I Tried

  “You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.”― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

 The kids & I had a marvelous time donating movie ticket money to purchase kids tickets.  We were blessed to have friends that partner with us.  And, blessed that last night once those tickets were purchased I got to purchase to more for my own kids to go to the movies.  

 We saw the "Justice League" which was a wonderful distraction for the three of us.  Early on in the movie there are images of the world as they mourn Supermans death.  There was an image of a homeless man with his dog with a cardboard sign that read "I Tried".  It really got to me not because of the dog, the homeless crisis, or Supermans death.  

 The simple cardboard sign that read "I Tried" is what did it.  It left me thinking and rethinking throughout the movie, last night, and into the morning how many times I try to do the right thing,  I try to be kind, I try to impact the same love that God gifts me daily.  At the end of each day I hang my head for God's grace and mercy to wash over me because it didn't feel like quite enough.  

The magnitude of what the world is facing, the magnitude of what my own family is facing and myself bears and wears on my soul.  I bet it does yours too.  And, at the end of the day as I ask for God's grace and mercy to wash over me I bear the sign of "I Tried".  That is really why that small segment of the movie got to me and stuck with me.  

What if I stopped saying "I Tried" and change it to a present day tense...bear with me I was an English major once long ago.  What if today I started saying "I Try" and each evening as I humbly ask for Gods grace and mercy instead of feeling inept I know in my heart, mind, and spirit that "I Try". 

Try defined means:  make an attempt or effort to do something. That means that I start a task, I attempt it, and there is effort in it.  Does it mean I complete it ?  No, but I sure can "try".  I realized within the first years of teaching that I was not going to change the world or the 25 precious souls in my classroom.  I did realize that each child and family that I came into contact with would know what it is to ; feel safe, cared for, be given the ability to learn, and to feel welcomed and dare I say "loved" during their year in my classroom.  I recognized it as a small simplicity that became not only my teaching mission statement but my mission statement in life. 

 This morning I was going to hit "publish" and something stopped me.  I found myself reading in James 1:1-6 ;"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting. My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed". 

James encouraged my heart that I'm on the right path with "I try" but that I'm forgetting to include Him in that mission statement.  It isn't about me perchance it is about God and fully leaning into Him in faith to accomplish small, mediums, and large in our lifetime.  That still may be one child, one family, or one person that you make an impact on...or perhaps it is you that is changed for the better to face the light rather than darkness.  

May I find the stronghold of His light in my daily life. May I never waver in faith and ask my Heavenly Father who has been patiently waiting for me to seek the gifts and uniqueness that I bring to the world.  This afternoon I'm willing to "try" because James tells me that He does things "liberally.  How awesome is that?  Are you willing to "try" today?  Me too.     

Peace be with you-Sherry

 

Update: 

We've been in Wagner for exactly one week today.  I've been challenged to be "bold" with the kids and feel like I'm failing.  Yesterday, out of the blue on the girls says to me, "I've got a song, Sherry, and I know you'll like it". She started playing it on her phone and then singing to it along with two other girls.  It was a song about Jesus being their superhero.  The group from Harrisonville this past summer.  I asked them if they knew Jesus and what did that mean to each of them....yes, the old school Lutheran girl is alive and well. The girl that began singing the song told me that Jesus is the light in the world so she doesn't have to be afraid. Another said He is like our heart full of love and goodness.  Then one girl shared that she sang the song because it was catchy and the people that came before us this summer were fun and it was something to do.  She told me that she met us and she knew who Jesus was not because we told her about him but because we showed her about him.  I asked how?  And, she said, "who comes to Wagner on Christmas to do art stuff and hangout ?"...yeah, that would be us.  I'm grateful for the girls "boldness" and out ability to be His light in our words and actions.  Praise God...and doing a happy dance.

• We leave on Saturday morning to head back to KC.  Please pray for good traveling weather and God's favor to get us back to Pleasant Hill.  

Silver Springs

 "He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers". Psalm 1:3

Yes, I admit it, I love Stevie Nicks, & Silver Springs is on my list of top 10 songs from my life.  I heard it as a kid and loved the poetry of it.  When I grew up and was separated from my hubs I would play it and sob for a life lost.  When we reconciled a few years later I would play as a victory anthem. Now, I hear that melody and chorus "time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too..." and it brings to me to tears because I think of my relationship with our Heavenly Father and how long he waited for me to know I was His. To actually rest in His security and trust Him...wowsies, let's just say we both got "older".

This morning Silver Springs is on my mind and that melody.  I feel the Lord saying "your older now be bolder".  Uggh, but Heavenly Father I love being a sneaky Christian that others would see your light in me & your wisdom & grace in my actions.  Seriously, I said, I don't want to be that girl with the bull horn for you Lord.  And, his reply "what are you going to do...I didn't know it was a choice". 

How do you respond to that?  I mean its one thing to rebel against earthly parents, right and their wishes?  But when your Heavenly Father lays it out...how do you respond? I simply heard the refrain from Silver Springs "time makes you bolder". It gave me clarity when I needed it. It boosted my soul and spirit, and allows me to "boldly" think with clarity and purpose this morning.  It is the first time that I have planned all the The Artroom classes before the end of the month.  It is the first time that I see that I am literally holding in all the goodness graciousness with God by not seeking others to partner in my adventures. It made me "boldly" post on social media asking for people to partner with the kids & I as we prep to leave for Wagner, South Dakota next week.  It has me posting in groups I belong to with lists of supplies.  My dream of gifting 30 kids with movie tickets seems more of a statement of what will be than just an aspiration. 

Wednesday of next week the kids and I are headed back to Wagner, South Dakota.  We will spend Christmas and the break there doing Open Artroom with the families and kids in the community.  I've planned a series of "light" inspired art activities and mad scientist lab projects that will be "teachable God moments" which will cause not only me but my kids to be "bold".  

This week has left me knowing our Heavenly Fathers "boldness" for me. I met a friend for tea yesterday and she asked what kind of funding I have for The Artroom and our travels to South Dakota.  I told "me and my husband".  She remarked that it wasn't about just us. She challenged me to think what we could do with some help.  She is getting me in contact with a grant writer that will help me to write a business plan and then apply for grants and she also has a 501 number for non-profits that her group wants to offer to help me.  That is provision directly from our Heavenly Father.  I started writing a business plan a couple of years ago and it was daunting to say the least.  Then, I got the diagnosis of ovarian cancer and finding funding for The Artroom was lost. 

To His glory he saw my vision of The Artroom and kept it silent as I went through chemo and radiation and continue to fight cancer.  He took away pieces of me last year, all my norms, all the things I was were gone.  He left me with one thing ""you are mine" and I felt in my soul that I had no idea what or how he was going to use me for His glory but that it was far greater than I could comprehend.  This week I am feeling His truth and recognizing and praising Him for it. 

All that being said..."time makes you bolder, children get older, and am getting older too".  I know my soul worth and title is as His beloved and not of this world.  I realize that my roots were never here in this world and cancer was my wake up call to the truth in my life.  I realize the ramification of what he intends and when he says "I didn't know it was a choice" it allows me to freely lift all cares up to Him and live bold. 

May we live in "boldness".  Peace be with you. 

Updates:

• Continued prayers and messages and calls on Emily's behalf.  She does not have health insurance and we are coming on 3 months when they will determine if she qualifies for disability health insurance.  Pray for God's favor. 
• We leave next Wednesday for Wagner, South Dakota.  Pray for safe travels for the kids and I to get there and get home.  Ted will be home with the dogs and although miles will separate us our hearts are united in being God's light.
• Message me if you would like to donate materials, snacks, or help with movie money for our trip.  I can give you more details. 

 

The Sheer Placidity Of Life

 I've been placid this week.  I've worked at making phone calls on the darling dots behalf to ; ensure her meds are still covered via the drug company, continued calls to epilepsy neurologists to see if they will take her on as a patient without insurance and allow us to be billed for the consult,  and finally I got a hold of a precious lady who listened, helped, and was a ray of Gods jubilant light.

The darling dot still has not been approved for disability health insurance via the state.  Wednesday of this week I finished calls and felt at peace that I had truly advocated for her the best I could as her earthly mom and now it was time for her Heavenly Father to show His favor and light.

I've always known that it is by His grace that I have my kids.  I am here to be His hands and feet to them.  To mentor them, love them, and gift them daily back to their creator.  When they were small I read that we must glorify God and then gift our children daily back to him knowing his care was far greater than our own, his love boundless, and his strength and endurance impeccable.  I've done that daily for most of their lives because it allows me the ability to be "placid" as the world spins, the waves of life crash, and to see the joy in each moment that is a gift from him.  That doesn't mean that I don't battle with the darkness that feels encompassing at times. It means I have the ability to see the pinhole of light from our Heavenly Father and know that we aren't alone.  I know the one that roars when I want to wimp out, give up, and succumb.

Placid defined means; tranquil, still, calm, peaceful, serene, and my two favs, unflappable, and unperturbed.  Each of us is beloved by our Heavenly Father. Because of this we can access placidity in our lives despite our circumstances. I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, abandoned, and alone for me that meant cancer.  Cancer took me out physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It took friends that I had for years and made them strangers.  It took my family on a tailspin that I still pray daily for restoration.  As all those things were taken and I felt very alone I felt our Heavenly Father telling me "you are mine".  I heard him clearly he declared "placidity" over me this past year.  He roared when I could barely speak because of sores in my mouth from chemo.  He raged for me when I felt inept and alone.  He told me to come home to him, trust him, and rest for He had far greater things planned for me now that I realized I was his.

This week I got conformation that the state does have the darling dots medical records.  That her paperwork was entered in and within less than two weeks it went to the medical board for review and decision. I found this out on Wednesday.  I have asked for God's favor to our darling dot because she is his beloved daughter.  I'm able to be placid again because my trust is in him that his reach, care, concern are far greater than mine.  What makes me sob, drives fear, and causes me to be lost to help her causes our Heavenly Father to roar.  He breaks the darkness with that roar and brings placidity to my heart, mind, and spirit.

I'm asking you today to allow our Heavenly Father to "roar" for you.  To realize the magnitude of His blessings and favor in your lives.  May you come to Him broken and allow Him to fill you up so you walk in his grace, mercy, and placidity.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• Pray for Gods favor on Emily that the medical board see epilepsy as a disability.  That they realize she needs insurance and approve her. I am asking you to partner with me to pray this simple prayer daily three times (morning, noon, and night) to speak life for Emily . "Give Emily victory and be her shield. Guard her course and protect her way"...Proverbs 2:7-8. 
• I had new people come to the Artroom in November and have been blessed to see how my creative sanctuary from the world is for others too.  I'll be posting December classes this weekend.  I will be offering gift certificates to The Artroom feel free to message me on how to get one. 
• We will be heading back to South Dakota around December 20.  I feel God telling me to spend two weeks there.  I need help to purchase snacks & a few supplies to create a "Mad Scientist Lab".  Please let me know if you would like to help bless the kids & families that come to Open Artroom.  

Your Face

This is the face of an uninsured active voter in your area. This face has epilepsy and uncontrolled seizures that could kill her. This is the face of a daughter, sister, friend, and lover of the Lord.  This face has tenacity, compassion, and a servants heart.  This is the face of a future counselor, missionary, and world changer. This face has a name, has a voice, and will not go unanswered. #healthinsurance4emily #epilepsy









 List of Senators and Representatives;

Vicki Hartzler 1-220-225-2876 For Vicky, I went to her website and typed “email” in search bar and filled out form

Donna Pfautsch 1-573-751-9766 Donna.Pfautsch@house.mo.gov

Roy Blunt 1-202-224-5721
Blunt, website and then contact is under the drop down menu, fill out form.

Claire McCaskell (has an office in KC at 4141 Penn Ave, KC, Mo)  1-816-421-1639  or her DC number is 1-202-224-6154 senator@mccaskill.senate.gov

Born 2 Fight Built 2 Love

The darling dot & I passed a billboard promoting a new kids movie with the tag lines "Born to fight, Built to Love".  I asked her to write that in my journal because I felt like that is how God designed us as his warriors in the world against darkness that we would be His light & love.  I got a little preachy to say the least in the car.

She listened to me rattle on and then asked if I wanted to know what she thought.  Of, course, darling dot.  She said simply this; "I know God is wasn't born but He is the ultimate fighter that loves us enough to fight for us".  Yeah, she took those words to a whole other level, right?  She made it personal but the words aren't about us but our Heavenly Fathers capacity to love us each so much that He fights daily for us.  That's powerful coming from the darling dot considering what she has faces; epilepsy, uncontrolled seizures, and uncertainty.  Yet, this girl knows her Heavenly fights for her, has premise in her life, and loves her majestically.

This morning I woke up early birdy not to shop but because I felt God whispering to me to wake up, spend some time in me, and listen.  I trooped downstairs, journaled, & then listened to Him. I feel Him urging me to "trust in the moment, hasten hurry and reap joy. Emily is my adoration and Dale is my splendor take care of them, Sherry, delight in their joy for they are my truth and light to you through me". 

What a wondrous blessing from my Heavenly Father that He has it all under control; my fears, my frets, and my worries.  That He is fighting for me and wants me to reap His joy in my children.  Today, we are headed into KC to see if we can win a Blick bag full of art supplies. We were just going to hunker in after Thanksgiving but Dale saw the postcard and wants to try. I love that!  He is imaging how great all the supplies could be for him & for our family to use in The Artroom for art classes & to take on our journeys to South Dakota.  He actually inspired both his sister and dad to wake up this morning and go with us because 4 is better than 2.

There it is, God's light and definition for my life 4 is better than 2.  Not just for free giveaways but in my lifetime.  God graces me with 3 others that love me in a remarkable way.   May He grace you today through your kids, family, and friends.  That His love shine through them that you know what a fighter He is. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

To Whom It May Concern

                                                                                                              

To Whom It May Concern;

We are reaching out to you to help get Emily M. Snider health care insurance via the State of Missouri.  Emily is 24 year old, a college student, and primary caregiver to her mom who has cancer.

Emily attended Fontbonne University and her freshman year had a seizure in her Algebra class.  She was transported to a nearby hospital because during the seizure she stopped breathing and could not be resuscitated.  In the ER she was resuscitated and by herself with no family and no idea why she was there.  Her seizures have continued with frequency since 2014. In 2016 she came home from college to care for her mom who has cancer.  It was her hope in returning home that she would be able to get the seizures under control.

In September 2017 she was officially diagnosed with epilepsy by Dr. Hedges at the Kansas City Neurology Assoc LLC.  She has no health care insurance and her family has been paying for her medical care.  Her seizures are not controlled, she stops breathing during each for at least 10 minutes before she is resuscitated.  She takes meds to control her seizures but they aren't keeping her seizure free. She is unable to drive, can not work, and has to live at home in order to be monitored and keep her safe when she has a seizure.

Her current neurologist, Dr. Hedges, wants to refer her to a epilepsy specialist in neurology.  She believes because Emily is young she would be a good candidate for brain surgery.  This requires Emily to see a specialist in epilepsy to get started.  The specialists are too expensive for her family to pay and Emily needs health care insurance because of her epilepsy. The Snider family looked into buying health insurance for Emily but because of her epilepsy diagnosis it is too expensive for them to afford.

Her family applied on September 25, 2017 and have been told her case is "in process".  They have been told it can take up to three months to hear back from the State of Missouri if she has been approved or declined.  She can not wait any longer.  She has had three seizures within the past two months that could have killed her.  Imagine, your child, dropping to the floor, seizing and they stop breathing. Or coming home from chemo and finding your child seizing.  Both these are the Snider families reality.

We are writing in hopes you can speed the process of her application for health insurance via the State of Missouri. We need your help to get her approved asap.  It is a matter of life or death that this young girl in our community have insurance.  She is a vibrant member of the her community who hopes to be a counselor to families and children.  We need you to make calls, wake people up, and rally for Emily Snider.

Thank you for your time and effort.  We look forward to seeing Emily with health care insurance asap!

Peace be with you-



List of Senators and Representatives;

Vicki Hartzler 1-220-225-2876 For Vicky, I went to her website and typed “email” in search bar and filled out form


Donna Pfautsch 1-573-751-9766 Donna.Pfautsch@house.mo.gov

Roy Blunt 1-202-224-5721
Blunt, website and then contact is under the drop down menu, fill out form.

Claire McCaskell (has an office in KC at 4141 Penn Ave, KC, Mo)  1-816-421-1639  or her DC number is 1-202-224-6154 senator@mccaskill.senate.gov
 

  **We would like to start to rally.  These are the ways you can help us: 

•  Email this letter once to each of our reps that hold state and federal office by copying and pasting this letter.  Do this today and continue to send them daily until Emily has insurance.

  Make a phone call to one or all of the reps.  You can do this once or daily. We want them inundated.

  If you live or work in KC and would drop into Claire McCaskills office to be Emily's voice and drop off a copy of the letter personally. McCaskill has an office at 4141 Penn, KC, Mo. 

  Share on your social media daily with the link to this letter for others to rally behind Emily.  

  Use the #healthinsurance4Emily #epilepsy on social media ; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and any others

  Contact these reps via social media.  They all have Facebook pages and Twitter accounts.  Copy & Paste this letter on their Facebook page.  Tweet them with  #healthinsurance4Emily #epilepsy.  

• • 
    

 

Peter Pan Is A Liar

I adore this title...why?  It encompasses my past year spent in solace, grace, and forgiveness with my Heavenly Father.  Through the radiation, chemo, lousy blood work, and even worse scans He was by my side.  He told me "you are mine".   He promised He had great things in store for me & that I had no idea all He was going to use me for.  For the first time in a long time I heard from our Heavenly Father in a deeply personal way that cornered my soul, filled my broken heart, and gave clarity to my mind. 

Just this week my darling dot had another seizure.  In my mind I knew what to do to help her.  Her head hit the marble tile in my bathroom.  Instantly I knew to drag her from where she hit to the wood floor so her head would stop hitting the marble.  And, when I went to drag her away by her feet and legs I didn't have the strength.  The hubs who was standing there told me to "MOVE" and got her to the wood floor.  I told him to sit on the floor and get her propped up as she was already starting to cut off her air.  He sat on the ground, picked up his precious daughter and got her propped by his strength behind her.  I got towels for the drool to wipe the blood and foam from my darling dot.  And, I wept out loud, and cried to our Heavenly Father, " Father you bring her back...bring Emily back to us. You have great things in store for her, Father" and she was back.

It left me thinking how many times has my Heavenly Father openly wept for me and cried out loud "I've got great things in store for you".  How many times has He done that for you?  I think perhaps mine started as a kid and continued a lifetime. 

Peter Pan warned "Once you grow up you can't come back".  That meant no more Neverland and adulthood in the book.  I feel like I've lived a lifetime thinking that very thing.  Locking away all those things that I adored in childhood; singing at the top of my lungs, making poms poms out of white floral bush branches, and chasing birds in hopes of catching one. Being a dreamer, loving art, being artsy, a peace punk, and a teacher.  I was reminded with the darling dot's seizure this week ; 1. We will not be broken, 2. Sherry you know the truth, 3. being filled with radiant light that warms my body, clears my mind, and sets my spirit free.  Its the realization of how graceful our Heavenly Father designed me & how he wove me.  Every chance encounter or coincidence is not that it is His majestic design and plan. And, yes, the times that I've felt alone, in despair, hurt by the world, closed in with darkness penetrating he was there saying, "Sherry you know the Truth".  Within the past year I've heard that spirit that lies within me that reminds me of the truth and reveals himself to me as I gain trust, confidence, and light. 

Yes, dear souls, Peter Pan is a liar.  You can go back to your true self as you were designed.  If you feel lost tell our Heavenly Father "I'm lost seek me, Lord" and you will feel found.  Trust, believe, and know you are His, precious friends.  He no longer wants to weep and cry out "I've got great things in store for you" while you turn to the worldly, the darkness, and deceptive thoughts.  Fix your eyes wide open, let His light radiate you, and flood every inch of your being.  Allow yourself the chance to be his beloved.  It feels just like being a kid; free from bills...can I get an amen for that? But it is the warmest light you will ever feel, the gentlest nudge on your heart that sets it back to where it was, and grace to love others with his grace. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I had my consult this week.  My scan showed my intestines are clear  and the nodules in my stomach have shrunk.  And, for the first time in two years my blood work looks almost like a normal person.  My oncologist said the scan was good news but he was really encouraged when he got my blood work back because it looked really, really good.  He told me that we could continue chemo but that means that my immunity would be gone rather than compromised.  He said he knows me and what I love to do and want to do with art therapy and my artroom.  He asked if I felt like I had quality of life.  He told me that he felt encouraged to give me a chance at quality of life with a three month break from infusions if I ; took oral meds, got weekly blood work, and called if I feel crappy, get a cold, etc.  He said he felt confidant that the nodules will hold where they are which is smaller than they have ever been.  My other option is to continue infusions, kill off my immunity, put any thoughts of teaching art on hold for another 6 months to a year or to choose "quality of life".  I chose quality of life and am believing all is well & will be restored.
• We are still battling to get Emily disability health insurance because of her epilepsy diagnosis.  She has three seizures in the past two months and it is becoming apparent she desperately needs a specialist which requires insurance.  Pray for healing, safety, and courage for Emily.
• Dale is looking into college at Northwest Missouri State or community college for the first couple of years so we can afford KU eventually.  He is filling out scholarships and we are trusting God to place him where he intends.
• I will be posting Artroom classes over the weekend. The kids & I will be at a Vendor Blender in Pleasant Hill , Mo this weekend doing make & takes that highlight The Artroom.  I will also be engraving key necklaces at the event.  We would adore for you to come out and say hi & encourage my soul.

Kingdom Come

 And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.

Remember that part of the Lord's prayer that says "thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven"? That reference has freaked me out since I was a kid.  As a kid I believed that we were praying for an end of the earth.  As, I got older, I learned more about the prayer, the symbolism of the words but still came to the same conclusion that we were praying literally for Revelations to happen before our very eyes.  I thought how sick and morbid is that?  That we as believers are chanting for Revelations and the end of times?

Didn't the adults read the bible and know what long term suffering they are praying for.  And, I'll admit as a teenager and college kid I often omitted speaking those words because of a silent fear that I had from them.  What if God did come? What if I wasn't worthy enough? What if I had to relive all the "transgressions" I'd made to God, my family, and friends. Can you say "no thank you" and just move on?

It appeared to me that it was far better to live in the earthly worldly realm than to ever live in "heaven". To bring heaven on earth would mean not knowing where you were going to live, whose ultimately with you and who perishes.  And, what if I was one that perishes?  Geez, Lord, I don't want that.  With the birth of my kids I felt compelled to teach them of a love of the Lord that they would trust him far greater than myself or their earthly dad.  That they would grow in that trust and be compassionate, smart, and capable kids that would turn into smart, compassionate, and capable adults.  I would pray over each of them that would be a reflection of our Heavenly Father on earth knowing full well in my heart that I wasn't that.  I had done too much, made deal changing decisions that would vest me in the earthly rather than the heavenly. But my kids, yeah, God loved them more than their sinful mom and they would be among that are saved.

As, I type that, I realize how much value I placed on my own definitions and how little on God's mercy and forgiveness.  I'd quarrel to my final breath that God had forgiveness for each and every sinister soul in the world. But, when it came to me, well, the phrase, "ain't got time for that" is exactly what I knew in my soul God would say.  I had made my decisions even though I knew they would be a life without heaven.  So, yeah, me praying "they kingdom on earth as it is in heaven" forget that.  I didn't want to leave the earth because I knew within every fiber of my soul that I wasn't going to Heaven.

It took me turning 40 something, being dealt a possible cancer diagnosis, and having my daughter ready to start college that I had an epiphany.  A deal changer.  I hadn't been going to church because I felt I was a "fraud" and mocking God.  How could all this be happening?  Quite simply God was going to "make thy kingdom on earth as it is in heaven" and I was going to face his wrath.  All the people that I knew and loved would see my fall, know my shame, and know what a fraud I was.  It was truly unbearable.  I was living not in the world but in darkness.

I was challenged to say the least.  My son asked me to go to church with him and I had refused playing it off to him that I wasn't feeling well.  Truth be known I wasn't feeling well physically but soufully I was feeling worse.  This particular Sunday he kept prodding me and so after a few months of not going I went to appease my kid.  I went and was challenged with a sermon on God's mercy and forgiveness.  Normally, I would have written it off and it would have fallen on deaf ears.  I'd only spent half of my life knowing that God had wrote me off, cast me away, and now I was feeling his wrath physically, mentally, and soulfully here on earth.

Instead, my ears perked up to a revelation.  God's grace and forgiveness is enough all you have to do is believe that is so.  It was a light bulb moment what if that is true?  What if God's forgiveness includes me? What if he didn't cast me off?  Could I dare to trust him that it would be so?  And, I thought, yeah, why not and it was a deal changer.  I rested soundly knowing I was forgiven and believed that God would heal me and I could go on. 

I soundly took my daughter took my daughter to college that fall.  I soundly went back to my doctor and told them I was ready for surgery.  I soundly went to sleep at night knowing I was forgiven. I had my surgery and learned the mass that was size of a grapefruit on my left ovary burst.  My daughter had a seizure in in algebra class in college.  She was unresponsive, stopped breathing for 15 minutes, and had to be taken to a hospital in an ambulance.  My husband had a job that was demanding and couldn't take off work for to go to get our daughter and I didn't have a car that could get me there. We got our daughter home and were told by a specialist that she had epilepsy and we refused his diagnosis. My husband couldn't take off work when I went back to the doctor to learn the results of my biopsies where I learned I had ovarian cancer and quite possibly those cancer cells would or could spread because of the mass bursting.  Three months of that diagnosis I had cancerous cysts that were removed from my intestines and I was put on chemo meds. A month later those meds were no longer covered by my insurance and within two months our health insurance for our family was discontinued.

I had a come to Jesus talk with Jesus. You want me to believe that I'm forgiven?  That you love me?  That you love my daughter and son more than me but all this is happening? If you are a God of love and forgiveness what is wrong with you?  And, I heard, "how much goodness graciousness do you need?". I looked around my home and thought you have a place to call home. You have an artroom to be creative, you have kids that love you, a hubby that works his tail feathers off.  You have been a teacher, you write curriculum, you write a blog, and you've worked creatively.  Yeah, that being said, that's a whole lotta goodness graciousness that was God given and approved in my life.

I gained insight of the love and began to praise the Lord for all that I have and with all of my heart.  I was blessed with health insurance for my son and myself.  I was blessed when I had a second surgery to remove even larger cancerous cysts from my intestines.  I was blessed through chemo and radiation, for friends that helped us pay for car repairs, and cried with me when I didn't have a car to get me to chemo, and gifted me a car. God blessed me with my daughter who returned home from college because we couldn't pay for it and my medical treatments.  God blessed my daughter with Voc Rehab scholarship for people with disabilities so she could go to a community college near home.  God blessed her with seizures and the capability of us being able to take care of her when it happens because she lives with us.  We are blessed that she was approved for meds to take to try to stop the seizures. I was blessed when they told me I had cancer nodules in my stomach and cysts in my intestines again because I could do chemo and radiation to try to stop them from spreading further or growing more.

Why, do I say blessed?  Because over the course of almost three years I learned what his goodness and graciousness means.  It sets me apart from the world and darkness.  It refuses to let me encompass myself in darkness or believe that God calls me anything but beloved.  It means that when my daughter got a diagnosis of epilepsy after these three years that I accept it.  It makes me fight harder to get her health insurance through the state for that disability.  It allows me to say my daughter has a disability that could kill her but I know she is always free in the Lord.  It gives me hope when I was told that I was approved for a new round of chemo to potentially kill all the cancer from my body and it would only be $7,000 total rather than $150,000 for the meds alone.  It makes me fight that much more for my family and friends that believe that hope is gone and lost.  Who say that "Satan wins" because, dear friends, that is what darkness and the world says....we as believers do NOT and will NOT allow those words to be issued to us, for us, or about us.  When Satan comes and the world starts to darkening around you.  When it feels like all you see is a speck of light....that is our Heavenly Father who roars for you like a lion.  He roars in resounding hope that none of us have to live in our own created hell on earth.

Instead, he challenges us through adversities to be who he designed.  That we might meet our challenges with trust and hope in Him.  Recently, my husband confided in me that the darkness is overwhelming him and that he sees no hope.  He sees his wife is sick with the possibility of dying from cancer and she is his light and hope.  I had to reaffirm it is not my light or my hope it is our Heavenly Father whose light resides in each of us.  We have to access that light because its truth.  And, sometimes it is only a flicker but it is there....it is the true eternal flame.

My word today is that I openly pray daily for "thy kingdom come on earth as in heaven" not as a chant for destruction of the earth because those things have started with Christs accession into heaven long ago.  What I believe by raising my hands to the Lord each morning and saying "Let there be light, Lord.  Let your kingdom come on earth as in heaven" is personally inviting his light to shine like a beacon to my mind, my heart, and my soul daily.  It allows me to hope the best in all things, to see the best in all things, and to be his daughter.  It challenges me to drop all the petty, mean, and time wasters and fill my days to renew, replenish, and to radiate his love in my lifetime.  Are you with me....let there be light, Lord, allow your kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Shadows

 "Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet to the nations" - Jeremiah 1:5

Over the weekend I decided that I needed to get back to blogging.  Writing is cathartic exercise for my soul.  It allows me to talk openly about what is going on in my world, how God is moving, and allows me to aspire.

This morning I woke up and could not get the thought of "stop hiding in the shadows" out of my brain.  Sure, it could be the chemo, stress, or just something that is weighing on my heart.  I got up and wrote out these words; shadows, guilt, fear, remorse, doubt, shame, and fraud.  And, yes, I knew what my spirit was telling me I needed to stop hiding in the "shadows" that I've created and restore light into my life.

We all battle "shadows" in our lives that to encompass & drown out who we are. And, more importantly,who God intended us to be. It is a way that we define ourselves rather than what God's light tells us.  In some warped view we see ourselves as unworthy, unloveable, and never enough.  What God tells us is that we are : loved beyond measure, uniquely created and woven, and we are priceless in his eyes. 

I referenced Jeremiah 1:5 because it is familiar to me.  When I was a teenager, full of self doubt and loathing,  my mom would pray this verse over me. It never hit me until my 40s what those words meant for me and each of us.   "Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet to the nations".  The words ; formed, sanctified, and ordained came at me as if they were in neon. Each of these words serves to battle the shadows I've spent a lifetime in. Do any of these sound familiar?

Guilt: not doing enough, not being enough, and unworthiness
Fear: what ifs plague our soul and attach on like ticks on a dog to suck us dry of joy and leave abandonment and fear
Remorse ; shoulda, coulda, woulda
Doubt: worthless and not worth a care
Shame: all those things that we've done that allowed darkness to surface in our lives and spread
Fraud: defining ourselves in the worlds terms rather and turning our back on what God says because he wants you to suffer, hurt, and scramble

In reality each of these "shadows" that plague me are a load of crap that I've allowed to creep in.  Each are joy robbers and defeatest to the God's light and truth.  Let's go back to His truth about us: formed, sanctified, and ordained

Formed; that means you are created as our Heavenly Fathers choice...you are choice! You have his holy approval.

Sanctified: that means you have a special premise and purpose in this world that is uniquely yours from our Heavenly Father

Ordained: each of us has a eternal purpose in this world. We are meant to be in a perpetual state of movement to be his light to one another and to stretch ourselves further.

This afternoon as I write I feel the need to silence the shadows once and for all.  Guilt has no premise because in Him I am enough. Fear is replaced by trust in a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants to exceedingly and abundantly meet my needs . There is no time for remorse over the past there is a clear light to the future. Doubt that one is harder to silence but it is through the bright light of God that I know I was created to do wonderful and splendid things in this world which would make no room for shadows. Shame is a sham of our own devices He created us unique, wonderfully woven, and with a purpose to share his light. Finally, fraud, I think this is the toughest shadow for me to break.  Fraud ties in with all the other shadows for me.  The what if they knew things from my past.  The "fraud" that has captured me for 20 some years is that I know I love my Heavenly Father but if given a choice of him or my earthly dad ...well, I falter to run to my Heavenly Father.  I long for the man I knew as my earthly father that would rescue his daughter, led me to believe I was his princess, and was my fixer of all things worldly that could crop up. What if this girl that claims to be after God's heart would simply run to an earthly father if given the choice?

The shadow of "fraud": weighs heavy on my soul, hear, and mind.  I've always known my Heavenly Father throughout my whole life but I've always associated myself as "Dale's daughter" not my Heavenly Father's beloved daughter.  This summer my son told me of a dream he had that on my final day I would be given a choice of my Heavenly Father or my earthly father.  He told me that he sees me standing in the middle of the two and instead of running to God I stand in the middle crying unsure of which to choose.  My son told me that I need to work that out and its something that I would have to do on my own.  He told me that he prayed over how to help me choose easily God but that God told him that is all on me there is nothing he can do to help me.

All the shadows come full circle now with that realization from my sonshine.  I realize the magnitude of the shadows in my life.  I realize that it is choosing to stay in the shadows or coming out into the light. I've been working on "trusting" my Heavenly Father over the course of a lifetime. I often forget or give credit to others rather than to Him.  He has allowed that to happen . Now I feel a pressing from God that He wants it all ....he wants my praise, my trust, and my devotion to him.  He is prompting my heart, mind, and soul to align with his.  This morning when I couldn't stop thinking "come out of the shadows" as our Heavenly Father waking me.

I know my Heavenly Father created me unique.  Created a girl that loved art and writing. That contrives joy in teachable moments as a teacher, student, or friend. This morning I'm stepping out of the shadows and into the light.  I choose my Heavenly Father who created me, is omnipresent, has boundless grace, mercy, and love for me.  I choose love which is our Heavenly Father.  What do you choose? Do you choose to hide in the shadows or come out in the light?

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've been doing chemo again this month. My consult with my oncologist has me heartsick  We talked about my immune system being compromised and that I need to take it slow.  He told me he realizes that I don't listen but I need to. I caught a cold from my husband two months ago and it is finally over.  This has been a hard pill for me to swallow.  I'm currently praying over what the future holds and how God designed me to be his light.  I feel like blogging is the first step.
•  Emily was officially diagnosed with epilepsy this month because of her seizures.  It has been three years since the first seizure. She still is not seizure free even with meds.  We applied to health insurance for her from the state because of her disability.  She can't drive and has to live at home because she stops breathing during seizures for a couple of minutes up to 10 minutes. I"m asking for prayers that she would receive insurance from the state so we can get her to a epilepsy neurologist.  Because she is young she is a candidate for brain surgery to remove the portion of her brain where the seizures come from or to have a button installed that would be a sensor and stop the seizures.  Both are realistic for her but she needs health insurance before we can go further. We've prayed as a family and continue to over Emily that she would be seizure free and be able to be God's light.
• Dale was accepted to KU within 24 hours of sending his application.  He has dreamed of being a palentologist and KU has that program.  We are praying on his ability to get scholarships and recieve financial aid to help pay for college. 
• We are still saving to replace our furnace and air conditioning.  It is a struggle since I'm paying for chemo. It weighs heavily on Ted and I as its starting to get chilly out.
• We were blessed to purchase a work car for Ted.  It is a Ford Focus.  We name our cars and his is Faith Ann Focus....through faith in our Heavenly Father and his ability to do far more than we could ask we were able to purchase Faith Ann in late September so I could start chemo this month.  Faith Ann Focus is named such to remind us that through faith and focus on our Heavenly Father all things are possible. 
• In November we will open The Artroom again for creative classes.  Both Dale and Emily have stepped up to lead classes in November to gift me time to rest and recoup after this round of chemo is done.  We are working on a theme of "home for the holidays" in a series of creative projects that are suitable for gifting.

    

Grace x 5

Grace x 5

Have you ever prayed over things in your life? When do you pray?  Is it just when you feel you are literally up the creek without a paddle  Or is a part of every day where you share with your friend, aka JC, aka Heavenly Father, aka Abba?  Over the course of this past year I come to know just how personal my relationship is with our Heavenly Father.  And, just this summer I saw in fruition what happens when you trust God and forget the world. 

August has been a big month for our family.  Our darling dot had a birthday, I started full time teaching art classes at The Artroom in our home, and things started feeling a little like home.  I enjoyed the "settling in" and decided to take my trust with my Heavenly Father a step further and ask for things to be done "exceedingly and abundantly" far greater than I could understand.  I asked for restoration and open dialogues with the hubs & I.  I asked that He allow my children protection and to flourish. I asked that He see to my health and give me clarity of mind and resources to be cancer free.  And, I praised Him for solace, security, and joy in His light.

This is what happened':

• Our air conditioning broke down twice and needs to be replaced along with our furnace. The freon that it takes is costly to say the least and we've got freon leak.  Not to mention both the ac & furnace are almost 20 years old. The worst has been that it broke down during weather that was scorching hot. Because of radiation & chemo from last year my body doesn't do well with the heat which led to bouts of nausea & blisters on my skin. 
• I asked for restoration in my marriage and the ability to dialogue with the hubs. A little over a week ago the hubs called from KC to say he was going to try to get the jeep home but it was running rough and kept stalling out.  He got it back in town and to the shop.  The transmission in his jeep is out & we will have to look for work car for him.  Until we can afford another work car I daily have been driving him to work and picking him up from Shawnee.  That trip takes 45 minutes one way from our house. 
• I started bleeding again this month and having horrid pain. I've went for a scan this month to find the source of the bleeding and to check the cancer nodules in my stomach and intestines.  I had a consult with my oncologist.  He shared with me that finally the drug company & my insurance company are willing to help with the cost of infusions that could help shrink the nodules or even kill them off once and for all .  I would still have to pay some of the cost but the thought of being cancer free...that is hope. I can start the series of infusions the first full week of September.
• I asked that God help me with my Etsy shop to sell exceedingly and abundantly so I could afford to pay for the darling dots tuition and the sonshines weighted classes. I asked that he would exceedingly and abundantly give me students to teach art classes to and help me to have clarity to promote the classes on social media, etc. 

Here's God Grace;

•  We have a friend that has been filling the freon in our air conditioner to get us through until we can get financing for a new ac and furnace.  We've gotten bids to do the work .  We were turned down for a home equity loan. We don't have credit cards and will have to save for the work.  This week we got another bid and he went and sourced the materials.  He wants to do the work this weekend & is willing to start without a down payment. We are going to talk with him this afternoon to let him know what we are into with the car, chemo, and see what kind of payments he would allow us to make.
• Although having our jeep break down is stressful it has led the hubs and I to be confined in the car each day.  We have probably talked more this past week and half then in the past year.  My joy is that daily we share our fears, joys, and trust God with them in prayer.
• We have a friend that is selling a used car that would be ideal for the hubs as a work car.  He is selling it for $3,000.  He told us that if we can come up with $1500 we can have the car and make payments.  
• To do chemo or not that is the final question. I love that finally the drug company is willing to give me a break and my insurance will pay for part of it.  I love the sense of hope that I have that I could live cancer free and not have the pain, nausea, and heartache it has brought into my life & our family.  I still would have to pay a portion of the cost to start.  
• I was blessed to talk to the darling dot's college which has given us until December to finish paying her $600 bill. The sonshine's weighted class has to be paid on periodically but can be stretched out until November. I trust that God will help my Etsy shop will be able to cover both their bills.

Grace x 5;

What are we going to do? We've been blessed exceedingly and abundantly with God's grace on so many levels.  Our dilemma is being able to afford ; a used car, replacing the ac/furnace in our house, and the ability to pay for chemo.  We run about $2,000 dollars short after paying for our mortgage, utilities, and bills. Yes, we feel God is moving exceedingly and abundantly for solutions to our problems but we can't afford those solutions. What should we choose to do first and what should wait?  If we do one would another suffer?   That is when things got real.  We've prayed over what to do to make ends meet. We are going to do a Grace x 5 plan.  What is that?  God gifts each of us with grace and the biblical number for His grace is 5.  We are asking our friends in multiples of 5 to help us meet our financial goal so that we can give "grace" to God's solutions.  How?

• Keys; we need 25 friends that would donate $20.  I engrave key necklaces. Before I engrave the key I pray over the person that will receive the key and what word I should choose....then I engrave it and wrap it up.  If you would like a key necklace or to purchase them for gifts that would "grace" our family.  I can ship them domestic free.  If you want to choose the word I would be happy to engrave it as well.
• Sunflowers; we need 10 friends that will donate $50. I can hand paint a sunflower decor boards for each of them.  I will then hand paint a bible verse, special word, or just leave it as is. I can send them but you will have to pay for shipping.
• Getting Schooled; we need 10 friends that would like to gift $100 each.  In return you will receive one month of Artroom classes for your whole family or the hubs will do "Computer Maintaince" on your laptop or PC.    

We are going to set up a "Go Fund Me" too.  But when the hubs & I prayed on it we feel compelled that we have to earn the money to help & be a part of our solution to ; purchase the used car, put a down payment on the ac/furnace, and be able to start to pay for the chemo plan for me.  I would appreciate if you are interested in helping our family meet this hurdle that you message me or contact us.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

 

Show Off

 Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. Isaiah 40:31

I've got a gal pal that praises the Lord & says "God is just a show off".  I love the ideal of God being the ultimate "show off" in my life and the world. How about you?

That being said there are many times that I fail to let God show off.  If I'm honest most days I choose to sing "anything you can do I can do better". It struck me this morning that self reliance is great.  God gifts each of us with free will right?  But what if instead of taking credit we simply show up. 

This morning I chose to "show up" rather than "show off" & do things with my own understanding.  I can honestly say that I feel at peace and the flow of my day has went better than the randomness and restlessness that I normally face.  I've been set on God's time rather than my own.  All my incidental things I got done before noon. 

Perhaps, its not just a matter of having free will but accessing it at the right moments rather than on a consistent basis. Remember being a kid and just wanting to not only show up but show off?  I do.  I frequently was serenaded by my dad to the tune of Miss America and would practice my best wave and even sashay around the living room and then take my perch from the dining room table...yeah, that is showing off.  My brother and I still argue because he sees me as the "show off" whose presence rises and sets the sun in my parents eyes. 

What if instead of worrying about rising and setting the sun to others we concentrated on rising and setting the sun in our Heavenly Fathers eyes?  What would that look like?  Would we choose to be as loud, post on social media as much, or "show off" for the world?  I like the perspective that the only worthy way to "show off" is to our Heavenly Father.  How does that look?  In reality He is God, right?  He does not need us yet he chooses us.  He does not need to solve every dilemma in our lives but he chooses to if we trust him.  That's where I think we need to "show off" in our trust of him.

Since we got home from South Dakota I've had some phenom talks with my kids.  It changed each of us for the better and got us in tune with our Heavenly Father.  My sonshine shared that he sees my problem with God as a lack of trust.  He told me that he sees me clearly and if given the choice of choosing my Heavenly Father or running to my Earthly Dad he thinks that I would be unable to choose to at my worst run to my Earthly Dad leaving my Heavenly Father in the dust.  That hit me full force because at my core I can't say that I would always run for my Heavenly Father either.  It's been twentysomething years since my Earthly Dad died.  I still harbor the need for my confidant, my fixer, and friend.  I miss him dearly and when thing are crazy in my life ; finances, car repairs, cancer I don't readily scream at the top of my lungs for my Heavenly Father.  I don't trust my Heavenly Father with it.  I simply weep for the loss of an Earthly Dad.

 I recognized this last year when I got news my Betsy Bravada was no longer safe to drive & her repair bill was beyond my means.  I got in Betsy to drive her home and wept for my Earthly Dad who would have fixed my car & I wept harder that I chose my Earthly Dad rather than my Heavenly Father. That drive home rattled something inside me.  It made me realize that my Heavenly Father was who I needed to trust.  He had never left me, wanted to be my confidant, and wanted to "show off" to me. 

The talk with my sonshine helped me.  It reminded me that I need to work on my relationship & trust God.  I need to daily trust Him "show off" rather than just show up. I love the idea of trusting a Heavenly Father that created me, entrusts me with so much, and loves when I trust him enough to ask Him to "show off".  That's my challenge this week is to engulf my trust to my Heavenly Father, allow Him to show off, and me to sing His praises.

Peace Be With You- Sherry

Updates:

• The Artroom re-opened in July to a handful of classes.  I was blessed with a handful of friends that came to create, gab, and be a source of light in my world.  I'm trusting in my Heavenly Father to help me to with August Artroom Classes ; supplies, people to come, and to promote them.  If you would like to help in any way or need a schedule please let me know.
• I'm working on a proposal that would allow me to teach art classes for a non-profit in KC.  I'm trusting that God will help me put into words what my heart, spirit, and mind can do with this opportunity to shine for Him. 
• I'm hopeful that our fam will return to Wagner, South Dakota, in September.  I'm trusting God to help me with the dates, the ability to travel, and the resources to do so.  
• The sonshine starts his senior year this month.  The darling dot has made the decision to go into counseling and is headed back to Longview this month.  I'm trusting our Heavenly Father with their care for His love is far greater and more encompassing than mine ever could be.  I entrust each of them to Him and ask that he keep them safe and guide their path.

Welcome to the Artroom

Dare You

You received Gods spirit when He adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him "Abba Father". Romans 8:15

Wowsies, its been another long stretch from blog to blog.  If I'm honest I've felt distracted and then uninspired to write.  I've been focused an "aspiring" with God on what in the world I can do & he wants from me.

That journey has led me and my kids to Wagner, South Dakota.  We packed art supplies, a little know how, and whole lotta faith when we left KC.  When we left I knew God was going to push me out of my comfort zone and into something that was totally him.

We arrived late Friday night and were ushered into our friends house and thankful to crash and stretch out. Saturday we got a key to the church and they had two bedrooms for us to stay.  When I walked into the bedroom my heart, mind, and spirit were silenced.  I looked around and saw four tan brown walls, a bed, nightstand, and chair.  It was functional but it is was something else.

Last year during radiation and the start of chemo was bleak point in my life.  I felt like friends that I thought had my back were running for the hills.  My hair had started to fall out and I felt wretched .  I stopped at a church to pray before going home because I needed time, space, and God.  They allowed me to go into their sancutuary to pray and I began to ramble about all the emotional baggage that was plaguing me.  I told God how angry and hurt I was that I felt like he was silent too.  I then heard, "You are Mine" and a feeling of overwhelming peace came over me.  I also felt God telling me when he was silent I ; needed to rest, do what they (the doctors) told me, and that I was never alone.

Throughout last year I had a series of dreams that were the same.  I was alone in a room with four walls, a bed, a chair, and window.  It was not familiar but I felt at peace about being there and I could see myself journaling, praying, and resting. When I walked into the bedroom at the church last Saturday I saw the same room from my dreams,  I saw the same view from the window from my dreams.  Later that afternoon I sat on the chair to journal and cried because I felt so attuned to God and his calling from last year.  He told me that he had big things in store but I needed to rest.

This morning is the last Open Artroom in Wagner.  I woke up periodically through the night and finally got up around 5:00.  I started to just dialogue with our Heavenly Father to praise and thank him for healing my heart and spirit by taking me out of my comfort zone in my own artroom.  By allowing me to be the girl he designed that ; loves, trusts, is creative, has spunk, and has felt over the course of a year more like a burden than a blessing.  My wake up call was from God who is telling me "You've done what I dared now your ready".

Ready? Yes, ready to head back to KC to the oncologist for blood draws, a scan, and consult about my chemo meds.   Ready, to start working with young women at two shelters doing art therapy in July.  Ready, to start slowly integrating programs for my own community into my artroom ; tutoring with the reading lab Daisy Lou,  bringing back Mama Mia class for kids & their moms, Boys DIY Bootcamp with Dale leading the group, and a couple of others.  And, making a bi-monthly commitment with my kids to return to Wagner to do Open Artroom for the kids & families that we've met over the course of the past two weeks.

I feel a tie to Wagner in a way I wouldn't have if I did this before cancer.  Cancer is an equalizer and helps you evaluate your life in a different perspective. I've said since last year I want to live in a place where I can walk to get a coffee or grab an apple.  I thought that meant moving into KC.  But in Wagner I can literally walk up the street from the church and grab an apple at the grocery store.  Walk a little further up the block to the coffee shop and then walk another block to a park where I can sit, journal, and praise God.  I think God put in perspective that I need to take time to serve Him and renew my own spirit.

I can honestly say this morning I think God was waking me up to praise Him for the past two weeks.  For provisions that He set in place before I was even born.  That when He calls & I answer I see far greater his exuberance & abundant care. This afternoon I'll close Open Artroom in Wagner.  We are leaving in our place; kid art, a refinished table, an art cart, a little library at the church, a community garden in a barrel , and a small nursery space so God's littlest of lambs have a space to roam.

Our journey to Wagner I nicknamed "signs of life".  It will be once we leave but its also more personal.  This journey took me out of my comfort zone where I totally relied on Gods provision...let's just say He does NOT disappoint.  I'm thankful for feeling renewed in my faith, renewed as a artist, and renewed to what God sends me to do next. 

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I got confirmation last week that one of my big medical bills has a zero balance after appealing it for over a year and a half.  There are still more but the oldest one is resolved....God is good.
• I'm looking to collect school supplies both new and used to take with me to do art therapy in KC and Bonner Springs.  If you would like to donate contact me for a list.
• We will leave tomorrow to head home to KC.  Please pray that the kids & I travel safely.
• Next week I head back to my oncologist for a consult.  I had a bad reaction up here to one of the new chemo meds that I started.  I stopped taking it and we will talk about what else can be taken or used.  Pray that goes well and the scan shows the nodules in my stomach have stayed the same or even shrank.  

 

Worthless vs. Worth

Ephesians 3:20 : God can do anything you know- far more that you could even imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams.

Hey, hey, hey....long time no blog, right?  I've been busy with chemo, changing oncologists, and trying to figure out what my new norm is.  I joke that chemo is my new lifestyle choice and am daily reminding myself to "suck it up" emotionally & physically.  Cancer is a battle that I always feared and now I feel worn from it.  Initially, I thought if I gave it a year the radiation & chemo would kill it.  A year and some months later I'm realizing what a worthless opponent cancer is.

You heard me right "worthless opponent".  That goes for the battles you are facing too ; financially, physical, mental, toxic people & relationships, and yes, even cancer.  They are a "worthless opponent" in the face of our Heavenly Father who moves mountains like anthills.  When those worldly "worthless opponents" come in to tackle us, cause despair, and weaken our body, mind, and spirit we need to remember we love a God that loves us beyond limits and is beside our strife every step.

I know I compared radiation to having the life dragged from me like a cartoon character that just got an anvil.  What I didn't realize last year was that God was building a silent resilience in me that would refuse to give cancer or any hardship in my life value.  I believe the enemy is waiting for the right diagnosis or series of unfortunate events to prey on each of us to cause to shake, quake, and question our Heavenly Father.  Through the series of a year, chemo, radiation, more chemo, more radiation, and more chemo I'm still standing and can see it clearly for what cancer is in my life ; a worthless opponent.

That doesn't mean I don't think about the future.  I've actually had a heart to convo with the hubs about the what ifs.  I told him the world will keep spinning without me.  I confided to him in the hardest of days I think that I might die.  Then I challenge myself to keep fighting until I'm 52.  Why 52? My dad was 51 when he died and I'd like to one up him by at least a year or more. My earthly dad and I had that kind of relationship to try to one up one another.

I'm getting real and I have my Heavenly Father and cancer to thank for that. In reality I know in my heart, soul, and mind that cancer won't take me out. I'm too spunky for that worthless opponent. Within the last month I hear God calling me to aspire.  I feel this whirlwind of aspirations at my feet if I dare to jump in and do what comes natural...be a risk taker.

I'm certain that this message of worth and worthless is something each of us needs.  I've personally spent fortysome years seeking my worth and value in people, what I had, what I could do, and the list goes on.  It took a year of cancer, radiation, and chemo to come up for air and realize that my worth is in my Heavenly Father.  That all other forms of worth are false and have no place in my life.  It took until this week for me to stop calling cancer a worthy opponent and deny its worth by declaring it a "worthless opponent".

It's my hope that each of you see your very own worth in our Father's eyes.  I would dare you to call situations, relationships, and material things what they are ; worthless. Our Heavenly Father is "worthy" the rest fails in comparison.

Below you'll find an update into my life, needs of our fam, and prayer requests.  Feel free to message me prayer requests that you have....it is my blessing to pray over them to our "worthy" Father.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

1. I've been blessed this year by; a new oncologist and team taking on my case. They are billing me for much of my chemo and other expenses that will be due one year from now. Its not perfect but gives me solace.  I can bravely say; "I don't know how that will work or how much but I know my Heavenly Father has provisions beyond my wildest expectations".

2. I have safe & reliable transportation to get me to appointments, chemo, and to small stuff. My Heavenly Father provided provisions for a car for me through friends that love and care for me. It's truly remarkable what provisions open when we gift them to our Heavenly Father and allow our friends to know what they are too.

3. I'm learning this round of chemo is harder than I envisioned.  I vomit daily and am drained.  I'm looking for friends to pick up the pace for me.  Here are four ways;
                                                    1. Get a gallon of milk and orange juice weekly.
                                                    2. I need an emergency gas card for $20 to have if I need it.
                                                    3. I need to get back in the swing with a field trip weekly...want to
                                                        take this girl to lunch or for a tea?  Come and get me.
                                                    4. I need someone to take me to cancer support group on Thursday
                                                        afternoons at Gildas Club.  I haven't been in over a month b/c I
                                                        feel so crappy & I don't feel like driving.
                                                  
4. When consulting with my newbie oncology team they suggested that I stop eating sugar and avoid caffeine.  I've done well with my diet & caffeine I feel like I can do.  Sugar, however, is my hangup.  I was born with a sweet tooth.  We have changed as a family that uses Stevia and Cane Sugar which is better.  I literally went to eat a Snickerdoodle this week and felt like the cancer nodules in my stomach laughed at me because I was literally feeding them what they love.  Please pray for me about my ability to eradicate sugar and use more natural sources.  If you have a caffeine free tea send it my way or a great recipe for Snickerdoodles without sugar send it my way.                            

4. I'm starting to "aspire" of what God has in store for me & what I believe He wants me to do.  I love the idea of using my Artroom in three ways ; 1. creative sanctuary for myself & others, 2. to do creative classes for my community, and 3. to tutor school age kids in reading, math, and science.  I'm praying over my ability to provide these services, what to charge, and what it will look like.

5. Please pray for our family.  The kids and Ted are tired from my battle with cancer and need some encouragement.  Please pray on how that looks and what you can do to help them.

6. Its been almost five months since I blogged.  I'm reminded of what I tried to instill in each student I had when I taught...."your words have power".  I feel God telling me to aspire and that my words have power.  It is my goal to start to blog again bi-weekly or weekly depending on how I feel.  I think God has a premise and purpose for my words and I'm only really learning how He is shaping me to use them.

7. Ephesians 3:20 has been marking my path for over a month.  Two weeks after I heard God tell me to "aspire" it came to me as I was reading.  It keeps coming back daily through reminders, things that I write, or literally on Pinterest...lol.  Ephesisans 3:20 says, " God can do anything you know- far more that you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams" .  I love that I have a Heavenly Father that told me to "aspire" through this round of chemo.  He has designed a path and purpose that is far greater than I could see...now to pray over that path.