Monogrammed For Greatness

I remember being a kiddo back in junior high & it seemed essential that I have a sweater monogrammed with my initials.  There is just something so personal & special about a monogram.  It is a pride thing I suppose about who you are & your ability to have the monogram work done. 

I remember back in the day having two wool sweaters with my monogram.  Those sweaters were the absolute itchiest ones that I've ever had.  Despite the itchiness I wore those babies each week with pride.  They were totally awesome sweaters....ok, yeah, I grew up in the 80's & had to get that in.

Maybe the resurgence of monogramming in home decor & personal style is that it is so totally personalized.  We as humans crave personal service, interpersonal relationships, and the ability to have others know us on a personal level.  Why is it that we crave those things in the worldly but not in the Godly ?  Meaning why don't we daily crave a personal relationship with the Lord? 

Perhaps, you are like me.  You are consumed in life.  Life that shuns you away from interpersonal relationships with others & more importantly life that shuns you away from a relationship with the Lord.  My life is consumed by cancer right now....I literally eat, sleep, and never loss the thought of cancer.  How did that happen?  How did a girl after God's heart lose her focus? 

Or more importantly is there a good excuse for losing that focus on God?  No.  There's your answer nothing trumps our personal relationship with the Lord.  If we give our list of personal excuses we need to realize that none of them work or give us an "OK" to not focus on the Lord.  God is like that he's all in, omnipresent, and loves you.  I know from learning the 10 commandments & their meaning as a kid that He wants you 100% of the time & doesn't take excuses....even one from your oncologist, cancer counselor, or family.  He is jealous of my real time relationship with cancer that consumes my time.

What can I do?  Yesterday, as I was waiting to see if my white blood cell count was high enough for an infusion I took time to talk to God.  To thank him for getting me to KC safely, allowing Emily to be by my side, and to praise him for the doctors & nurses in charge of my care.  I asked him to take control of the situation and I told him that I was sorry for not being more personal in my relationship with him.  I asked him to be with my spirit and allow me to see him in all situations and praise him.  Then, the nurse came out & told me that my white blood count was up enough for the infusion....God is just that good!

Now, about monogramming again, what if when we receive Christ as our Savior, we are monogrammed on His heart.  What if he takes us and monograms us as his own.  God's monogram takes us to times of stress, strain, hurt, and pain but it allows us to get up, fight again, and keep going....don't you love that you can wear His monogram?  That description sounds a lot like hope for your spirit, grace for your heart, and peace for your mind.  And, I betcha that God's monogram doesn't come in the form of a itchy wool sweater but a quiet, content, omnipresent Savior...love that!

This week I'll be working on praise for my Savior.  Thanking him for the very smalls like a warm cup of chamomile tea this morning to soothe my throat.  For relieving the nausea that came like a hurricane yesterday afternoon & through the night.  Thank you Lord for all you have been & all you will be in my life....maybe that is the best praise that he can receive from me today.  It is a simple praise that knows all he's done & trusts all he will be in my life.

Take care this week. I'm thrilled that it is Holy Week and Dale (my son) has his birthday this week! I'm hoping that each of you seek to praise the Lord this week & find his peace.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've got a super cute short hair....who would have thought I would think that?  That being said I'm looking for super cute head bands.  If you've got one bring it by I would love it.  I'm trusting that God will meet my girly need. 

• Dale's birthday is on the 28th & he will be 16.....God is good to have graced me with a splendid son. 
• I'm super tired & feeling worn out.  I think between the physical & emotional tidal waves that I've been under God is telling my body to be at rest.  I'm thanking God this morning for this precious time to be with him & rest. 

Insignigantly Small

	Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.
	- Psalm 143:10

It was Super Tuesday here in Missouri & a chance to vote in the primary.  I was thrilled to go to the polls with my Emily this morning.  It was her first chance to vote.  I got my ballot before her, filled it out, and was done before she even sat down.  She just looked at me in that way that kids do when they want your help.  I said to her, "Emily, I can't help you, but those nice ladies at the registration table will".  She walked back, told them about voting for the first time, and they filled her in with the details.

Afterwards, we headed to KC for me to get an iv infusion.  I've got a total of two left & could not have been in a better mood.  I was filled with confidence until the nurse took me aside after my blood work today.  She told me that my white blood cell count was too low to undergo the infusion.  They did a scan & my ulcer is still open.  They advised me to go home, rest up, and come back on Thursday.

Shoot, Thursday, is St. Patrick's day down in KC.  It is fun, crowded, and rowdy in that order....and usually I love to go for the parade & stay for the antics afterward. And, truth be told, after an infusion I feel about as loopy as if I were at the parade...lol.  I shared with the nurse that I didn't think it would be a good plan because of the traffic & I didn't want to have Emily have to drive in it.

What that means is that I've got to wait until next week to do this week's infusion.  It means that my "schedule" that I had in my head of when I would be done is thrown off.   I left heartbroken from the clinic today, defeated, and feeling really insignificant in the world.  I decided to go find some solace at the Kemper Museum of Art but as I drove I noticed the Unitarian Church on the corner.  I've always wondered about that church & what it looks like inside since I moved to KC years ago.  Today, that church seemed like a beacon for this wounded gal after God's heart.  I drove in, parked, and went in.  I told the guy at the front desk that I always wondered about their church and today I just needed a place to pray.  He showed me to their sanctuary and asked if I wanted the lights on or off.  I was stumped and he told me "sometimes I focus better with the lights out is that all right?" and I nodded.

I sat down and poured my heart out to God .  I told him how worthless, hurt, and defeated I am and then I sobbed in silence.  I remembered my grandparents telling me to pray the Lord's Prayer when I felt all was lost, I was scared, or hurt and that God would remind me that He is there.  I prayed the Lord's Prayer a couple of times and then just sobbed some more.  Then I felt I stillness in the sanctuary that wasn't me or anyone else.  That calm, steady, stillness was God.  I heard in my head , "Sherry, you are not insignificant or small.  You are mine" and it kept repeating.

 It was exactly what I needed to hear.  The past couple of weeks have been low for me, I feel like I'm burdening my fam & friends.  I haven't went to God in prayer because I felt like He had enough to handle without my small, petty problems.  I've tried to go on faith that he knew already.  Today, though, I realized I had forgotten something that was so basic to who I am & what I believe....you take everything to God in prayer & you leave it with him.

The words "insignificant & small" totally summarize how I've been feeling.  The world sees me as someone that is "insignificant & small" & the enemy has taken advantage of that feeling in my core to reap havoc in my mind, deter me from my God given right to come to God in prayer, and take and squeeze God's grace from my mind, heart, and soul to leave me feeling very alone.  God took and washed that all away for me today because I stepped up and came to him in prayer.  He knew my heart, mind, and soul along & was waiting for me to silence myself & the world.  He gifted me with the knowledge that I'm not "insignificant or small" that I am His.

I'm not sure how this week will play out for me.  I know I need to listen to my doc & nurses and rest.  I know that I need to find the favor that I seek in time of prayer with the Lord.  And, I;m looking forward to taking this week as my very own "spring break".

I want each of you to know that you are NOT insignificant or small.  Your value is in Christ who gifted you His grace through Christ.  I'm hoping that you will find solace in prayer this week. I challenge you to take a "spring break" from what the world tells you & to hunker in & listen to what God is speaking to you.

Peace be with you - Sherry

Reassurance Through Resilience.

I remember being a kid and feeling invincible.  With my first set of car keys that invincible feeling got even stronger.  Once I became a mom invincibility seemed a thing of the past. I needed to be responsible, reliable, and resilient.  Those are the three things that my kids gifted me with learning through the years.  For me invincibility of youth refined itself into resilience as an adult.

This past week a friend got a hold of me.  She told me she was praying for me, sorry for the miles between us, and that she loves to see my resilience no matter what life throws at me.  She said that I always roll with life with grace.  It took me back.  Why?  Well, it's hard to take compliment....anyone else have that problem?  Secondly, since my last infusion I feel like the life has been sucked out of me and my ability to be resilient, graceful, or reliable.

I was reminded of  Ephesians 6: 10-18.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

  

This morning I'm getting ready to head to KC for another infusion and feel the weight of life on me.  I'm achy, tired, and whiny.  I don't want to get out of my jammies let alone put on the "armor of God" and take it all the way to KC.  Then I'm reminded in God's subtle way as I read through the last of Ephesians 6:10-18 "to take up the shield of faith".  A shield would be lighter weight than armor, right? Let's see it also recommends a "helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God".  I feel encouraged at this point because I wear hats most days to cover my head.  The English major that I was once reminds me of the quote about the pen being mightier than the sword and I think of how I take & journal on infusion days.  How I write out silent prayers to my Heavenly Father to take the burden, the hurt, and the pain that I feel physically & emotionally from my spirit and grant me peace. 

Perhaps, my subtle reminder from Ephesians 6:10-18 can be one for you in your life. You may not feel like you can handle the armour of God, the shield, helmet, or arrow.  You may carry life with you each day through how you react to your situations rather than God's tools. I've been there and done that.  I would encourage you to dialog with your Heavenly Father this week when the burdens and stress of life is too much to carry.  Here's my prayer from my journal last week: " Heavenly Father you must pick me up, invade my thoughts, and provoke persistence that is relentless to fight, go, and take it on.  For your light to shine through every fiber of my spirit.  That you grant me peace and rest.  In your holy & precious name....amen". 

That prayer is how I found my resilience last week and this week.  Through reading Ephesians 6:10-18 each day I found resilience.  And, this morning, I would rather whine & pout but God's light doesn't shine through that.... and as a girl after God's heart I silence it and put on my hat to head to the city.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• Last week my tests showed that my ulcer was opening up.  I was told to go home, rest, and de-stress. For once in my in my life I'm truly trying to not thrive on the stress but to relent it all to God. 
• Emily goes to her neurologist on Wednesday of this week.  Pray that I can get her there safe & sound.