Wowsies, its been another long stretch from blog to blog. If I'm honest I've felt distracted and then uninspired to write. I've been focused an "aspiring" with God on what in the world I can do & he wants from me.
That journey has led me and my kids to Wagner, South Dakota. We packed art supplies, a little know how, and whole lotta faith when we left KC. When we left I knew God was going to push me out of my comfort zone and into something that was totally him.
We arrived late Friday night and were ushered into our friends house and thankful to crash and stretch out. Saturday we got a key to the church and they had two bedrooms for us to stay. When I walked into the bedroom my heart, mind, and spirit were silenced. I looked around and saw four tan brown walls, a bed, nightstand, and chair. It was functional but it is was something else.
Last year during radiation and the start of chemo was bleak point in my life. I felt like friends that I thought had my back were running for the hills. My hair had started to fall out and I felt wretched . I stopped at a church to pray before going home because I needed time, space, and God. They allowed me to go into their sancutuary to pray and I began to ramble about all the emotional baggage that was plaguing me. I told God how angry and hurt I was that I felt like he was silent too. I then heard, "You are Mine" and a feeling of overwhelming peace came over me. I also felt God telling me when he was silent I ; needed to rest, do what they (the doctors) told me, and that I was never alone.
Throughout last year I had a series of dreams that were the same. I was alone in a room with four walls, a bed, a chair, and window. It was not familiar but I felt at peace about being there and I could see myself journaling, praying, and resting. When I walked into the bedroom at the church last Saturday I saw the same room from my dreams, I saw the same view from the window from my dreams. Later that afternoon I sat on the chair to journal and cried because I felt so attuned to God and his calling from last year. He told me that he had big things in store but I needed to rest.
This morning is the last Open Artroom in Wagner. I woke up periodically through the night and finally got up around 5:00. I started to just dialogue with our Heavenly Father to praise and thank him for healing my heart and spirit by taking me out of my comfort zone in my own artroom. By allowing me to be the girl he designed that ; loves, trusts, is creative, has spunk, and has felt over the course of a year more like a burden than a blessing. My wake up call was from God who is telling me "You've done what I dared now your ready".
Ready? Yes, ready to head back to KC to the oncologist for blood draws, a scan, and consult about my chemo meds. Ready, to start working with young women at two shelters doing art therapy in July. Ready, to start slowly integrating programs for my own community into my artroom ; tutoring with the reading lab Daisy Lou, bringing back Mama Mia class for kids & their moms, Boys DIY Bootcamp with Dale leading the group, and a couple of others. And, making a bi-monthly commitment with my kids to return to Wagner to do Open Artroom for the kids & families that we've met over the course of the past two weeks.
I feel a tie to Wagner in a way I wouldn't have if I did this before cancer. Cancer is an equalizer and helps you evaluate your life in a different perspective. I've said since last year I want to live in a place where I can walk to get a coffee or grab an apple. I thought that meant moving into KC. But in Wagner I can literally walk up the street from the church and grab an apple at the grocery store. Walk a little further up the block to the coffee shop and then walk another block to a park where I can sit, journal, and praise God. I think God put in perspective that I need to take time to serve Him and renew my own spirit.
I can honestly say this morning I think God was waking me up to praise Him for the past two weeks. For provisions that He set in place before I was even born. That when He calls & I answer I see far greater his exuberance & abundant care. This afternoon I'll close Open Artroom in Wagner. We are leaving in our place; kid art, a refinished table, an art cart, a little library at the church, a community garden in a barrel , and a small nursery space so God's littlest of lambs have a space to roam.
Our journey to Wagner I nicknamed "signs of life". It will be once we leave but its also more personal. This journey took me out of my comfort zone where I totally relied on Gods provision...let's just say He does NOT disappoint. I'm thankful for feeling renewed in my faith, renewed as a artist, and renewed to what God sends me to do next.
Peace be with you- Sherry
Updates:
- I got confirmation last week that one of my big medical bills has a zero balance after appealing it for over a year and a half. There are still more but the oldest one is resolved....God is good.
- I'm looking to collect school supplies both new and used to take with me to do art therapy in KC and Bonner Springs. If you would like to donate contact me for a list.
- We will leave tomorrow to head home to KC. Please pray that the kids & I travel safely.
- Next week I head back to my oncologist for a consult. I had a bad reaction up here to one of the new chemo meds that I started. I stopped taking it and we will talk about what else can be taken or used. Pray that goes well and the scan shows the nodules in my stomach have stayed the same or even shrank.
