Have you ever had the blessing of going back in time? Me neither. But I keep getting indited with articles via the web & news about writing letters to your younger self. It had me thinking over the past week about what I would write, say, and even the timeliness of writing.
Then I thought what age would I choose to write to? Would it be the shy little kindergarten Sherry? The one whose kindergarten teacher thought was a mute? Yeah, I'm far from that as my mom told my teacher. My mom also shared that I was a clever observer that watched and chose what and who I interacted with.
Or would it be the seventh grade Sherry that had her world rocked and rolled both literally and figuratively. She was the straight of the board preppy gal that went to junior and turned into a mouthy, belligerent kid. How does that happen? Well, throw in her mama going back to work full time & a dad that got injured at work . Then sprinkle into the mix a brother she had always counted on who turned into a full blown alcoholic who was verbally abusive and like to throw her against a wall for good measure. Yeah, that Sherry, needed more than a letter to soothe her spirit and had no idea that God was wanting for her....she knew of him but didn't trust him or anyone else.
But, hey, what about the Sherry that was a mess by high school. Yeah, she looked sweet on the outside but inside she was filled with hurt and felt betrayed by her family. That might be a good one to try to connect to. This Sherry was determined to get done with high school, her family, and go onto college as fast and furious as she could. She even tried to graduate a year early to get away from her family. And, when they refused to sign the paperwork she just jipped the good part of her junior year to shop, go for "breakfast clubs", or hang with friends that were as disgruntled as she was or more. Yeah, that Sherry wasn't about to stop to read a letter from some "old chick" in their 40's . I can hear in my ears what I wrote in my English class journal when asked what age was too old, "40 would be too old you start to wrinkle need I say more?". Yeah, high school Sherry was a real gem.
What about my early college years? That Sherry might have taken the time to listen or read a letter. Yeah, and then she would have corrected the spelling, grammar, and wrote comments on it. That Sherry was an English major whose soul driving force was getting done and getting on with her life. She had goals, ambitions, and lists. Yes, there was a list for cities she wanted to live in before she hit that ominous 40 mark. A list for : what her hubby would have, top 10 things she wanted to have, and the lists go on. She was a member of "boyfriend of the week" club as her dad called it. Why? She didn't have time for the boys in college and sure as heck wasn't gonna marry one of them. Her world came to grinding halt her junior year when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Maybe that Sherry would have read the letter but more than likely she would have called her dad about it and talked to him.
In reality what I discovered is a Sherry from each time period that was head strong, feeling but not in a mushy way, and wouldn't let anyone or thing stop her. My motto even as a little kid was the same as my dad's motto. I saw my dad as a leader, strong, confidant, and a friend. He was able to "fix" things. He was a mechanic by trade but he was more than that. People came to my dad and he "fixed" things for them whether it be a car, a loan, or other stuff. That is what he did. And he was no different as a dad. He "fixed" my brother's DWI's, got him jobs, and more. For me he was always there to ask questions to and share my hurts. He told me as a little girl when I whined that some kids were mean that for every 10 people in the world there is always one that will hate you. He went on to say that I needed to find the other 9 that would love me. And, he "fixed" science projects for me....he built them and I just explained them. He "fixed" when I dyed my hair punk black by making an appointment to have it changed & told me school was not a funeral. My dad was always there for my brother & I. We always knew that if we had a problem to go to dad he would"fix" it.
In reality, I would love to write a letter that 6 year old Sherry and 20 something year old Sherry would understand. It would say this " You want a strong, confident and capable Father that can take care of all of your worries, hurts, and problems. Look no further than here. Love, God".
Well, in reality, my younger self would have looked at the letter and laughed. God, I didn't need. I had the "fixer" as a dad here on earth. But my world got rocked when my dad died a week before my wedding. I detested for the next couple of years when anyone would mention their dad. When I said the Lord's Prayer in church I cried like a baby because I didn't want that heavenly father I wanted my dad, the earthly one, the "fixer". Still to this day I find a day in February and one in May to be really hard for me. Why? Because they remind me that my earthly "fixer" is gone and that the heavenly father took him from me. I mourn in my heart, spirit, and tears to have my dad just here to "fix" things and make my world right. People tell you that time heals your heart and mind . But I've longed for the "fixer" to be here with me, talk & laugh with me, and "fix" whatever needed fixing.
My brother & I talked years ago and said that was the hardest thing to except with our dad's death. That our earthly "fixer" wasn't here and we had no idea how to trust God and if we should. Isn't it remarkable that through the years that heavenly Father has stuck it out with me, changed my heart, enlightened my mind, and opened my eyes to the world around me.....he showed me it's not just about me, my wants, or concerns. It's about me celebrating that I've got a heavenly father, knowing that I can go to him with all my worries, cares, and joys and share them with him. That I know I can talk with my heavenly father just like my earthly one and that I know in my heart and spirit he cares for me, gave his son for my salvation, and wants to hear from me regularly.....yeah, probably more than a call once a week like with my earthly dad. And, I absolutely love that! I can talk with him, share with him, burden his ears with my junk, and thank him for my salvation. That is really what a "fixer" should be.
After writing this blog guess what I did? I cried and then I wrote a letter but it wasn't to my younger self. It was a letter to Sherry here and now. Know what it says? " You want a strong, confident and capable Father that can take care of all of your worries, hurts, and problems. To share in all your joys? Look no further than here. Love, God". And I put in an envelope and placed in my purse. I thought you know I could really use that letter on even my best days and on the worst. I've got a father that is better than a "fixer" he is my rock & salvation.
Blessings- Sherry
Updates:
1. I go to get my blood work done and check in with my doctor next week (April 8). Pray that all the levels are somewhat normal and my fears dissipate. My next appointment with the Cancer Institute and Donna is on April 15.
2. April 15 is the day that Emily can enroll for summer school classes at Longview.
3. I want to thank each of you for praying for our family last year and this year. For all of you that have reached out to us, helped us, and encouraged us you a remarkable. Know that I've started to write thank you notes but I get all weepy with each....but know they are in the works.
4. If you want to drop off any Reese's eggs with me feel free. I need to ensure quality control & freshness on them this year....wahahhaha.
5. This week I finished sanding, priming, and painting my kitchen cabinets....it is by God's grace that I'm tired and achy but not defeated.
6. Many of you have home churches that you'll go to on Easter. If not feel free to attend at Echo Church (it's where our family calls home) here in Pleasant Hill, Missouri. And, if that is too far of a drive feel free to use the "livestream" link from the church to watch it at home. Here's a link: http://echochurch.tv/watch-live/ .
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