All
of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God's paths to
follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all. - Isaih 53:6 Remember going on fieldtrips when you were little and there were always the kids at the back of the group known as the "stragglers"? Heck, maybe you were the "straggler" on field trips. As a kid they drove me nuts because we never could get through a field trip without the "straggler" holding us up. As a teacher I was always willing to be the "back of the line leader" on field trips. Why? Because those "stragglers" usually had a whole other sense of time, imagination, and whimsy about them that I loved. I loved to let them explain the workings of a the firetruck, how they knew the brushstrokes on a piece of artwork, or that they noticed the giant columns at a museum and wondered how they stood up. All those questions and information that lots of adults, teachers, and peers found annoying or strange I found fascinating. It's no doubt when class lists were assigned that I found myself with the dreamers and schemers of the school. The past couple of weeks have been daunting on me as a woman, a mom, and wife. My doctor's want me to have a colonoscopy. Emily, my precious daughter, had another seizure. I'm fighting to get a neurologist here in KC to see her. As a wife I've been allowing little things to hurt me and say nothing about it. And, as a woman, I've been praying out to God to show me my path, destiny, and worth because most days I feel like a confused sheep roaming around. Yes, I've become the "straggler". In life I've been a take charge kind of gal. One that people can ask and rely on to get things done. I've toned down my ways to be less abrasive & more compassionate over the years. Yet, most days I fight with being abrasive, abrupt, and mean. Yeah, the sweet little artsy chick that goes with the flow....that is me at the core. But there is a much more abrasive, brash, and downright mean girl that is there always and just doesn't want to leave or be suppressed. And, these past couple of weeks I've been struggling with an inner dialogue. The mean girl wants out because her hubby forgot about date night, she can't get a return call for the neurologist office. I've never not worked since I was 16 in some capacity. And, this year, I'm home, hanging out, going to my doctor's appointments and being creative. I see daily the blessing of my hubby going to work daily. That his college education he went back and got is finally paying off and that is what blesses me with the ability to stay home and do what I want. I see the blessing of having a hubby who forgets date night rather than no hubby. And, those phone calls to the neurologist that I've been making, hey the blessing is that I've got a referral from Em's primary doc and I've got time to hound them. But then the mean girl shows up and all those blessing are a wash. She's ready to yell, complain, and get her way any way possible. You hurt her by forgetting date night? Well, you are gonna pay, hubby. That neurologist that won't call back they are gonna get more than a squeaky wheel call they are gonna get the motherload. And, as for myself being creative she is gonna blow me away with self doubt and hearing "you'll never make any money in art so forget it". What are we to do when that mean girl shows up? How do we silence her before her rampage on us, our family, and others happens? These past couple of weeks I've silenced her by being quiet about it, letting things hurt me, and break my heart. And, I know who the mean girl is....it's not me. It's the enemy who knows where this "straggler" has been, whose she's been, and what she's capable of. The enemy has taken me for a ride the past couple of weeks. Uggh, I'm heartsick about it. I want to be the kind, generous, loving artsy chick that God created but that gal is getting suppressed by what the enemy is doing to her daughter, her marriage, and her life. As I read my Bible last week I came on Isaih 53:6. I just can't let that verse go. And, as I read it this morning it occurred to me that God is trying to wake me up through it. He is telling me that overcame all that mean girl stuff for me and the enemy has no power over me so stop giving him it. Wowsies, could it be that simple? Shoot, I know I'm stubborn, smart, and capable of what God has planned for me. Then why am I giving power to the mean girl? How can I let God's truth shine through me like a beacon and silence the mean girl? This week I'm going to get out my journal. I'm going to list 3 of my troubles, sorrows, and upsets in it.... I need to limit those, can I get an amen? And, then I'm gonna thank my Heavenly Father for each of them because they are a blessing to get this smart, capable, loving gal on her path again to see who God has designed her to be. He wants me to remind Ted of date night, He wants me to make calls to the neurologist and push for Emily, and He wants me to have time to get my health in order and has designed me with a hubby that allows me to be creative. Wowsies, the mean girl isn't talking anymore....she's silenced. Hope this challenge will be rewarding to each of you this week. What a force we could be if we can silence the enemy and all those mean girl antics. Imagine what we can do for ourselves and our families when our hearts, souls, and imaginations are with our Heavenly Father. I'm up for the challenge....all I can say now is "baaaaahh" like a sheep that is back on track.  Updates: *These are short and brief. I need prayers this week for the following: 1. Pray that I can get an appointment for Emily scheduled with a neurologist this week. 2. Pray that I get my colonoscopy appointment scheduled. 3. Pray that God helps direct my path as I start to write a Kickstarter for the creative art program that I would like to do for kids & adults in my artroom. I've prayed about it and feel compelled in my heart, mind, and spirit to offer classes. Peace be with you all- Sherry |
Monday, April 27, 2015
Straggler
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
The Ultimate Fixer
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
Have you ever had the blessing of going back in time? Me neither. But I keep getting indited with articles via the web & news about writing letters to your younger self. It had me thinking over the past week about what I would write, say, and even the timeliness of writing.
Then I thought what age would I choose to write to? Would it be the shy little kindergarten Sherry? The one whose kindergarten teacher thought was a mute? Yeah, I'm far from that as my mom told my teacher. My mom also shared that I was a clever observer that watched and chose what and who I interacted with.
Or would it be the seventh grade Sherry that had her world rocked and rolled both literally and figuratively. She was the straight of the board preppy gal that went to junior and turned into a mouthy, belligerent kid. How does that happen? Well, throw in her mama going back to work full time & a dad that got injured at work . Then sprinkle into the mix a brother she had always counted on who turned into a full blown alcoholic who was verbally abusive and like to throw her against a wall for good measure. Yeah, that Sherry, needed more than a letter to soothe her spirit and had no idea that God was wanting for her....she knew of him but didn't trust him or anyone else.
But, hey, what about the Sherry that was a mess by high school. Yeah, she looked sweet on the outside but inside she was filled with hurt and felt betrayed by her family. That might be a good one to try to connect to. This Sherry was determined to get done with high school, her family, and go onto college as fast and furious as she could. She even tried to graduate a year early to get away from her family. And, when they refused to sign the paperwork she just jipped the good part of her junior year to shop, go for "breakfast clubs", or hang with friends that were as disgruntled as she was or more. Yeah, that Sherry wasn't about to stop to read a letter from some "old chick" in their 40's . I can hear in my ears what I wrote in my English class journal when asked what age was too old, "40 would be too old you start to wrinkle need I say more?". Yeah, high school Sherry was a real gem.
What about my early college years? That Sherry might have taken the time to listen or read a letter. Yeah, and then she would have corrected the spelling, grammar, and wrote comments on it. That Sherry was an English major whose soul driving force was getting done and getting on with her life. She had goals, ambitions, and lists. Yes, there was a list for cities she wanted to live in before she hit that ominous 40 mark. A list for : what her hubby would have, top 10 things she wanted to have, and the lists go on. She was a member of "boyfriend of the week" club as her dad called it. Why? She didn't have time for the boys in college and sure as heck wasn't gonna marry one of them. Her world came to grinding halt her junior year when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Maybe that Sherry would have read the letter but more than likely she would have called her dad about it and talked to him.
In reality what I discovered is a Sherry from each time period that was head strong, feeling but not in a mushy way, and wouldn't let anyone or thing stop her. My motto even as a little kid was the same as my dad's motto. I saw my dad as a leader, strong, confidant, and a friend. He was able to "fix" things. He was a mechanic by trade but he was more than that. People came to my dad and he "fixed" things for them whether it be a car, a loan, or other stuff. That is what he did. And he was no different as a dad. He "fixed" my brother's DWI's, got him jobs, and more. For me he was always there to ask questions to and share my hurts. He told me as a little girl when I whined that some kids were mean that for every 10 people in the world there is always one that will hate you. He went on to say that I needed to find the other 9 that would love me. And, he "fixed" science projects for me....he built them and I just explained them. He "fixed" when I dyed my hair punk black by making an appointment to have it changed & told me school was not a funeral. My dad was always there for my brother & I. We always knew that if we had a problem to go to dad he would"fix" it.
In reality, I would love to write a letter that 6 year old Sherry and 20 something year old Sherry would understand. It would say this " You want a strong, confident and capable Father that can take care of all of your worries, hurts, and problems. Look no further than here. Love, God".
Well, in reality, my younger self would have looked at the letter and laughed. God, I didn't need. I had the "fixer" as a dad here on earth. But my world got rocked when my dad died a week before my wedding. I detested for the next couple of years when anyone would mention their dad. When I said the Lord's Prayer in church I cried like a baby because I didn't want that heavenly father I wanted my dad, the earthly one, the "fixer". Still to this day I find a day in February and one in May to be really hard for me. Why? Because they remind me that my earthly "fixer" is gone and that the heavenly father took him from me. I mourn in my heart, spirit, and tears to have my dad just here to "fix" things and make my world right. People tell you that time heals your heart and mind . But I've longed for the "fixer" to be here with me, talk & laugh with me, and "fix" whatever needed fixing.
My brother & I talked years ago and said that was the hardest thing to except with our dad's death. That our earthly "fixer" wasn't here and we had no idea how to trust God and if we should. Isn't it remarkable that through the years that heavenly Father has stuck it out with me, changed my heart, enlightened my mind, and opened my eyes to the world around me.....he showed me it's not just about me, my wants, or concerns. It's about me celebrating that I've got a heavenly father, knowing that I can go to him with all my worries, cares, and joys and share them with him. That I know I can talk with my heavenly father just like my earthly one and that I know in my heart and spirit he cares for me, gave his son for my salvation, and wants to hear from me regularly.....yeah, probably more than a call once a week like with my earthly dad. And, I absolutely love that! I can talk with him, share with him, burden his ears with my junk, and thank him for my salvation. That is really what a "fixer" should be.
After writing this blog guess what I did? I cried and then I wrote a letter but it wasn't to my younger self. It was a letter to Sherry here and now. Know what it says? " You want a strong, confident and capable Father that can take care of all of your worries, hurts, and problems. To share in all your joys? Look no further than here. Love, God". And I put in an envelope and placed in my purse. I thought you know I could really use that letter on even my best days and on the worst. I've got a father that is better than a "fixer" he is my rock & salvation.
Blessings- Sherry
Updates:
1. I go to get my blood work done and check in with my doctor next week (April 8). Pray that all the levels are somewhat normal and my fears dissipate. My next appointment with the Cancer Institute and Donna is on April 15.
2. April 15 is the day that Emily can enroll for summer school classes at Longview.
3. I want to thank each of you for praying for our family last year and this year. For all of you that have reached out to us, helped us, and encouraged us you a remarkable. Know that I've started to write thank you notes but I get all weepy with each....but know they are in the works.
4. If you want to drop off any Reese's eggs with me feel free. I need to ensure quality control & freshness on them this year....wahahhaha.
5. This week I finished sanding, priming, and painting my kitchen cabinets....it is by God's grace that I'm tired and achy but not defeated.
6. Many of you have home churches that you'll go to on Easter. If not feel free to attend at Echo Church (it's where our family calls home) here in Pleasant Hill, Missouri. And, if that is too far of a drive feel free to use the "livestream" link from the church to watch it at home. Here's a link: http://echochurch.tv/watch-live/ .
Have you ever had the blessing of going back in time? Me neither. But I keep getting indited with articles via the web & news about writing letters to your younger self. It had me thinking over the past week about what I would write, say, and even the timeliness of writing.
Then I thought what age would I choose to write to? Would it be the shy little kindergarten Sherry? The one whose kindergarten teacher thought was a mute? Yeah, I'm far from that as my mom told my teacher. My mom also shared that I was a clever observer that watched and chose what and who I interacted with.
Or would it be the seventh grade Sherry that had her world rocked and rolled both literally and figuratively. She was the straight of the board preppy gal that went to junior and turned into a mouthy, belligerent kid. How does that happen? Well, throw in her mama going back to work full time & a dad that got injured at work . Then sprinkle into the mix a brother she had always counted on who turned into a full blown alcoholic who was verbally abusive and like to throw her against a wall for good measure. Yeah, that Sherry, needed more than a letter to soothe her spirit and had no idea that God was wanting for her....she knew of him but didn't trust him or anyone else.
But, hey, what about the Sherry that was a mess by high school. Yeah, she looked sweet on the outside but inside she was filled with hurt and felt betrayed by her family. That might be a good one to try to connect to. This Sherry was determined to get done with high school, her family, and go onto college as fast and furious as she could. She even tried to graduate a year early to get away from her family. And, when they refused to sign the paperwork she just jipped the good part of her junior year to shop, go for "breakfast clubs", or hang with friends that were as disgruntled as she was or more. Yeah, that Sherry wasn't about to stop to read a letter from some "old chick" in their 40's . I can hear in my ears what I wrote in my English class journal when asked what age was too old, "40 would be too old you start to wrinkle need I say more?". Yeah, high school Sherry was a real gem.
What about my early college years? That Sherry might have taken the time to listen or read a letter. Yeah, and then she would have corrected the spelling, grammar, and wrote comments on it. That Sherry was an English major whose soul driving force was getting done and getting on with her life. She had goals, ambitions, and lists. Yes, there was a list for cities she wanted to live in before she hit that ominous 40 mark. A list for : what her hubby would have, top 10 things she wanted to have, and the lists go on. She was a member of "boyfriend of the week" club as her dad called it. Why? She didn't have time for the boys in college and sure as heck wasn't gonna marry one of them. Her world came to grinding halt her junior year when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Maybe that Sherry would have read the letter but more than likely she would have called her dad about it and talked to him.
In reality what I discovered is a Sherry from each time period that was head strong, feeling but not in a mushy way, and wouldn't let anyone or thing stop her. My motto even as a little kid was the same as my dad's motto. I saw my dad as a leader, strong, confidant, and a friend. He was able to "fix" things. He was a mechanic by trade but he was more than that. People came to my dad and he "fixed" things for them whether it be a car, a loan, or other stuff. That is what he did. And he was no different as a dad. He "fixed" my brother's DWI's, got him jobs, and more. For me he was always there to ask questions to and share my hurts. He told me as a little girl when I whined that some kids were mean that for every 10 people in the world there is always one that will hate you. He went on to say that I needed to find the other 9 that would love me. And, he "fixed" science projects for me....he built them and I just explained them. He "fixed" when I dyed my hair punk black by making an appointment to have it changed & told me school was not a funeral. My dad was always there for my brother & I. We always knew that if we had a problem to go to dad he would"fix" it.
In reality, I would love to write a letter that 6 year old Sherry and 20 something year old Sherry would understand. It would say this " You want a strong, confident and capable Father that can take care of all of your worries, hurts, and problems. Look no further than here. Love, God".
Well, in reality, my younger self would have looked at the letter and laughed. God, I didn't need. I had the "fixer" as a dad here on earth. But my world got rocked when my dad died a week before my wedding. I detested for the next couple of years when anyone would mention their dad. When I said the Lord's Prayer in church I cried like a baby because I didn't want that heavenly father I wanted my dad, the earthly one, the "fixer". Still to this day I find a day in February and one in May to be really hard for me. Why? Because they remind me that my earthly "fixer" is gone and that the heavenly father took him from me. I mourn in my heart, spirit, and tears to have my dad just here to "fix" things and make my world right. People tell you that time heals your heart and mind . But I've longed for the "fixer" to be here with me, talk & laugh with me, and "fix" whatever needed fixing.
My brother & I talked years ago and said that was the hardest thing to except with our dad's death. That our earthly "fixer" wasn't here and we had no idea how to trust God and if we should. Isn't it remarkable that through the years that heavenly Father has stuck it out with me, changed my heart, enlightened my mind, and opened my eyes to the world around me.....he showed me it's not just about me, my wants, or concerns. It's about me celebrating that I've got a heavenly father, knowing that I can go to him with all my worries, cares, and joys and share them with him. That I know I can talk with my heavenly father just like my earthly one and that I know in my heart and spirit he cares for me, gave his son for my salvation, and wants to hear from me regularly.....yeah, probably more than a call once a week like with my earthly dad. And, I absolutely love that! I can talk with him, share with him, burden his ears with my junk, and thank him for my salvation. That is really what a "fixer" should be.
After writing this blog guess what I did? I cried and then I wrote a letter but it wasn't to my younger self. It was a letter to Sherry here and now. Know what it says? " You want a strong, confident and capable Father that can take care of all of your worries, hurts, and problems. To share in all your joys? Look no further than here. Love, God". And I put in an envelope and placed in my purse. I thought you know I could really use that letter on even my best days and on the worst. I've got a father that is better than a "fixer" he is my rock & salvation.
Blessings- Sherry
Updates:
1. I go to get my blood work done and check in with my doctor next week (April 8). Pray that all the levels are somewhat normal and my fears dissipate. My next appointment with the Cancer Institute and Donna is on April 15.
2. April 15 is the day that Emily can enroll for summer school classes at Longview.
3. I want to thank each of you for praying for our family last year and this year. For all of you that have reached out to us, helped us, and encouraged us you a remarkable. Know that I've started to write thank you notes but I get all weepy with each....but know they are in the works.
4. If you want to drop off any Reese's eggs with me feel free. I need to ensure quality control & freshness on them this year....wahahhaha.
5. This week I finished sanding, priming, and painting my kitchen cabinets....it is by God's grace that I'm tired and achy but not defeated.
6. Many of you have home churches that you'll go to on Easter. If not feel free to attend at Echo Church (it's where our family calls home) here in Pleasant Hill, Missouri. And, if that is too far of a drive feel free to use the "livestream" link from the church to watch it at home. Here's a link: http://echochurch.tv/watch-live/ .
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