Rocketgirl Two

I'm sitting with my garage door open and praying on my neighborhood this morning and surrendering my own inadequacies to God.  As I sit here pondering I here the start of "Riders Of The Storm" by the Doors. I feel like I'm having a vision quest like Jim Morrison. I am ready for a Native American to walk on by. I laugh to myself because that could have happened last month in South Dakota but I'm back in Missouri.

I realize that I may be aging myself with these references but still the music persists in my head and keeps replaying.  I continue to try to pray over my neighbors, my ability to be light to them and the music becomes louder. I persist to keep praying and finally the music blocks me from my prayer and I start to write.

What's a vision quest? A vision quest is a supernatural experience where a person interacts with a guardian spirit that could take the form of an animal to get advice or protection. Geez, Sherry, I think you were on that reservation in South Dakota too long.  Let me explain or try to explain.  I felt like there are times when I hear or see things that God is laying out for me. I've done it since I was a kid. I actually write notes to myself with words, songs, or mental pictures.

I hear the crash of thunder from the beginning of the song and the rain that sounds thunderous in response. I feel the weight of what the world is pushing and pursuing on me, on the hubs, Emily, and Dale. It is enough to make me shriek in fear and run. Instead, I know I have to lift my arms up in total, absolute surrender not to the world but to our Heavenly Father. He has it all, he has me, he's got the hubs and our children. He will not allow his beloved children to flounder in a storm when they are meant to ride.

Yeah, like riders in a storm...good, one, Lord.  You knew it would take me until this afternoon to clarify the hippy dippy trippy images in my head. The fears that the world demands will devour each of us and we will be cast out alone.  Or is that just me? Is that just my fear of abandonment reeling it's ugly head like a rattle snake rattling and waiting to strike?

Before I can declare "victory" in Christ Jesus as I open my eyes in the morning I hear that dark refrain.  The refrain is ominous and rides into my thoughts, punches me in the gut, and kicks me. It is the wrestling of the giant that is the enemy.  As I type those words I am realizing part of why September is going to be so hard. I have to ride in the storm. Jesus, I'm a city kid with no horsemanship skills. I can barely get on a horse yet alone ride it, God. And, I hear that wonderful big booming laughter in my brain that tells me that I make the Lord roll in laughter. Then riders of the storm starts again....what is it with you, Lord, and that song today?

Lord, September has been a long trip and it isn't over yet.  I've resigned from places and experiences that I loved to pursue you, Lord. I've said "yes" when I could have said "no" to what I felt you wanted. September brings a storm of hurt, fears, and name calling. Those things that I hear in my head that the enemy presents on his silver platter "You are; stupid, worthless, no one wants you, no one needs you, be done with it already". I hand them back with "I am smart, capable, and I stand brave strong and true on the rock of Christ Jesus my Savior".

I took time to read about Riders of The Storm...thank you, google.  Lots of people have opinions. It was the last song that The Doors recorded before Jim Morrison died. Did I tell you that I've had this thing with Jim Morrison since I heard my first Doors song?  I loved the imagery, the metaphors, and the poetry of the songs. I read about Morrison and have books on his poetry which is as sketchy as my writing. Truth be told I feel a kinship somehow to Morrison because of his love of words and metaphors. The images I see help me opened my mind and connect with our Heavenly Father. The metaphors and words let me know that I'm not alone.

I think "Riders of the Storm" is in my head today because God needs me to know I'm not alone. That I am quirky which makes me different. My kids are quirky too. Did I mention that I found out that the hubs loves The Doors about 30 years ago? I think he must be a little quirky too.  I think the Lord is rallying my spirit today that I don't sit in the puddles of the storm. I don't hide in fear. I ride in the storm. I was designed with a different path.  That's why I see the world differently, talk in metaphors, draw, and write.

It occurs to my the song isn't Rider of the Storm but Riders. My heart melts thinking of the hubs, Emily, and Dale. We are riders and I sense that we aren't the only riders in this storm for this month at this particular time. There are others and I hear the word "limited supply"...what, Lord, like Aldis with their seasonal items?  The laughter rolls again with the words "few and far between, exquisite light, truth, and bravery". Ohh, God, you had me at exquisite.

Hoping this helps another....it has helped me.  Know whatever storm you are going through our Heavenly Father has your back, walks beside you, and lights your path.

Peace be with you- Sherry

UPDATES

• I started weekly infusions rather than do daily meds for the cancer nodules in my stomach. It was something I did before losing my health insurance and something that I've got to start back up.  
• Dale has two jobs working with two teams on research studies at Northwest. One will pay him. Not a lot but it will help him to be independent. 
• Emily went to her neurologist appointment. She started to have vertigo, have trouble walking and wasn't coherent when she was talking.  The good news is that it happened about 45 minutes before we got to Dr Seeley's office and continued during the appointment. 
• I was the sole advocate for Emily and we talked about surgery for her.  He is going to send her records and scans to KU for their evaluation to see if they can find what is happening in her frontal lobe. The good news is they do frontal lobe surgery at KU.  The scary news is that surgery is Emily's only hope of being seizure free. 
• After Emily's appointment the Sandymobile would not start.  It couldn't be jump started. There was a guy that was trying to help me when Ted got to the hospital. We had to get a new battery and are praying that was the cause of the problem. 
• We are behind in our house payments by a month and got a letter demanding $1,300 today by October 13. We will check with the bank to see if we can get a loan for the money to try to save our home. 
• Ted still have the lump in his prostrate. There is a co-pay for him to get an ultrasound so he's putting it off. 
• I'm going to call my brother for an update on my mom tomorrow. Continued prayers as we navigate to help her.