Eagle vs.Albatross

28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:28-31

This month has me blessed with lots of ideas for blogging.  Things like ; hope, weariness, waiting, trusting, and being an albatross.  Is that diversity or what?  As I approached writing this week I was bogged down in how to incorporate all these things in a nice little bundle.  Here's my attempt.

This fall has been a windfall of ups & downs and learning that God will "supply" our family with what is necessary for us to withstand the hard times.  I've learned to be more faithful, praise filled, and diplomatic than I ever would have thought I could.  The thought "don't sweat the small stuff" comes to my mind daily and I give God thanks that I know he will handle both the smalls & larges.  I thank him that my large is truly his small.

Last month I started to grow tired and honestly weary.  I never knew the word exhausted until a few weeks ago and that describes me mind, body, and spirit. If I could spend each day in bed this week sleeping I think I could.  Instead, I think it is God's challenge in my life to complete each day to the best of my capabilities which means ; getting up, getting dressed, following through with the "smalls" for my home & family, and following up with my own health concerns.  It means trusting that God has blessed me with enough for the day in smarts, attitude, and will power.  Yes, will power, because I could easily just sit, mope, and do nothing but instead I get up & fight the good fight.  And, feel the small blessings in each day because of it.

The "albatross" in my life?  That would be some people that I love that don't see things for what I do.  They see me as their "albatross", their opponent, and scape goat.  Have you been there?  In a season where you are literally weary mind, body, and spirit and someone lays their own worries & guilt on you?  You become their "albatross".  I use "albatross" because I was an English major.  I remember the story of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" & kidding around with college friends that we were the "albatross" in certain situations. In this season in my life being considered the "albatross" is no joke to me.  I feel that weight each and every day since my diagnosis this past year.  I feel I'm a burden to my family & friends and wonder what in the world God is doing.  Isn't he a God that loves us?  Why in the world would he have me consider myself a burden and why would he allow people that I love to tell me that I am?

I was reminded of Isaiah 40:28-31 this weekend.  That God promises us that "we will soar on wings like eagles, renew our strength, and we won't just walk we will run".  Ohh, Heavenly Father, how can you expect me to run?  I go to the grocery store and literally have to sit down a couple of times while I just nab groceries?  I went for my mammogram, sonogram, and got my blood drawn last week and slept the rest of the day.  Am I becoming an albatross?  Simply weight on everyone's shoulders, Lord? Did my loved one that told me that really mean it?  How can I change it?

That's when I stopped in my tracks.  God didn't place me in this season to rely on what others say....he put me here to rely on Him.  They were right in that I move slower, am tired, and am not the "Sherry" that they need or want right now....but this is a season in their life as well where they are having to be self reliant & strengthen their faith.  Instead of thinking of this season or people as "albatross" I choose to think of it as a time of slowing down, learning to listen, and making wise choices after prayerful consideration.

Over the weekend I started a "list of 5" with my kids & for myself.  In the list are 5 small things that need to be done for the day.  Once you are done with the list you are free to do what you want as long as you have a willingness to help one another when asked.  It has turned into a remarkable way for my kiddos & I to re-connect, gives us time together, and time apart....it truly has started to renew my spirit.  Saturday the kids #5 on their lists was to go see Santa here in town.  I told them both I wanted to get a picture of them with Santa & Dale told me no that his list said "go see Santa" & he didn't want his picture taken.  I told him I was sure that I wrote "picture with Santa" & he pulled out his list of 5 from his pocket to show me I had wrote "go see Santa".  Well, he didn't get his picture taken but I took note to be very specific in that list of 5 with him from now on.

This week I would challenge you to complete a "list of 5".  My list today included: cooking dinner, picking out paint for the kid's bathroom from my stash, fixing a shutter so we can hang out dog leashes up, helping the kids paint the accent walls in the living room, and baking cookies for a Christmas gift.  And, I've done 4 out of the five...maybe it's time to thank God I got 4 done & go rest.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

1. I went to my doctor's appointment this week and have a game plan.  The sonogram shows that I've got cysts in my intestines.  They need to be removed.  And, in order to try to prevent newbie cysts they put me on a two newbie meds.  They also are planning to remove the cysts in an outpatient surgery next month and they want to start radiation which scares me to death. I was blessed to talk with my cancer counselor this week to talk out my fears, cry, and then go home to try to be "swim" for my kids & hubby because it's Christmas this week, right.

2. I will need help in January beyond prayers as I get the cysts removed and come to grips with starting radiation.  Here's what I need:

•  Someone to pick up Dale after school & bring him home.  If you are willing to do this let me know. 
• Someone to pick up Emily after her classes out at Longview Monday through Thursdays.  

 3. Pray over Emily.  She just finished her finals & is gearing up for next semester at Longview where she is taking anatomy & physiology.   She has to take the TEAS test to be admitted to the nursing program this semester.   She has test anxiety and so this is gonna be a challenge for her.  She needs a set of flashcards to study for the exam & a study guide for it.  If you have either of those or would be willing to help her get them let us know.  That would bless her world.






 

Gross Grace

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed; 2 Corinthians 9:8

Ever read a verse and it has you thanking God for that moment you found it?  And, feeling free?

I'm right there this morning as I brew tea and pray over the nausea that is my life right now.  I was blessed to get the meds that I need last month but wowsies they make me feel really gross.  Although, I was thankful for resting last weekend I'm still super tired. My topper this week was looking around my home and seeing that I really needed to deep clean it & trying.  That left me with a huge pain on my left side that made me cry.

If I'm honest my old pal doubt comes in to let me know I'm not alone.....I've got doubt.  Doubts that I will ever feel like Sherry again.  Doubts that the meds aren't working....and I'm just sick from them as the world's sick joke on me?  Doubts about resting & sleeping this past week....everyone is just gonna think I'm lazy.  Doubts that I can't even be a mom, wife, or friend that my fam & friends deserve, need, and value....all they get is the girl that cancels stuff because she doesn't feel good, throws up, or cries.  Doubts that I'm doing the right thing in my life with the artroom and why don't I just go back to the classroom or sub....wouldn't that make more sense?  

This morning I ready for 2 Corinthians 9:8 and came up for air in my doubt ridden week. 
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed"....why does that mean so much this morning?  Because it stops my friend "doubt" dead in its tracks.  It allows me to know that my life is not perfect and God knows it.  What it promises is:

1. God's grace will abound to you : that means He isn't leaving anytime soon and is sending reinforcements to my life daily.  That means the friends that message me....you are my grace from God.  The gal pals that insist that me being late is no worry just come along ....you are my grace from God.  My son who swept throughout our house this week....you are my grace from God.  My sweet Emily who comes home from finals & nannying to do laundry....you are my grace from God.  And, Tedster, for commuting to Kansas to work to ensure we can pay for our home, utilities, etc....you are my grace from God.  

2. Always having all sufficiency in everything:  that means being blessed to open the artroom up a couple of days this week after resting.  Making enough in the "tip jar" to send my son with lunch money and putting gas in the car.  It means looking at my messy house and taking a deep breath and knowing it is not a lifetime of "messy house" it is just a season.  It is me making phone calls this week to get appointments to my cancer doc for next week to see what I need to do next.  It is thanking God for each of these things.  Having a perspective that doesn't see doubt or failure but the "win" in the smalls. 

3. You may have an abundance for every good deed: I'm praying on this one this morning.  I'm praying that God will let my "little red hen" spirit be ok with resting and taking time for me.  I'm praying God will allow me to ask for what is needed right now....rather than wait, be filled will with doubt, or let fear creep into my life.  

All that from one verse.  I'm truly thankful this morning for 2 Corinthians 9:8.  I've got a list of "Great Smalls" that our family & I need right now. If you are able to help let me know and if you can pray for us in this season that would be remarkable.  I've learned to ask and so this is what I need help with.

The Great Smalls List : 

1. We need the oil changed in both the subaru and bravada.  I'm going to go the my cancer doc down in KC next week, get a mammogram, and also see my cancer counselor.  My cars are my way to get me there.  They are "oldish" like me & need the oil changed badly.  My bravada also needs to be tuned up....if you can do that I would love it!  

2. We've got missing shingles on our house.  I need someone to come and put shingles back on for us.  I've got the shingles and nails.  I need someone brave enough to take on this task.  

3. I've got a couple of things that I need to nab for Emily & Dale for Christmas.  If I'm honest I'm tired most days and just want to rest rather than shop.  I need to get them each a pillow to sleep on & an egg crate for their bed.  If you would like to nab those when you are out let me know.

4. I use "stress relief" lotion from Bath and Body work each day.  This week I ran out.  If you can nab a bottle for me that would be awesome. 

5. My birthday is next Wednesday. Each year for my birthday I go and help with Angel Tree here in Pleasant Hill.  Pray that I will be able to rest and feel like "Sherry" so I can help with the Angel Tree to wrap presents and distribute them next week.  

May you find the comfort in the "smalls" of life.  May you see those gross moments that you have a "gross grace" from God and keep going.  He's with you each "gross" or fab step of the way.

Peace be with you- Sherry

  

Expert Knitter

As long as my soul is inside me, I thank You, my God and God of my fathers, master of all creations, creator of all souls. 

Blessed is a word that I use regularly.  I genuinely believe in this world that I am blessed because I'm a gal after God's heart.  What could be better than that?  Well, this morning I have to admit that my heart hurts.  Why?  Let me share.

Today as I was dropping Dale off at the high school part of the parking lot was blocked off.  I slowed down to see what was going on and Dale said, "ohh, that's right it's grandparents day today".  He told me that he was going to ask one of our friends to go and be his grandparent but thought she might have something better to do.  He then told me,"I think Sandy is an awesome choice for a grandma because she's not a crazy lady and I actually can talk to her".  My heart gave thanks for having Sandy in our lives and it mourned that both Dale & Emily don't have grandmothers in their lives....they just adopt out.

When you've had a great relationship with a grandparent or a special bond you want that for your kids too.  Emily was blessed to have my mom to bond with when she was younger.  My heart break is that my mom isn't the ever present grandma.  She has health problems and trouble with her memory.  The last time Emily called her grandma she didn't know who she was or me either.  That is just a heartbreaker in itself.  Dale never really got to know my mom well which makes me sad.  He doesn't see the snappy, smart, articulate, compassionate woman that raised me he just sees her as someone that may or may not know him.

Just writing this blog makes my heart sing rather than mourn my son's words this morning.  I hear, "Sandy is an awesome grandma.....because I can talk to her". Thank you heavenly father for blessing my son with a lady that he loves like a grandma and knows he can talk to.  Thank you Lord for all the people that bless our lives daily, for a season, or for a lifetime.  You truly have expertise in knitting us together.
 

Peace be with you -Sherry

Potty Mouth Slayer

"You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say"- Martin Luther.

A few years ago I overheard Dale, my son, as he was playing a video game with a friend.  And, then I heard it....let's just say an unmentionable word come out of my son's mouth.  I waited, listened more, yeah, I'm sneaky like that, on the chance I hadn't heard it.  But then again it popped out and this time I was going to confront it head on.  As I talked with Dale he told me where he heard the word and called his mama out.  He called me a "potty mouth sayer".  Ohh, kids!  They also make you have to think, right?  As I told a gal pal about it she suggested that I go back to Dale and tell that it was true that I was a "potty mouth sayer" but I was going change and become the "potty mouth slayer" starting with him.  And, you know what it worked for both Dale & I.

I came across this quote from Martin Luther this week and have been journaling every since.  It could be taken in so many ways in my life.  It's basis sounds a lot like what I've been saying around the house lately to my kids, "You talk the talk you walk the walk".  Meaning that it isn't always our words that we've got to have a grip on we also need to do what we say and follow through.

Follow through has been coming slow and steady for me since the past month.  I've been approved for insurance but my doctor's office wants the actual card in hand in order to make an appointment.  And, yes, I've been on the phone to see when the cards are coming, to talk to a cancer counselor on the phone to cry because of the sheer frustration and weariness I've got with my health.

I'm in a waiting game...ever had one of those? You are prepped, talked a good game, and ready to go and then something beyond your control stalls you from going onward.  For me that makes me question whether or not to go back to my cancer doc or find a new one.  It makes me think maybe I should go a homeopathic route since after about a month of being on my meds again they are literally making me feel sicker and I feel more tired than I've ever been.  Maybe if I just prayed enough and trusted God enough I wouldn't have gotten ovarian cancer, wouldn't have cysts in my intestines that keep coming back, and wouldn't have the problems I do.  Did I mention that I'm tired right now and getting whiny....sorry.

Well, this is what I think Martin Luther's words mean to me in this season.  It has nothing about walking the walking or talking the talk.  It has everything to do with finding serenity in the moment and thanking God for them.  It has everything to do with resting and finding solace in resting and not being "busy".  It has everything to do in me realizing the little girl with a smart mouth is still there but she's grown into a smart, capable and woman of integrity & honesty. Through my integrity and honesty I'm able to show God's love whether that be writing a blog, a message on FB, or finding solace in creativity in my artroom.  It's learning to be content that I don't have to "do" big things but the smalls really do matter. Ohh, wowsies....big sigh.

This weekend I'm hunkering down and going to be like a bear.....that means hibernating.  I desperately have needed to sleep this week and rest to re-charge. It means finding the joys in the smalls that I can do through my words & actions daily.  And, shining God's light even when I'm exhausted through my words and actions. Will you take the challenge of finding the small joys, re-charging, and radiating God's love via your words and actions?



Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I was blessed to go help at my local food pantry this week.  It was remarkable to see the large volume of food available and distributed within my small town.  It give new meaning to the words "feed the need". 
• After a couple of weeks on my meds the nausea I experienced without them was nothing to compared to with them.  I know in my heart and mind I need to keep them up.  Pray that I gain  inner strength through this season of my life and knowledge that even on the worst of days God is by my side.
• Emily got to get her blood drawn at the KC Care Clinic this week and they are more than willing to send the results to her neurologist and work together in her care.  Pray that the results come and they are able to get her meds regulated so she stays seizure free.  
• My birthday is on December 16!  I would love to have some newbie stuff for the artroom to help me.  The two things that I would love is a 24 pack of water for the frig and a set of speakers for the computer in the artroom.