Relevance

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

This weekend Dale, my son, and his friend stirred up batter to make a double batch of chocolate chip cookies.  Although, I helped them to find some things I left the project up to the boys.  Yesterday, when they both were at the house after school.  I told them to get out the dough and I would bake some cookies for them.  Being the awesome mom I am I taste tested one after it came out of the oven and it was lacking something.  What could it be?  I took another bite and then went to ask the boys if they added brown sugar . 

The answer came from Dale, "No we put the regular sugar in.  I didn't add the brown sugar because I didn't think we had any . I didn't want to ask about the brown sugar and  have you start crying about how we don't have enough money for even brown sugar".  That hit me like a sucker punch.  Because my 15 year old sees the stress that I'm under.  He doesn't want to see his mom cry over petty things like brown sugar. That he isn't coming to me when he needs something... even small things like brown sugar for cookies.  That made me think.

How did my world get so warped that my son won't even bother me about brown sugar?  That caused me to sit back, think about what to say and pray.  Last night when things were winding down I took and talked to Dale one on one.  I told him that he could share anything with me and ask me for anything.  I shared with him that this year has been unique but I feel like God is moving mountains in our family's life and mine....but those mountains don't move easily and it is going to take time but I've got faith that God will supply what is needed. 

Dale confided to me that it literally hurts him to see what I'm facing this year, the challenges, the disappointments, and the hurts.  Did I mention that Dale is my kiddo that wears empathy on his heart like a medal of honor?  He is like me in so many ways but he hasn't ever been heartless, callous, or cruel.  He is quiet, kind, and resilient.  If I'm honest I just wanted to cry but I didn't.  I told Dale I thought we needed to pray about what is going on, how it affects us, and allow God to take care of the hurt, pain, or fear that we've got.  He told me he does and then challenged me if I do. 

Have you ever been spiritually called out by your kid?  I was.  I told him that each day once he, Emily, and his dad leave that I read my Bible, write down passages, thoughts, and feelings in a journal.  And, then I pray to God, release my angst about the day, hurts, and cares and let God supply me.  I realized what is lacking though at that very minute.  Dale doesn't see his mom do that. I generally am the one that leads our family talks at the dinner table, talks to him while being his "chauffeur" and prays with him about situations, people, and things.  What is lacking right now is his ability to see his mom come to her Lord and savior in prayer. 

I've been too concerned over trying to earn enough financially to pay for medical bills, insurance, and medications.  My soul focus has been trying to get our health care insurance back and making ends meet until it does.  I've made calls, filled out forms, got a cancer advocate, and prayed silently about what I saw as "relevance" in my world and my family's lives.

What I forgot is the definition of "relevance".  Relevant is defined in Webster's as: "bearing upon or connected with the matter in hand; pertinent".  What is pertinent or relevant in my book isn't the same for Dale, Emily, or Ted.  I've been spending so many hours and days being "relevant" in our battle with the insurance company that I forgot about the "matters in hand" like brown sugar and showing my kids my faith through prayer. 

This morning I got up and felt nausea and pain on my side.  I decided to rest in but I didn't stop being "relevant".  I prayed with Emily and over her about her chemistry test today and her safety on the road.  I took time with Dale and prayed over his heart that loves the Lord and empathy that could move mountains.  I told God that both Dale and I know He can move mountains and I asked in his name to remove that mountain that makes me disconnected.  

This week's message is something different for me.  I've always been a mama who knew her kids, what their needs were, and prayed with and over them.  This fall I've broken from that since I'm busy on the phone, physically feel ill, or justify it with they are older.  My challenge is to restore my relationship with my kids and my Lord.  I need to find the "relevant" issues for each day and pray about those with my kids.  I need to not let those "relevant" issues overwhlem me and rob my joy with my kids, Ted, and my family.  

This week I've challenged my kids to ask me "Is that relevant to right now?".  And, if it isn't something pertinent I've gotta let it go because otherwise it consumes my body, mind, and spirit. I refuse to let my son not ask for brown sugar for cookies because he doesn't want me to cry over not having it.  I'm learning I need to run this season of my life for myself, my kids, Ted, friends, and the blessings God puts in front of me daily.  I need to be grateful to God for this season and the ability to learn what "relevant" means. 

Here's a song that is my "jam" this fall....yeah, I pick one song each season that I like and that fits my life and call it "my jam"....lol.  It is something I've done since high school that has stayed with me through life.  My "jam" this season is Andrew McMahon & the Wildreness, "Swim".  Here's a link to it.  He wrote it during his battle with cancer but it is "relevant" to all of us.  It reminds us that when things are tough we need to "swim" rather than sink in the currents that life throws at us. 

Here's a link to a video of  Swim :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZTsdKt6e74

 Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• This week we are blessed to afford another week of Emily's seizure med.
• This week I called my advocate to check in.  After I hung up I left all my angst to God and am gonna swim with what is "relevant" for my here and now.
• We are meeting to figure out health insurance today. Pray that our decisions are wise and decisive.