Photograph By

This morning I was thinking what the two words "photograph by" meant.  Naturally, one thinks of a photographer and their artistic work.  But I was challenged to think of "photograph by" in terms of  everything that encompasses our days.  I took the words photograph and used them in terms of God being the grand photographer of my world.  He gifted me with a creative streak that causes me to see the smalls in the big picture and the care provider that takes care of the smalls in my life.

I know that I've become frustrated and ill prepared most days because instead of focusing on the big picture I'm wrapped up in the small details.  An example of the small details for me right now : Saturday night I took a shower and had clumps of my hair come out.  I fell to pieces and had a good old cry that caused my whole family to stop what they were doing and check on me.  Ted , my hubby, went through my scalp and said it wasn't that bad as compared to him. ( For those of you that don't know Ted he shaves his head because of balding on the top),  Emily said that we see bald women every week now and that I needed to be thankful for the hair that is on my head and forget the clumps that are gone. She also said that she has enough hair for both of us.  And, Dale, my son?  Yeah, heard his mama sobbing and stopped playing his video game to come and console me.  He told me ; "Mom, why are you crying about it?  You love hats.  This is your time to rock a hat! " and in a whisper  between only us , "And, if it gets too bad you can get a wig and rock that too". 

God is challenging me today to see him as "photography by" your Heavenly Father.  He is challenging me to not focus on the small details but to see the greater whole picture.  I feel Him overwhelming saying to me :

1. You self profess to be a city girl that loves the Lord and lives in a small town.  You need to cherish this time to run to KC twice a week, to forget you are a wife, mom, and to focus on you alone.  That thought scares me & I feel very small in the big city.

2. I gave you a daughter that rides twice a week by your side to KC. Take time and enjoy that ride with her.  See how I love & care for you through her and the rest of your family's actions.

3. Allow your kids to show you how to see the "big picture".  They see it daily, they find solace in it, and see their purpose.  Take note of of it, take time to absorb everything on a greater scale, and find what I've got to offer you.

4. Thank me for allowing you to have family & friends that are picking up the pace to run your race for you.  I'm showing you that I've got you through them.

At the end of my infusion this afternoon I could see the big picture and thank God for it.  I thank Him for the ability to challenge me through the cancer experience to see something grander and larger than myself.  To praise Him not only for the small but for the very thought of being here.  To stop deluding my day with all the small stuff and let it go....to experience the joy of the big stuff like seeing your family & friends show His love to you daily. 

I've said that life is not about me or you.  It is about serving the Lord, being faithful, and being open to the experience known as life.  Are you ready for the adventure?  Can allow  Him to mold you far past any possibility that you could see?  I'm not there yet but my eyes are wide open as of today to the larger picture that He has for me. 

Challenge:  My challenge for this week is to not see things in terms of the smalls but to allow myself to speak life into my spirit, heart, and mind through praising God for the "big picture".  God doesn't create a small snapshot and go on.  He is creating a panoramic view filled with family, friends, and promise.

Peace be with you- Sherry

True Bliss

Ephesians 3:18-20
 I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

This weekend I sent out an SOS to friends to ask for their help doing stuff for me.  I also asked two groups of friends to pray over my children because I literally forget to pray over Emily & Dale each morning.  It is one of those precious things that I've done daily since I was preggers with each of them.  After I sent those emails out I felt guilt like none that I've ever felt and wept.  How could I love my kids and not pray over them?

Tuesday I got to my infusion early and had to wait a little. My restless mama heart went to the Lord in prayer.  I repented for not talking with Him daily, I shared with him my praise for all the small details that he was taking care of in my cancer journey,  I praised Him for the gift of my husband and my two kids and then I got out my journal and wrote a "Pure Bliss Prayer".  I know you may not want to use it, need to use it, or care.  But it is a part of my mama heart that I wanted to share for all you mamas out there that time flees before you have time with the Lord....I'm with you.

True Bliss Prayer :

Thank you Lord for the gift of my children.  For the small lives that they once were to the almost adults that they are.  You created them keen, acute, kind, and articulate.  I thank you for the ability to see them grow, change, and become who you designed them to be.  Thank you for the gift of each moment, each frustration, and each glory of being a mom.  I came into motherhood ill prepared but have learned to love, cherish, hope, and praise through the blessing of Emily & Dale. Thank you for their love, loyalty,and ingenuity that they place in my mind, heart, and soul.

God you have an awesome and ultimate design for my life that is far greater than I can imagine or fathom. I relent to give my life unto you.  I will work with integrity to follow and listen to you.  And look forward to your solace in my heart, mind, and spirit today.

*Ok, that's it folks for this week.  I'm blessed that Tuesdays infusion only made me mildly sick with nausea and a headache.  I'm so thankful for the group of friends that heard my SOS call, responded, and are helping me "make it work" through this season of my life.  God is good!

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• Tomorrow I head back to KC for a scan & cancer support group.  This Saturday I'm praying I feel well enough to go back to KC with the kiddos to do a watercolor painting project for cancer patients & their families.  
• I'm reminded today to thank God in all the smalls that happen or that I do have & am capable of doing.  

Northern Winds

" Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory." Psalm 50:15

 



Do you hear that roar outside your window?  If you are lucky it was just the north wind blowing this week.  I heard the north wind but I also have been hearing the wind that is brought on by the world too.  The worldly wind roars, wants you to get lost in the small details, have failures make you surrender, and wants you to lose what God uniquely has gave to you.

Yesterday, was trying for me.  I woke up feeling rested but not rested.   That statement doesn't make sense. Let me put it this way I was physically rested due to a fam that is going above and beyond to make my life easier.  But my heart and soul were worn, beaten, and bruised.  The world simply wanted to shut me up, shut me in, and silence me.  Instead, I got dressed & prayed over heading into KC for an iv infusion that God knew I didn't want to do.

What happened was the world hit like a ton of bricks.  They are trying to ease the nausea before the infusions with meds.  Last week I had an allergic reaction to the nausea med, Zofran.  This week they tried something different and my heart started racing and I literally felt like I was running a marathon while simply sitting in a chair with an iv running through my veins.  They were able to stop the reaction and let me rest before proceeding with the infusion.  Afterwards, I was tired mentally, physically, and cried to go home.

The world had other plans as my car overheated not once but twice on the way home from the infusion. I got pulled over to nab lunch for Emily and let the car cool down and discovered that I barely had enough cash for lunch for my kid.  I called Tedster  and wept in the restaurant, threw up twice, and literally sat in a stall in the bathroom and prayed that God take it all away because it was too much for me to handle.

Have you been there ?  Have you heard the world calling you out for not having the right car, the right body, the right finances?  Of course you have....we are not alone in the fight with the world over the judgements that it makes to mock, wound, and destroy both us, our families, and relationships.  And, if I'm honest it isn't the world rather than it is the enemy.  He loves to see us feel lost, alone, hurt, weary, and inept.  He sends things in this world to destroy our relationships with our Heavenly Father that would allow us to send fault on ourselves rather than feel victorious in our redeemer.

Literally, crying while in a bathroom stall and begging God to cover me, Emily, Ted, and Dale.  Begging God for his forgiveness in my daily neglect of him, and crying because I know my redeemer lives in my heart, mind, and spirit....I just need to call on him and he will bring me peace.  Do you realize that it is just that easy?  Call on him and ask for some peace....see what happens.

For me, I still have cancer cells that are being taken to battle through the transfusions and the meds to seal their fate.  Those infusions take the wind from my sails, cause me nausea that is unreal, and make me feel helpless to take on the role of wife, mom, and friend.  Know what I forgot in all that worldly misery?  That is is the world and not my Heavenly Father.  I forgot to call on Him and demand peace for my soul that is being rocked by the enemy.  Once I got that straight I do have peace and that worldly wind is blowing but it will not knock me down.

As, for today, my car still needs to have anti-freeze each week....it's old & is having to go into KC twice a week.  My nausea is horrid but it will not break me.  Feeling both physically, mentally, and emotionally challenged each day is less about me and more about my ability to give all that to my Heavenly Father and ask for him to fill me with peace.

I pray that as those north winds blow that you are safe & warm.  I also pray that as the worldly winds blow trying to take you down that you refuse to be defeated, cheated, and lied to by them.  I pray that you find the strength and courage to call on your Heavenly Father and demand his peace to wash over you and allow you to feel loved.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've had several friends tell me that all I need to do is ask.  My plan is to get a hold of some of them to ask for smalls that our really need help with from grocery shopping, errand running, etc. I realize all too clearly that God is showing me that I can't do this fight on my own after yesterday.  I need the help and will be contacting several of you. 
• On February 13 (this Saturday) marks Tedster & I being married for 23 years....eeek!  To think that I met Tedster when I was 19 freaks me out a little.  And, it also, brings me to tears to celebrate the Lord for his mercies in our relationship...God is good.
• Thanks to all of you for your prayers & encouragement...God is good. 

Ohh, Let Me Be

 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Today was a rough one for me.  Not because it was a Monday but because I had a hard night. Last night the Tedster took me on a date in my jammies to get me a chai tea in the car.  We talked on the drive there and back and all seemed well.  Well, by 9:30 I found myself having my old pal nausea kick in followed by vomiting for the rest of night.  I got up this morning & nausea was right by my side along with my guard pooch, Duke. 

But once I got sick a couple of times I took time out to sit and talk with God.  I told him thanks for my insurance, the cancer doc and nurses, for my fam & friends.  I thanked him for the ability to be creative, love teaching, and be there for my fam & friends.  I asked him for a day without the nausea, the vomiting, the achy-ness and if he couldn't give me those to allow me to do the smalls that make me, well, me. 

And, yes, did I get dressed today...yup.  Did I get out my art journal that has stayed stagnate for over a month? Yes.  I even went to my artroom and cut fabric while feeling achy and queasy.  Emily got up and taught her mama how to use her tablet to take pics and instantly list vintage clothing on Etsy....aren't kids the best tech support?  And, I even managed to take Em to Sonic to nab her lunch and get home before I got sick again.  I rested for the afternoon and got up to nab Dale and his pals from school ...Mondays are my day.  Finally, I got home and just allowed myself some time with my Heavenly Father to thank him for the day of doing smalls.  Thank him that although it wasn't perfect I got to do the small things that make me, well, me.

Then I talked to my Heavenly Father about tomorrow, my fear factor, and how I just want to be me everyday and not see glimpses of myself.  I told him how unfair, ruthless, and angry I felt and finished up with a good old cry.  I know God knows, sees, and realizes how frustrated this independent girl is with her situation.  That is why he gave me Ted, Emily, and Dale and a marvy group of friends.  He allowed me to share via FB this afternoon how crappy I feel physically and emotionally and ask for prayer....that's big because I'm the gal that says it's all "fine".  I shared today that it's not and I let God have it. 

Now it's evening and I'm trusting God to take all those ambiguous feelings and replace them with faith, strength, and positivity.  Those are three things that he embedded into each of us to use no matter the situation, season, or time.  I'm reminded of that this evening and thought you could use a reminder too from God....he created you to have faith in him, seek strength through him, and shine with the positivity of knowing who stands beside you, has your back, and is leading the charge ...your Heavenly Father.

I want to thank each of you for your prayers this afternoon....they are working.  Although, I feel discouraged, overwhelmed, and unqualified I know God is with me each step.  I'm praying that each of you know that too.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I go tomorrow for my second iv infusion down in KC.  I'm hoping to go a little early downtown and swing by a shop that has this really, really good bread.  That is my treat if I get there early.
• Emily will need rides on Mondays and Wednesdays out to Longview...if you are running an errand to Lee's Summit in the afternoon and can drop her off let us know.
• I love that I'm walking on faith when I open up about my feeling, thoughts, and needs.  God is so faithful and encouraging in each of the people that have reached out to help encourage, do the small stuff, and love on me.  I'm asking if you are would want to and can bring a meal, send a pizza, etc. feel free to do it.  I'm learning that it is better for me to rest.
• My latest freak out is that I already have thin hair and I got a batch over the weekend in my hairbrush.  One of the side effects of the treatments is hair loss....eeek!  Yes, that's worse than the nausea to me.  Pray that I get the confidence to get my hair cut short this week and that I feel up to it.