her first series of tests with the team at MU last year around this time. 

She stayed in the hospital for over 3 weeks hooked up to wires and electrodes that covered her scalp last year. She had a total of 6 seizures within that 3 weeks. Those seizures gave the MU team and idea of where the seizures were coming from and how they could help. The team gained knowledge of the severity and violence of Emily's seizures ; the first 3 seizures they let go with the medical team at Emily's side to see what happens, duration of time, and they gathered info. Emily stayed in the hospital in 2019 without me. We video chatted, sent texts, and talked daily. Each day last year I began to send Emily back to our Heavenly Daddy.  Gifting her back to the one that created her and could heal her. 

It hit me that I was only hands and feet to Emily last year. I was no kind of parent in comparison to our Heavenly Daddy. The thought was comforting rather than tragic. It felt like God was allowing me to help Emily navigate, advocate, and to be there when and if things fell apart. It was then I began to pray Psalm 40 over Emily and myself. I felt ill prepared to be her hands feet but willing. I knew I was unprepared for the emotions that flooded my heart, mind, and spirit and so I prayed Psalm 40 over myself daily. 

We had hope last year that our Heavenly Daddy was moving. I had been praying over Emily and each time I heard Emily would be healed here at the age of 25.  At the beginning of 2020 I was hopeful because Emily was 25. We had the team at MU. I had settled into being Emily's hands and feet. Our Heavenly Daddy was going to make it happen and heal her at 25. I was excited! 

Then Covid hit. The excitement was still there but dulled. The ability to run further tests had to happen but because of restrictions due to Covid they came at a slower pace. I kept praying over Emily and I each day and night using Psalm 40.  This spring we had a consult with her neurologist. Emily chose to pursue surgery. My question to the neurologist was this "do you think that she will be able to have the surgery this year". He said yes but first there were more tests and more consults but yes absolutely she could have surgery this year. I knew it! I knew it Daddy you are gonna heal Emily at 25! 

We finished all the tests this summer and had a surgical consults in September. Emily turned 26 on August 5. I was heart broken. God told me for four years she would be healed at 25. He showed me in my dreams my daughter and then her brain filled with wires and hands moving the wires on her brain. The night of her 26th birthday I cried and got angry with our Heavenly Daddy after Emily went to sleep. I raged on for hours and cried. In the early morning hours my husband came in and told me it was enough that I couldn't be that angry. I told him to get out and let me take all my rage and anger to our Heavenly Daddy because he can take it and I can't. I finished my rage party around 5 in the morning by praying Psalm 40 over both Emily and I. 

Fascination is a "neurological state of intense focus. One that creates an irresistible feeling of engagement". This week as I prayed in jubilation over Emily I heard the word "fascination". As I journaled notes to our Heavenly Daddy &  this was the response I heard; " You may feel scattered and battered. I see dignity and grace restored. Refinement at its finest. And, the ability to rest with sweet slumber just like you pray over others. Sherry, you truly need to rest for the fascinating start of the journey is coming quickly. Love, Daddy".  If that was not enough to absorb and ponder less than a minute later came this "PS; thanks for walking in my wonderland". 

Geez, friends, I would not say that the last 7 years have been a wonderland. If you asked me on August 5th of this year I would NOT have doubted the goodness of the Lord but I would have doubted his timing. As I step back I can see that our Heavenly Daddy did bring healing to Emily at 25. Two months after her 25th birthday the team at MU took Emily's case and began to run tests. The team that were God's hands and feet to Emily with meticulous precision. Not the team that we chose but the team that our Heavenly Daddy chose. All of the tests for the first surgery were done when Emily was 25. That means it was all in motion while Emily was 25. I can look at our journey and see the fascinating way that our Heavenly Daddy has moved in this journey. 

I feel like I need to share just small excerpts with you of our journey. Excerpts of our life for the past 7 years. Excerpts of the roller coaster ride that our Heavenly Daddy has taken us on. This week I shared some about pain and anger as a mom. A mom who has no control over her child or what is going on with her child...can you relate?

 I believe that many of you see this year like the roller coaster that you can't get off. I get it. There is a stillness in the world that I have never known. A panic, fear, and paranoia that makes you cry for help. I understand. I have been there as we fight for Emily as the world battles Covid. 

I am writing this so that you know that your feelings are real and justified. There is beauty in your feelings and emotions because our Heavenly Daddy is waiting to hear from you with every last "fascinating" detail you can tell him. You are a "fascinating" child of God. Webster's dictionary defines fascinating as;  "the moment where you feel and experience confidence and clarity". Right now wouldn't you like to experience confidence and clarity? I know I would. 

Our Heavenly Daddy feels the intense weight of what you are going through and longs to hear from you. If you are like me you can write a "Dear Heavenly Daddy" letter. Maybe you can pray out loud which is marvelous. Or maybe you have no words and for you, friend, I would encourage you to sit  silently and allow yourself time in the stillness to just breathe in and out and with each breath know your "fascinating" journey is being heard by our Heavenly Daddy. Webster's dictionary defines fascination as;  "the moment where you feel and experience confidence and clarity". Right now wouldn't you like to experience confidence and clarity? I know I would. 

The last two years I needed to build my own confidence in myself and whom our Heavenly Daddy says I am. I needed clarity on how to navigate as his hands and feet to Emily. I began to pray Psalm 40 over Emily and I because I had no words and it came to me in the stillness of just breathing in and out in silence. I'm going to suggest you pray Psalm 40 over yourself and then pray it again over your kiddos, spouse, family or friends. I want to encourage you that when you pray that you pray for yourself first. Why? It's like being in an airplane and the oxygen masks drop first you have to take the air before you can pass the mask. Take air, friends, breathe and pray over yourself first so that you will have the strength and stamina to pray over others. 

Maybe you don't know the Bible or feel like that is just too big of a leap of faith.  I get that too. I'm old school and would suggest that you go to You-tube and listen to U2's song "40". Grace is that the song is less than three minutes. The song "40" is based on Psalm 40 and I think you will find it "fascinating" to listen, ponder, and just breathe to.  

Thanks for reading. I would adore if you share this blog with others and allow my words to flow beyond just those that I know. Have an incredible week, friends. If you have a prayer request it would be my honor to pray for you. Feel free to message me with prayer requests. 

May you walk in mercy and peace ; Sherry

Waterskiing With Jesus

 

This morning I woke up with one thing on my mind. The question; "Do you trust me?". It felt like God asking. In all truth I laid in bed and sobbed.  Truth is that my daughter is in the Neuro ICU , Daddy, and she has to have one more seizure for the team to validate a plan.  

Truth is I felt in indignant. How dare you ask that at a time like this. I rolled over, snuggled in, and closed my eyes. The question got louder, and louder, and there was a hand reaching out. I opened my eyes because I am ill prepared for God's dreams today. I got comfy again and closed my eyes. I was contently resting when I saw that hand and heard "DO YOU TRUST..." and then someone else was there and said "let me talk to my kid sister, dad".  

It was a Jesus moment friends when you feel warm and all the tension releases. It was my big brother, JC, in my restful state with me. He took me near the seaside. Then onto a boat in the middle of a storm. I told him that it wasn't funny and asked like a snotty little sister "whatcha gonna do next make a storm?". I heard "the storm surrounds you already, Sherry, do you trust me?". I laughed and said yes, "I trust you with Emily, that you will always be with her".

Then the question came again ; "The storm surrounds you, Sherry, do YOU trust me?" and then his hand came out. I didn't say a word I just took it. When I took it instantly we were on the water not the boat. We were moving through the water like when you water ski...but guess what there were no waterskies! Wowsies, let's do it again. My patient big brother took me through the same process again and again...always with the waterskies effect. 

Finally, he said, "hey, dad, ask her". I head, "Do you trust me?" and I staggered and stammered. The next time he asked "Do you trust me?" I felt small, insignificant, and lowly and couldn't even mumble a reply. The third time I heard "Do you trust me, Sherry?" and the answer was "yes, Daddy, yes I trust you with my life, I trust you with my pain, I trust you with my hurt, I trust you that you are my joy, I trust you that you give me grace and mercy, and I trust you so much you are vital to my existence". 

His reply was this "You need to rest, paint a little, and write today". I was excited but then thought of Emily in the hospital by herself with her hands & feet...me, her mom. The question "Do YOU trust me, Sherry?" came again. I said "yes" and was instantly zoomed into her hospital room where I could see her and felt like God had surrounded her with love, grace, and mercy and in due time the seizure would happen. 

I have rested, painted and now wrote this morning. Emily just sent a text that the nerosurgical team was in to talk with her. She told me that she would fill me in on the details when I get there. She told me to enjoy resting and writing. 

Friends, the choice is out there; do we trust Jesus? Do we trust that he is there not only for everyone else but for just you? Do you trust or can you trust a Heavenly Daddy that calls you beloved but also wants to see you rest ? 

If you are feeling uneasy I'm suggesting heading to Psalm 40 today and allowing God to put you back on the rock to stand brave, strong, and true. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

PS; Here is the address if you would like to send a note or card for Emily or I; 

Sherry Snider c/o The Mennonite Guest House, 4409 East St Charles Road, Columbia, Missouri 65201 

If you would like to help with lodging, meals, or expenses I have Paypal & Venmo. Feel free to message me for info for these. 

Prime Exclusive

 "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it" Psalm 139:5-6 

I have being using the word lux and wonder this year. I've tried this ; "I would rather wonder about Jesus than be discouraged by the world".  I long to have "lux" aka luxury in my life. This season I may not be Melinda Gates but I am living a "lux" lifestyle. Here's how I do it...and before you roll those beautiful eyes let me explain. 

"Lux" means bright, shiny, new, and expensive to me. When I ponder or stand in wonder over Jesus it is a "lux" experience. I take my valuable time here on Earth to ponder why our Heavenly Daddy's kid that had it all would want to give it all away including his life. Why would he want a bratty, spoiled and soiled by the world kid sister named Sherry here on Earth let alone in Heavenly realms? 

Here's the deal our Heavenly Daddy he made you and he knows you and sent your big brother, Jesus, to bring you home for dinner. Daddy and Jesus know all your good, bad, indifferent, ugly, and beautiful. Our big brother has been there for us; to comfort in heartbreak, to pick up your hand when you feel lost, and holds us back from danger even when you don't know it he has been there. More importantly he is there. 

Our minds and hearts can not fathom that Jesus would be there for it all and take the brunt of our punishment. It took me 27 years of living my own worst life to realize I needed to let my spirit free. I leashed my spirit for 27 years with self doubt, friends. I tried to silence the Holy Spirit the bringer and ringer of peace. About 4 years ago my son said to me "You know all your fears of water? I don't think you are really afraid of water, Mom, I think you're afraid of the Holy Spirit".  My son was right. 

"Lux" here on Earth is accepting that you are worth it! You are worth the pain, joy, heartbreak, and beauty. You are worth leaving the 99 because you are the one. The sooner you can accept it the better and more "lux" you can live.  

"Lux" to me isn't something that can be bought. It is something that was bought for me by my big brother. You know the one, Jesus, that's him.  He is your big brother too. He would love nothing more than to have his kid sister or kid brother live free because of him. Free means when the world wounds you (it will )you go to him and tell him. 

This year I have found myself as the kid sister. The tag along whose big brother doesn't roll his eyes that he has to take me with him. I am a tag along, bratty, and beautiful little sister full of sassiness, joy, energy, and quirkiness. You are welcome to tag along too.  You are welcome into "lux" living as you get to know our big brother, Jesus. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

 

Brand Name

Brand; what brand do you wear?

"Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness,

and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon".  Isaiah 58:10 

I felt like the word of the week was "brand" for me. It felt like God was questioning me "will you wear the brand, the mark, will you choose to be a trendy Wendy or a sequestered jury?". Wow, that is a lot to ponder for a girl that loves ponderings. "Brand" left me pondering for August. 

I instantly thought of my son, Dale, when he was in fifth grade. I bought him a Nike hoodie and he refused to wear it. I told him the swoosh was cool. "No" was his answer. It's your favorite color of blue and the answer was "no". Just feel the inside of it and how soft it is and the answer was "No, I don't want it".  Exasperated I asked him what label he would wear. He told me that he wouldn't wear the swoosh or any other label because it was a brand. I asked him what brand did he want? He told "knowing God was the only brand that matters". Yeah, did I mention how deep my kid can be?  

It's that way in the world, friends. There are things, people, and literally, companies that we bear their brand. We probably don't think of it as a brand. It is the cool thing to wear but is it? Did you research who makes the clothing or where the materials are sourced? It's the trendy new restaurant. Do you know how they treat their employees or where they get the food ? Nope, me neither.  If it is bright, shiny, and I like it I want it. 

I think it gets more complex when you hear people talk about causes or dare I say it...political candidates. It's harder to figure out what's right, wrong, or indifferent. There is so much information out there. Information that could be right or could be wrong. It reminds me of when my mom would say "would you jump off a bridge if your friends were doing it". In all honesty as a teen I always said no because;  I have a fear of bridges and the water underneath. In reality in my life how many times have I jumped off the bridge to bear a brand ; clothing, causes, candidates and I don't even know if they stand with Jesus. How many times do I simply let the bright, shiny steer me. How many times does the thing that breaks my heart make the choice for me rather than saying what would Jesus do?  

I pondered about allowing God in on it? I mean without Jesus I could never be free, right? How can I say I choose "liberty and justice for all" when I don't consult Jesus who gave me "liberty and justice". Could I be vulnerable enough to say Jesus send your helper the Holy Spirit to help me decide whether or not to buy that cute yellow purse. Or even more vulnerable to say Holy Spirit tell me which cause is yours. Holy Spirit is the candidate that I would choose one on your team? 

I let the Holy Spirit roll in and guide me; yellow purse first and then all the big stuff.  It was like being in a sequestered jury room with no outside influences; no social media or news, not even one call to friends or family. Can I just sit and allow it? Challenge accepted. 

It was in that "time out" I was led back to Isaiah 58:10, "Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon".  It dawned on me that if I took the "time out" my mind, heart, and soul could be fed with the heart of God. I could take that light given so it would shine through me with decisions. In the spirit I choose Jesus rather than the world. Leading with the spirit is important. It is important enough to take a "time out" for yourself to pray and ponder. 

When we choose with our minds or hearts we often align with things that are worldly. Worldly doesn't always choose Jesus. We may not want to rock the boat, friends. I don't want to fight the worldly battle, God, with my friends, family, and others I just want to love them. I pondered on that.  I can see Jesus in a boat with the rocking waves. I get the feeling that Jesus could calm the storm and rock the waves a time a time or two. I trust Jesus so then I began pondering that age old question WWJD? 

WWJD when faced with who I follow on social media and whom I would ally with. Would I want to go down the river without a paddle with this person, company, or group? Would they help me navigate the rough waters or just be in for those lazy river days? Do I want to bear their brand whether it be clothing or candidates? 

I've got the words "liberty and justice for all" running through my head.  Do I make choices believing that the person or cause or label really wants to love everyone like Jesus. Does the person, company, or cause do, say, or promote things that gives liberty and justice for all? Do they do it with the love of Jesus or the love of themselves, profit, or by harming others? Could I be branding myself as someone that is a Christ follower or seen in reality as one that doesn't know Jesus. Through Jesus we are given liberty and want others to have that same freedom no matter who they are or what they've been through or done...right? 

Do I want justice for all even those that I would label unjust? There's my second "time out"with the Holy Spirit. I came to the conclusion that; "Yeah, I do, Lord, a little begrudgingly because of my own emotions and mindful ways". That is the beauty of leading with the holy spirit and discerning with the spirit. You allow your Heavenly Daddy that loves you to guide you. When we do this we bear his brand. 

I want desperately to be that person that jumps off the bridge into the boat without a paddle that says "ok, Jesus, we've got this". I want to be that same person that sees others on the river's edge and yells "jump on its a wild and refreshing ride". I want to wear the ultimate brand that God created me with beloved daughter; "Lord, please let my words, actions, and alliances bear your brand beautifully, with wisdom, grace, and dignity and when they don't put me in a time out to ponder". 

When I allow the Holy Spirit in to help I get questions like this ; Does it show that I am a beloved daughter or son of the king of kings? Is Jesus an integral part of why I choose it? If I can trust the Holy Spirit with small stuff like a yellow purse or restaurant what happens when I ask about the big stuff like causes or candidates? Will this cause bear your light, grace, and dignity to the world? Does this candidate bear your light and treat others with dignity? By "timing out" we can tune into God's light and truth. Sometimes it is easy and we can answer yes. That is awesome! Sometimes the answer will require us to go to "time out" to ponder, learn, and lean into God for more than just a few minutes or days. We must willingly accept our "time out" for that yellow purse and when deciding what candidate we'll vote for or cause that we will rally for. 

My simple prayer about bearing a brand is like this ; "May I be led by the spirit more than the brand, Lord. I humbly anticipate a time that I get to help feed the hunger of this world with your truth, acceptance, and forgiveness. Allow me to see with your eyes, hear with your ears, and love with your heart, Heavenly Daddy. I wait to bear your brand of light to my family, friends, and all I encounter.  Amen". 

Peace be with you- Sherry

P.S, Enjoy the pic of a little Dale from way back. He is now 20 years old, still believes God is the only brand. I'm thankful for both Dale and Emily who provided their worldly mama with the light, calm, and integrity of our Heavenly Daddy.  I love that they continue to school me, challenge me, and help me grow in my relationship with God.  

Take The Bait

Isaiah 58:8 says "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard".

Last Monday we were at MU for brain mapping tests for Emily, my darling dot. That morning I woke up with the word "bait" on my brain and the words "don't take the bait".   I knew God was up to something. I had only slept for 45 minutes the night before.  I closed my eyes in the car ride there and saw myself in the middle of two dogs at a dog fight.  I was literally being the "bait" to get them ready to fight.  Not having enough sleep can do weird things to your mind, right?

It would have been spectacular that morning at MU when they called Emily's name if a light from Heaven made a spotlight on my daughter.  That we would know that she was healed and just left the hospital.  Instead, I had to hug my daughter and pray over her before the nurse took her.  I had to trust God that he was both my Daddy and my daughters too.

I stood there at the hospital wishing for the beautiful spotlight moment.  I cried silently. Due to Covid 19 I had to get special permission to go in the hospital with Emily to drop her off. Ted, my husband had to wait in the car rather than be with us. I stood there and couldn't decide to sit in the waiting room alone or go to the car.  Emily wouldn't be done until the afternoon. I walked to the elevator because I couldn't do this alone and needed Ted.

As I pushed the elevator button I heard the words "you always choose him before your kids".  That is BS leave me alone Satan.   The enemy continued his assault until I was running out of the hospital to the car.  I felt like I was a little kid being picked on by the bully on the playground.  The bully came to play and to silence me.

I sat in the car crying.  I didn't refute his taunts because they came fast and were menacing.  I couldn't think because his insults flooded my mind and pierced my heart.  Instead of trusting God I sobbed because the playground bully's words were mean and hurt me. Like the kid that had been beat up I cried.  I cried at each accusation because there was some truth in it...or was there?

Did I choose my husband over my daughter ?  It certainly felt like it. I was sitting next to Ted rather than sitting in the waiting room. Ted saw I was sad and drove to Starbucks to get me a tea.  I sobbed more.  He told me that Emily was going to be ok and that God had her. God had led us to MU.  I sobbed more and then told him what was going on. I told him that I couldn't make it stop.  Ted prayed for me in the car.

My phone beeped. Emily sent a text that her bra strap had broke.  I told Ted let's go to Target.  It would give me something to do that would help Emily.  Plus, who doesn't like a little retail therapy? Masked up I went in while Ted parked the car.  I got what I went for.  Then the accusations began to fly in my mind again "instead of being with your daughter you chose Target". The tears came back.

It hit me hard.  It reminded me of the same accusations that flowed when Emily was a baby.  It took me back. It held me captive.  All the doubts of a new mom. The inability to navigate motherhood and work as a teacher.  The accusations that I choose other kids over my own.  Ohh, the enemy ramped it up as I left Target. I got back to the car and cried for being selfish. I should have sat in the waiting room. Ted should have sat in the car in the parking garage.  I told Ted and again he prayed over his wife.

Ted suggested going to lunch before he took me back to the hospital.  I sobbed on the way to Panera. Sobbing for being selfish and going to eat. I went to the bathroom at Panera and heard the words "bait" again. It felt like someone was shouting at me "DON'T TAKE THE BAIT".

In the Panera bathroom I shouted back "Satan leave me alone today you have no power here. My Daddy is bigger and badder than you. My brother died for my sins. Jesus help me". Jesus came like a big brother to take on the bully live in the Panera bathroom. As I washed my hands I felt the dog fight scene happening again. Instead, of in the middle as "bait" I was on the sidelines washing my hands while the big dog, Jesus, took on the fight.

I left the Panera bathroom with a smile behind my mask. Jesus showed up and showed off. I had nothing to feel guilty about.  I knew at that moment that I was a good mom and wife but more importantly that I was God's beloved daughter.

It's taken me a week to write about the experience. I've fought that people will think I'm wacky.  I prayed about what people will think...and hear the words "will you take the bait?"  Will you choose to take the bait or be used as bait? No, I'll write about it because I'm not the only one.

When I felt like I was choosing my husband over my daughter I could have ; refuted Satan and told him to step off and asked Jesus to step in.  I chose to sob.  I could have got in the car and yelled at my husband. I chose to sob.

How many times do we choose to sob? How many times do we not choose our words wisely and sound like an accuser rather than light bearer?  What about lying down and taking it rather than standing in the light and rallying in Christ Jesus name?  I know its hard, friends. I know the world is scary, tough, and people don't like you. I also know you are claimed by a Heavenly Daddy who created you wonderfully, beautifully splendid for times such as these. We have a choice.

We have a choice once we chose Jesus.  On life's playground filled with bullies that mock who we are. Jesus is there because he knows you. The playground where no one wants to play with you. Jesus is there hoping you'll see him. When you share your heart or experiences Jesus is there. There is power in his name.  It puts the spotlight on Jesus and what He can and will do.

Each of us has a choice to make. Will you take the bait?  Or choose to be victorious?  Victorious has a nice ring. Victory is Jesus, friends. Victory makes us a winner before we do anything. Jesus allows each of us to have the win. He allows us to stand tall, be brave, and anticipate the best. I'm hopeful that you won't take the bait.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates;

• We go back to MU on August 10th for a meeting with the surgical team.  They will give us info about Emily's brain mapping and set a date for surgery. 
• We have to move Dale back to Northwest by August 19. 
• Emily's birthday is on August 5th. I would love for her to be showered with cards, notes of encouragement, and a gift or two if you would like. Please message me for our address.  

Let's Go Crazy

I was in my kitchen and began to gently cry.  I had no idea where it was coming from. I sat down and closed my eyes and began to pray.  I don't know who or what you need me for but I'm here Heavenly Father.

The word that came to my mind was dive. Ohh, Lord, you know I don't like to get my face wet. Instantly, I was taken to the Southside pool as a kid maybe 5 years old.  It was hot, crowded and I was looking for my big brother. That meant I had to go near the diving boards at the deep end of the pool.  I heard someone tell me to dive and I instantly jumped into the 8 foot water without a care. 

Now, let me tell you something friends. At 5 I couldn't swim. If I dove into the water it would only be to my brother who was there to help me but never alone. I was too afraid of the water. Shoot, truth be told I didn't learn to swim until I was 22 and had moved to KC.  I learned to swim but still to this day if someone took me to the deep end of a pool and told me "Dive" I would walk , no run away. 

The grace is that I had my eyes closed and knew that I was safe because I had wasn't alone. I was with God.  He took me to the pool and I dove.  As I rose out of the water I was no longer in the Southside pool from childhood. I was in possibly the ocean.  The water wasn't clear but I felt content. Still in my 5 year old self there was a glittery seal and glittery dolphin with me. As they dove into the water so did I. I dove again and again.  

The words; bold and dive came as I opened my eyes and wiped my tears.

This was over a week ago.  I'm still trying to figure out the sparkly dolphin and glittery seal. But I know what dive means.  It is an acronym.  

D; dig  "rest not as a tomb but a tomb abandoned, stone rolled out, you are being rendered to roll out" 

I: ignite "as a fire irrupts it will be extinguished with holy water of the Holy Spirit. It will be a like a pool in the heat of the summer waiting to be dove into"

V: vested "steady yourself you know whose your Daddy" 

E: erupt "that all would hear and know no one left behind the mighty shield of my people"

Then this thought that" if you don't want to dive you can chose to go down the slide or go to the kiddy pool. Just get into the water. Listen to the water aka the Holy Spirit kid. Daddy has got you exactly where he wants you. Compassion that overflows like a current. Catch the wave". 

What wave, Daddy? There's so much chaos and I don't know what wave you want me on. "No, you are the wave, they are the wave. Fill with determination and DIVE". 

Then I'm taken back to the line at the Southside pool on a hot sunny day. The need to dive, to be refreshed by the cool water. To praise for no longer feeling scorched by heat now renewed by water. 

I believe that is for all of you too, friends. We are living in a pandemic. Each of us has our own pandemic going on inside an it isn't Covid 19.  There aren't enough words for what I feel let alone to describe your feelings, friends. I'm confidant that now is a time that we will grow ourselves and in our faith.

We are placed here to grow in our faith and whom we were created to be. There in the silence you need can hear that you were created by the one that gives life; a Heavenly Father.  He defines who you are and calls you his beloved child. You are not in this time alone friends. There are others around the world that are beloved children of God.  Our connection to Jesus is unbreakable. He came and died so that we may live. We would spread His light, hope, and love. 

Now all we have to do is dive.  Peace be with you- Sherry

PS; if you need someone to talk to or pray with you please contact me. My email is ; mamasunbear2@yahoo.com . I've got time to talk on the phone, video chat, email, message, or even snail mail and write you a letter. 

May God's peace overwhelm you and flow into all your pores. Let his overwhelming light and grace give you hope and wrap around you to keep you safe. Amen.