I Tried

  “You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.”― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 The kids & I had a marvelous time donating movie ticket money to purchase kids tickets.  We were blessed to have friends that partner with us.  And, blessed that last night once those tickets were purchased I got to purchase to more for my own kids to go to the movies.  

 We saw the "Justice League" which was a wonderful distraction for the three of us.  Early on in the movie there are images of the world as they mourn Supermans death.  There was an image of a homeless man with his dog with a cardboard sign that read "I Tried".  It really got to me not because of the dog, the homeless crisis, or Supermans death.  

 The simple cardboard sign that read "I Tried" is what did it.  It left me thinking and rethinking throughout the movie, last night, and into the morning how many times I try to do the right thing,  I try to be kind, I try to impact the same love that God gifts me daily.  At the end of each day I hang my head for God's grace and mercy to wash over me because it didn't feel like quite enough.  

The magnitude of what the world is facing, the magnitude of what my own family is facing and myself bears and wears on my soul.  I bet it does yours too.  And, at the end of the day as I ask for God's grace and mercy to wash over me I bear the sign of "I Tried".  That is really why that small segment of the movie got to me and stuck with me.  

What if I stopped saying "I Tried" and change it to a present day tense...bear with me I was an English major once long ago.  What if today I started saying "I Try" and each evening as I humbly ask for Gods grace and mercy instead of feeling inept I know in my heart, mind, and spirit that "I Try". 

Try defined means:  make an attempt or effort to do something. That means that I start a task, I attempt it, and there is effort in it.  Does it mean I complete it ?  No, but I sure can "try".  I realized within the first years of teaching that I was not going to change the world or the 25 precious souls in my classroom.  I did realize that each child and family that I came into contact with would know what it is to ; feel safe, cared for, be given the ability to learn, and to feel welcomed and dare I say "loved" during their year in my classroom.  I recognized it as a small simplicity that became not only my teaching mission statement but my mission statement in life. 

 This morning I was going to hit "publish" and something stopped me.  I found myself reading in James 1:1-6 ;"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting. My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed". 

James encouraged my heart that I'm on the right path with "I try" but that I'm forgetting to include Him in that mission statement.  It isn't about me perchance it is about God and fully leaning into Him in faith to accomplish small, mediums, and large in our lifetime.  That still may be one child, one family, or one person that you make an impact on...or perhaps it is you that is changed for the better to face the light rather than darkness.  

May I find the stronghold of His light in my daily life. May I never waver in faith and ask my Heavenly Father who has been patiently waiting for me to seek the gifts and uniqueness that I bring to the world.  This afternoon I'm willing to "try" because James tells me that He does things "liberally.  How awesome is that?  Are you willing to "try" today?  Me too.     

Peace be with you-Sherry

 

Update: 

We've been in Wagner for exactly one week today.  I've been challenged to be "bold" with the kids and feel like I'm failing.  Yesterday, out of the blue on the girls says to me, "I've got a song, Sherry, and I know you'll like it". She started playing it on her phone and then singing to it along with two other girls.  It was a song about Jesus being their superhero.  The group from Harrisonville this past summer.  I asked them if they knew Jesus and what did that mean to each of them....yes, the old school Lutheran girl is alive and well. The girl that began singing the song told me that Jesus is the light in the world so she doesn't have to be afraid. Another said He is like our heart full of love and goodness.  Then one girl shared that she sang the song because it was catchy and the people that came before us this summer were fun and it was something to do.  She told me that she met us and she knew who Jesus was not because we told her about him but because we showed her about him.  I asked how?  And, she said, "who comes to Wagner on Christmas to do art stuff and hangout ?"...yeah, that would be us.  I'm grateful for the girls "boldness" and out ability to be His light in our words and actions.  Praise God...and doing a happy dance.

• We leave on Saturday morning to head back to KC.  Please pray for good traveling weather and God's favor to get us back to Pleasant Hill.  

Silver Springs

 "He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers". Psalm 1:3

Yes, I admit it, I love Stevie Nicks, & Silver Springs is on my list of top 10 songs from my life.  I heard it as a kid and loved the poetry of it.  When I grew up and was separated from my hubs I would play it and sob for a life lost.  When we reconciled a few years later I would play as a victory anthem. Now, I hear that melody and chorus "time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too..." and it brings to me to tears because I think of my relationship with our Heavenly Father and how long he waited for me to know I was His. To actually rest in His security and trust Him...wowsies, let's just say we both got "older".

This morning Silver Springs is on my mind and that melody.  I feel the Lord saying "your older now be bolder".  Uggh, but Heavenly Father I love being a sneaky Christian that others would see your light in me & your wisdom & grace in my actions.  Seriously, I said, I don't want to be that girl with the bull horn for you Lord.  And, his reply "what are you going to do...I didn't know it was a choice". 

How do you respond to that?  I mean its one thing to rebel against earthly parents, right and their wishes?  But when your Heavenly Father lays it out...how do you respond? I simply heard the refrain from Silver Springs "time makes you bolder". It gave me clarity when I needed it. It boosted my soul and spirit, and allows me to "boldly" think with clarity and purpose this morning.  It is the first time that I have planned all the The Artroom classes before the end of the month.  It is the first time that I see that I am literally holding in all the goodness graciousness with God by not seeking others to partner in my adventures. It made me "boldly" post on social media asking for people to partner with the kids & I as we prep to leave for Wagner, South Dakota next week.  It has me posting in groups I belong to with lists of supplies.  My dream of gifting 30 kids with movie tickets seems more of a statement of what will be than just an aspiration. 

Wednesday of next week the kids and I are headed back to Wagner, South Dakota.  We will spend Christmas and the break there doing Open Artroom with the families and kids in the community.  I've planned a series of "light" inspired art activities and mad scientist lab projects that will be "teachable God moments" which will cause not only me but my kids to be "bold".  

This week has left me knowing our Heavenly Fathers "boldness" for me. I met a friend for tea yesterday and she asked what kind of funding I have for The Artroom and our travels to South Dakota.  I told "me and my husband".  She remarked that it wasn't about just us. She challenged me to think what we could do with some help.  She is getting me in contact with a grant writer that will help me to write a business plan and then apply for grants and she also has a 501 number for non-profits that her group wants to offer to help me.  That is provision directly from our Heavenly Father.  I started writing a business plan a couple of years ago and it was daunting to say the least.  Then, I got the diagnosis of ovarian cancer and finding funding for The Artroom was lost. 

To His glory he saw my vision of The Artroom and kept it silent as I went through chemo and radiation and continue to fight cancer.  He took away pieces of me last year, all my norms, all the things I was were gone.  He left me with one thing ""you are mine" and I felt in my soul that I had no idea what or how he was going to use me for His glory but that it was far greater than I could comprehend.  This week I am feeling His truth and recognizing and praising Him for it. 

All that being said..."time makes you bolder, children get older, and am getting older too".  I know my soul worth and title is as His beloved and not of this world.  I realize that my roots were never here in this world and cancer was my wake up call to the truth in my life.  I realize the ramification of what he intends and when he says "I didn't know it was a choice" it allows me to freely lift all cares up to Him and live bold. 

May we live in "boldness".  Peace be with you. 

Updates:

• Continued prayers and messages and calls on Emily's behalf.  She does not have health insurance and we are coming on 3 months when they will determine if she qualifies for disability health insurance.  Pray for God's favor. 
• We leave next Wednesday for Wagner, South Dakota.  Pray for safe travels for the kids and I to get there and get home.  Ted will be home with the dogs and although miles will separate us our hearts are united in being God's light.
• Message me if you would like to donate materials, snacks, or help with movie money for our trip.  I can give you more details. 

 

The Sheer Placidity Of Life

 I've been placid this week.  I've worked at making phone calls on the darling dots behalf to ; ensure her meds are still covered via the drug company, continued calls to epilepsy neurologists to see if they will take her on as a patient without insurance and allow us to be billed for the consult,  and finally I got a hold of a precious lady who listened, helped, and was a ray of Gods jubilant light.

The darling dot still has not been approved for disability health insurance via the state.  Wednesday of this week I finished calls and felt at peace that I had truly advocated for her the best I could as her earthly mom and now it was time for her Heavenly Father to show His favor and light.

I've always known that it is by His grace that I have my kids.  I am here to be His hands and feet to them.  To mentor them, love them, and gift them daily back to their creator.  When they were small I read that we must glorify God and then gift our children daily back to him knowing his care was far greater than our own, his love boundless, and his strength and endurance impeccable.  I've done that daily for most of their lives because it allows me the ability to be "placid" as the world spins, the waves of life crash, and to see the joy in each moment that is a gift from him.  That doesn't mean that I don't battle with the darkness that feels encompassing at times. It means I have the ability to see the pinhole of light from our Heavenly Father and know that we aren't alone.  I know the one that roars when I want to wimp out, give up, and succumb.

Placid defined means; tranquil, still, calm, peaceful, serene, and my two favs, unflappable, and unperturbed.  Each of us is beloved by our Heavenly Father. Because of this we can access placidity in our lives despite our circumstances. I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, abandoned, and alone for me that meant cancer.  Cancer took me out physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It took friends that I had for years and made them strangers.  It took my family on a tailspin that I still pray daily for restoration.  As all those things were taken and I felt very alone I felt our Heavenly Father telling me "you are mine".  I heard him clearly he declared "placidity" over me this past year.  He roared when I could barely speak because of sores in my mouth from chemo.  He raged for me when I felt inept and alone.  He told me to come home to him, trust him, and rest for He had far greater things planned for me now that I realized I was his.

This week I got conformation that the state does have the darling dots medical records.  That her paperwork was entered in and within less than two weeks it went to the medical board for review and decision. I found this out on Wednesday.  I have asked for God's favor to our darling dot because she is his beloved daughter.  I'm able to be placid again because my trust is in him that his reach, care, concern are far greater than mine.  What makes me sob, drives fear, and causes me to be lost to help her causes our Heavenly Father to roar.  He breaks the darkness with that roar and brings placidity to my heart, mind, and spirit.

I'm asking you today to allow our Heavenly Father to "roar" for you.  To realize the magnitude of His blessings and favor in your lives.  May you come to Him broken and allow Him to fill you up so you walk in his grace, mercy, and placidity.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• Pray for Gods favor on Emily that the medical board see epilepsy as a disability.  That they realize she needs insurance and approve her. I am asking you to partner with me to pray this simple prayer daily three times (morning, noon, and night) to speak life for Emily . "Give Emily victory and be her shield. Guard her course and protect her way"...Proverbs 2:7-8. 
• I had new people come to the Artroom in November and have been blessed to see how my creative sanctuary from the world is for others too.  I'll be posting December classes this weekend.  I will be offering gift certificates to The Artroom feel free to message me on how to get one. 
• We will be heading back to South Dakota around December 20.  I feel God telling me to spend two weeks there.  I need help to purchase snacks & a few supplies to create a "Mad Scientist Lab".  Please let me know if you would like to help bless the kids & families that come to Open Artroom.