Acts 4:21-31
Ever had a defining moment? I've got ones that stick out from the past now that I'm older but when you are in that "defining moment" you don't always see it as that. At least I know that I don't. Those are the moments that have brought me on my knees in tears, made me boost proud as a peacock, and made my heart grow maybe two sizes too large....just like the Grinch.
Yesterday, at best was one of those moments. I wasn't expecting or anticipating it but as I walked through it all I knew in my very core and soul that it was one.
I woke up with a huge amount of physical pain but pushed through and got Dale to school and picked up Ted (he had to get repairs to the Jeep). After getting home I managed to get upstairs to go lay down and take some motrin for the pain. I had a friend call, got up and went to the artroom, and then Ted came to talk to me. We are in over our heads, peeps, with finances. It's not that smallish kind either or so bad as when Ted went back to college full time. But once we budget out our expenses there is not enough to pay for Emily's tuition and for the co-pay for my surgery. And, we would have to decide to pay for either our health insurance or our mortgage to meet either the tuition or the co-pay. Uggh, to say I was upset was beyond, I was angry to the core. I was angry at Ted, angry with myself that I can't work full force right now or even get a part time job because I feel so terrible most days. And, then failure came up to haunt me to let me know what a crappy mom I am for not being able to pay for Em's tuition in a timely fashion, not being a good wife to Ted in helping him with budgets. And, what a failure I am as a person, for God's sake, I can't even go and substitute teach, work at McDonalds, etc because I can't bend down without pain and who needs that from an employee?
True confession I drove completely exasperated and defeated to pick Dale and his friends up from school yesterday. I cried in the high school parking lot and Dale got in the car and saw me. I told him I was going to take a deep breath and stop. And, how sorry I was. He said, "Mom, your a girl and girls get to cry. Just do it and don't think about it". And, so, that is what I did with Dale by my side holding my hand. I cried it out and talked to God aloud and told him how sorry I was for my failures and asked for his mercy to be who he designed me to be. With that I dried it up and we went to get Dale's friends.
It dawned on me that I wasn't defeated and that I needed to remember to ask and rely on others to help me. Goodness, gracious, I'm one person and right now I need help beyond prayers. So, I had the boys go to the grocery store with me, nab the stuff we needed for dinner, and they helped me make homemade chicken tenders and buffalo chips. And all three of them just did it....no nagging required. Ted cleaned up the kitchen so I could go sit down and even brought me a coke. At that moment I thought, "Sherry, this is a defining moment. You will not be broken or shaken I'm with you. Now, start asking".
My defining moment today and for a lifetime is to learn to "ask". I was raised to be self sufficient and not to rely on others and never your friends. Have you ever seen the movie "Meet The Parents"? The dad talks about the "circle of trust" do you remember that? Well, then you've meet my dad. I was raised to believe the world is : 1. a cold hard place, 2. people don't care they are just out to get you, and 3. it's better to get them or what you want before they get you, and 4. the only people that love you in the world are your mom, dad, and brother and they are the only ones that you can trust. I've wrestled with this for years. I've always felt in my core and soul that if you want to help someone and can....do it. If you have friends and rely on them that is fine. But then the daily stress of life comes and I start to think "circle of trust" thoughts.
Well, today is a new day and a defining moment. I'm going to "ask" and trust what God is saying. He's my almighty, omnipresent father who loves me beyond compare, is always there, and wants the best from me. So, here goes my "Top Ten Help Sherry List":
1. I need someone to help me carry up some ornaments and lights to do my mantle in my living room. I've decided not to do the tree this year....that breaks my heart but I just can't do it and I need my family to help with basic stuff like dishes, laundry, etc.
2. I need: some paper plates and cups. I want to not have to worry about seeing the sink with dishes because then I try to do them and wind up cramping for at least 45 minutes or all day if I do them.
3. I want my greenery and wreath hung outside my door. And if you can string the lights from it that would rock. It's all in my garage I just need help to get it out and get it hung.
4. On Fridays when I work I need someone to donate a meal to our family. Once I work the day I can barely walk to my car at times because of the cramping. I don't care if someone would bring a couple cans of soup and peanut butter sandwiches. I just need it done on Friday nights through December.
5. Dr. Angell wants me to get in my mamogram before my surgery. She felt some lumps on my left breast. I need someone to take me to St. Lukes East, sit with me, and then take me home afterwards. It is a walk in deal but they gave me a card and said I could make an appointment. I just need to know that someone will go with me.
6. Next, Wednesday, December 10th, I go for my pre-op appointment with Dr. Angell. I need someone to drive me there, sit with me, and drive me home. Again, I just need someone there with me.The co-pay for that is $80 and right now I don't have that. Pray that I'm able to come up with it by next week.
7. We get our dog food from Tractor Supply Company in Lee's Summit. We get the big old bag that is $19 and around 50 pounds. I need someone that loves my family and our pets enough to go and purchase the bag and bring it to the house.
8. I'm working on an appeal for Em's tuition for the spring. Over break here at home I talked with Emily about possibly having to come home next semester with my health stuff because I don't know how to pay for it all. She said, "I'd rather have my mom be healthy and be here than what is going on right now". Pray that the appeal is accepted and if not : we will need a group of friends that will use their vehicles to move her home this month.
9. Need something made handmade? Contact me. I would love to be your Elf. Although, physically, lots of stuff I can't do I can still sew and paint smallish things. Let me know if I can make your kiddos matching Christmas jammies, sew your daughter and her American girl matching nighties, or anything else. I need the work to pay for Em's tuition and my co-pay and it blesses me to take my mind off my health stuff.
10. I was asked last year by a friend if she could do a fundraiser for me. I told her no that I could handle it. Guess what? I can't . This is the hardest of all 10 for me to ask for. But, here's my Fundraiser for all of you. Take and talk with a friend or your family. Tell them about our family and what is going on. Then instead of going to Starbucks with a friend donate that to our family to help pay Em's tuition off by December 11th to keep her in college. Or instead of taking your family out for fast food or a restaurant donate that to our family to help with my co-pay for my surgery. How can you do that? You can send it via Paypal to sherryboberry2@yahoo.com. Or you can go to Bank Midwest in Lee's Summit, Missouri and ask to deposit it into Emily Snider's account. Either would help and make an impact in our lives.
I've been reading in Acts this week and ran across Acts 4:21-31. I keep coming to the fact that others in Christ have been put to the test, had their "defining moments" and instead of being shaken by their circumstances they have been reaffirmed in their faith that God. I feel like these verses can re-affirm us all that no matter what the circumstance if we praise God and allow him to take care of our major cares that we may get "stirred" to action to help our friends, family, and others. And it is by this "stirring" that we are reminded that we are never shaken by God only "stirred" into situations where we are able to praise, pray, and help others.
May God bless and keep each of you this holiday season. I praise God today for the ability to write and share my inner thoughts and concerns with each of you. I'm allowing God to challenge my "circle of trust" ideals and allow others to be a part of "circle" which He has created. A "circle" that helps, cares for, and encourages each other. Your challenge as well as mine this coming week is to allow God to work within this "circle" rather than relying on yourself.
Blessings- Sherry
PS: Below is a pic of the kiddos with our dogs over Thanksgiving. We talked not doing Christmas gifts this year and taking any of that money to use for Em's tuition or my surgery. I'm so blessed to have both Emily and Dale as my children because they felt that if we are together that is what is really important. They both told me that having their mom get well would be better than anything else. So, today, and this week I'm gonna sound out some praise for two remarkable kiddos that God has graced me with.
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