Warrior Rally

I'm sure a few of you have seen Marvels Infinity War or perhaps read it in the comics?  As the war rages on there is is this ominous music in the background that really helps to bring catharsis to what is playing out on the screen with characters literally turning to dust before our eyes.  Why bring that up, Sherry?  

Well, here's why.  This spring I could sense a change in myself.  One that is reminiscent of the kid I was but without the fear or disillusionment that others expectations or the world placed on me.  I'm 48 not 8 anymore, right?  I've had a few battles in my life time on this world and I've reconciled things with our Heavenly Father.  

This spring I felt something turn as I prayed with friends and felt the father's compassion in their prayers over me and my family. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and no longer went to duck and cover thinking that it was going to turn me to dust.  Instead, I welcomed, the distraction from the world brought on by the Holy Spirit. 

We went to Wagner this summer and on the way home as the kids were asleep in the car in my head I heard that ominous music from Infinity War start to play in my head.  It came into my thoughts that the world is at war and no matter where I would turn ; Wagner, KC, or anywhere else there was a war raging with people being played like pawns turning to dust in the wind.  It literally took my breath away to say the least.  It had me praying over what was I supposed to do other than be your hands and feet, God?

When we got home I realized that our home was a merely a home base for our family.  Quite simply instead of what Dale, my son, once called "our castle" as a kid I saw it as the 103, our house number.  A place where we could find solace, rest, and a home base.  God has been challenging me not to marginalize who I am, why I was created, and to free myself from old wounds and scars that the world has placed on me.  That's huge for me to not allow blame, shame, and hurt to define me but to ask God what he sees, to take time to listen, and then rejoice because its always far more glam than the worldly view.  

I took the position this year with The Single Mom KC as their children's ministries coordinator.  All the years that I've spent spinning my wheels for the Lord was coming to fruition.  I had an actual name tag with that name on it and it didn't mean a thing because it was a worldly title and there is no end of title, merit for this beloved daughter of the King.  At the fall event there were a series of whatever can go wrong will go wrong moments . God's love, encouragement, and a filled heart of grace, love, and perspective in the spirit had me rally.  It had me take time to pray and hear God say, "Sherry, there will be incidentals, trust me, for you it will feel like more but to me they are incidentals".  I chose to walk in the spirit, to trust, and to His glory I could see it was the world and darkness seeking to disrupt the day, what I had planned for the kids, what light God was going to release and break free.  I chose to see it as incidentals, trust God, and walk in the spirit. 

I wrote in my journal praise for incidentals and God responded by encouraging me and sharing.  He reminded me that at 5 years old I knew I wanted to be a teacher.  That I had allowed the others reflections and presence define who he designed to be over the years.  That I had chose to despair, cry, pout, and whine but that now I choose; to seek joy, see the world in a view that causes me to laugh rather that cry, and have the eagerness of the 5 year old Sherry when God directs me.  He reminded me that I had raised two kids and they will be "warriors" of light, grace, and mercy to the world. He told me that was what I was designed to  ; "train warriors" for the battle of this life. 

I've chosen to go with this flow. The flow of the spirit most days.  It has been difficult because of my health.  I have no health insurance and no chemo meds.  I used the last of the meds for Chron's disease earlier this month and so my body swells.  Recently, I have had excruciating pain in my stomach that leaves me in tears.  The pain is the last thing I feel each night for over a month.  I cry, pray, and ask for the Holy Spirit to encompass me so I can sleep.  When I wake up I claim victory in Christs name over the day that I am alive and kicking.  Then I feel the pain from my worldly battle which is my body and sometimes nausea.  My personal health battle is menacing to say the least.  The meds that I need are too costly to afford.  I've filled out paperwork, made calls, and tried to advocate for the meds but many are generics and the drug companies say "they are at a considerable savings"...it is a savings that I can not afford.  

This month I hear the ominous music in the background and feel the world pressing into me with my health.  I choose to walk in the spirit.  I feel the weight and magnitude of my job with The Single Mom KC and lean into the spirit. When I told TSMKC that I was going to have a "warrior rally" for the kids they asked me to speak to both kids & moms.  Each morning since I hear the world tell me "you can't do that", "you have no voice", "you are a sham" and I walk and lean into the spirit and that makes all the difference.  I know in my heart that God is opening opportunities for this girl to enlighten "warriors" that bear his light, grace, and mercy to the world.  I know in my mind that I can write and speak.  I know in my spirit that the spirit of Christ is with me each step so I have no choice but to believe.

As we go into December I want to share a snippet of what I will be telling the "warriors" and their mamas.  In this lifetime the darkness that is the world seeks to mock lightbearers. It seeks to encompass you mentally, physically, and emotionally to the point that your light will flicker.  It is at those times we must find someone to talk to whether it be knocking on the neighbors door, calling a friend or co-worker, or seeing the person next to you and talking. Talking about what is hurting you, what you fear, etc breaks the darkness and allows Gods light that is within you to stop flickering and to shine brilliantly.  God has a reminder for dark times in the world.  It is the night sky.  When you look at the night sky you see the vastness, power, and magnitude of God.  It reminds us that although it is dark there is always light.  The light of the Lord is in the stars that shine but are totally surrounded by darkness yet they shine brilliantly to remind you that you are designed to shine with the intensity of the God, walk into life as a brilliant warrior, and be His grace, truth, mercy, and love to all.  

Ok, that's not too shabby, right?  It makes me smile to just read that last paragraph.  It is with the magnitude of the Heavens that we walk, friends.  It is with the magnitude of brilliance like the stars that we shine once we know Christ as our Savior.  It is because of that we can find joy, laughter, and hope in our lives and share that hope with our families, friends, and the world.  

Peace be with you- Sherry

UPDATES

• I need a total of $500 per month until March for meds for Chrons Diesease. Ted is starting a new job in December to get both he and I affordable health insurance that will start in March.  If you would like to help me pay for my meds that will stop the swelling, help with pain, etc. please let me know.  
• We will be heading to Wagner, South Dakota in December once Dale is done with finals.  I am collecting new socks, gently used snowboots (both kids and adults), and will have a list of art supplies I would like to take.  If you would like to help please message me. 
• December 1 is The Single Mom KC event that I will be speaking at and then helping to orchestrate "warriors" aka children at.  The event is from 9-noon.  If you would like to help with the kiddos let me know either through a donation for supplies or to come serve please let me know.

Alignment

This past month has been a dozy for our family.  Last month Dale, my son, came home for the weekend.  On his way back to Maryville his car was making a loud knocking sound.  The hubs & a good friend went to Platte City to try to figure out what was going on and to help him. Two hours later in the dark they tightened the bolt and brace that had came undone and hold the alternator in.  The last ten miles of the journey to the 'ville he realized what time it was and that he wasn't going to make the midnight deadline for an assignment.  And, yes, you guessed it he decided to speed and got pulled over.

The night of the ticket Dale called and his voice sounded like the little kid he once was.  I asked if he was ok, and then if his car was still running and if he was in an accident.  He then fessed up about getting pulled over for going 25 miles over the speed limit and fell apart over the phone.  I took a deep breath and began to pray over my sonshine.

I told him that God has great plans for him and that the officer was God's way to shake him, to make him slow down, and realize his potential could be lost in just a matter of minutes with going that fast.  I shared with him that darkness seeks to silence light and that is what he was feeling. I shared with him as much I as wanted to break the darkness that he had to do it.  Knock on someones door or his RA's door and tell them what was going on.  It is through talking, telling what is going on that we break darkness and light is reveled.

He was so quiet as I hung up the phone that my mama heart broke and tears flowed. All I could do is cry and plea for God to "ROAR" for Dale.   I live by the motto that "we don't retreat we roar".  There have been times in my life that I felt silenced, let the darkness creep further than needed, and that I couldn't even squeak let alone roar.  I started to petition God to "ROAR" for Dale and heard "I'm on it" which made me cry a little harder.  Why?  Because generally when I pray over my kids I hear "it is so" but when I hear "I'm on it" I know it is going to take some time.

My blessing is that the hubs told me the next morning "let's pray" and said "you know, Sherry, its only a speeding ticket".  Yeah, sure, only a speeding ticket.  That darn ticket has had me baffled , sleepless, being plagued with worse case scenario thoughts. I broke the darkness from KC by calling on friends to pray over Dale and our ability to pay his tickets.  I called a friend with ties to Maryville who found out legally what we could do and should do.

Monday as I prayed over his court date today, I felt like God tell me "it is aligned".  Ok, so, I want details, Lord, and he gave me some.  I felt like Dale was going to have to do community service and the fines would be less than $100.  Instead of praising God I said, "nope, just the paperwork to go to court is $390 plus the ticket and they don't do community service for speeding tickets, God, geez".  I heard "And, you didn't align it, Sherry, I did with mercy and grace for my beloveds".

Court was on Tuesday and by noon Dale called me.  He told me it was like the judge knew him already.  He was firm when he told Dale the severity of speeding and said there would be "grace" because Dale had no priors.  He gave him two options; pay over $700+ in fines and revoke his license or he would give him "grace" by allowing him to be on probation for speeding for the next year. Dale would have to do 8 hours of community service in the KC area, and have to check in with the judge periodically, and there would be a fine of $70.50, no points taken from his license and he could still drive.  He choose the second option and thanked the judge for grace and mercy.

Thankful is too small for the awe I feel for God's alignment. Ohh, my, what does alignment mean? According to Websters ; arrangement in a straight line, or in correct or appropriate relative positions". That was certainly true for court with the sonshine.  Thankful today for God's careful, diligent hands that are at work over my life, my family, my friends, and those that I have yet to meet or may never.  He beautifully orchestrates each of our paths, asks for obedience in listening to Him, gifts us his light that will always suppress darkness, and seeks to correct us into alignment to be attuned to Him, to attune to his premise and purpose in his beloved creation...that would be us.

As an afterthought here is what happened the night of the ticket; Dale didn't leave his room after our phone call.  Instead, my quiet kid, sat on his bed and then there was a knock on his door.  Someone on his floor saw him come in and knew something wasn't right.  When Dale opened the door the kid asked if he was all right and Dale told him what had happened.  And, that broke the darkness because the kid had the same thing happen to him.  Then another kid came to his room and said , "Dale, its just a speeding ticket, man, it will be ok".  By the next morning when I talked to him he told me, "Mom, you were right about breaking the darkness.  I didn't realize until last night how many people care about me".

May each of you feel the incidentals, hiccups, and know that God roars for you with a velocity and fierceness that we can not even comprehend.  He uses grace, mercy, and boundless love to light our path.  I wrote this blog to encourage each that reads it and tell you to seek the light.  That when darkness surrounds you that you must break it by reaching out to someone, anyone, that is near you, tell them what is going on, and by God's grace they will bring light.

Peace be with you- Sherry

The Case of the Hiccups

This past week has been a whirl of teaching art classes. hearing the word "hiccup" from the Lord, and having three meals with three friends that brought light, love, and laughter to my weary spirit. Here's how all filled my spirit and let me flow with grace, light, and purpose.

to church it

A hiccup is defined two ways in Websters; as a noun or verb.  The noun definition says a hiccup is an involuntary spasm of the diaphragm and respiratory organs, with a sudden closure of the glottis and a characteristic sound like that of a cough".  Listen to what the verb definition of hiccup is "suffer from or make the sound of a hiccup or series of hiccups".  A hiccup is nothing more than a reoccurring sound . It does not a trickle, ripple, or flow which are words I had earlier this year and dealt with me allowing myself to walk in a way with the Lord that let me be open to the Holy Spirit and see with eyes wide open, hear with ears that amplfy, and have my heart broken by the world around me.

Let's get back to "hiccup".  I felt like a hiccup is more distracting, annoying that "incidentals" of life that could be as simple as having your ice cream melt and drip on your hand.  A hiccup bring a sense of fear, staggers your light, and serves to interrupt the peace, trust, and love of Abba.  

This week was filled with "hiccups".  Sunday I woke up with that word "hiccup" and God told me to get ready for church, praise him, and let him refill the cracks that the world had thrown my way.  It was raining heavy and I thought of just laying there, awake, in bed, and heard "hiccup" again.  Ok, got in the car and it ran rough and I heard "hiccup" but we got going and had a red light as we went to turn onto the highway.  Then the car died and each time the hubs went to restart it it would die and in my head I hear "hiccup, hiccup, hiccup".  A gal that I knew from years past pulled alongside us and tried to help us which the hubs passes on three times "hiccup, hiccup, hiccup".  I started to pray "Father stop the hiccups and bring favor, daddy, we need your favor to get the car out of the road and back home".  The hubs and I traded spots and with another guy they pushed the car around the intersection so we were headed home.  Did I mention the car is stick...yeah, for me "hiccup".  The hubs got in the car and started it and it ran all the way home in a the pouring rain. Got it home and I asked for him to get our daughters car keys to go see if my car was still parked outside our mechanics shop; "hiccup".  He got the keys and said "we can't take her car church its got transmission issues" as he got in beside me ; "hiccup".  I shared we were going to drive to the mechanic for the Sandymobile "hiccup" that had no a/c but would get us to church if it was parked outside ; hiccup, hiccup, hiccup.  Got to the shop, hopped in the Sandymobile, and got to church late but we got there safely.  

Do you get the understanding of what a "hiccup" means? It means taking three cars to just go praise the Lord on a  rainy Sunday morning that is chilly and humid all at once.  Hiccup is the way life is in the world.  It is filled with hiccups of one sort or another.  Hiccups bring fear, doubt, and I go to my fav self doubt.  The difference this week was that God called it out for what it is.  Car problems, delays, and oh mys can plague us or make us.  If we allow a "hiccup" to continue without praise, trust, and light it will continue to happen.  If we see it as the world, acknowledge who our Heavenly Daddy is , and then trust him to grant favor it is so.  Hiccups in life seek to throw me off, drive fear and misbeliefs, and be barriers to the light. I got the chance this week to see that my hiccups are Gods glory.  Its like he laughs and tells me " Your hiccups, Sherry, they're annoying and scary for you but to me they are just hiccups walk in my light, delight in my favor, and radiate me, Sherry".  

Now back to eating this week.  I've had a case of the "hiccups" this week trying to schedule things, having things cancelled, or not turn out as I wanted.  And, truth be told when I went with each of my friends this week I thought '; you don't have time for this,  had nausea, you don't have money for this, stay in or you'll be too tired to go to South Dakota.  Something inside told me that I needed to see each friend because they would recharge my light & delight in the Lord.  There is nothing finer than women that have been through rough things, that are transparent, love the Lord and know Him, and that know the world is menacing but choose light that is the Lord.

The last hiccups came in on Wednesday afternoon when my art class in KC that I teach was cancelled and rescheduled for next month.  It gave me the opportunity to leave Thursday afternoon for South Dakota rather than at 2am on Friday.  I praised the Lord for it but heard "no one wants you, no one cares, you can't teach art, you don't know" and I stopped the darkness and said "ohh, yeah, I do know, I know the truth, I know I am a beloved daughter of the Father and he shows his favor to me" and those hiccups stopped.  

Thursday morning I woke at 5 am and thought it was just the thrill of teaching art class and then getting to go to South Dakota.  I felt like I needed to pack the Sandymobile up which the darling dot and I dd.  There were a few supplies and a couple of coats that were left but there would be time after the kid artists left my studio.  I head "pack it all now or it will stay here".  I thought that was another round of "hiccups" so I ignored it.  During art class my neighborhood was shut down by the police, we were told there was an active shooter in my neighborhood and to close my garage door and get the kid artists inside. We were given the ok to leave the neighborhood when one mom advocated that her kids were at art class with Sherry Snider.  They allowed her to go to my home and tell us that we needed to leave. Sweet blessing was in that moment when the garage door was down and we were in the art studio I heard "pray " and we did before each family went out, got loaded up, and left the neighborhood.  One kid artist was left and I told her to get in my car as Emily shut the garage door.  As we waited for Emily the SWAT team for the sheriffs department, K-9 unit, and local police passed by with riffles and glanced at us.  The K-9 went across my street to my neighbors back yard and began barking.  I began to think do I do, Lord, there's this little girl in my car and my own girl is in the house, should I go without Emily....hiccup, hiccup, hiccup.  Instead I found peace through the barking, peace that we were covered as we prayed, and Emily got in the car.  To God's glory the families from art class decided to meet at the frozen custard shop and had told Emily.  We got out kid artist reunited with her mom, collected three more pairs of tennis shoes, and left town earlier than we thought.

We stopped to pick up more shoes in Lee's Summit and Emily realized she hadn't packed her church clothes for Sunday...hiccup.  Well, our shoe pick up was at Claudias Closet so we could just buy her an outfit. I had left my tip jar and all my class money in my art room; hiccup but had deposited Etsy money in the bank on Wednesday. We repacked the Sandymobile in the parking lot, said a prayer, and the gas light came on, hiccup.  Got gas nearby and then the Sandymobile started to run rough, hiccup.  We kept going to Scraps KC to get a few materials for Open Artroom in South Dakota, and it died as I went to put it in park at the shop, hiccup.  I restarted it and it dies again, and again, hiccup, hiccup.  We got the supplies and drove to get fuel injector cleaner, hiccup.  By the time we got on the freeway it was 5pm rush hour, hiccup, with a car that dies when its not accelerating, hiccup.  I prayed "Daddy I want your favor and light to shine in this very moment.  I want the fuel injector to work and I don't want to dear my drive" and the car didn't die again.  It sounded rough all the way to KC airport and then I realized that it was just the road not the car and I could praise God for light.

And, yes, there were hiccups but we got to Wagner which is part of what God calls my "my training ground". When we got to the church we realized we had no key for the bedroom, hiccup.  Dale went to crawl through a small window and realized he was scared on how to land, hiccup.  Emily was going to try but she's got epilepsy, hiccup.  I tried to pick the lock with my debit card but felt there was a barrier at the lock, hiccup.  We sent a text to our friend and he got us the key to the bedroom door and we could praise God for keys.  

I'm thankful this morning when Dale's alarm went off at 5am, hiccup.  It woke me up as the kids slept and I could praise walk through the church.  I got a chance to send a couple emails and then started to write this blog.  I giggle as I looked up the definition of hiccup and delighted at what i found.  I'm hopeful that we can do Open Artroom this afternoon and that there will be kids that come out.  Could you pray for that for me, for the kids in our crew, and the other kids in this community and my own back home?  That light would radiation from the ATF church that comes through creativity, faith, and love of God.  That the Sandymobile parked in front would be enough to let kids know we are here and that the sign we will put out this morning would help draw them out too.  

May you find the incidentals in life God's glory.  May the hiccups give you the giggles of delight that is our birthright as sons and daughters. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Update

• I left my tip jar from my art room at my home yesterday.  If you would like to donate to help with incidentals while we are in Wagner or on the way home feel free to use Paypal; sherryboberry2@yahoo.com .  Please pray for myself, Dale, and precious Emily that we be radiant lightbearers.  

Daddy, I Want It All

 I stopped and thought about the word "glean" it means to take, extract, and gather from various sources.  It hit me that I've been a gleaner my whole life. I love to learn and am at a heart a nerd that loves to read, write, and seek knowledge.  I treasure scripture snippets, quotes, and have a plethora of trivial worldy knowledge from song lyrics, art, tv shows, and movies.

About five years ago I felt like God was telling me to "mentor" as there were so many changes going on in my world and the lives of others. I felt ill equipped and had prayed and petitioned the Lord to help and he told me to "mentor".  I laughed because the thought of "mentor" to my heart was like a spiritual guru or someone that was one of those bright, shiny people.  It didn't mean this girl that had lived an imperfect at best life.  I'm bold, sassy, and have spunk, Lord, but fluidity of words doesn't flow except on paper for me.  I cuss, Lord, you know it, hear it and many times roll those gracious eyes my direction.  I'm loud, Abba, and most the time unrestrained with my actions and words...yeah, I'm a wild card, and you want me to "mentor"?

I did "mentor" for a short season but I never had a chance to really define that. Within six months I had a cancer diagnosis, my darling dot had a seizure in college, and my life was turned upside down. Within two weeks of starting radiation I realized that I couldn't joke cancer away or pretend any longer and I needed my daddy, my Heavenly Daddy.  I'd been writing in my journal for two weeks like a crazy person and he responded with "you know me, have always known me, Sherry, you are mine".  Then a couple of weeks later as I started chemo with radiation I heard "you are mine and have no idea what I can do with you know that you know the truth.  Do what they say, rest, rest, and rest for I know what you will be used to do in the future".  And, yeah, like the indignant Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka I wanted more, more details & I had suggestions. Those details came in what I called "crazy chemo dreams" that I wrote about in my journal but didn't realize that they were the answers that I pleaded for until last year.

Fast forward to five years later and here I am alive and kicking.  Some days are better than others and easier and others complicated. And, the word "mentor" is being used again in circles that surround me.  I've learned to free fall with the Lord this fall.  To allow him to take care of incidentals, hiccups, and remain silent, diligent, and glean what He is gifting in words, people, and places.  I feel Him orchestrating my heart's aspirations; to teach, mentor, and glean so that I would be radiant light to others that is Him.

This blog post started as a chance to update and share that I wrote lesson plans for TSMKC for the kids at the fall conference.  In honesty its what I know to do, what my mama sent me to college for, and is comfortable because I know a classroom so well it is like home.  At the event I was blessed to have a friend from church help me and ask if they could use my "plans" for the kids at church and would I help to implement them.  That simple ask filled in some of my brokenness from 5 years ago.  It filled in the hurt, distraction, and loss that I felt at not knowing a realization of "mentor" was. It made me realize what I would describe as "scraps" because I used those lessons were far more.  That those "scraps" could be gleaned for God's glory.  Those "scraps" that I wrote after praying over and listening to God were something of value that would glorify God in ways I hadn't imagined.

Then last night I had a meeting with a friend that has encouraged me to define "mentor" and to think beyond a classroom or kids to teens and adults.  How would that look, what would I do, and who would I radiate light. It is the chance to see what I do beyond a classroom setting and that is challenging yet so very, very breath taking. It takes me back to when "mentor" was on my mind and I didn't know what exactly to do.  It allows me to see myself not as ; Veruca Salt, spunky, or sassy but as a beloved daughter of the Father.  That daughter that isn't cut from a worldly mold of bright and shiny. She is sassy, spunky, and bold enough to ask the Father for favor upon her children, home, and friends.  She petitions the Lord on behalf of others and is relentless...yes, I'm quite I picketer of sorts, friends. 

I am encouraged this morning & would ask for you to; encourage yourself by claiming victory as you are alive and kicking, give some praise for the moments (for example; cleaning up the hubs toothpaste in the sink leads me to praise the Lord for my hubs & restoration), and to seek solace in the Father as you petition aka demand favor, hope, mercy, and grace for yourself, your family, and your community.  As I write that my heart fills as I hear "I'm on it"...thank you Abba. 

Peace be with you- Sherry


Updates:

• Emily checked in with Dr. Seeley last week after changing her meds and having two seizures in the past couple of weeks.  He has increased her meds and said he felt encouraged that she had went a month before those seizures had happened. 
• Dale, oh, my sonshine. He and I have been kindred souls since day one.  He came home to help his mama with the kiddos at TSMKC conference a couple of weeks ago. On his was back to college he had car problems .  By grace the hubs and a friend went to rescue him. It was late and he had a deadline of midnight for an assignment.  As he turned on the highway to Maryville he realized the time and fear set in that his assignment would be late.  You can probably guess it, he got a big ticket and has to appear in court on October 30 in Maryville.  The sonshine that is the calm in the storm is now in the eye of his very own storm.  He has called the prosecuting attorneys office to ask for help so his parents can pay the tickets, that the charges be reduced so our insurance doesn't go up, and that he will take traffic school.  We would appreciate prayers of favor for the sonshine that both the prosecuting attorney and judge would show grace and mercy as it is his first ticket. 
• I'm posting October classes for The Artroom today. The home school group that meets each Thursday has been robust and a sweet blessing to my soul and I would ask for prayer over the after school program for Fridays and the other class endeavors that I will offer.
• We head back to Wagner early birdy on Friday morning so we can get there in time for a catnap and to do Open Artroom Friday afternoon. This time Tedster is going with us and I can not praise the Lord more for another driver but in reality to have him be a part of the journey,  I am still collecting new socks and gently used tennis shoes to take to Wagner & would adore your donations.   

Hard Headed

I have to write this before I forget it.  It the tenderness of a Father God that not only created me but gets me.  He knows how to catch my attention and man this afternoon I needed some time with the Father in a big way.

I was in line at QT and there was a little girl with her dad in line too.  She was talking about their dog and as a dog lover I listened in.  She was full of enthusiasm and pride as she told him about picking out the collar for their dog.  He took time to listen to her, ask questions, and she totally had his undistracted attention.  Then she took a few steps back and head butted her dad in the belly.  She did a few more times and instead of laughing he saw me and said, "ohh, she's just kooky like that" and told her to stop. I told him "I'm kooky too" and  explained the look on my face wasn't because she was doing anything wrong it was because I used to do the exact same thing to my dad as a kid.  

Then I paid for my stuff and left thinking that's so weird but thankful for the good memory of my dad.  On the way home my air conditioning went out,  I told myself that it was no big deal and praised God that I was on the highway and there was breeze blowing through the windows.  I praised God when I stopped at O'Reily to buy freon to put in the Sandymobile and for the guy at the shop who explained how to put the freon in.  I praised God for the portable air conditioners that keep my house cool as I walked through the door.  And, then, I thought of the little girl at QT and burst into tears. 

As I cried I told God what a crappy thing to do to me; the car, the a/c in both my car and house, and then little girl and the memory of my dad. I actually said "how cruel do you have to be".  That's when I saw the image of the little girl running head first into her dad and it was remarkably clear.  Father God was calling for his daughter to run to him and tell him everything.  

You see this morning Emily woke up and it was apparent that she had a seizure in her sleep last night.  She has been discombobulated today and her mouth is swollen and body is aching. I'm trying to finish up details for the childrens portion of The Single Mom KC event this weekend.  I tried to take all three of our dogs for a walk this morning without Emily and Daisy Lou Lab broke from her collar.  And, then this afternoon God reminded me of what I had lost here on Earth, my Earthly Dad, who was my confidant, my fixer, and did I mention a mechanic? To top it off my air conditioning in my car stopped running cool. Yeah, it was all crashing in and  I heard Father God say "Come on hit me with hit Sherry".  

By His grace I live, walk, and talk.  By grace gifted that is beyond this world I live, walk, and talk.  And, by His grace I usually laugh, praise, and show my spunk but today He knew that I needed His grace to call me home.  Home to confide in Him.  Home to seek solace.  Home to cry away frustrations and hurt.  Home to seek Him who gifts me grace....grace that is received and gifted away to others daily.  He choose me today to refill, encourage, and call out.  I'm thankful this afternoon for ears that hear, eyes that see, and a heart that is open. 

Ok, that's it for today, but hold on, Father God.  I just set a schedule for art classes in my art studio at our home this week.  Did I mention that?  Yeah, there's that too, Father God, I want kids and adults in my community to seek light, grace, and creativity in my creative space.  Father God I need your favor as we try to put freon in the Sandymobile and find that the condenser fan is not running.  Allow us the capability to fix it or to have a friend that can help us.

May each of you find peace, light, and joy in the moment.  May each of you seek grace when things feel less than stellar.  And, may you find precious joy in the moments that is life. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Wanderlust

Building Blocks of Hope

Acts 1:8, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth”.

I'm working this week both creatively & in children's ministries.  For the later I was given the theme of building blocks of hope and literally am stuck between Bob the Builder and wanderlust of the Holy Spirit.

Wanderlust is defined as "a strong desire to travel" . It seems fitting as I've came back home from Wagner last week but part of my spirit remains there.  The past couple of weeks in Wagner were magnificent in so many ways for me both personally and spiritually.  This week I have been able to pray in confidence to our Heavenly Father and thank him for provisions in my own life and my journey that made my time in Wagner one of beauty, light, and grace.

I've started a series of watercolor work this week entitled ; "wanderlust".  This city kid was inspired by the majesty of the river, lakes, prairie, and eagles that I saw while in Wagner.  I was able to take a friend out to the river where she shared her special spot that she goes to reflect, pray, and meditate.  She shared with me the meaning of water, eagles, and more according to Native Americans.  It was beautiful to learn from a Native American who knows our Heavenly Father.  We were able to laugh, share, and pray over each other, our families, the community, and friends.  I'm proud to know what an eagle sounds like because she took time to share with me.

Perhaps, "wanderlust", is really taking time to journey with others around us.  Its an investment of our time and shared experiences with them .  To listen to their journeys and found a commonplace with one another.  It's more than just making a little time in your schedule, sending a buck, or giving excuses as to why you "can't".  Wanderlust in the Holy Spirit gives you freedom to say "yes", to listen, to pray with another, and to sense when you need to speak.  It is a sweet freedom of expression, love, and care that Christ had for others.

This week I'm working in "wanderlust" for my community as I plan and pray over offering semi-permanent weekly and monthly art classes. I feel in my core that I need to plan and schedule the classes at my home base aka my creative sanctuary aka The Artroom.  While in Wagner I had several messages asking me to come teach monthly art classes and I need to pray on which to take on.  I felt a tug from our Heavenly Father while in Wagner that said "kid, you're home".  It brought me to tears in the church kitchen early one morning.  It wasn't God telling me that Wagner was my home but what I was doing in Wagner; connecting, loving, creating, listening, praying, and being attentive was what "home" is.

I'm hopeful in the coming weeks to use creativity as a kingdom builder in my own community using my resources ; my home art studio, my supplies, and "wanderlust" from the Holy Spirit to make an impact.  I would love for you to share about ; The Artroom, come to classes, bring your kids or grandkids, and pray over my ability to be light, refuge, and shelter from the world with "wanderlust" from the Holy Spirit.

**After writing this morning I felt like I was missing something.  Emily was having an off day and had taken meds to prevent a seizure. I went to check on her and wound up praying over her as she slept this afternoon.  As I was praying I was recounting all the wonderful traits that the Lord gifted Emily with.  It dawned on me that those are building blocks of hope; compassion, tenacity, kindness, faithfulness, trustworthy, servant, friend, warrior.  I'm thankful for time well spent to pray for my daughter and to open my mind to the possibility of creating a curriculum based on her gifts from the father that I would hope each child would see in themselves. 

Peace be with you- Sherry


Updates:

• My journey to Wagner left me with a wanderlust list of aspirations that I've laid in Gods capable hands to bless,  One of those aspirations is in creating a monthly and weekly schedule for my creative sanctuary aka The Artroom that would make it available to both kids and adults to seek solace from the world and find their own wanderlust within creativity.   
• We move Dale to college on August 23 at Northwest Missouri State in Maryville.   If you would pray for safe travels for our family that would be phenom.  
• Emily has another consult with Dr. Seeley , her epilepsy neurologist, on August 20.  We appreciate prayers of light, clarity, and tenacity for Emily in her journey.  She is looking at taking an online class this semester at the community college.  
• I returned to my oncologist this week and we discussed maintenance.  We talked about a monthly injection to continue on the path of healing and coping through pain, bloating, etc.  We also discussed that I don't have health insurance and options available until we can get coverage in October.  I've filled out financial assistance paperwork for the injections.  Prayers would be appreciated.  
• I took two pairs of used kids converse sneakers to Wagner to give away.  I had one pair in mind for a girl that I knew and to my delight she was indeed in need of shoes & they fit.  I gifted away the other pair to another girl that I felt needed shoes and they fit exactly.  I would like to gather and collect used kids sneakers to take on my trip in October.  If you have some used sneakers you'd like to donate or would be willing to buy a few pairs when you go to a thrift store please let me know. 

Sparkle Fingers

Impact ; before you lead with God's light ask that it be solely for his glory and none of your own

Impression; you are not only the hands and feet of Jesus but you are his face , his words, and his actions

Integrity: true grit to be who you are designed in Christ

I've been praying this year over these three words ; impact, impression, and integrity.  That daily I would have each and that God would open doors to allow me to be his light.  Why do I feel a  turbulence this morning that throws my head in a tailspin of emotion from empathy to heartbreak. I thought it was because I needed to pray but afterward I knew it was because I needed to blog and "be bold" with my words.

 I woke up throughout Saturday night through Sunday morning with vivid dreams of the kid artists that we have met and one in particular.  My teacher smarts can spot a kid in distress and knows that she can't save them all. What I can do is pray over this girl and gift her back to God like I do my own two kids daily.  I can empower God to bubble wrap this kid with his protection & boundless love.  I went back to sleep and woke up from another dream with another couple of kids and I prayed the same over them.  Then another dream and I checked the time and it was 6:30 so I got up and started to pray over each and every kid artist that has graced All Tribes Fellowship over the week & the ones that we know from the past.  I prayed over the flow of kid artists that we have seen this past week and that floodgates continue to open while we are here.

I praised God for letting it take so long for us to get up here this summer because he was preparing us to be his hands and feet.  He prepped me when my health insurance was cancelled this spring & my ongoing battle with social security.  I've been able to listen not only with intent but boldness as two sister in Christ in Wagner have shared their health battles which include no insurance....ohh, Lord, I know the heartache and resolve that I found in you let me share it. I was blessed to "be bold" and ask if we could pray after they shared and both said "yes".  Thank you, Lord, for prepping my heart, mind and spirit with "be bold" & my own personal experiences. I praise God this morning for both of these ladies and ask that they find resolve in Lord as I have.

I've been trying to call and message the Boys and Girls Club here in Wagner and didn't get called back.  God told me to "be bold" and I've went to their office daily but there is no one there.  One of the kids told me that the club is closed until school starts.  God, is so infinitely wise that he sent us here when the club was closed so that kids could choose light, creativity, and grace that our Open Artroom gifts.  God is giving us kid artists that we might not have met had the club been opened.

God prepped Emily through having weekly seizures in her sleep that she knows when to rest and does it.  She had to take a nap yesterday as the kids were arriving.  She could recognize she needed to rest...to God be the glory. One of the kids asked where she went and I told her that Emily has epilepsy and has seizures.  The kid artist told me that her sister has seizures too and then took over to help me like Emily does.  It gifted God's light and mercy to me to see the kid artist step up, ask directions , and then take over an art station as the leader.

Dale got his drivers license in June after having his permit for two years. That gifts us with another driver as we drove to Wagner.  It allowed him to say "yes" when a family asked if we could bring their kids home since they borrowed a car to get them to Open Artroom.  He said "yes" to another couple of kids that asked if they could get a ride yesterday and has wound up taking two car loads of kids home daily.

Yesterday, I felt the magnitude of emotions and felt like escaping to the local bakery here in Wagner to journal and sketch in my sketchbook.  The Sandymobile's fan for the a/c has went out and needs repairs but the morning was cool and the windows were down as I went to drive the whole two blocks to the bakery.  I stopped by the bank to check my balance and saw that it was around $70 until Ted gets paid. I felt that pain of fear try to creep in about the car.  I went to journal at the bakery my own problems to the Lord and wound up praying over friends, kid artists, and the community of Wagner.  On the way back to the church I could hear someones car not cranking over and thought of my own car woes and started to pray over them that God would help them.  I heard 'be bold" on my heart, mind, and spirit and took a deep breath and went over.  I saw it was a gal with two small kids in the van and she had the look of defeat.  I've been there, been that mom, am that mom....so I was bold.  I found out that she didn't need a jump start but needed gas in the van.  I told her not to worry that I could go and get some gas and be right back.  Thankful at Gods provision in my own life & for answering when he says "be bold".  I am trusting our Heavenly Father to provide not only the parts but people to help fix the Sandymobile because that car is my wings to the world.

Our time is Wagner has renewed my soul in my abilities to provide a safe sanctuary through creativity for the kids in Wagner. It reminds me kids & adults in my own community in Pleasant Hill need the same sanctuary as in Wagner. A place where they can create, socialize, and be lifted in God's light and I'm just the gal to lead it in my art room.  Thankful this evening for my time in Wagner to lead with integrity, love, and light.  May this week continue to bring each of us closer to God's light and purpose.

The pic at the top is from yesterday.  I had a kid artist tell me that she painted her nails to look like mine and showed me her hands.  Sure enough we now both have sparkle fingers.  Thankful for God's precious reminder that I am his hands and feet.  It is with impression, intent, and integrity that I walk.


Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• This Saturday Ted was planning on traveling to Wagner with a family that was coming this way.  We found out that he can't get a ride with them after all.  We are looking for someone that is traveling to Omaha to get him there.   If you are going to Omaha let me know if there is room for Ted in your car.  We've prayed for over a year for Ted's heart to soften and that he would want to join us in Wagner & he is wants to.  Now, we just need to get him here. 
• We are in need of someone to let our dogs out for a couple of days starting on Saturday through Wednesday. If you or your kiddo would like to help us we would love your help...please contact me. 
• We are blessed to have 25 to 35 kids showing up daily for Open Artroom.  Yesterday, God gifted us with four more kids that we haven't met.  There were two that came in and asked if we had anything to eat and I told them we have snack at 4:30.  I got the opportunity to talk with them and started to silently pray over them, their needs, and that God's light to encompass them. When they began to go to art stations they were hesitant and by the end they were kid artists. God is good.  

Whats Love Got To Do With It

Ecclesiastes 8:1 "Who is a wise man? And knoweth the interpretation of a thing? A mans wisdom maketh his face to shine and the boldness of his face shall be changed"

 I have to be bold, I have to be bold, I have to bold, deep breath.  Ok, I think I 'm ready to blog again and feel moved by the Holy Spirit this morning as I glanced through social media.  I saw ; people with broken spirits, listening to the the lies the enemy says rather than Gods truth, and the hurt that can encapsulate your soul if you allow it.  This girl has gotta stand up and breathe life, love, and light into each and every that reads this.

This weekend at church they did an exercise in faith to show how to share your testimony.  I felt my spirit lunge as they were passing out index cards.  It is the kind of feeling a few years ago that would have had me leaving rather than accepting a card.  They had us divide our card in half ; the left side we wrote one word responses to "there was a time in my life " before you knew God.  On the right side you wrote one word responses to "do you have a story like that" where you were to write how it felt once you let God in.

Its difficult for me to express my emotions verbally.  I'm better on paper. I thought "this is gonna be cathartic, Sherry, do it you get to write".  They said turn to your neighbor and read your card.  Thank you, Jesus, that my husband is sitting next to me.  Then they said after you share with your neighbor find two others to share with.  Whhhaaatttt? ... that was my Scooby-Doo moment .  Things were going beyond my control but like in life I took a deep breath and thought "suck it up".

I got to "mockery" on my index card and began to sob so hard that I couldn't read the rest of my card. I couldn't finish reading it through my tears and told my husband "just read it". After a couple of minutes he said, "Sherry, there's a girl in front of you that has the same look of fear on her face as you do go talk to her next".   I snapped into "suck it up" mode took one look at her and felt the same pain from my card.  Instead of walking a few steps and sitting by her I chose to get up and walk thinking the heartbreak I was feeling would leave.  I just needed to find someone I know to share with.

That is when I heard a voice in my head say "Mockery all you do is mock sit down" and the further into the aisles I went the louder the voice got.  I ran back to my safe spot beside my husband and cried, sobbed, and cried some more.  He even called for someone to come pray for me.  I told him, "no I just need to leave".

When things get "too touching" or emotional I laugh them off, poke fun of myself, and if it really is too close I run from them.  Getting up to walk out was the only way I knew to protect myself. I chose to hear "mock" rather than listen to what my Heavenly Father was telling me.  As I walked out and got to the steps I stopped. I could hear "Sherry , you don't mock me. You've never mocked me.  You are mine.  I love you.  You just missed a chance to be bold like I asked".

I knew that I had listened to the last lie that the enemy had in his arsenal.  God told me a few years ago "you are mine". I truly feel His all encompassing love and salvation. I know I was forgiven for the past and had been loved my whole life by my creator.

The rest of the words on my index card meant nothing to me anymore but "mockery of the Lord" does.  Mockery is why I'm cautious now more than ever.  I want each step to be His and done in boundless love rather than in what I know. I pray over things before doing them rather than jump right in . I trust God to move mountains in my life rather than allowing fear to take over.  All that and I hear the word "mock" and I'm filled with guilt, remorse, and fear that this time I'm going to really make God mad.

I'm reminded this morning to look on the back of my index card.  I had wrote a thank you note to our Heavenly Father for;  "breathing life into a spirit that had floundered in disbelief of her own salvation. That your anger DID NOT mean banishment but everlasting love without boundaries that gleans grace and mercy. from me with love".

God's love is boundless, his forgiveness is beyond anything this world can offer, and his grace lights a pathway in this world that will always lead back to Him.  This morning I'm hopeful that my message will be ; boundless love to another, to assure you that you are forgiven, and that your path is well lit in the darkest of days. And, what's love got to do with it?  Everything.

Peace be with you- Sherry


Updates:

• The kids & I are heading to Wagner, South Dakota on Monday morning to do an Open Artroom with Native American children and families in Wagner.  Please pray for God's bubble wrap of protection over each of us & the Sandymobile as we travel and during our stay. If you would like to help beyond prayers here is what we need; 

• We still have a handful of supplies that we need to take on South Dakota trip to help us share love and light. You will find a list below.  Please let me know if you are willing to purchase some of these items ; 5 drop cloths, 10 bags of popcorn to pop, 10 boxes of Jello Cheesecake mix (Aldis or generic kinds are fine), 10 sets of paint brushes (they can be purchased at a dollar shop), 2 packs of multicolored Sharpies 

• I would like to bless the kids in Wagner by buying movie tickets each Friday that we are there. Tickets are $5 each.  I would like to have 10 friends that you would gift $10 .  If you are that friend let me know. You may donate via a Facebook fundraiser that I set up. 

• Finally, I want to ensure that we have gas money to get to Wagner and home. If you would like to donate for gas let me know. It is $50 one way. You can donate via a Facebook fundraiser that I set up.

Trickle

Remember being a kid at the pool or lake ?  For me that meant splashing everyone and squealing when I got splashed back. It meant summer vacations and road trips to the lake to hangout on a boat and if it were warm enough we could jump in.  Sounds sort of awesome, right, the warmth of the sun and the movement of the water.   As a kid I would freak out when my face got wet . Truth be told even as an adult I hurry in the shower because I don't like my face getting wet.  Let's just say swimming and boating aren't in my comfort zone. 

This year I've had a vision when I pray of darkness and then a water drop and ripple. At Easter as I was praising the Lord I got the same vision and some vertigo.  When vertigo happens and it does quite a lot to me I sit down and close my eyes.  When I closed my eyes at Easter I saw the water drop, the ripple, and faster than I could imagine it was like I was under water in a beautiful blue waters with sunlight glistening through.  I felt a calm and peace in the water.  I felt like God was telling me to come walk on the water with him but I instantly let fear take over and the vision was gone and I was back to darkness and a water drop. 

The next week the sonshine and I were coming home from a class we are taking in KC. I shared my water experience with the sonshine. What he said to me was "Mom, do you know what water means in the Bible?  It means the Holy Spirit.  Have you ever thought that you aren't afraid of water but are resisting the Holy Spirit?".  Talk about something to ponder, right?  The next morning I felt the familiar wave of vertigo start which feels a whole lot like buoyancy of water and I said "Holy Spirit if that is you please guide and direct my day and stop with the buoyancy already".  And, you know what?  The vertigo stopped.

Last month the hubs & I went on a retreat in Kansas.  That night I felt God telling me in no uncertain terms by the end of the retreat I was going to walk with him on the water.  I thought back on the water drop,  its ripple, and my latest word "flow" that I had been journaling about.  It made me write FLOW in all caps in my journal. It was if I could rebel and that going with the flow would be enough.  I felt my friend vertigo take over and had to close my eyes to just sit upright. I started to praise God for ; the comfy couch I was sitting on, time spent with the hubs, time spent to praise him and thank Him for trust of a Father that will never leave me.  Through my deep breathing to try to control the vertigo I was taken back to the beautiful blue water and then saw a spring that had started.  I then saw the hand come from the spring and heard the words "walk with me".  I took the hand to walk and could recognize that my life was never ever going to be the same.  It was as if the spring was running through my veins to nurture my soul, calm my mind, and encourage my heart.

This year has been in a season of challenge, change, and confidence in my faith and my design from the Father. I've felt threatened in so many ways ; my health,  my daughter's health, our home, repairs to our home and working creatively.  The threat and fear feels very real and its ominous.  I'm reminded that it is the world, and it is not God. I am reminded of that as I pray daily for His favor to shine through. I feel a confidence daily that is because I fully recognize my place as the daughter of the King.  I find solace in praising God ; "This world will continue to spin , Lord, with or without me, I know ultimately you are in control, you will show me favor in great ways.  All my joy is to sing your praises"

My life is to serve as a gratitude journey to our Heavenly Father. My story and the precious details are all His with my complete confidence and trust being in Him. May each of you see that lovely drop that trickles when you close your eyes from the world.  May you come into fruition feeling the buoyancy that is the spring of eternal hope. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• The darling dot, Emily, goes to the epilepsy specialist next Tuesday.  Please pray that God will guide and direct Dr. Seeley with her care and treatment.
• I'm working on a series of creative week long summer camps for kids.  I feel like God is telling me to branch out & have written a proposal to ask for local churches and non-profits to provide space for the camps.  Prayers would be appreciated that each camp finds a home space.  If you know of a church or non-profit that would like to host a week long kids creative camp in the KC area please contact me. 

Firefox

Faith with purpose, guidance, and direction when you are under fire from the world can only be Jesus. A spirit not of fear but of triumph and justice.  Unclear, foggy distortions that lead to meaningful connections.  Sorrow into joy.  Dastardly actions, course words that draw out the warrior for justice. 

That is my morning ; realizing that I have no health insurance as of Wednesday of this week. Waking up to rush to the bathroom for blood to come as waves of vertigo ensue. Finally, getting to my kitchen, taking meds, and finishing online paperwork for social security.  I feel a wave of emotions to say the least this morning and am challenged to take courage, peace, and direction from our Heavenly Father rather than what the world offers.  It is a challenge at the very least and more profound at the core.

It has me reeling as I signed off with the interviewer from social security today. Causing me to think about "adaptation" ; altering, modification, redesign.  The process that an organism or species becomes  better suited to their environment. Maybe what I feel is a spiritual revolution within my soul drawing me closer to our Heavenly Father that serves to encapsulate me in the process.

I feel like adaption is what I've had to do over the course of a lifetime.  Can you relate?  You change jobs, move from one place to the other, have kids, have a health concern/crisis...ohh, the list goes on for each of us.  It is a list that causes each of us to adapt in order to evolve.  For me it was a cancer diagnosis in 2015 that rocked my world in a way that I will never be the same.  It caused me to ponder, get real, and direct with our Heavenly Father. Ultimately, leading me into a journey of relentless trust and faith that will last me a lifetime.

This Sunday as we celebrated the gift of Easter. I sat through worship writing notes to myself.  I could not stop writing "you must write".  And, this morning through the bathroom runs, the pain, and vertigo I started to write this blog. It is an extraordinary process in my mind that kingdom things come first .  It is a deep knowledge that the world has spun before me, while I'm writing, and far after I'm gone it will still spin. It is a bottomless spring of faith and love that I write that I might ignite others that face trepidation in their lives. That they would see peaceful resolve in my words that would serve to inspire their own adaption and evolution in faith.

 When I stopped writing I saw how deep my faith runs and am praising our Heavenly Father for perspective.  I praise Him for; writing, solace in words, and His glory shining through my words.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I'll be without insurance as of Wednesday this week.  I have done paperwork and interview for Social Security and am hopeful that justice will win and I will be approved in the coming months. 
• Emily has applied for Social Security too. I'm hopeful God's favor will shine on her and she will be approved once her paperwork is processed. 
• I have a donation list for The Artroom and would love for you to donate materials or recycled supplies.  Feel free to message me to ask for a list or donate.
• Dale graduates in just a month from high school.  We want to celebrate as a family with a vacation....yeah, we haven't had one in a very long time. We aren't sure of where to go or what to do but feel like we need to celebrate with jubilation.  

On My Way Home

 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Ephesians 5:1

This year I am pulled into another realm of thinking.  God is challenging me to think not of the world but of kingdom things. It is becoming abundantly pressing on my heart, mind, and soul. I don't wake up or go to sleep without kingdom things on my mind.

Kingdom things are relevant for me now. As a kid there were things that were uniquely me that I closed down in order to fit in or conform to my family and friends.  In adulthood I got told that those things wouldn't pay the bills, That I shouldn't try because I wasn't good enough.  Instead of leaning into what I understood I choose to cower and bow down to worldly expectations.

Over the course of being sick for the past few years it has caused me to re-evaluate what I know.  I've learned to rely on others and ask for help.  I had to grow in reliance of our Heavenly Father and learn what it is to truly trust Him.  My views of what is mine changed to everything being mine to realizing nothing is mine its just worldly things that were Gods all along.  And, the biggest leap has been forgiving myself for things of the past and realizing God had long ago...its called mercy. In the spirit of redemption I have found clarity, my voice, and what truly matters to me; listening for His call.

Our Heavenly Father has created each of us unique with his characteristics. For me that means I love to learn, to teach, share, be creative, and uplift.  That is a mix that makes me an optimist at birth, the oddball in my family, the one that hopes when hope feels lost, stays constructive and finds joy in the least.  In other words I'm finding my way home.  Home to my birthright, to a Father that calls me beloved , to a friend that doesn't forsake me, and the spirit that waits to light up this world through me.

This month my health insurance will be cancelled via the state leaving me speechless.  I've cried myself sick, gotten angry, got an advocate, and trusted our Heavenly Father.  What I've heard from God is that He has the world and to keep focused on kingdom things.  I ask for a favor from our Heavenly Father and he repeats that he has the world. I'm shown a hand with the world in it that changes to a hand holding a rubber bouncy ball in a second. It is then that I hear our Heavenly Father say "you know the truth"....the truth is Him.  Yes, dad, I'm on my home.

May I spend each moment for the rest of my life being your light ? May I be your love to others?.  May I have clarity, strength, and compassion where I see none?  May I show you through creativity, teaching, and mentoring? Am I enough?  Through "favor" I am.  Thankful for; the freedom to hope, dream, and love without boundaries. To be His light through creativity, to teach art, to mentor. For knowing what a gift I'm given as the daughter of the king that I need to take care of my Dads people.

I woke up this morning at 3 with blisters over my stomach and abdomen in the places I was radiated.  I took a shower and began to write lists of "small" , "complex", and "kingdom" things to do.  Took time to pray and praise.  Got to hug Dale as he got up, sing Happy Birthday to him, and make my kid an omelet and get him a cappuccino on the way to school.  I had time to load my car with donations to my friends homeless ministry and get back home to finish this blog. I have just enough time to get ready and pray for favor as I travel to KC to teach an art class to preschoolers and their families.  I believe that I will get home in time to Dale from school, make homemade chicken noodle soup for his birthday, and praise the Lord for the precious gift of being a mom. That is part of who I am, who I aspire to be, of God's favor in my day, and of kingdom things.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates;

• Emily has an appointment via Social Security tomorrow afternoon.  My appointment with Social Security is on Monday.  Pray for strength, clarity, premise, and purpose to get us through this process to ensure that both she and I will have health insurance.
• Dale is going to Northwest Missouri State in the fall to major in geology.  It is less expensive than KU.  Dale toured the campus with me and after he met the professors in the geology department he was confident it is the right choice.  Plus, they've got a museum with a casting of a T-Rex skull and would get to help Dr. Pope with putting together a dinosaur fossil.
• We are still working on getting a home equity loan so we can make home repairs ; get a new roof, siding for the house, and new linoleum for the kids bathroom.  
• I've taken a position with a single moms ministry in KC as their Children's Ministries entity of their event planning. Although, it doesn't pay a great deal it is "kingdom things" and I feel blessed for the ability to work from home using the skills that God created me with.  If you would like to volunteer to work with my team with kids doing "Mad Science" on April 14 let me know.  I would love to have your help.

Tunnel Vision

 Philippians 3:13-14 (NKJV, emphasis added), “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,  I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

 For the past month I've been wanting to blog and my spirit has needed to blog .  It is when I write that I feel closer to our Heavenly Father and think out loud with my words.  Writing like art has always helped me to think, process, and be decisive.Instead of blogging I've been choosing to be bogged down by the magnitude of what it going on in my life.

 Last week went down like this;  no firm answers about the darling dots epilepsy. We still do not know what part of the brain her seizures come from.  I showed up for my oncologist consult only to be sent to my primary doctor to see me so insurance would cover both consults.  I went to the wrong place for a meeting with a non profit and showed up totally late.  To say the least I've been a hot mess; unable to control the big things as well as the small.

Monday night we went to our small group and it was journal night.  I was so thankful for the gift to write and listen to our Heavenly Father.  What came out totally called me out.  Through writing I was able to share with God how thankful I am for the new endeavors that are divinely his in my life.  I then waited for his response and what I heard hurt me.  He told me that he sees that I'm growing weary, impatient, and doubtful.  That I'm tired both physically and mentally. That my own apprehension is leading to my fatigue and cold acquisitions of Him and others around me.  At that point I thought yeah, who wouldn't be tired, Lord, give me a break.  I have the right to be ; angry, furious, and point fingers.

That is what sickened me. I tried to justify my actions and my owness without owning it myself.  I literally wanted to run to our friends bathroom and throw up.  Instead, I waited, and heard "I want you to know what matters to you matter to me.  You are my beloved daughter which in my own grace and mercy walk.  You know you are mine and I light your path.  Ponder and fear no more...go, do, walk".  Before I could even crab, justify, or make matters worse I heard  "silence, seek joy, be light, find tunnel vision".

Ohh, but, Lord it feels good to grumble and its easy.  Don't I have something to gripe about, Abba Father?  Don't I get to be hesitant rather than jump in and get hurt and disappointed again?  In fact he does sense all that angst, anger, and wants it to become His glory and connection back to Him.  He wants me to have tunnel vision.  I stopped at that point and did some breathing exercises to calm my spirit. I went to sleep trying to decipher what "tunnel vision" meant.

After two days spent in prayer and scripture I understood "tunnel vision".  It means stop focusing on all the incidentals in life and focus on Him.  Tunnel vision means being blinded to all distractions and threats and simply narrowing your line of vision.  Our Heavenly Father is calling me to stop and narrow my sight to Him and Him alone. That I would see with faith, joy, and light. It gives me peace of mind to know others have the same problem; Naomi, Peter, David and a list of others that include you and I.  We are all seeking synchronicity with our Heavenly Father that we trust His divine leadership in our lives no matter how uncertain, hard, or unbearable it feels.  I simply need to hunker down to the girl of grace and mercy He designed.  I need to tunnel to see Him and only Him.  To let go of the waves of anger, hurt, and shortsightedness and to see how God is working in my daily life, my families lives, and the world.  That I would be able to rest in the fact that God is in control.

Today I choose to look with tunnel vision to see the our Abba Father and lean into Him.  I choose to praise Him rather than haggle.  I choose to seek his mercy and grace so that my words and actions can be like His.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• I went to my oncologist last week and my blood work was ok, my MRI of my brain was normal, my scans showed the nodules are still there but have stayed the same. We talked about the vertigo I've been experiencing and it could be due to the meds I'm on.  I don't have alternative meds to choose from and I desperately want "quality of life" at this point which means taking the meds, doing some exercises that will help with the vertigo. My Crohns  Disease is the reason for the recent blood which is better than it being from the nodules. I got a steroid shot, got told to check back in in three months, and do weekly blood work.  
• I'm excited after my meeting with a non-profit.  There are several things that were said that reminded me of how God has been building me up over the past few years.  I've praised Him for the meeting and coincidences that are uniquely His.
• I've started teaching art to school aged kids each Wednesday night and am blessed with each class.  The kids are enthusiastic and I get to see them be challenged to use the gift of creativity that God placed in them. 
• Emily spent last week hooked up in the hospital to get a reading of a seizure in hopes we would know what part of her brain they start at and how it spreads.  She went through; lights being flashed daily at her, shallow breathing, sleep deprivation. On Friday, Dr. Seeley, checked in and told her she could go home and took off the electrodes. He left the room and heard the "seizure groan" and found her seizing. We have a phone consult with him today. Pray that we are able to talk openly and ask questions in order to better understand where we go from here. 
• I take Dale for a tour and to meet the head of Geology at Northwest Missouri State on Friday.  He was able to receive scholarships and it is more affordable than KU.  I am hopeful that he will like the campus and the Geology department.