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Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
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He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
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Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
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but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31
This month has me blessed with lots of ideas for blogging. Things like ; hope, weariness, waiting, trusting, and being an albatross. Is that diversity or what? As I approached writing this week I was bogged down in how to incorporate all these things in a nice little bundle. Here's my attempt.
This fall has been a windfall of ups & downs and learning that God will "supply" our family with what is necessary for us to withstand the hard times. I've learned to be more faithful, praise filled, and diplomatic than I ever would have thought I could. The thought "don't sweat the small stuff" comes to my mind daily and I give God thanks that I know he will handle both the smalls & larges. I thank him that my large is truly his small.
Last month I started to grow tired and honestly weary. I never knew the word exhausted until a few weeks ago and that describes me mind, body, and spirit. If I could spend each day in bed this week sleeping I think I could. Instead, I think it is God's challenge in my life to complete each day to the best of my capabilities which means ; getting up, getting dressed, following through with the "smalls" for my home & family, and following up with my own health concerns. It means trusting that God has blessed me with enough for the day in smarts, attitude, and will power. Yes, will power, because I could easily just sit, mope, and do nothing but instead I get up & fight the good fight. And, feel the small blessings in each day because of it.
The "albatross" in my life? That would be some people that I love that don't see things for what I do. They see me as their "albatross", their opponent, and scape goat. Have you been there? In a season where you are literally weary mind, body, and spirit and someone lays their own worries & guilt on you? You become their "albatross". I use "albatross" because I was an English major. I remember the story of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" & kidding around with college friends that we were the "albatross" in certain situations. In this season in my life being considered the "albatross" is no joke to me. I feel that weight each and every day since my diagnosis this past year. I feel I'm a burden to my family & friends and wonder what in the world God is doing. Isn't he a God that loves us? Why in the world would he have me consider myself a burden and why would he allow people that I love to tell me that I am?
I was reminded of Isaiah 40:28-31 this weekend. That God promises us that "we will soar on wings like eagles, renew our strength, and we won't just walk we will run". Ohh, Heavenly Father, how can you expect me to run? I go to the grocery store and literally have to sit down a couple of times while I just nab groceries? I went for my mammogram, sonogram, and got my blood drawn last week and slept the rest of the day. Am I becoming an albatross? Simply weight on everyone's shoulders, Lord? Did my loved one that told me that really mean it? How can I change it?
That's when I stopped in my tracks. God didn't place me in this season to rely on what others say....he put me here to rely on Him. They were right in that I move slower, am tired, and am not the "Sherry" that they need or want right now....but this is a season in their life as well where they are having to be self reliant & strengthen their faith. Instead of thinking of this season or people as "albatross" I choose to think of it as a time of slowing down, learning to listen, and making wise choices after prayerful consideration.
Over the weekend I started a "list of 5" with my kids & for myself. In the list are 5 small things that need to be done for the day. Once you are done with the list you are free to do what you want as long as you have a willingness to help one another when asked. It has turned into a remarkable way for my kiddos & I to re-connect, gives us time together, and time apart....it truly has started to renew my spirit. Saturday the kids #5 on their lists was to go see Santa here in town. I told them both I wanted to get a picture of them with Santa & Dale told me no that his list said "go see Santa" & he didn't want his picture taken. I told him I was sure that I wrote "picture with Santa" & he pulled out his list of 5 from his pocket to show me I had wrote "go see Santa". Well, he didn't get his picture taken but I took note to be very specific in that list of 5 with him from now on.
This week I would challenge you to complete a "list of 5". My list today included: cooking dinner, picking out paint for the kid's bathroom from my stash, fixing a shutter so we can hang out dog leashes up, helping the kids paint the accent walls in the living room, and baking cookies for a Christmas gift. And, I've done 4 out of the five...maybe it's time to thank God I got 4 done & go rest.
Peace be with you- Sherry
Updates:
1. I went to my doctor's appointment this week and have a game plan. The sonogram shows that I've got cysts in my intestines. They need to be removed. And, in order to try to prevent newbie cysts they put me on a two newbie meds. They also are planning to remove the cysts in an outpatient surgery next month and they want to start radiation which scares me to death. I was blessed to talk with my cancer counselor this week to talk out my fears, cry, and then go home to try to be "swim" for my kids & hubby because it's Christmas this week, right.
2. I will need help in January beyond prayers as I get the cysts removed and come to grips with starting radiation. Here's what I need:
- Someone to pick up Dale after school & bring him home. If you are willing to do this let me know.
- Someone to pick up Emily after her classes out at Longview Monday through Thursdays.
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