How do you determine whose "trustworthy" and whose not? Do you hold back who you are in order to guard yourself or do you let it all out? I grew up with a dad that taught me to always hold back who you are because people will hurt you and use that against you.
When I was younger I refused to let many get to close to me, to know what I loved and cared about, or act like I cared about them. I had the philosophy of take it or lose when it came to my friends....that way no one was too close. Those who broke through that mask have remained my friends long after childhood and college. They know who Sherry is, what is important to her, what she loves and cares about.....and, there are no judgements....thank God! I love each of them because they know the fun Sherry the one that takes chances, snorts when she laughs hard, is relentless when her heart is in it, and loves unconditionally. And they know the Sherry that is a real bitch, closed off, cruel, and mean because she's gonna get you before you get her. And, thank God for this handful of peeps that have stayed with me I'm not easy.
In adulthood I've had some hard lessons in learning what a friend is and what the aren't. Each time when someone I called a friend hurts me I hear my earthly dad and my heart breaks. In the past year I've came to grips with who God designed Sherry to be and not to take anything less or let anyone tell me otherwise. After leaving a friend's house this past week I found myself hurt, heartbroken, and saying "no not again". My earthly father's words rang in my ears "Don't let people get too close. Don't let them know you or what you love they will take it as a weakness. They will take what you love and hurt you with it". I was heartbroken and just broke down and cried because I work each day to make those not truths in my life or for my kids. I rest my head each night knowing those aren't the truths that God wants for me. But, this past weekend I heard my earthly dad's voice repeating in my head so much I literally made myself sick over it. That hasn't happened in years.
I'm blessed to have Tedster in my life. He's known me for far too many years and been my hubby for 23 of them. He knows how I put on this caviler attitude of take it or lose it. He's seen me banish places, things, and people along the way. He knows just how mean I can be with my words....they are my swords and best defense when I get angry. He also knows that his wife is caring, compassionate, and literally would give everything she has if it meant another's happiness. He sees what God designed in me and his heartbroke for me too. The blessing was that he took over and prayed with me, asked God to take the wheel and stop my questions. He prayed for God not to let me close out the world over my heartbreak but continue on the path of truths that I know about myself. And, Tedster, told me "Why are you placing value or worth in what someone says or does? Your worth comes from God alone and what He wants for you, Sherry, not some human who doesn't see you for who you are and what your capable of". Ohh, that has spurred a weekend discussion that has lapsed into this week. Monday night it lasted well after midnight. Ted challenged me by laying down what he learned as a military brat : duty, service, community. He told me that he sees God challenging me beyond the walls of the church where I'm comfy. He is challenging me to open up to serve Him within our community beyond what I do. That God is asking me to do what is scary, what I'm not used to, and to serve him.
What if we shut out all the noise from the world and just heard what God said? It might be scary, right? It might be that we are finally understood more than our friends or family could ever understand us? There's the scary part for me. How about you? What if God took away how I serve him to get me to the next step of serving him? What if he is challenging me to open up the essential parts of who I am ...all those things that are near and dear to me?
After spending some time with JC (that would be Jesus Christ) this past week I'm humbled. In life I've been squashed, stepped on, and brokenhearted over who I am. He's told me that it was all right to dream, trust, and love. Since I was five I wanted to teach. When I taught my first class I felt it was who God designed me to be. God gave me a caring spirit that longs to serve him, mentor others, and live with joy. I've been blessed to serve with pastors, friends, and co-workers that could see the blessing God put in me to teach....thank God for all of you. For those that see the blessing I can be to God when I write....thank God for each of you. And, they see what an impact for Christ that I can make if I just shut the door on what I think and allow JC to take over....thank God for each of you.
When I shut out all the outside noise and just listen I was overwhelmed. The thought of "how much goodness and graciousness do you need, Sherry, to serve me? ". All I can answer is "nothing you gave it all". With that I feel God's love and compassion over me, repairing my broken heart, and telling me that it's all right to believe, trust, and dream. Yesterday, I had a dream come true. I opened my artroom up....eek! I'm still praising God for the courage to open myself up to share who I am through doing artistic workshops. The blessing is that I had a handful of kids yesterday and next week that will double in size.....God is good! I prayed for a couple of peeps to sign up for Pinterest & Prayer workshop which will share my faith, family, and love of creativity with peeps... and there are more than I could imagine that signed up...God is good. The best part is that I had peeps from my past & present to come out to e-mail, inbox me, and root me on yesterday...God is good! And, I'm ready to take on the next step in serving him.
I want to invite you to pray for the kiddos that are coming to Creation Station that it be a place where they can let their creativity flow. Pray for the moms & kids of Mama Mia....last night when I let the kids use paint and told them not to worry about making messes I don't know who was more surprised the moms or the kids.....it was awesome! And, pray for the gals that have signed up to come to Pinterest & Prayer tomorrow night. Pray that they see my genuine heart to welcome them, have them be creative, and learn about our families & pray for one another.
Finally, let me share with you about why I call Jesus Christ JC. It's more personal and feels like he's a friend that I call daily through prayer. And, yeah, both of our birthdays are in December so we're close like that....lol. When I talk to JC there is less intimidation, nervousness, and anxiety. He is a true blue friend that loves you for who you are not what the world the world sees, parents tell you to be, or who you aspire to be. If you need a friend that can be trusted in this world JC is it. JC knows your heart, your spirit, and can lead you if you allow him to. I'm ready to be led are you?
Peace Be With You-Sherry
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