Straggler

All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God's paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all.   - Isaih 53:6 Remember going on fieldtrips when you were little and there were always the kids at the back of the group known as the "stragglers"?  Heck, maybe you were the "straggler" on field trips.  As a kid they drove me nuts because we never could get through a field trip without the "straggler" holding us up. As a teacher I was always willing to be the "back of the line leader" on field trips.  Why?  Because those "stragglers" usually had a whole other sense of time, imagination, and whimsy about them that I loved.  I loved to let them explain the workings of a the firetruck,  how they knew the brushstrokes on a piece of artwork, or that they noticed the giant columns at a museum and wondered how they stood up.  All those questions and information that lots of adults, teachers, and peers found annoying or strange I found fascinating.  It's no doubt when class lists were assigned that I found myself with the dreamers and schemers of the school. The past couple of weeks have been daunting on me as a woman, a mom, and wife.  My doctor's want me to have a colonoscopy.  Emily, my precious daughter, had another seizure.  I'm fighting to get a neurologist here in KC to see her.  As a wife I've been allowing little things to hurt me and say nothing about it.   And, as a woman, I've been praying out to God to show me my path, destiny, and worth because most days I feel like a confused sheep roaming around.  Yes, I've become the "straggler".  In life I've been a take charge kind of gal.  One that people can ask and rely on to get things done.  I've toned down my ways to be less abrasive & more compassionate over the years.  Yet, most days I fight with being abrasive, abrupt, and mean.  Yeah, the sweet little artsy chick that goes with the flow....that is me at the core.  But there is a much more abrasive, brash, and downright mean girl that is there always and just doesn't want to leave or be suppressed. And, these past couple of weeks I've been struggling with an inner dialogue.  The mean girl wants out because her hubby forgot about date night, she can't get a return call for the neurologist office.  I've never not worked since I was 16 in some capacity.  And, this year, I'm home, hanging out, going to my doctor's appointments and being creative.  I see daily the blessing of my hubby going to work daily.  That his college education he went back and got is finally paying off and that is what blesses me with the ability to stay home and do what I want.  I see the blessing of having a hubby who forgets date night rather than no hubby.  And, those phone calls to the neurologist that I've been making, hey the blessing is that I've got a referral from Em's primary doc and I've got time to hound them.  But then the mean girl shows up and all those blessing are a wash.  She's ready to yell, complain, and get her way any way possible.  You hurt her by forgetting date night?  Well, you are gonna pay, hubby. That neurologist that won't call back they are gonna get more than a squeaky wheel call they are gonna get the motherload.  And, as for myself being creative she is gonna blow me away with self doubt and hearing "you'll never make any money in art so forget it". What are we to do when that mean girl shows up?  How do we silence her before her rampage on us, our family, and others happens?  These past couple of weeks I've silenced her by being quiet about it, letting things hurt me, and break my heart.  And, I know who the mean girl is....it's not me.  It's the enemy who knows where this "straggler" has been, whose she's been, and what she's capable of.  The enemy has taken me for a ride the past couple of weeks.  Uggh, I'm heartsick about it.  I want to be the kind, generous, loving artsy chick that God created but that gal is getting suppressed by what the enemy is doing to her daughter, her marriage, and her life.  As I read my Bible last week I came on Isaih 53:6.  I just can't let that verse go.  And, as I read it this morning it occurred to me that God is trying to wake me up through it.  He is telling me that overcame all that mean girl stuff for me and the enemy has no power over me so stop giving him it.  Wowsies, could it be that simple?  Shoot, I know I'm stubborn, smart, and capable of what God has planned for me. Then why am I giving power to the mean girl?  How can I let God's truth shine through me like a beacon and silence the mean girl? This week I'm going to get out my journal.  I'm going to list 3 of my troubles, sorrows, and upsets in it.... I need to limit those, can I get an amen?  And, then I'm gonna thank my Heavenly Father for each of them because they are a blessing to get this smart, capable, loving gal on her path again to see who God has designed her to be.  He wants me to remind Ted of date night, He wants me to make calls to the neurologist and push for Emily, and He wants me to have time to get my health in order and has designed me with a hubby that allows me to be creative.  Wowsies, the mean girl isn't talking anymore....she's silenced. Hope this challenge will be rewarding to each of you this week. What a force we could be if we can silence the enemy and all those mean girl antics.  Imagine what we can do for ourselves and our families when our hearts, souls, and imaginations are with our Heavenly Father.  I'm up for the challenge....all I can say now is "baaaaahh" like a sheep that is back on track. Updates:  *These are short and brief.  I need prayers this week for the following: 1. Pray that I can get an appointment for Emily scheduled with a neurologist this week. 2. Pray that I get my colonoscopy appointment scheduled.  3. Pray that God helps direct my path as I start to write a Kickstarter for the creative art program that I would like to do for kids & adults in my artroom.  I've prayed about it and feel compelled in my heart, mind, and spirit to offer classes.  Peace be with you all- Sherry