I woke up and burst into tears this morning. I think part of it is being frustrated because I love to go places and do things. Right now its not an option because most of my best pondering places are closed. I've got compromised immunity because of the meds I'm on and am scared that I'll catch "the virus" so I've been trying to stay home.
I decided to go to pray this morning about the loss that I feel. My best pondering place in KC is in front of Waterlilies by Monet at Nelson Atkins Art Museum. Waterlilies has been a source of contentment in my life. Its been my steadfast place where I've ran to since I was 22 fresh outta college. In times of trepidation or delight it is where go to get grounded. It is my place of solace where I ponder and pray. Where I feel the love of my Heavenly Father at my core.
I feel like Waterlilies is an old friend at this point that is too far and scarce to find in our new reality. My pondering to my Heavenly Daddy has been ; Why didn't I get one more chance? One more chance before they locked the doors to be with Daddy.
I know that sounds crash, right? It's a piece of artwork not a human friend. The grace of God is he hears our prayers even those that are selfish like my Waterlilies whiny prayer. It popped into my head that the painting and place was merely just a thought away. I felt like God said close your eyes, use your great imagination Sherry...guess what you are there. And, I was there in front of Waterlilies. Then I heard "tell me" and with eyes closed I poured my heart out:
"I feel unheard and scared. I feel so much that I've got no words for".
I heard this back "Tell me about it, kid, I see what is going on not only with you but the rest of my children. I'm in pain over it because you are forgetting whose in charge, who loves you so much I created you because the world couldn't be without a Sherry. A sweet Sherry that hears me and closes her eyes and sees Waterlilies. A sweet Sherry that knows I've got her but is trying to prep things for the worst rather than hope and see the best. I roar over you to break the fear of the unknown because you are listening".
I think its quite possible for me and perhaps you to listen today. Not to the news or all the pings on our phones. Maybe we each need to take time to close our eyes and go to our best pondering place. If you don't have one you can use Waterlilies. Unload it all allow our Heavenly Daddy to respond and to roar over you. It feels better trust me.
The world right now is not perfect. That's when grace over rides if you allow it. After pondering this of course I checked my phone that had been pinging as I wrote. I clicked on a new Instagram post and found this ; How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear! It soothes her sorrows, heals her wounds, and drives away her fear.
May you allow God's grace and mercy soothe you sorrows, heal your wounds, and take away your fears today. Amen
Peace be with you-Sherry
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