So Long Old Friend

The past couple of weeks have been really difficult on me physically.  I've been not only doing radiation but started chemo infusions as well.  I felt like I had a good grip on what was going to happen, how I would feel, and I actually felt at peace about it.  Tuesday this week was the worst for me physically because I couldn't stop the nausea with any amount of ice water, meditation, or cold wash clothes for my head.  I literally had no control and had to bear down and ask God for mercy. I'd like to say that made the pounding headache & vomiting stop but it did not but I did feel a sense of calm.

When I got home Tuesday night Tedster confronted me over forgetting to lock our front door and I literally was at a loss to even apologize.  All I wanted to do is zombie shuffle up to my room and just climb into bed and ride the nausea. I wound up mumbling the words "so long" and going to bed. Those are my whines for the week thanks for reading up on them.

Now to my actual blogging for the week.  I wrote in my journal about defining the words "so long".  "So Long" can mean a goodbye see you soon kind of comment or can be a measurement of time, distance.  Like the trip to KC was "so long" this week or having to wait for radiation this was "so long" because I was late to my appointment and they had to fit me in.

 "So Long" are two words that can be scientific, mathematical, or whiny, right?  But what if you thought of the words "so long" being said by our Heavenly Father.  That is my perspective as I write today.  I think that for myself and so many others we come to our Heavenly Father when we are at our worst, am I right?  Or we worship, praise, and seek his forgiveness on Sunday mornings but as soon as Monday rolls around we are like, "so long God I've gotta handle my world now". Ouch, right? But when we come to our Heavenly Father in prayer, praise, or need O imagine JC (that would be Jesus Christ" saying "I've been waiting for you for so long" and He is excited to hear from us.

I can say that honestly that has been my relationship with JC for years. Within the past few years that relationship has been changing and evolving. I've literally prayed to God to let me radiate Him through my words and actions. It struck me this week in my journal that I prayed let me "radiate" your love God and am literally going through radiation right now.

Through radiation and chemo I've had to be in self preservation mode this year and that has meant not being as social or hanging out with my friends like in the past.  I mourn the loss of my interpersonal relationships and the closeness I once had with people. That being said I started a list today of my friends and it was "so long".  But the friend at the top of the list, the one that carries all my worries, burdens, celebrates my joys is my Heavenly Father.

I've learned to talk openly and honestly throughout my day with Christ and that excites me. I talk with him in the parking garage before going into the clinic. I've laughed with Him when I took on radiation like it was going to the tanning booth.  And, yeah, He gets my crazy sense of humor.  He's been steadfast, loyal, and provided the peace that I needed to make it through chemo infusions, nausea, and feeling like I'm losing myself.  I truly feel at peace throughout the day because He has waited for "so long" to have me love, value, and confide in Him daily.

This week I want to close out my blog with a prayer that I wrote in my journal on Tuesday as I sat waiting to get fitted into the radiation schedule.  I would hope it would inspire you and help in your journey with Christ who has waited "so long" for you.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I love that I don't know or comprehend what is happening.  I love that I don't feel defeated but blessed by a Father that guides & embraces me for who I am.  Do you know how outstanding it is to say I will not be defeated because God's got this and He will not allow or encourage me to feel defeated.  Thank you Heavenly Father for a premise and purpose that is uniquely mine.  Thank you for letting me take steps to be healthy, free, and competent.  I'm thrilled with the glimmer of light that you bestow on me that allows me to be a light that radiates your love into the world.  I praise you for my salvation and your steadfast love that has waited so long for me".

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates :

• I head to KC tomorrow for a doctor consult regarding my scan from Tuesday.  I will have my last radiation.  I will also have a chemo infusion and those will be three times a week until the end of August. 
• Longview called today and I found out the extent of what parts they need to replace for Betsy Bravada to run again.  She needs an actuator, climate control switch, condenser, and a bunch of other small parts that help the condenser to function.  The total cost is $700.  We are working on saving to pay for the repairs & prayfully should have enough in August.  
• I'm so thankful for the car that my friend, Sandy, has loaned to me twice a week to get me to KC. The air conditioning is awesome in her car.  I shared with her that all radiation & chemo patients deserve to ride in a car that can pump air conditioning like hers.
• Next week I'm going for an interview with Kelly Services so that I can substitute teach this fall.  I've prayed about working again and subbing seems like the best solution.  I have to get a substitute teacher certificate.  Say a prayer that I can get my resume together this weekend, watch all the instructional videos, and have a great interview.  
• Emily met with Voc Rehab this week about her skill assessment.  She talked with Tina about going into teaching or counseling for kids.  She shared with me that her assessment showed that she was strong in fields that dealt with compassion, mentoring, and helping others.  Please continue to pray for Em regarding her seizures and her future plans.