Cumbersome

1 John 5:3
"In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome"

Dang it!  This is a hard confession.  I'm a self motivator.  I admit loving being left up to do things.  Having things dropped in my lap that's a challenge.  And, being trusted to take care of something or handle it that's the icing on the cake with sprinkles.  

When I was in my 20's I would tell you I thrived in chaos and stress and loved every moment of it.  That is exactly where I was in my personal life in chaos and I didn't thrive or love it.  What I did do is learn that I had to give up control and give it all to God.  I had to sincerely ask for his fix and move on and find the joy in the moment, day, or week.

Believe me I learned to refine my statement about where I thrive.  In my 30's it was I thrived in the classroom, surrounded by students and meeting their challenges through Christ.  Ahh, see I learned to put Christ in that statement.  I also learned to breathe, relax, and not burn all my bridges. 

I'm now in my 40's and what is my statement.  Where do I fit in and where would I thrive for God.  Believe me that's been the big talk JC and I have been having this past year.  I'm a creature of habit I love being trusted with a project & challenge.  What I'm learning is that those "projects" or "challenges" aren't necessarily ones that a boss, the Tedster, or people place in my life.  I'm in a season that God is placing those things in my lap.  If I'm truthful he has for a long time but I didn't stop or think I could dare.

Because of my less than "daring" attitude God placed me in situations where he gave me what I asked for.  He's given me a people that need my help but really don't want it and take the joy from it.  Can you relate?  They say they want your help, your prayers, and your honesty.  When all that is given you look around and just see people who tell you what you want to hear.  But their actions show you that they don't want your help.  They tell you to your face they don't want your prayers....ahh, heartbreak for this gal.  Prayer is essential in my life and a gift from God how can they not get that?  And, finally, honesty....well, I've found they don't want that either.  My truth and honesty aren't part of their picture.  Basically, they want you to be who you are but not. For me it's been a series of they love Sherry from her red hair to her toes but that's where it stops.  The outward shell....the inward shell that loves the Lord, has a teacher heart, management skills, can write, give, and care.  Well, those aren't necessarily what they want or need.  Have you been there?  Loved a job and then found out a co-worker was undermining you?  Maybe that a family member was lying about you?  Or being told that you have to comply and in turn you lose who God designed you to be?  I've been there, done that, and right back into a similar situation.

I was pouring my heart out to God this past month and I got the word "cumbersome" that kept popping up.  I thought of the song lyric, "I have become cumbersome to this world" and literally started to cry.  Is that what God was sharing to my soul. I'm cumbersome meaning unnecessary? I looked up a definition of cumbersome and saw "awkward, clumsy".  God, that's not even funny because you designed me and know I'm both.  But then I went on reading the definition and stopped when I came to the word "unwieldy".  Unwieldy means not able to move because of it's weight.  And yes, I thought, God not a fat joke and I really did and laugh out loud.  What I heard was that I am unwieldy in what I think God wants me to do.  And, that I needed to free myself from that title in order for a tidal wave to wash over me.

The thought of a tidal wave coming over me freaks me out!  Know why?  I don't like my face getting wet....not the fear of drowning, being submerged, or even being tossed about.  Nope it's getting my face wet....wahhahahaha. I believe God has something in store for me that will take my breath away because I'm listening to him. Now if I would just be willing to get my face wet imagine what He's got in store.

I'm "listening" this season. Here's what's happening:

•  I did lunch with a gal pal and ask her if I could share my dream with her.  I told her about wanting to do Creation Station with children in my community and asked if I could use a building space.  She asked me how soon and talked with me about figuring out funding for it because of the time, energy, and supplies I'll need.  I love her because she dreams big like me. She sees that  Creation Station could turn into an incredible outreach of bringing God's love through art to kids in my community. 
• Another gal pal whose in the know about grants and funding said there is nothing in Cass County like it. She sees that it covers so many areas. She could see me use it to reach young girls and inspire them, teach kids to use the arts as a form of communication and awareness in their lives.  And, to build their mental health through creativity to escape depression, anxiety, and express their feelings. She's got me in contact with a grant writer that teaches how to write grants. 
• I've been contacted by that church down in Dallas again.  They wanted to check in on me and my progress with my artroom.  I love that.....know why?  They don't know me.  They only know my blog.  But they are checking in. 
• I've started to write my business plan so I've got it ready for anyone or organizations to help me.  God sent me to college as an English major that wanted to work as an investment broker. I can see what I learned how to do is going to be used.
• I'm praying this week on how to network with homeschool co-ops and preschools in order to do a WOW (workshop on wheels) for their groups.  And, how to design art workshops that would help them meet art criteria for their students.

God is so outstanding when you allow yourself to stop being "cumbersome" & "unwieldy".  He preps you for a little water on your face from the tidal waves.  I know that I've spent a season being "unwieldy" and that stops today.  I'm ready for a splash.

Peace Be With You- Sherry