I'm sure a few of you have seen Marvels Infinity War or perhaps read it in the comics? As the war rages on there is is this ominous music in the background that really helps to bring catharsis to what is playing out on the screen with characters literally turning to dust before our eyes. Why bring that up, Sherry?
Well, here's why. This spring I could sense a change in myself. One that is reminiscent of the kid I was but without the fear or disillusionment that others expectations or the world placed on me. I'm 48 not 8 anymore, right? I've had a few battles in my life time on this world and I've reconciled things with our Heavenly Father.
This spring I felt something turn as I prayed with friends and felt the father's compassion in their prayers over me and my family. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and no longer went to duck and cover thinking that it was going to turn me to dust. Instead, I welcomed, the distraction from the world brought on by the Holy Spirit.
We went to Wagner this summer and on the way home as the kids were asleep in the car in my head I heard that ominous music from Infinity War start to play in my head. It came into my thoughts that the world is at war and no matter where I would turn ; Wagner, KC, or anywhere else there was a war raging with people being played like pawns turning to dust in the wind. It literally took my breath away to say the least. It had me praying over what was I supposed to do other than be your hands and feet, God?
When we got home I realized that our home was a merely a home base for our family. Quite simply instead of what Dale, my son, once called "our castle" as a kid I saw it as the 103, our house number. A place where we could find solace, rest, and a home base. God has been challenging me not to marginalize who I am, why I was created, and to free myself from old wounds and scars that the world has placed on me. That's huge for me to not allow blame, shame, and hurt to define me but to ask God what he sees, to take time to listen, and then rejoice because its always far more glam than the worldly view.
I took the position this year with The Single Mom KC as their children's ministries coordinator. All the years that I've spent spinning my wheels for the Lord was coming to fruition. I had an actual name tag with that name on it and it didn't mean a thing because it was a worldly title and there is no end of title, merit for this beloved daughter of the King. At the fall event there were a series of whatever can go wrong will go wrong moments . God's love, encouragement, and a filled heart of grace, love, and perspective in the spirit had me rally. It had me take time to pray and hear God say, "Sherry, there will be incidentals, trust me, for you it will feel like more but to me they are incidentals". I chose to walk in the spirit, to trust, and to His glory I could see it was the world and darkness seeking to disrupt the day, what I had planned for the kids, what light God was going to release and break free. I chose to see it as incidentals, trust God, and walk in the spirit.
I wrote in my journal praise for incidentals and God responded by encouraging me and sharing. He reminded me that at 5 years old I knew I wanted to be a teacher. That I had allowed the others reflections and presence define who he designed to be over the years. That I had chose to despair, cry, pout, and whine but that now I choose; to seek joy, see the world in a view that causes me to laugh rather that cry, and have the eagerness of the 5 year old Sherry when God directs me. He reminded me that I had raised two kids and they will be "warriors" of light, grace, and mercy to the world. He told me that was what I was designed to ; "train warriors" for the battle of this life.
I've chosen to go with this flow. The flow of the spirit most days. It has been difficult because of my health. I have no health insurance and no chemo meds. I used the last of the meds for Chron's disease earlier this month and so my body swells. Recently, I have had excruciating pain in my stomach that leaves me in tears. The pain is the last thing I feel each night for over a month. I cry, pray, and ask for the Holy Spirit to encompass me so I can sleep. When I wake up I claim victory in Christs name over the day that I am alive and kicking. Then I feel the pain from my worldly battle which is my body and sometimes nausea. My personal health battle is menacing to say the least. The meds that I need are too costly to afford. I've filled out paperwork, made calls, and tried to advocate for the meds but many are generics and the drug companies say "they are at a considerable savings"...it is a savings that I can not afford.
This month I hear the ominous music in the background and feel the world pressing into me with my health. I choose to walk in the spirit. I feel the weight and magnitude of my job with The Single Mom KC and lean into the spirit. When I told TSMKC that I was going to have a "warrior rally" for the kids they asked me to speak to both kids & moms. Each morning since I hear the world tell me "you can't do that", "you have no voice", "you are a sham" and I walk and lean into the spirit and that makes all the difference. I know in my heart that God is opening opportunities for this girl to enlighten "warriors" that bear his light, grace, and mercy to the world. I know in my mind that I can write and speak. I know in my spirit that the spirit of Christ is with me each step so I have no choice but to believe.
As we go into December I want to share a snippet of what I will be telling the "warriors" and their mamas. In this lifetime the darkness that is the world seeks to mock lightbearers. It seeks to encompass you mentally, physically, and emotionally to the point that your light will flicker. It is at those times we must find someone to talk to whether it be knocking on the neighbors door, calling a friend or co-worker, or seeing the person next to you and talking. Talking about what is hurting you, what you fear, etc breaks the darkness and allows Gods light that is within you to stop flickering and to shine brilliantly. God has a reminder for dark times in the world. It is the night sky. When you look at the night sky you see the vastness, power, and magnitude of God. It reminds us that although it is dark there is always light. The light of the Lord is in the stars that shine but are totally surrounded by darkness yet they shine brilliantly to remind you that you are designed to shine with the intensity of the God, walk into life as a brilliant warrior, and be His grace, truth, mercy, and love to all.
Ok, that's not too shabby, right? It makes me smile to just read that last paragraph. It is with the magnitude of the Heavens that we walk, friends. It is with the magnitude of brilliance like the stars that we shine once we know Christ as our Savior. It is because of that we can find joy, laughter, and hope in our lives and share that hope with our families, friends, and the world.
Peace be with you- Sherry
UPDATES
- I need a total of $500 per month until March for meds for Chrons Diesease. Ted is starting a new job in December to get both he and I affordable health insurance that will start in March. If you would like to help me pay for my meds that will stop the swelling, help with pain, etc. please let me know.
- We will be heading to Wagner, South Dakota in December once Dale is done with finals. I am collecting new socks, gently used snowboots (both kids and adults), and will have a list of art supplies I would like to take. If you would like to help please message me.
- December 1 is The Single Mom KC event that I will be speaking at and then helping to orchestrate "warriors" aka children at. The event is from 9-noon. If you would like to help with the kiddos let me know either through a donation for supplies or to come serve please let me know.
