Ecclesiastes 8:1 "Who is a wise man? And knoweth the interpretation of a thing? A mans wisdom maketh his face to shine and the boldness of his face shall be changed"
This weekend at church they did an exercise in faith to show how to share your testimony. I felt my spirit lunge as they were passing out index cards. It is the kind of feeling a few years ago that would have had me leaving rather than accepting a card. They had us divide our card in half ; the left side we wrote one word responses to "there was a time in my life " before you knew God. On the right side you wrote one word responses to "do you have a story like that" where you were to write how it felt once you let God in.
Its difficult for me to express my emotions verbally. I'm better on paper. I thought "this is gonna be cathartic, Sherry, do it you get to write". They said turn to your neighbor and read your card. Thank you, Jesus, that my husband is sitting next to me. Then they said after you share with your neighbor find two others to share with. Whhhaaatttt? ... that was my Scooby-Doo moment . Things were going beyond my control but like in life I took a deep breath and thought "suck it up".
I got to "mockery" on my index card and began to sob so hard that I couldn't read the rest of my card. I couldn't finish reading it through my tears and told my husband "just read it". After a couple of minutes he said, "Sherry, there's a girl in front of you that has the same look of fear on her face as you do go talk to her next". I snapped into "suck it up" mode took one look at her and felt the same pain from my card. Instead of walking a few steps and sitting by her I chose to get up and walk thinking the heartbreak I was feeling would leave. I just needed to find someone I know to share with.
That is when I heard a voice in my head say "Mockery all you do is mock sit down" and the further into the aisles I went the louder the voice got. I ran back to my safe spot beside my husband and cried, sobbed, and cried some more. He even called for someone to come pray for me. I told him, "no I just need to leave".
When things get "too touching" or emotional I laugh them off, poke fun of myself, and if it really is too close I run from them. Getting up to walk out was the only way I knew to protect myself. I chose to hear "mock" rather than listen to what my Heavenly Father was telling me. As I walked out and got to the steps I stopped. I could hear "Sherry , you don't mock me. You've never mocked me. You are mine. I love you. You just missed a chance to be bold like I asked".
I knew that I had listened to the last lie that the enemy had in his arsenal. God told me a few years ago "you are mine". I truly feel His all encompassing love and salvation. I know I was forgiven for the past and had been loved my whole life by my creator.
The rest of the words on my index card meant nothing to me anymore but "mockery of the Lord" does. Mockery is why I'm cautious now more than ever. I want each step to be His and done in boundless love rather than in what I know. I pray over things before doing them rather than jump right in . I trust God to move mountains in my life rather than allowing fear to take over. All that and I hear the word "mock" and I'm filled with guilt, remorse, and fear that this time I'm going to really make God mad.
I'm reminded this morning to look on the back of my index card. I had wrote a thank you note to our Heavenly Father for; "breathing life into a spirit that had floundered in disbelief of her own salvation. That your anger DID NOT mean banishment but everlasting love without boundaries that gleans grace and mercy. from me with love".God's love is boundless, his forgiveness is beyond anything this world can offer, and his grace lights a pathway in this world that will always lead back to Him. This morning I'm hopeful that my message will be ; boundless love to another, to assure you that you are forgiven, and that your path is well lit in the darkest of days. And, what's love got to do with it? Everything.
Peace be with you- Sherry
Updates:
- The kids & I are heading to Wagner, South Dakota on Monday morning to do an Open Artroom with Native American children and families in Wagner. Please pray for God's bubble wrap of protection over each of us & the Sandymobile as we travel and during our stay. If you would like to help beyond prayers here is what we need;
- We still have a handful of supplies that we need to take on South Dakota trip to help us share love and light. You will find a list below. Please let me know if you are willing to purchase some of these items ; 5 drop cloths, 10 bags of popcorn to pop, 10 boxes of Jello Cheesecake mix (Aldis or generic kinds are fine), 10 sets of paint brushes (they can be purchased at a dollar shop), 2 packs of multicolored Sharpies
- I would like to bless the kids in Wagner by buying movie tickets each Friday that we are there. Tickets are $5 each. I would like to have 10 friends that you would gift $10 . If you are that friend let me know. You may donate via a Facebook fundraiser that I set up.
- Finally, I want to ensure that we have gas money to get to Wagner and home. If you would like to donate for gas let me know. It is $50 one way. You can donate via a Facebook fundraiser that I set up.
