Lean On Me

Everybody Hurts Sometimes

 John 11:31-36

I'm going chitty chat today about the remarkable power that comes from having friends in the world.  And the ability to allow those friends to serve, help, and entrust them like they have you.  I had gals show up at the shop last Friday (they drove over an hour) to tell me that they are praying for me and my family.  I was blessed on Saturday with my college chum that came to hang out & even loaded Betsy Bravada for me.  I went to a consult with my doctor this morning.  I was blessed to have a gal pal from church go with me and was able to keep my composure when dealing with my doctor today.

We talked about three different ways to deal with the mass on my ovary.

1.  Let it go for a couple of months and see where we are then.
2. Take the mass off and remove the left ovary.  Evidently, it is on the left ovary rather than the right.  They can't find the right ovary on the CT scan or sonogram. 
3. Take the mass and both ovaries.  This throws me into early menopause and I'd be on an estrogen patch for a few years.

Wowsies, finally!  I told the doctor I wanted to do the third option.  She told me that the surgery is usually handled a little differently.  Because they can't find the right ovary and  (I know is there )she will open me up in order to get to it.  Completely, fine, good, and well with that I just want them gone.  Ever heard that "Ain't Got Time For That" gal on you-tube?  Yup, that is completely how I feel.  And, I feel empowered because I will never have pain from my ovaries again with cysts, masses, etc.  So, yup, bring on the patch.

I know that after they remove it all they will send it to pathology to biopsied.  That is where my fear factor comes steaming in full circle.  I've got a family history with cancer and it scares the daylights out of me.  I've been tested for the cancer gene and yup, I've got it.  The consider high risk for cancer 20% and I'm just a mere 16.8%....yup, that has me worried.  But unlike last year when I ran for the hills....literally, I did.  I'm not running this time.  I serve a God that is bigger, badder, and bolder than any fear that I can come up with and He will walk each step of the way with me.

 My biggest battle at this point is three-fold :

1. The ability to work and be able to pay for Em's tuition through part of my earnings. Yes, we still owe and Em can't register for classes this spring until it is paid.
2. The ability to have the surgery and pay for it.  Just my $80 co-pay almost did me in this morning. I've got mom guilt about spending that money on me rather than putting it towards Em's tuition.
3. The ability to keep myself to one "pity party" per day to just cry out the fear.  I literally have started to set the kitchen times for 15 minutes each morning after taking Dale to school and whine and carry on.  Afterwards, I get on with my day because that is how God has designed each of us. 

You may see the scripture at the beginning.  It comes for the story of Lazarus.  He and his sisters were friends with Jesus.  And, like all of us that get busy Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick but couldn't get away from his job aka ministry.  When Jesus did make it back he cried over the death of his friend.  But he also mourned in his heart and spirit for Lazarus' sisters and friends.  He felt the weight of all that loss, hurt, and remorse and he cried.  You might say that Jesus had his own "pity party".  Because later in the scripture he says to Mary (Lazarus sister) "Where have you put him?" and gets on with his day and ability to rise his friend from the dead.  But first he allowed himself time to for a "pity party"....wowsies, if we as believers are supposed to be guided to be "Christ-like" does that mean a little 15 minute "pity party" when times are tough is all right?

 As I have my own "pity party" in the mornings I let it all out through my tears : fear for the unknown, guilt and pity over my relationship with my brother and mom, my inability to afford my daughter's college without working myself ragged, and what if the big "C' happens to me and how that will affect everything and everyone around me.  Ohhh, my goodness, I know what a gift it is to just release all those emotions.  I also realize what a huge blessing it is to time that out and then get on with the goodness and graciousness that God has brought to my life. 

So, this week's challenge. When sad, bad, or frustrations hit allow yourself a 15 minute "pity party".  Then, wrap it up when the timer dings and go out and find the blessing that God has for you.  My blessing comes when I go to the shop and see the table & chairs up for grabs right now.  Yes, would I love to see them sold but I see more in them.  Dale and his friend helped me to scrub them, sand them, and even stain each of them so they would be ready for sale.  They also helped me to move them into the spot at the shop and I didn't have to do any of the lifting or bending which literally causes me pain right now. When I see the set at the shop I'm reminded that even though we have things that go on in our world we are not designed to break we bend with God's eternal strength and support. 

Blessings on your week- Sherry aka mamasunbear2

Blessings Jars

 

 

 

 

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


Funny how we get so jaded at times with our "problems".  My son shared with me about his friends complaining at school how they didn't get the latest I-phone when it came out.  He told them "Ahh, stop with you white people problems.  You have no idea of what hard is.  There are people that walk 5 miles one way daily to get drinking water and you think you have it hard?  What about moms who see their kids die or sick and can't get them medical help because it isn't available?" and with that he left the lunch table at school.  

Now, Dale, is still friends with those kids but he put them in check.  That is God's blessing to us when we find the right circle of friends.  We can be there to confide, laugh, and share with each other but we can also call each other out on our own crud at times.  And, yes, I'm blessed like my son with not only one handful but two handfuls (yup, that would be 10) of people in my world that have seen my ultimate bestest days, been there to pick up the pieces, and know my darkest secrets and woes.  

Last week, I was prepping for a women's event at a church.  I've been compelled over the last couple of years to make my work more spiritual and true to the GG (God's Gal) that God has designed me to be. I was looking through my art journal where I draw out ideas, make notes and write inspiration scripture and quotes in.  I took a break and glanced at the computer and saw the "blessing jar" that I had placed there last year.  

When Emily left for college last year I was left in a house filled with boys....Tedster, Dale, and two of  our three dogs are boys.  My boys love technology, the tv, computer, and x-box. I noticed at times they couldn't pull themselves away to help with chores, to prep meals, or even talk.  I prayed over what to do and came up with the idea of a "blessing jar".  I took to mason jars, a pencil, and scratch paper and sat them near the computer and tv.  I then told the boys at dinner that night this- "Before you power up (meaning the tv or computer) I need to you to power down.  I want you to take and write a blessing in your life on the scratch paper and then throw it in the "blessing jar".  Once you've done that you can turn on your technology".  I shared with them that if we are feeling frumpy, sad, angry or hurt that we are going to go to the "blessing jar" and pull out a "blessing".  The "blessing" could be yours or another persons.  Once the "blessing" is pulled out we "power up" and give God some praise for that blessing in our family's life and that we are a family.  And we release what is troubling us to God.  

Needless, to say, I thought yeah, fat chance the boys are gonna do that.  But they did.  And I even gandered into the "blessings jars" being snoopy the first week and found that the "blessings" they wrote about weren't just one word but whole sentences.  And, yup, at each of them that I read I thanked God for the blessing, for the writer, and for God giving my boys that love the Lord and me.  

I made "blessing jars" with fun paper blooms with a vintage button in the center.  And shared with the gals at the women's event last weekend about them.  I told them that they didn't need to buy one of mine if they had a jar, some scratch paper, and pen at home just use it with your family.  And, yes, I shared with them about Emily and why I work creatively to help pay for her college tuition.  Those wonderful gals listened to me talk about Emily and how she wants to be a dentist and go into mission work.  I shared with how she mentored at a free kid's dental clinic in our area over the summer.  And, those gals, told me they would pray for Em and my family.  And, yes, that was a blessing that was wrote on a slip of paper and put into my blessing jar at the computer.  


You may have seen the scripture at the top of the blog this week.  It is a scripture that my mom would say when I was feeling frumpy, grumpy, or upset as a kid and more days than not as a teenager.  She often premised it with "I don't know what you are going through but I do know - Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus".  I remember as a little kid it gave me peace but as a teen I thought , "Ohh, geez, my mom is going all Tammy Faye Baker on me.  What's next the blue eye shadow?" and telling her in my best "Church Lady" voice "Isn't that special".  Geez, I hate to admit what a turkey (best possible word) I was.  Low and behold this weekend I was reminded of the verse by my pastor who used it in his sermon about prayer.  I quickly recognized the scripture and the context that it has played in my life and thought yeah, I should write that down.  

This week I went to my ob/gyn appointment.  I shared how over the course of the year that "ignoring" my medical stuff has caught up with  me.  I told her that I cramp daily and have nausea and vomiting.  I shared with her that if I bend to do a load of laundry it is hard for me to bend upright again and I have a to take a 30 minute or more break from my day after doing a load of laundry.  Ohh, and I shared with her about my bladder that feels like it is the size of a pea. I told her that I've got such intense cramps at night from trying to keep going through the day that my hubby and son have to help me get up the stairs at night more nights than not.   She did a pap, a basic exam (yeah, I cried from the pain of it) and scheduled a sonogram for the next day. She also reviewed my family's history of cancer (my mom, aunt, cousin, grandmother...yeah the list goes on) and my own scare when I had a partial hysterectomy.  She reassured me that she didn't know what was going on exactly but would look over my CT scan from last week and figure something out.  She assured me that if she couldn't help me she was going to find a doctor that was trustworthy that could.  

Yesterday, I went to the sonogram. They were only able to find part of the left ovary which had a couple of cysts on it but they couldn't get it to turn to get a better picture of it to see what else there may or may not have on it.  The right ovary showed a mass of 5x6 on it or roughly the size of an orange.  As the tech tried to get the ovary to turn I started to cry from the intense pain.  She then went back to try to find the left ovary.  By then I was crying and trying to breath in and out (like they teach you in child bearing class).  The tech looked at me and said "Your hurting aren't you" and I shook my head.  She told me "We're done for the day then".  She told my my doctor wasn't there to consult with me.  But that she personally was going to go access the CT scan and see what the ovaries looked like in it.  She said that my pap wasn't back so there was no news on that.  She told me that my doctor should be calling this week to talk with me and bring me back to consult.  

Once I regained composure and could walk without a ton of pain I left and thought of 1Thessalonians 5:16-18,  "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus".  I thought in the car, Sherry, thank God for today that you could leave the hospital and walk out.  That you are going home to your family.  And, so I did.  I praised Him for my Betsy bravada that got me there safely, the ability to stop at the grocery store and work through the pain to nab milk, bread, cheese, and a pizza.  And, when I got out I spotted two of my friends from church pulling in to the grocery store and silently thanked God that for them.  I stopped at the workshop on the way home to paint and some boards to do some work here at home and rest this week. As I left I thanked God for that little shop in Greenwood and it's owners that allow me to work there.  I got home and Dale was here and he carried in the groceries, made the pizza, and helped me to sit down....and yup, silently, I praised God for Dale, the ability to be his mom, and to have him there to help me.  Ted called on his way home from work and I could tell him about the sonogram without a tear shed....and yup, I praised God for that strength and mercy he showed me to do that with Ted.  I've come to the conclusion last night that God blessed me yesterday to know this: 1. Yes, there is something medically wrong with me and it's not all in my head, 2. God designed me with an inner and outer strength that really is remarkable and should never be taken for granted.  

So, with that in mind I'm going be working on some "blessing jars" to sell this weekend.  Focusing on orders that need to be made and shipped or delivered.  And, on my family who I love dearly and that God blessed me with.  And, yes, tomorrow, if I don't hear back from my doctor I'll call her office and try to either set up a time for the consult or talk to her directly.  Know why?  Because I praise God for the remarkable way He designed me to be strong, capable, and level headed with a dash of creativity and a pinch of spunk.  

Take care this week, peeps. Know that through it all we need to remember to thank God for our blessing no matter how small (try making your own blessing jar or contact me for one).  Don't forget to pray about your personal needs, your kiddos needs, and your family and friends.  God has designed us to be the change in our circles so show you strength, character, and love that He has given you daily.

Blessings- Sherry

Shopping For Something New

                                                  Shopping For Something New

First off gotta tell you all what a blessing this blogging thing is for me.  I've always said that I come across so much better on paper yet when I was an English major at Northwest I told everyone that I hated to write but loved literature.  Hhhmm....maybe I do like writing more than my 18 year old self ever knew.  Our pastor this week talked about how God will take and use you for more than you ever thought.  He challenged us with the idea that God won't want to use your "gifts" but that really "crappy"...yeah, that was his word (love that guy) part of yourself that you don't even think of or trust.  That through me into thinking about this blogging thing and how I'm sharing my personal thoughts and ideas to potentially anyone ....eeek!

How did those letters come along last week?  Any word from those pessimists in your life?  Yeah, you'll probably be waiting for a while on that one, peeps.  I know I will.  I do have to share a story from a gal that e-mailed me to tell me she sent her letter out to her special "pessimist" and it opened a dialogue with her sibling that hasn't been there for years.  Wow, I love how God is connecting them all over again to that love and respect that they had as kiddos.  As for the rest of us we will wait, pray, and maybe even send another snail mail letter during the holidays.  I know it's heartbreaking not hearing back from your pessimist but know that you've opened the lines of communication, peeps. 

Ohh, and I wanted to make angel wings for the shop to decorate.  I'm proud to say that after blistered hands from cutting out cardboard they are done.  Here's a sneak peek of them before I painted them.  I wanted, Duke, my little dog to sit with them so peeps could see how big and awesome they are.  Check out the pic....yeah, that is the wings before paint and Duke yawning.  Tells you what he thinks of my hard work....wahahahaha.

This past week I was really thrown into reminiscing about my marriage during the early years. I heard Everclear's , I Will Buy You A New Life, and was instantly taken back to a marriage that was crumbling, a hubby with no faith, the possibility of being a single mama, and all the drama that has came and went.  In the song it says,
                                            "   I will buy you a garden
                                              Where your flowers can bloom
                                               I will buy you a new car
                                               Perfect shiny and new
                                               I will buy you that big house
                                               Way up in the west hills
                                               I will buy you a new life
                                             Yea I will buy you a new life ".

It made me think about two years into my separation from my hubby.  He honestly had made huge strides in learning to be an adult that not only was functioning but caring and compassionate.  He had a full time job, insurance, and not only helped to pay the bills on our little house but paid for his own too.  I was able to let him spend time with our daughter without fear that was huge.  He and his family had once told me they would take her and I'd never see her again.  I was actually letting that guy take our daughter to Burger King, the park, etc.  He shared with me one night that he had accepted Christ as his Savior and when he did things weren't great but it rocked his life. When day when he brought our daughter home he said, "Would you listen to something"....and I thought, ohh, yeah, sure buddy but I did. 

He went to his car and got out the Everclear CD and played, I Will Buy You A New Life.  He told me, "Sherry, I'm so sorry about the past and there is nothing that I can do to change it.  But I want you to have a good life.  I'll do whatever it takes for that to happen and you don't have to take me back.  I've been a liar, a cheat, and hurt you in ways that break me just to think about.  But if you allow me to I want you to have those good things and more".  And for the first time ever he prayed with me that he would be able to provide for our daughter and me.  Wowsies....that got my attention. 

As I was going down memory lane though, I thought, yeah, that is exactly what God has been saying to me and all of you all along, "I Will Buy You A New Life".  We may never see the new cars, houses, etc. while we are here on Earth but in our Heavenly home I can only imagine that my dream bungalow with a little workshop in the back exsists.  Wouldn't it be amazing to not have all the wrinkles on your hands and face (yeah, I've been noticing that lately as I get ready to turn 45 in December) and all the physical pain we have now would be gone.  And, the thought of all pain of our spirit and soul would be no more. 

I really believe at this point in my walk with God that we can just drop off all that pain that curses our spirits and souls with God right now.  All the feelings of being cheated, hurt, and torn apart from Him we can give up because we serve a God that is bigger, badder, and stronger than any of those pains.  Isn't that amazing to just think of?  And to think that God is taking me and using me in my "crappy" writing skills to talk to you....wowsies, peeps, He is something awesome!

Alright, are you ready for the challenge of the week?  This one is harder than some so get ready.  Take some of your baggage, hurt, anger, and pain and just hand it over to God.  Pray daily this week for God to take those pains away from you and give you a "new life".  I know I plan on setting the alarm about 30 minutes early to do this.  And, hey, we did just fall back on Sunday so no biggie....that still gives you the blessing of an extra 30.  Be sure to include all the good, great, and merciful things that you see God doing in your life, the lives of your kids, family, and friends.  Then ask Him for the sweet release of your baggage and the reward of a "new life" here on Earth with Him guiding your path.

Ok, that's all I got for this week. I have to share that my house is crazy this week.  I'm trying to work at the shop to get it all ready for Christmas Open House this coming weekend.  I wanted to sew slippers (from my grandma's pattern) this week....needless to say they are cut but not sewn yet.  Here's a sneak peek of the front of the shop...my son blessed me with helping me to get the outside of the shop done.  Ohh, and I've got an appointment with my girly doc on Monday this week for all the cramps and pains I've got going on.  Say a prayer if you will that I find out what is going on and it can be handled.