201,534 Miles & That is What Made the Difference

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  - Ephesians 3:20

Ohh,  the title to the blog this week is my odometer reading on Friday in Betsy Bravada.  I thought of the line in Robert Frost's poem the "Road Less Traveled"....what can I say?  I was an English major in college.  When I was headed out from my treatment on Friday I literally heard in my head "that is what made a difference" and had to pull over and write my mileage next to the quote...yeah, when I say I'm a little loopy these days I really am. 

One of my goals o' the week was to write a positive, uplifting, and funny blog.  However, this week has me feeling overwhelmed both physically & emotionally.  That being said you get what you get when you write with a throbbing headache, nausea, and after having cried for what seems the millionth time and we are only on Tuesday.

I went to check in with the doctor yesterday, have some tests ran, and discuss what is next in my treatment plan.  During my visit I dry heaved and whined about my monster head ache that wouldn't stop along with the nausea.  My doc talked to me and I saw my counselor too.  Both thought & know that I'm stressed both physically & mentally right now.  They know that my furnace went out on Sunday and that morning my dryer stopped working too....I was late to the appointment because of it.  Normally, I thrive of the everyday wonders like broke furnaces, dryers that stop working, and all the other smalls and larges in my world.  My counselor let me rant, cry, and then said, "Sherry, you are overwhelmed".  Yeah, that would be the understatement.

I talked with my doc and decided that today I would take off to rest, try to meditate (yes, that means me being still & quiet...feel free to laugh), and just relax.  As I'm writing this it seems like time is of the essence, right?  That I should be pushing through, sucking it up, and making it work.....but that is the old Sherry & what I once was.  This Sherry realizes that she is confused, in a world that she never signed up for or wanted.  I feel like the drive within me has stopped or at least stalled.  

 This morning I journaled about re-defining who Sherry is and what she can do. I know ; I love the Lord, God fearing, lover of knowledge, art, and creativity.  I've got a wicked sense of humor, am sarcastic, shakeable, and praiseworthy.  I'm empathetic & so want to be in the world to help, encourage, and reach out to those around me.  Instead, this month finds me traveling to KC to have radiation & staying home to rest & re-coup afterwards which confuses me because that's not "me".

I'm finding that I've pumped myself up that I got this, I can do it & keep going nothing is going to slow me down.  Well,  trust me, if you think that just try to go through radiation.  Yes, I'm sure there are super heroes among us that did radiation & kept on going like the energizer bunny.  I'm not one & I need a little help from my friends right now.  I've got a list of things that I NEED help with in the Update section of my blog.

Now, because, I wanted to share something "uplifting" here is one of my journal entries from last week:  Parked & am praying as I wait to go inside.  I decide to sit and journal afterwards and notice a guy sitting in the car next to me.  I kept writing and wind up spending 10 minutes with my random thoughts.  As, I get out of the car the guy next to me gets out of his.  It kinda creeps me out since I'm in the city.   He follows me to the elevator , he pushes the button, and he looks about as outta of it as I am. I've got no idea what he's facing, going through, or needs. He gets off on another floor & I feel compelled to say "peace be with you". As the doors close I breathe a deep breathe and say to myself "you've got this because God has you" and wait for the doors to open.

For something "funny":  On Friday I started the car and the song "Bitchin' Camaro" by the Dead Milkmen was on the radio.  I told Emily to hurry get my journal and wrote "Bitchin' Camero means it's gonna be a good day".....wahahahahahha.  Yes, that song is in my top 10 songs that I love because it is fun & makes me laugh because, yes, someday I too will own a bitchin' camero.

My positive message comes from a ranty little journal entry last week that I was truly in a loop while writing.  At the top I wrote with stars, " It's not your fault your just confused"....can I get an amen?  This week all those things that scare us, cause us angst, or that you are clueless to solve know this: It's not your fault you are just confused.  That is what God is for....to take over when you are overwhelmed, need help, and will always meet your daily supply to sustain you. 

Peace Be With You- Sherry

 Updates aka Needs:

1. Chapstick - I've went through one and am on another since last week.  If you can nab some that would be wonderful.

2. Aveeno Oatmeal Bath- I've got a package for tonight and then I'm out.

3. We need: milk, orange juice,  eggs, and 7-up.  If you would be willing to nab them for our fam this week that would be wonderful.

4. Our dryer went out yesterday.  If you have a used one for sale or one we could use let us know.

5.  I go for radiation tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday this week.  If you are willing send dinner for the fam do it.  The allergies we have are: pepperoni, fish, seafood, and jalepenos.  

6. Please continue to pray for our fam in this season of our lives. We thank each of you for your prayers & messages.   I've got a few more radiation treatments left this week.  They are deciding with me what course of treatment to follow the radiation with.  It will either be meds or some form of what they call chemo light.   I'm praying over that....feel free to pray over it too.


Praises:

1. Yesterday our furnace got fixed by our friend, Steve!  We are so blessed to know he & his family, be able to ask for their help with the furnace, and have him come do the work, find the right part, and install it.  God is good!

2. We were blessed Sunday by people reaching out to us to drop off a space heaters to keep the house warm.  And, to have Ted & Dale go nab firewood from friends who sent back kleenex, lemon water, and saltines knowing that I was having nausea and tears....God is good.

3. I'm blessed that a friends are helping to get both the kids to school , youth group, and home.   All I had to do is tell them that I really didn't think I would feel this bad and ask them to help....God is good.

4. The nausea, headaches, and etc are just par for the course with radiation according to my doc & nurses.   My itchy skin they thought was a combo of dry skin (it is winter & the radiation).  Thanks be to a gal pal that came with the Aveeno Oatmeal Bath last week.  I take an oatmeal bath each night before going to sleep and it seems to help a whole lotta...God is good.

5. Thanks to my friends that have brought milk over for my milk lovin' fam.  And, for my gal pal that brought dinner last night & a grilled cheese for me.  And, the gal pal that took Emily to the laundry-mat & brought her home today.  God is good.