Three C's : Confidence, Celebration, and Conviction

 Psalm 54 : Save me, O God, by your name;
    vindicate me by your might.
² Hear my prayer, O God;
    listen to the words of my mouth.

³ Arrogant foes are attacking me;
    ruthless people are trying to kill me—
    people without regard for God.^[c]

⁴ Surely God is my help;
    the Lord is the one who sustains me.

⁵ Let evil recoil on those who slander me;
    in your faithfulness destroy them.

⁶ I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you;
    I will praise your name, Lord, for it is good.
⁷ You have delivered me from all my troubles,
    and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.

Over the past month I've been praying about God's path for myself.  What he intends for me to do work wise and creative wise. Mid month I decided that I needed to re-group my mission statement.  What's that?  Well, I had to right one back in the day at NWMSU in one of my education classes.  It's been the same for each school that I've taught and pretty much summed up my life & views.  I took it out and re-read it and thought, geez, Sherry.  I really do believe in that old mission statement but my world has become bigger and my views have too with time.  I'm not the same 20 something ....in reality I'm a forty something that feels like I need to be re-schooled & write a newbie mission statement.  That was something that I thought, sure, that will take a day.  But it's been two months and I still haven't got it wrote.

I've been diving deeper and deeper into my faith over the past month.  I've been blessed to be talking to friends, family, and peers about our faith journeys.  It's been remarkable and a little daunting at times. Through it all I've been gathering what I believe, stand for, and the premise for my path in this world. I can say that as a "forty something" I know that I will never change the world....that's just too idealistic for me and I'm getting old....lol.  

Last week I talked with a gal pal from Des Moines.  She and I were talking about God, church, and how we interplay with both. How our worlds have been rocked by God and her ministry within her church. I shared with her I was trying to write a mission statement.  I asked her "what's your mission statement for Christ?".  She told me she felt that she's been called to music ministry.  She was always gifted as a singer & musician.  She told me that it would be "to glorify God through her voice and music".  I talked with another gal pal and asked the same question.  She told me it would be to work with the homeless.  We talked about how when our kiddos were little we used to have them help make 20-50 brown bag specials with us.  Our kids would make PB sandwiches and homemade cookies.  We would take and bag one sandwich with a cookie in each bag.  Then load the coolers with ice and bottled waters and head into downtown KC. As we drove we asked God to keep us safe and take us to the people he would intend.  And, yup, we went under the viaducts, to the parks, and lots of places with our wheely coolers, brown bag specials and kids.  Finally, I talked with another friend who shared that they felt compelled to go out to the lowest of the low in the world.  I asked them what is "lowest of the low".  They told me it would be the drug addict, alcoholics, and others in need.  

All these mission statements and conversations have been rolling through my mind and spirit.  I've been digging into the scriptures and praying for God's intervention in my own path to help me to what he intends.  It led me to a wacky dream last week that stuck with me.  Ever had one of those?  Well, here's mine.  

I was at a marketplace ....yeah, those of you that know me know I love to shop.  How perfect, right?  Well, I wandered around and felt totally relaxed.  I then remember looking for a way out and it seemed more like a labyrinth than a marketplace.  I felt panic in my heart and nothing was familiar.  Suddenly, I came to a shop that was way too familiar.  It contained lots of stuff that I once had.  How could I not go in and start to browse around, right?  I picked up a purse that I had in high school and someone yelled and grabbed my arm and said, "Redemption?".  I was totally puzzled and scared as I stood there with the purse in my hand and he said again, "Redemption....how will you pay?".  All I could think of was a picture of Christ that I've got in my head from being a kid.  At that my arm was dropped and a door was there which I opened and I woke up.  And, yeah, my heart was racing and I was a little freaked out.  What did I do?  I started to journal.  

I wrote the words "what a crazy dream" and the word "redemption" at the top of the page. Then I went on to write about my dream.  I then wrote about talking with my friends about their mission.  I wrote about how if we stick to one specific mission that we might miss people in our path that God wants us to connect with.  Why?  Because they don't fit our criteria for our mission.  Why?  Because I know what it feels like to be one of the lowest of the low.  I shared this thought with Ted and he completely understood what I was thinking because he lived it with me.  God gave Ted to me to have life experiences that would lead us both to God's "redemption" in our lives.

What if  the cheery, positive newbie school teacher kept a makeup kit in her car & classroom with concealer and foundation to cover the bruises on her face and arms when she goes to work each day.  She never knows what morning she would have a new one.  It is through God's redemption that a fellow newbie teacher sees her go into my classroom one morning looking "rough".  She knocks on the door and finds her in tears behind the cubbies near a mirror trying to make herself look "bright and cheery" for the world.  She could see that she may look "bright and cheery" each day but her heart and spirit were broke.  She prays with her, doesn't judge her, and goes each morning to her room to do the same.  Would that young teacher count as "lowest of the low"?

What about the abusive hubby that finds himself without a home?  Because after a few years of abuse his wife stood up for herself and got a restraining order?  Would they take him into their home for dinner or approve of letting him sleep on the floor in a church basement?  Would they believe it when he told them that he saw the Bible in the moonlight, picked it up, read from it and gave his life to Christ?  Or, because he looks like the fun, preppy, young dad and hubby would they walk away from him and look for another soul to save?  Would they never realize it was him that was there in front of them that needed God's redemption?

My examples could be endless but these two are my own.  If it were not for God's intervention in my and Ted's marriage our lives twenty years ago we would have continued to be lost, broken, and walking shells of what God had planned for us.  But God gifted us with people that loved the Lord. His loved gleaned through them and their actions. And, yes, it took me a while to give up that God doesn't count my failures and that he has never wrote me off but I got it. I realize that God's "redemption" was there all along for me. 

I realized that my challenge is to treat each person I come into contact with God's love.  If that means a small note in the mail, a dinner for a family, or when I have them on my heart and mind praying for them.  I realized that my newbie mission statement needs to include my ability to serve God in a way that "redemption" won't only be mine but to those around me.  I'm still writing that mission statement as I pray about the future and what I'm going to do.  I'm excited about the idea of working creatively, teaching adults and kids.  In my "perfect" world I'd be able to fund supplies myself and each child could come to my artroom free of cost.  Well, I do have a ton of stuff but that's not realistic.  I've been praying on how to make the workshops I want to provide affordable to anyone that would want to attend them.  Feel free to pray about that for me.  And, if you know someone that knows how to help fund "special projects" send them my way.

All, that said, what is your "mission statement" for life?  Does it differ from the mission statement of what you can do for Christ?  Is there a way to mesh both of them for God's glory and to fulfill what he intends for you life? I think in my heart and spirit there is.  I'm still working on that but would love to hear your perspective.  I'd love to hear what you do daily, weekly, yearly for God and how it all works for you.  Feel free to comment, send my an email, etc.  

Blessings -Sherry

Update:

  

I got the pink sink & toilet for the artroom....and I'm tickled pink about them.

Last Friday, our dryer went out.  Ted went to replace the belt on it, started it up and there was a power surge in our house and sparks flew. We are blessed to have our washer still working, quarters for the laundromat in the kitchen piggy bank, and a local laundromat to dry our stuff.  We are saving for a used dryer.  

Ted & I have been having some real, open conversations about our faith.  I love what the "bread of life" cards have done for our world.  It truly has opened us up to talking to one another again about everything.  He shared with me that he was so thankful that we went to the Crossroads and he got to see me in my "element".  He said he got a peek at who I once was before he knew me & what is important to my spirit.  Love that he shared that....way to go, Tedster!

My Betsy Bravada is overheating....that would be my car.  I had to cancel my Cancer Institute doctor's appointment for the month because of it.  I was worried about going down there and not getting back safely.  We've contacted a friend about looking at it when he has a chance.  And, I was able to giggle today as I had a hot flash.  My Betsy Bravada must be having some sympathy pains for me and having "hot flashes" too.

Emily will enroll in classes for the summer on April 15th.  Pray for her.  

I've got two craft shows in April.  Pray that I'm able to do each for God's glory.  I've got some ideas of what I want to make but nothing is a for sure.  I'm hoping that God guide my path creatively as to what I should make or do to take to them.  That is on my "to do" list for the week. 

 Dale's birthday is on the 28th.  I'm blessed to have him for 15 years and thankful that God gave me a kindred spirit in the world that loves brownies, art, dogs, and learning.  If you see Dale this week or this weekend wish him a happy birthday.  We are planning on going to Nelson Atkins on Sunday to celebrate.  Last year, Dale, wanted to go there for an exhibit but I felt so rotten that we couldn't but this year we are going! 

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

"These things write I unto you, that ye sin not.  And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus the righteous" 1 John 2:1

This week has been challenging to say the least.  My blood work has came back not good for the second month in a row.  I've got cramping and nausea most days.   I'm facing on my worst fears next week at my doctor's appointment down at St. Luke's.  I honestly can say I thought that I had it together and was just going to go through the motions, find the "wins" daily, and make it through the year just fine being accountable to myself, my family, and friends with my health.  Well, all those old fears are back just like old friends & they come nagging at me.

Isn't it crazy how some blood work can make you want to run for the hills?  What about that conversation that I had a couple of weeks ago with a friend that totally hurt my spirit.  I went to talk with them to share about blogging and my experiences and questions that I get from people.  I just was hoping for some straight answers & direction.  I wound up feeling more confused than ever. 

I went and tried talking to my hubby which didn't help.  It wasn't that he was unkind, unhelpful, or discouraging he was just blunt, to the point, and was gonna solve my "problems" before I could even tell him what they were.  I love the hubby for wanting to be my knight in shining armor but please let me tell you what to save me from.  Can I get an amen to that? 

The worst of past week was when I had a friend tell me that I wouldn't feel so "jumpy" about stuff if I would simply tell everyone my sins and who I really am.  Ohh, that has troubled my heart the most.  I feel like I'm a pretty open book.  If anyone asked me about my past I would tell them or if I knew I could help someone by what I've experienced I would be there for them.  But to "confess" to the world every last detail of my life, well, to be honest, all I could think of was the "ain't nobody got time for that" gal. 

My remarkable blessing is that made me laugh.  To think of writing this week and telling you absolutely everything and more about me, my life, and journey.  And, it had me sit down and thank God that I've got him.  He's the one that does have time "for all of that".  He is the one that I should be confiding those fears in.  The one that I need to ask to mentor and guide my path.  I need to talk to him and ask him to help me acknowledge people that he is placing in my world that are willing to mentor, listen, and help me with all questions I've got.  And know what the best part is?  He knows me, has since before I was born, and has loved me through all of it.  I ran across the verse from 1 John 2:1 and as I've read and meditated on it this week I think I'm on to something....God is our best "advocate" and all that we need. 

 My grandparents had a little box with "bread of life" cards in them. My Grandpa Hout was a farmer.  He and my grandma used their "bread of life" cards every morning.  They would draw one out, read the thought, and then read the scripture.  He and my grandma would talk about it as they had coffee and then pray together for their own and family's needs.  That is something that has stuck with me as a kid.  It was just a time between the two of them.  They were so connected, sincere, and I could tell those conversations were important to them.  I've had my own set of "bread of life" cards like my grandparents for years.  Maybe instead of hoarding them to myself I need to open up about them and ask my hubby into my world.  I think maybe this is a way God is "advocating" for my spirit right now....by using something smallish that I have and is dear to my soul.  Using this to create a way for his glory to be had not only in my life but my family's lives.

Last night I told Ted about my mug filled with "bread of life" cards.  I explained to him about my grandparents and asked if he would be willing to do what they did with me.  Know what?  He did it.  It didn't take a lot of time but gave us each time to talk about what we read and about ourselves and family. 

Update For the Week:

1. Emily talked with the gal for financial aid at Longview. She thinks that Emily's A+ scholarship can be re-activated possibly by this fall semester or next January at the latest.  God is good!

2. Emily met with Voc-Rehab again this week.  There have been some changes to the program but I've got faith that Emily can still get a scholarship with them.  We may have to pay for her books but her summer tuition should be covered.  God is good!

3. My art room is coming right along.  We went to Habitat for Humanity Re-Store last weekend.  I found the best thing ever for the artroom.  A pink toilet and pink sink!  I'm hoping by April we can get it put into the artroom and I can start to plan on doing workshops from home.  God is good!

4. I'm blessed to have a gal pal that works downtown and is going to meet me following my doctor's appointment and we are going to do lunch.  It's always better to face your fears if you get bribed with lunch with a gal pal, right?  God is good!

5. We worked really hard as a family this past week doing yardwork.  Our leaves are raked up from the winter.  We cleaned out all my front yard flower beds.  We cleaned up our stairs and porch at the front door.  And, best of all I painted the front door. The paint was looking sad to say the least .  I told Em that it really made me sad and so we picked out a pale blue for the door and painted it.  It may not be perfect but it's cheery and lets me feel like my home is a small sanctuary from the world. Funny, how a coat of paint can do that.

Don't Get Around Much Anymore

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)



This past week has been ahh-mazing and eye opening for me.  After doing my blood work it wasn't the best.  But they assured me it could be as simple as I'm getting a cold.  They do my blood work again this afternoon.  I'm hoping the results are better but I didn't really rest and stay home either since my last visit.  I've also got pain on my side that gets pretty intense at times which could mean a ton of things if I let my mind wander.  I've been dealing with it through prayer and letting God take over until my appointment today.  

As I was getting ready this morning I heard the song, "Don't Get Around Much Anymore" and just had to laugh.  That could be my theme song for the last year and half.  And, now I really do feel better and want to do so much...gotta make up for lost time.  Ted & I went on our first real date night in a long time last Friday.  We went down to the Crossroads district in KC for first Fridays. 

 I was blessed a couple of weeks ago with an artist down there that contacted me.  They offered up part of their workshop/ studio to me while I get mine in order which floored me.  And, they didn't want to charge me they just wanted to help me.  When I asked them why they said they had seen the Valentine boxes that I made and loved them.  That just makes me giggle and so I wanted to go and check out their space.   What happened while I was down there was something more than just a date night or checking out the scene.  I was taken back in time to who I was in high school.  The citygirl that loved the art scene, dabbled in it, and supported her friends at events at studios.  And, the citygirl whose mom told her to pick a career that she would never make any money as an artist.  

Yeah, if I were honest an old wound was opened up for me thinking about my mom.  Her lack of enthusiasm for the arts, buying me materials to use, or even taking me to the art lessons that I won as a kid hurt.   I know that she & I reconciled that years ago when I had my kids.  She was sharing that your kids will love what you love and expose them to most times.  She shared with me how as a preschooler that I would beg her to take me to the art center in Des Moines and would stand in front of a painting for hours if she let me.  Art was something that my mom appreciated but not something that she wanted to spend time looking or doing.   My mom thought there was better ways to spend time to be really honest.  She loved nature and the outdoors.   I was blessed to have my neighbor, Ginny Brown, that would take me not only to the art center but galleries.  She exposed to me theater, music, and fun foods which I loved as a little girl.  My mom told me that she was jealous of my relationship with my neighbor lady and that is why she took me to the art center that one time.   And, she saw that I wasn't like her while we were there.  That I loved it art and she felt blessed that Ginny Brown was there for me.

As all those memories of who I was came flooding back last Friday it made me stop and think. It's took me 45 years to define who I am, what I stand for, my integrity, and deal breakers.  It also made me think about this blog.  I've had some great talks with friends about it. And, I've had to define in emails about my faith and who I am.  This made me think of why I chose to believe in God.  Why I've chosen to serve in the life of the churches that I've attended and for what purpose.  With that I made a timeline of sorts about why I've served in church & my purpose.  Here's the motto that I came up with.   I served because I wanted others to know about Christ through my words and actions. That statement makes sad inside. Know why?  Because through "my" words and actions.  Why do I think that I need credit or can in any way wiggle in on God?  I'm a list gal and so I wrote down when and why I served and I was even sadder.

• When I was in high school they needed Sunday School teachers.  I offered to teach. After talking with my pastor I was allowed.  He had faith that I would do a good job and so did I.  I really wanted to pay it back to my mom for taking me and letting me learn about God.  What happened is that the kids in my class loved me and vice versa.  But some of the adults at my congregation didn't think it was right to have a high school kid teaching. My pastor came to me at Christmas and told me that it was nothing that I had done but my age and they would find someone for my class.  That was crushing to my spirit and made me never want to serve in the life of a church again.
• The next time that I went to church regularly was when I was pregnant with Emily.  Shortly, after she was born they needed a Preschool Sunday School teacher and I volunteered for a small group of 5 boys. These boys had even the most seasoned Sunday School teachers quitting.  I told the pastor if he would let me do it I would be fine.  I taught a group of 25 students everyday and those 5 boys had nothing on me.  And he allowed me to take Emily with me to teach.  It was a total win win for years.  And, as I taught Sunday School I thought about my Grandpa Hout.  He taught Sunday School for years.  He had kids coming and was loved by each of them because he cared.  Yeah, I was sure that teaching Sunday School was a pay it forward for my Grandpa Hout and all the kids that he taught. 
• While teaching Sunday School I became involved with the board of education, the missions board and LWML.  Missions and LWML were important parts of my Grandma Hout's world and so I was paying it forward to her.  And, if I'm really honest I used the church as a safe sanctuary for Emily & I.  My marriage was less than ideal and rather than be at home it was better to be at the church working on something after work than going home.
• I was so thankful that I had a great pastor who found my hubby a great christian counselor that changed his life.  My hubby accepted Christ and found his way.  How could I not serve to pay it forward for what that pastor and counselor had done.  And, maybe through what I was doing at church someone else would have a relationship with God and wouldn't that be awesome?  Yeah, so I've served for that reason too.
• Ohh, and then there's my kids.  I want to make sure that they get to go to church like I did as a kid and know about God just like me.  And, so, yes, I serve so that my kids have a relationship with God.
• And, yup, when my family had been hurt, disheartened, and my hubby turned away from God by people at church my heart broke.  After a few years I took the kids to a new church.  And, my hubby went the next week.  Well, you guessed it!  I served for the pastor and staff that got my hubby back to his faith.  They allowed my kids to serve and feel a part of the church.  And provided programs that helped my kids grow in their confidence and faith.  I served to pay it forward to the pastor and staff for what they did in my family's life.  

Did you notice something within my motto & those statements?  I did.  I served because of myself and other people.  I didn't place the primary focus on serving because God has served me through his son, Jesus.  I didn't serve because I wanted others to know Christ.  I served so others would know Christ through "my" words and actions.  For goodness sake I need to take "me" & "my" out of the picture.  If I serve I need to do it for God and God alone.  And, yes, there are certain ministries that I love in my core and being.  But I love them because God has allowed me to and instilled it within me. It is a privilege to do that....not a right, not a pay it forward, or the right thing for the moment.  It is a privilege to serve my Heavenly Father. 

Part of my journey is in developing who I am & what I stand for. I believe that God brings us through seasons to help mentor us in the way he wants.  I may seem to ask an endless list of tireless questions to people right now.   That is because I want to know those smallish answers so I can help form who I am through Christ.  And, most importantly, I can prayerfully serve my Heavenly Father in the capacity he wants.  Not serve God in honor of someone or use church as a sanctuary.  Not that those aren't valid reasons. I feel personally I need to daily wake up and sincerely ask God to guide my words and actions for his glory.  And, yes, that statement ends with a period.

I'm praying that there are some of you that see what I'm saying this week.  And, take note in your heart and soul about how God is using you in service.  I know personally I will be asking him daily that my words and actions be for his good.  I know that is my personal challenge not for this week but for my lifetime to do.  Hope you are up to the challenge!  

Blessings-Sherry 

Personal Update: 

• This week I go to get my bloodwork drawn and to check in with my doctor.  I've been praying about this process since last month when I started to have doubts when my bloodwork came back less than fab.  It all goes back to that fear factor.  I'm praying with my appointment today that I can be "bold", have "courage" and realize my self worth rather than let doubts flood in.
• My joy this week is working on a donation for Sharing of the Green here in town.  It is a benefit silent auction & dinner for the Lay Clergy in my community. My joy has been in working with Emily on a child's armoire made from a dresser drawer.  We are doing the theme of "Frozen" from the movie and have made little girl clothing, a crown, and more for it.  Yesterday, Em took me aside for a break and played the theme song from Frozen.  She shared with me that it reminds her of her mom since the first time she heard it. What she meant is that her mama was raised to not "share" her feelings or emotions and "freezes" up when she has to.  She said that she is thankful that I'm "thawing" out....lol.
• This week Emily went to Longview and got admitted as a student. They have a four year RN program which is awesome.  She has to take two tests to be admitted to that program which scare & stress her out.  She called the resource center and left a message to see what types of materials, tutors, etc. they have or know of that would help her prep for those tests.  The glory in all this is that she told me she is glad to be home where she can relax and has us to talk to about it all.
• This week I started to volunteer at my church.  Not because I was trying to pay it forward or needed a sanctuary.  It was because I know that it is a priviledge in my life.  My new motto:  "Share the love of Christ for God's glory". 
• Ted and I had a great talk about our marriage, finances, and life together.  He even asked me to pray with him and help him.  His voice was strong, sincere, and loving....wowsies, God is good!  He shared with me for the first time in our lives he actually makes enough that we can pay our bills and that he wants me to take time to feel better and evaluate what I want to do.  He sees that my wheels spinning and doesn't want to see me have to be the "little red hen" because I have to, feel guilty, or need to.  He wants to gift me with taking care of me over the course of this year, letting me find my path, and has faith that God will guide me.  I can say at that moment I feel in love with Ted all over again.  I know it's not perfect right now but he gets me.....maybe that visit to the Crossroads district did both of us a world of good. 

Compromising Positions

 "To him give all the prophets to witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins" Acts 10:43

I'll admit it.  I'm not good at compromise... just ask poor Tedster or my kids.  I've always liked the idea of being the leader at any cost and tried to not look back. I was driving down the highway this week and heard the song, The Freshman, by Pearl Jam.  I almost turned the station but got distracted and then heard the lyric "what made us think we were wise and we'd never compromise".  And that hit home and it stung.  My life has been filled with those petty little arguments that I could have stopped just by compromising or saying I was sorry.  That is why I've gotten myself into so many predicaments & arguments over the years. 

Being a wife & mama sure did help to settle down my inability to compromise.  There is no way that you can be married or have kids that you love and not learn to compromise.  Ted and the kids were the game changers for me.  They made me realize that I wasn't out in the world just to get what I wanted and go on.  I was out in the world for a purpose and to make a difference to those I loved and others around me. 

 I remind myself that I made a pact with Ted, God, and myself when we got married.  Within that pact is compromise.  Uggh, that is sooo hard to do with someone you love but you see how they are doing it all wrong, right?  Yeah, I'm not alone then right?  The one great thing my mom told me early on in my marriage was to learn to Ted when he objected to something.  She shared with me that many times when my dad disagreed with her or what she was going to do she went ahead and did it.  And, that he was right because she made mistakes, hurt others, and got into situations that she wouldn't have dreamed of in her worst nightmare.  Well, I really took that to heart but still held true to my "there are many ways to do things but then there is the right way....that's my way".

But slowly and surely I started to listen to Ted and learned what my mom said was right.  There were situations that I placed myself in that I had no biz being there.  There were things that I would say that I would have been better off being silent and most of all I needed to be reminded that one of the reasons I love Ted is that he's smart.  So, yeah, I've learned to compromise over the years and God bless Ted for his patience with this head strong gal.

Then we had kids!  Oh, who wants to be the embarrassing mom?  The one that starts a conflict, is mouthy, or does embarrassing stuff?  I actually had a big old garage sale before Emily was born and sold off anything I deemed "un-motherly".  What time has taught me is that being "motherly" isn't your material possessions. Say, what?  I could have kept all my new wave and punk records?  What about my Drastic Plastic t-shirt ? Yeah, I could have.  What I didn't realize then was that God has blessed each of us with common traits : kindness, courage, love, faith, and compromise.  Shoot, think of all the times that God has remained steadfast as you compromised who you are through your words & actions.  I think in my heart and spirit I always knew God was there and waiting patiently on me but I refused to compromise what I was doing or who I thought I was for him.

Ouch, that statement hurt.  Knowing that God was there waiting but refusing to acknowledge him or his forgiveness for the mess that we call our lives.  I knew what a rebel I was as I took my shoes off in church when I visited my grandparents...that was a huge no no.  What about when I chose to ditch Sunday School as a teen and instead hide out, smoke, and gossip while at church?  Or be so mouthy with what I knew that I got told not to come back to the youth group?  Yeah, those are all a part of who I was and God watched, stood steadfast, and waited for me to come home to him.  And, then in my twenties when I knew in my every fiber of being God had forsaken me because I did him....he was standing right beside me and waiting for me to accept him and his path for my life.

Well, all I've got to say is that I was ready to "compromise" meaning forget all the things that I knew about God last fall and say yes to his forgiveness.  When I did that totally stopped all the sadness, guilt, and hurt that I felt over the years.  That brings me around to the lyric" what makes us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise".  The ability to compromise can set you free.  That doesn't mean you have to compromise with everything or lose you.  What it does mean is opening your mind, heart, and spirit to who God designed you to be.

This past months my world has been shaken, rocked, and rolled.  But my faith has brought the "light" into my world and allowed me to keep going, re-group, and be a light for God.  The thought of that thrills me.  As we are donating, organizing, and re-grouping as a family we are finding the joy in the smalls of life.  I'm personally been set free to dream again....yeah, dream!  There are so many paths for my life to take on.  Go back & sub, go & tutor, go & work creatively from home, go & do workshops.  Did you notice how all those statements started?  With "go".  I feel so motivated by God that I know it is a time to listen to him, dig into his word, and then "go" in the direction he would have me go. 

Personal Updates:

• In February I learned the important lesson of compromise, integrity, and knowing exactly who God designed me to be through my words and actions.  For each situation I kept these words true to my heart from my Bread of Life cards : "Whenever this sweet message in God's word I see whosoever will may come: I know tis meant for me".  In other words "Girl, you know who you are through Christ and don't ever let it be questioned".
• We are down to the smalls in the artroom.  That would be unpacking my "keep" stuff, making curtains, and creating a creative island work station.  I'm super excited by the transformation.  It's still my basement aka "artroom" but it looks like a creative space that will help me be purposeful in what I do.  
• I'm working on getting some natural estrogen replacements that are soy based.  Anyone with any great suggestions let me know.  
• My family & I have been finding joys in everyday life. I can bend and do the dishes, laundry, etc....those are huge "wins".  I've been bragging a bit about "winning" but that is how I feel most days as I cook, clean, and do those small things for my family. 
• I've been asked if I would be willing to do some scarves for a huge concert in Detroit this summer.  I'm thrilled with the idea.  Imagine some of the great bands that are going be there getting my stuff in swag bags.  
• Finally, Tedster & I are keepin' on in our marriage. Even at the worst of times our core value is our faith & love for one another. I'm praying that we are able to find our way back this year to communicating, compromising, and throughout it all loving one another.