In my journal this week I kept coming back to "What have you done for me lately?" that I had written. I'm a child of the 80's and love Janet Jackson! Who back in the day didn't have a pair of big gold hoops with a key on one? I sure did & recently bought a pair that reminded me of my old ones.
But, I digress. That's not why I had wrote "What have you done for me lately?" in my journal. It was meant as more of a statement than a question. It was a reminder to me that each day needs to be spent in the Lord. That I want my words, actions, and life to reflect my Savior. And, that is a statement if I'm honest that haunts me. Why? Because I'm guilty. I know what God is laying on my heart. I feel compelled to do it. And, then, well, I falter, I wait, I stop....because I don't have the courage to get out there and go.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that this happens to. This past year the Lord has been heavy with what He wants of me. I know in my heart that he didn't get me through some dark places in my life, protect me against myself, and bring me through cancer this year to let me go. I know he doesn't like to see me flounder around with his gifts for me. Let me explain it like this. Have you ever felt in your head, heart, and soul that you should do something.
That is where I've been this fall. My spirit is screaming "take your heart, mind, and spirit and go!". What am I doing? Feels like saving all my time, energy, and attention for a rainy day. I hear my mind race "you can't" & feel my heart saying "you are gonna be heartbroken" and so I've faltered God. I had a pity party for myself and I was a great hostess. I thought about how our health insurance doubled this summer, my meds aren't in the formula for prescriptions, and how hard it is for me to make enough to do the co-pays for my cancer doc & to have a mammogram this week. And, my whole being becomes pitying myself rather than glorifying God.
God has no time for the pity pot. God's saying to me "You have the courage, knowledge, and heart to do this because I've breathed it into ever fiber of who you are, Sherry, GO!". And, like a reluctant child I said, "Ok, God whatcha got for me?". While I've been waiting to decide what God wants from me I took time to glorify him by : cleaning the counters & cabinets in the kitchen (he blessed me with a kitchen). Then I made dinner for the fam this week rather than Ramen soup or frozen pizza(God blessed me with groceries now use 'em, Sherry). I cleaned my workshop & artroom space because I was blessed with the tools, ability to know how to use them and some great friends & people that come to workshops in my creative space. And, then, I took the furchildren (our dogs) outside to our backyard and played fetch with them each morning, got water for them, and just sat and thanked God for the life I've got.
This week I got a inbox from a gal pal on Facebook. She wanted to let me know that the Lay Clergy had approved for me to do art classes for kids at the renovated Tucker hotel. That means that I can take Creation Station & Mama Mia out on the road to help kids connect to art in my community. That means I can use art to : Glorify God through teaching. Glorify God by offering a safe public space where kids can use their imaginations and feelings in a creative safe environment. I can glorify God by teaching & be a mentor to the families that I serve. I don't doubt for an instant that the people I serve through this new endeavor will see the strength & tenderness that the Lord has filled my heart with.
I love that because I chose to get off the pity pot. I chose to serve God here within my home and glorify Him through my actions to my family, pets, and friends that He built me up. He has given each of us a "heart, mind, and spirit to GO!". Will you hear his call?
Peace be with you- Sherry
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