This morning I woke up with one thing on my mind. The question; "Do you trust me?". It felt like God asking. In all truth I laid in bed and sobbed. Truth is that my daughter is in the Neuro ICU , Daddy, and she has to have one more seizure for the team to validate a plan.
Truth is I felt in indignant. How dare you ask that at a time like this. I rolled over, snuggled in, and closed my eyes. The question got louder, and louder, and there was a hand reaching out. I opened my eyes because I am ill prepared for God's dreams today. I got comfy again and closed my eyes. I was contently resting when I saw that hand and heard "DO YOU TRUST..." and then someone else was there and said "let me talk to my kid sister, dad".
It was a Jesus moment friends when you feel warm and all the tension releases. It was my big brother, JC, in my restful state with me. He took me near the seaside. Then onto a boat in the middle of a storm. I told him that it wasn't funny and asked like a snotty little sister "whatcha gonna do next make a storm?". I heard "the storm surrounds you already, Sherry, do you trust me?". I laughed and said yes, "I trust you with Emily, that you will always be with her".
Then the question came again ; "The storm surrounds you, Sherry, do YOU trust me?" and then his hand came out. I didn't say a word I just took it. When I took it instantly we were on the water not the boat. We were moving through the water like when you water ski...but guess what there were no waterskies! Wowsies, let's do it again. My patient big brother took me through the same process again and again...always with the waterskies effect.
Finally, he said, "hey, dad, ask her". I head, "Do you trust me?" and I staggered and stammered. The next time he asked "Do you trust me?" I felt small, insignificant, and lowly and couldn't even mumble a reply. The third time I heard "Do you trust me, Sherry?" and the answer was "yes, Daddy, yes I trust you with my life, I trust you with my pain, I trust you with my hurt, I trust you that you are my joy, I trust you that you give me grace and mercy, and I trust you so much you are vital to my existence".
His reply was this "You need to rest, paint a little, and write today". I was excited but then thought of Emily in the hospital by herself with her hands & feet...me, her mom. The question "Do YOU trust me, Sherry?" came again. I said "yes" and was instantly zoomed into her hospital room where I could see her and felt like God had surrounded her with love, grace, and mercy and in due time the seizure would happen.
I have rested, painted and now wrote this morning. Emily just sent a text that the nerosurgical team was in to talk with her. She told me that she would fill me in on the details when I get there. She told me to enjoy resting and writing.
Friends, the choice is out there; do we trust Jesus? Do we trust that he is there not only for everyone else but for just you? Do you trust or can you trust a Heavenly Daddy that calls you beloved but also wants to see you rest ?
If you are feeling uneasy I'm suggesting heading to Psalm 40 today and allowing God to put you back on the rock to stand brave, strong, and true.
Peace be with you- Sherry
PS; Here is the address if you would like to send a note or card for Emily or I;
Sherry Snider c/o The Mennonite Guest House, 4409 East St Charles Road, Columbia, Missouri 65201
If you would like to help with lodging, meals, or expenses I have Paypal & Venmo. Feel free to message me for info for these.
