This week has been challenging to say the least. My blood work has came back not good for the second month in a row. I've got cramping and nausea most days. I'm facing on my worst fears next week at my doctor's appointment down at St. Luke's. I honestly can say I thought that I had it together and was just going to go through the motions, find the "wins" daily, and make it through the year just fine being accountable to myself, my family, and friends with my health. Well, all those old fears are back just like old friends & they come nagging at me.
Isn't it crazy how some blood work can make you want to run for the hills? What about that conversation that I had a couple of weeks ago with a friend that totally hurt my spirit. I went to talk with them to share about blogging and my experiences and questions that I get from people. I just was hoping for some straight answers & direction. I wound up feeling more confused than ever.
I went and tried talking to my hubby which didn't help. It wasn't that he was unkind, unhelpful, or discouraging he was just blunt, to the point, and was gonna solve my "problems" before I could even tell him what they were. I love the hubby for wanting to be my knight in shining armor but please let me tell you what to save me from. Can I get an amen to that?
The worst of past week was when I had a friend tell me that I wouldn't feel so "jumpy" about stuff if I would simply tell everyone my sins and who I really am. Ohh, that has troubled my heart the most. I feel like I'm a pretty open book. If anyone asked me about my past I would tell them or if I knew I could help someone by what I've experienced I would be there for them. But to "confess" to the world every last detail of my life, well, to be honest, all I could think of was the "ain't nobody got time for that" gal.
My remarkable blessing is that made me laugh. To think of writing this week and telling you absolutely everything and more about me, my life, and journey. And, it had me sit down and thank God that I've got him. He's the one that does have time "for all of that". He is the one that I should be confiding those fears in. The one that I need to ask to mentor and guide my path. I need to talk to him and ask him to help me acknowledge people that he is placing in my world that are willing to mentor, listen, and help me with all questions I've got. And know what the best part is? He knows me, has since before I was born, and has loved me through all of it. I ran across the verse from 1 John 2:1 and as I've read and meditated on it this week I think I'm on to something....God is our best "advocate" and all that we need.
My grandparents had a little box with "bread of life" cards in them. My Grandpa Hout was a farmer. He and my grandma used their "bread of life" cards every morning. They would draw one out, read the thought, and then read the scripture. He and my grandma would talk about it as they had coffee and then pray together for their own and family's needs. That is something that has stuck with me as a kid. It was just a time between the two of them. They were so connected, sincere, and I could tell those conversations were important to them. I've had my own set of "bread of life" cards like my grandparents for years. Maybe instead of hoarding them to myself I need to open up about them and ask my hubby into my world. I think maybe this is a way God is "advocating" for my spirit right now....by using something smallish that I have and is dear to my soul. Using this to create a way for his glory to be had not only in my life but my family's lives.
Last night I told Ted about my mug filled with "bread of life" cards. I explained to him about my grandparents and asked if he would be willing to do what they did with me. Know what? He did it. It didn't take a lot of time but gave us each time to talk about what we read and about ourselves and family.
Update For the Week:
1. Emily talked with the gal for financial aid at Longview. She thinks that Emily's A+ scholarship can be re-activated possibly by this fall semester or next January at the latest. God is good!
2. Emily met with Voc-Rehab again this week. There have been some changes to the program but I've got faith that Emily can still get a scholarship with them. We may have to pay for her books but her summer tuition should be covered. God is good!
3. My art room is coming right along. We went to Habitat for Humanity Re-Store last weekend. I found the best thing ever for the artroom. A pink toilet and pink sink! I'm hoping by April we can get it put into the artroom and I can start to plan on doing workshops from home. God is good!
4. I'm blessed to have a gal pal that works downtown and is going to meet me following my doctor's appointment and we are going to do lunch. It's always better to face your fears if you get bribed with lunch with a gal pal, right? God is good!
5. We worked really hard as a family this past week doing yardwork. Our leaves are raked up from the winter. We cleaned out all my front yard flower beds. We cleaned up our stairs and porch at the front door. And, best of all I painted the front door. The paint was looking sad to say the least . I told Em that it really made me sad and so we picked out a pale blue for the door and painted it. It may not be perfect but it's cheery and lets me feel like my home is a small sanctuary from the world. Funny, how a coat of paint can do that.
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