Lean On Me

Everybody Hurts Sometimes

 John 11:31-36

I'm going chitty chat today about the remarkable power that comes from having friends in the world.  And the ability to allow those friends to serve, help, and entrust them like they have you.  I had gals show up at the shop last Friday (they drove over an hour) to tell me that they are praying for me and my family.  I was blessed on Saturday with my college chum that came to hang out & even loaded Betsy Bravada for me.  I went to a consult with my doctor this morning.  I was blessed to have a gal pal from church go with me and was able to keep my composure when dealing with my doctor today.

We talked about three different ways to deal with the mass on my ovary.

1.  Let it go for a couple of months and see where we are then.
2. Take the mass off and remove the left ovary.  Evidently, it is on the left ovary rather than the right.  They can't find the right ovary on the CT scan or sonogram. 
3. Take the mass and both ovaries.  This throws me into early menopause and I'd be on an estrogen patch for a few years.

Wowsies, finally!  I told the doctor I wanted to do the third option.  She told me that the surgery is usually handled a little differently.  Because they can't find the right ovary and  (I know is there )she will open me up in order to get to it.  Completely, fine, good, and well with that I just want them gone.  Ever heard that "Ain't Got Time For That" gal on you-tube?  Yup, that is completely how I feel.  And, I feel empowered because I will never have pain from my ovaries again with cysts, masses, etc.  So, yup, bring on the patch.

I know that after they remove it all they will send it to pathology to biopsied.  That is where my fear factor comes steaming in full circle.  I've got a family history with cancer and it scares the daylights out of me.  I've been tested for the cancer gene and yup, I've got it.  The consider high risk for cancer 20% and I'm just a mere 16.8%....yup, that has me worried.  But unlike last year when I ran for the hills....literally, I did.  I'm not running this time.  I serve a God that is bigger, badder, and bolder than any fear that I can come up with and He will walk each step of the way with me.

 My biggest battle at this point is three-fold :

1. The ability to work and be able to pay for Em's tuition through part of my earnings. Yes, we still owe and Em can't register for classes this spring until it is paid.
2. The ability to have the surgery and pay for it.  Just my $80 co-pay almost did me in this morning. I've got mom guilt about spending that money on me rather than putting it towards Em's tuition.
3. The ability to keep myself to one "pity party" per day to just cry out the fear.  I literally have started to set the kitchen times for 15 minutes each morning after taking Dale to school and whine and carry on.  Afterwards, I get on with my day because that is how God has designed each of us. 

You may see the scripture at the beginning.  It comes for the story of Lazarus.  He and his sisters were friends with Jesus.  And, like all of us that get busy Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick but couldn't get away from his job aka ministry.  When Jesus did make it back he cried over the death of his friend.  But he also mourned in his heart and spirit for Lazarus' sisters and friends.  He felt the weight of all that loss, hurt, and remorse and he cried.  You might say that Jesus had his own "pity party".  Because later in the scripture he says to Mary (Lazarus sister) "Where have you put him?" and gets on with his day and ability to rise his friend from the dead.  But first he allowed himself time to for a "pity party"....wowsies, if we as believers are supposed to be guided to be "Christ-like" does that mean a little 15 minute "pity party" when times are tough is all right?

 As I have my own "pity party" in the mornings I let it all out through my tears : fear for the unknown, guilt and pity over my relationship with my brother and mom, my inability to afford my daughter's college without working myself ragged, and what if the big "C' happens to me and how that will affect everything and everyone around me.  Ohhh, my goodness, I know what a gift it is to just release all those emotions.  I also realize what a huge blessing it is to time that out and then get on with the goodness and graciousness that God has brought to my life. 

So, this week's challenge. When sad, bad, or frustrations hit allow yourself a 15 minute "pity party".  Then, wrap it up when the timer dings and go out and find the blessing that God has for you.  My blessing comes when I go to the shop and see the table & chairs up for grabs right now.  Yes, would I love to see them sold but I see more in them.  Dale and his friend helped me to scrub them, sand them, and even stain each of them so they would be ready for sale.  They also helped me to move them into the spot at the shop and I didn't have to do any of the lifting or bending which literally causes me pain right now. When I see the set at the shop I'm reminded that even though we have things that go on in our world we are not designed to break we bend with God's eternal strength and support. 

Blessings on your week- Sherry aka mamasunbear2