Don't Get Around Much Anymore

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)



This past week has been ahh-mazing and eye opening for me.  After doing my blood work it wasn't the best.  But they assured me it could be as simple as I'm getting a cold.  They do my blood work again this afternoon.  I'm hoping the results are better but I didn't really rest and stay home either since my last visit.  I've also got pain on my side that gets pretty intense at times which could mean a ton of things if I let my mind wander.  I've been dealing with it through prayer and letting God take over until my appointment today.  

As I was getting ready this morning I heard the song, "Don't Get Around Much Anymore" and just had to laugh.  That could be my theme song for the last year and half.  And, now I really do feel better and want to do so much...gotta make up for lost time.  Ted & I went on our first real date night in a long time last Friday.  We went down to the Crossroads district in KC for first Fridays. 

 I was blessed a couple of weeks ago with an artist down there that contacted me.  They offered up part of their workshop/ studio to me while I get mine in order which floored me.  And, they didn't want to charge me they just wanted to help me.  When I asked them why they said they had seen the Valentine boxes that I made and loved them.  That just makes me giggle and so I wanted to go and check out their space.   What happened while I was down there was something more than just a date night or checking out the scene.  I was taken back in time to who I was in high school.  The citygirl that loved the art scene, dabbled in it, and supported her friends at events at studios.  And, the citygirl whose mom told her to pick a career that she would never make any money as an artist.  

Yeah, if I were honest an old wound was opened up for me thinking about my mom.  Her lack of enthusiasm for the arts, buying me materials to use, or even taking me to the art lessons that I won as a kid hurt.   I know that she & I reconciled that years ago when I had my kids.  She was sharing that your kids will love what you love and expose them to most times.  She shared with me how as a preschooler that I would beg her to take me to the art center in Des Moines and would stand in front of a painting for hours if she let me.  Art was something that my mom appreciated but not something that she wanted to spend time looking or doing.   My mom thought there was better ways to spend time to be really honest.  She loved nature and the outdoors.   I was blessed to have my neighbor, Ginny Brown, that would take me not only to the art center but galleries.  She exposed to me theater, music, and fun foods which I loved as a little girl.  My mom told me that she was jealous of my relationship with my neighbor lady and that is why she took me to the art center that one time.   And, she saw that I wasn't like her while we were there.  That I loved it art and she felt blessed that Ginny Brown was there for me.

As all those memories of who I was came flooding back last Friday it made me stop and think. It's took me 45 years to define who I am, what I stand for, my integrity, and deal breakers.  It also made me think about this blog.  I've had some great talks with friends about it. And, I've had to define in emails about my faith and who I am.  This made me think of why I chose to believe in God.  Why I've chosen to serve in the life of the churches that I've attended and for what purpose.  With that I made a timeline of sorts about why I've served in church & my purpose.  Here's the motto that I came up with.   I served because I wanted others to know about Christ through my words and actions. That statement makes sad inside. Know why?  Because through "my" words and actions.  Why do I think that I need credit or can in any way wiggle in on God?  I'm a list gal and so I wrote down when and why I served and I was even sadder.

• When I was in high school they needed Sunday School teachers.  I offered to teach. After talking with my pastor I was allowed.  He had faith that I would do a good job and so did I.  I really wanted to pay it back to my mom for taking me and letting me learn about God.  What happened is that the kids in my class loved me and vice versa.  But some of the adults at my congregation didn't think it was right to have a high school kid teaching. My pastor came to me at Christmas and told me that it was nothing that I had done but my age and they would find someone for my class.  That was crushing to my spirit and made me never want to serve in the life of a church again.
• The next time that I went to church regularly was when I was pregnant with Emily.  Shortly, after she was born they needed a Preschool Sunday School teacher and I volunteered for a small group of 5 boys. These boys had even the most seasoned Sunday School teachers quitting.  I told the pastor if he would let me do it I would be fine.  I taught a group of 25 students everyday and those 5 boys had nothing on me.  And he allowed me to take Emily with me to teach.  It was a total win win for years.  And, as I taught Sunday School I thought about my Grandpa Hout.  He taught Sunday School for years.  He had kids coming and was loved by each of them because he cared.  Yeah, I was sure that teaching Sunday School was a pay it forward for my Grandpa Hout and all the kids that he taught. 
• While teaching Sunday School I became involved with the board of education, the missions board and LWML.  Missions and LWML were important parts of my Grandma Hout's world and so I was paying it forward to her.  And, if I'm really honest I used the church as a safe sanctuary for Emily & I.  My marriage was less than ideal and rather than be at home it was better to be at the church working on something after work than going home.
• I was so thankful that I had a great pastor who found my hubby a great christian counselor that changed his life.  My hubby accepted Christ and found his way.  How could I not serve to pay it forward for what that pastor and counselor had done.  And, maybe through what I was doing at church someone else would have a relationship with God and wouldn't that be awesome?  Yeah, so I've served for that reason too.
• Ohh, and then there's my kids.  I want to make sure that they get to go to church like I did as a kid and know about God just like me.  And, so, yes, I serve so that my kids have a relationship with God.
• And, yup, when my family had been hurt, disheartened, and my hubby turned away from God by people at church my heart broke.  After a few years I took the kids to a new church.  And, my hubby went the next week.  Well, you guessed it!  I served for the pastor and staff that got my hubby back to his faith.  They allowed my kids to serve and feel a part of the church.  And provided programs that helped my kids grow in their confidence and faith.  I served to pay it forward to the pastor and staff for what they did in my family's life.  

Did you notice something within my motto & those statements?  I did.  I served because of myself and other people.  I didn't place the primary focus on serving because God has served me through his son, Jesus.  I didn't serve because I wanted others to know Christ.  I served so others would know Christ through "my" words and actions.  For goodness sake I need to take "me" & "my" out of the picture.  If I serve I need to do it for God and God alone.  And, yes, there are certain ministries that I love in my core and being.  But I love them because God has allowed me to and instilled it within me. It is a privilege to do that....not a right, not a pay it forward, or the right thing for the moment.  It is a privilege to serve my Heavenly Father. 

Part of my journey is in developing who I am & what I stand for. I believe that God brings us through seasons to help mentor us in the way he wants.  I may seem to ask an endless list of tireless questions to people right now.   That is because I want to know those smallish answers so I can help form who I am through Christ.  And, most importantly, I can prayerfully serve my Heavenly Father in the capacity he wants.  Not serve God in honor of someone or use church as a sanctuary.  Not that those aren't valid reasons. I feel personally I need to daily wake up and sincerely ask God to guide my words and actions for his glory.  And, yes, that statement ends with a period.

I'm praying that there are some of you that see what I'm saying this week.  And, take note in your heart and soul about how God is using you in service.  I know personally I will be asking him daily that my words and actions be for his good.  I know that is my personal challenge not for this week but for my lifetime to do.  Hope you are up to the challenge!  

Blessings-Sherry 

Personal Update: 

• This week I go to get my bloodwork drawn and to check in with my doctor.  I've been praying about this process since last month when I started to have doubts when my bloodwork came back less than fab.  It all goes back to that fear factor.  I'm praying with my appointment today that I can be "bold", have "courage" and realize my self worth rather than let doubts flood in.
• My joy this week is working on a donation for Sharing of the Green here in town.  It is a benefit silent auction & dinner for the Lay Clergy in my community. My joy has been in working with Emily on a child's armoire made from a dresser drawer.  We are doing the theme of "Frozen" from the movie and have made little girl clothing, a crown, and more for it.  Yesterday, Em took me aside for a break and played the theme song from Frozen.  She shared with me that it reminds her of her mom since the first time she heard it. What she meant is that her mama was raised to not "share" her feelings or emotions and "freezes" up when she has to.  She said that she is thankful that I'm "thawing" out....lol.
• This week Emily went to Longview and got admitted as a student. They have a four year RN program which is awesome.  She has to take two tests to be admitted to that program which scare & stress her out.  She called the resource center and left a message to see what types of materials, tutors, etc. they have or know of that would help her prep for those tests.  The glory in all this is that she told me she is glad to be home where she can relax and has us to talk to about it all.
• This week I started to volunteer at my church.  Not because I was trying to pay it forward or needed a sanctuary.  It was because I know that it is a priviledge in my life.  My new motto:  "Share the love of Christ for God's glory". 
• Ted and I had a great talk about our marriage, finances, and life together.  He even asked me to pray with him and help him.  His voice was strong, sincere, and loving....wowsies, God is good!  He shared with me for the first time in our lives he actually makes enough that we can pay our bills and that he wants me to take time to feel better and evaluate what I want to do.  He sees that my wheels spinning and doesn't want to see me have to be the "little red hen" because I have to, feel guilty, or need to.  He wants to gift me with taking care of me over the course of this year, letting me find my path, and has faith that God will guide me.  I can say at that moment I feel in love with Ted all over again.  I know it's not perfect right now but he gets me.....maybe that visit to the Crossroads district did both of us a world of good.