There were two things as a kid that I detested and still do. My mom would tell me each day it was "quiet time" which meant no talking, humming, singing, etc. I remember each day within minutes asking, "Mommy, is quiet time over?". And, the other thing I detest is getting my face wet whether that means in the shower or getting dunked in a pool....strongly dislike it.
This season of my life I feel like the world is pouring over me and my family like waves in the ocean. The things that I know like having honesty and integrity and loving the Lord don't seem to matter. The waves literally left me submerged in the depths of an ocean of hurt and not knowing what to do. I shared with a friend last week that there were things that it felt like the world was pushing me under the waves to lie, cheat, and live without the integrity that God gave me and my heart was breaking trying to be who God intended me to be.
On Tuesday of this week I literally was sunk. Do you know the feeling? Not being able to come up for air, being told no everywhere you turn and you feel like you are in a corner that you can't break free? Your trust that you've got in God to meet your needs or "supply" is wavering and you feel forgotten and broke...yeah, that was Tuesday afternoon for me. I literally wept because I didn't know how to to fix my heath, our lack of insurance, or meet our financial needs for meds that all of us need. I felt conflicted on what to do, who in our family do I prioritize and who gets left behind, and how God do I make worldly choices when my soul is not at peace with it. How can I say I live in faith and confidence this day when all my phone calls were "no" to my requests. I had to pick Emily up from college early because she threw up & her head hurt from the fluorescent lights in her classroom. I was in fear knowing that I couldn't afford Emily's seizure meds next week. And, yes, I literally bleed when I went to the bathroom and felt sick. That was my Tuesday and I wept. I told God I knew he would meet our "supply" needs but how much further did I have to sink to have it done.
Know what happened? Wednesday. Wednesday morning I got a call from the state to ask about the paperwork that I filled out for our family and the info they had from our family through the marketplace aka Obamacare. At that moment I thought do I "lie" and make up a truth like the world is pushing me to do or stand my ground and hear her say "no". I stood my ground and told her the truth. I told her it was complicated and explained what had happened to us this year. And, guess what? She understood and said it made sense. I told her we were literally sinking and didn't know where to turn and so anything we could fill out we tried. She told me that Dale, my son, qualified for sure. I told her thank you for that as my "win of the week". I was grateful for that and I could wait until January for insurance. She told me she heard the honesty in my words and I shouldn't have to wait until January and was going to talk to her supervisors and get back with me.
Melinda, the case worker, got back with me Wednesday morning. She said it wasn't perfect but they would cover insurance for both Dale and I. She said once I was better to call her and let her know because we were in her prayers. She said that she gets lots of applications, calls, etc but she could her the desperation and honesty in my words. That is why she went to her supervisor and insurance for me was granted. She told me "today it paid to be honest in the world". After I got off the phone with her I cried and praised God who knew I had been dunked in the water on too many times. He knew our family not only needed a "win" but I needed to be reassured about honesty and integrity.
Thursday, I called, the pharmacy to get all six of my meds refilled. I called my cancer doctor's office and made an appointment. And, prayed over having courage to go get the mammogram asap. I thought of Emily and how my daughter who has a seizure disorder is still without insurance and I wept and prayed over her. Then, I saw the phone and thought this is the day I make some noise, don't take "no" for an answer and I get her meds. We had applied for Vimpat her seizure med through the company and so I called. They said that her application had been approved Monday and mailed out Tuesday. They showed it should be at Emily's neurologist. Yesterday, Emily & I trotted on into her neurologist and picked up six months of meds for her. In dollars and cents it is $5,000 worth of meds. Take a look at our "bragger pic" below...our God knows how to show off, right?
It's Friday and my "win" for today? Well, my daughter got her hair cut by our friends that wanted to help. And, Dale, gets his hair cut tomorrow. Ted got signed up for insurance for he and Emily which will go in effect in January. And, I don't feel like I'm going under the waves. I'm actually on a ship with the wind in my sails.
Our situation health wise still is unknown. But God granted us with the tools and resources to meet our "supply" to be able to handle, confront, and meet them head on. I'm I still sick....yeah. Emily has seizures, and Ted is an insulin dependent diabetic. Dale jokes that he is the best of the bunch...lol. Do we still have stress...yeah. Do I know that my God won't let me sink when I stand in the storm with honesty and integrity...yeah!
I've been asked by people to make a list of things that they can do or help us with that are smalls. I've got a list of Snider Smalls following this post. If you would like to help with any of them that would be remarkable. I walk with faith and confidence that God is gonna heal me physically & do great things through me & my family.
Peace be with you- Sherry
Snider Smalls :
1. Pray for Emily. She takes her finals in a couple of weeks which will be stressful. Pray for her protection and for God to cease all seizures from her. This is huge, peeps. I wouldn't have asked for you to pray that over her before this season in our life but it is with faith and confidence that I do.
2. Pray for courage for all of us as I go into a season of my life that scares that heck outta me. I want to walk in faith and confidence that I will be healthy. I want to walk in faith and confidence that I can what they tell me, take on that challenge, and go full force for the Lord.
3. Here's the list for our family. It's got stuff that we like, love, and need. Ok, maybe it is more like "like" because we love & need just our Heavenly Father.
- Dale : Loves to draw & sculpt. He adores homemade chicken noodle soup, fried chicken, and beef jerky. He's saving for an x-box1 with his money from his boy's workshops since this summer. If you would want to leave him a "tip" in the tip jar to help him that would be fab. He is about $75 short of having enough for the gaming system. If you would want to swing over with jerky, soup, or fried chicken you would have a fan in Dale.
- Emily : Loves the Lord and her family. She would love some new knee high socks & new pillow to sleep on. She loves lemon zinger tea, apple cider, and diet Dr. Pepper or diet cherry Pepsi. If you really want to treat Emily she would love some stuff from Bath & Body Works or something girly like a hairbrush, ponytail holders,or new jammies.
- Ted : He worries about smalls all the time like gas in the tank to get to work and having enough Ramen in the jeep for lunches. He literally is the breadwinner in our home & he needs your prayers that God would uplift him and let him lead our family with strength and integrity. Feel free to drop off a gas card or microwave lunch stuff for Tedster to help him.
- Sherry : Pray for me that my courage that God gifted me with prevails through the doctor's appointments, tests, etc. I love chai tea, chocolate carmels, and bread. I would love some new socks and a candle this year. I usually light a candle each morning, pray, read scripture, and journal.
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