On Tuesday I started iv infusions for cancer. Tuesday I wrote in my journal about coming to a crossroads, a place that I don't know, and feeling like I can't find my way out. I'm a pretty independent gal and usually do things in my own style. This past month I'm learning that I've got to do things according to what my doctor and nurses tell me and my independent weaving off the course won't work.
I shared with Tedster this week I think they are gonna make me into a germ-a-phob before I'm done. My fam goes next week to get flu shots to try to ensure that they don't get sick. I use hand gel now which I've never been a fan of. I even have some near my front door for me, the fam, and friends that come over to use.
On Friday I decided to challenge the system because that's the kind of gal I am. It was my gal pal's birthday and she invited me out. I told her that I nap most of the day and that I'm currently watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix to muddle through the day. She told that sounded like a fab day to just stay in, nap, and watch junky tv....God bless her. Tedster took me over before he went to work with all my gear ; pillows, blankets, comfy sweater, socks, and of course hand gel. I got there we talked a little while I laid on her couch and pretty soon I drifted off to snoozy land. By the time I was up it was three in the afternoon....don't laugh. That is my fascinating life I'm leading right now; doctor's appointments, support group meetings, napping, and Netflix.
On Saturday I slept in. Tedster did laundry, took care of some smalls, etc. I made a grocery list for he and Emily to do. Did I ever mention I'm a control freak? Well, I told Emily to stay home while I went with Ted. What happened? I used a lot of hand gel and exhausted myself so much that I don't really remember walking into the house and laying down...evidently I did because I woke up in my bed. The one thing that I do remember is that I told Ted that I was so hungry for meatloaf and he went through the store to get stuff to make it. That means he made meatloaf which could be frightening because he is the king of frozen pizza, cereal, and canned soups. I didn't bat an eyelash at it and when they woke me up for dinner on Saturday around 9:00 pm & I was filled with gratitude.
On Sunday morning I told Ted that I thought God was stretching us both in ways we never knew, would have chose, or wanted. I feel the pain of having to stick to the rules, learning that if I push it I'm exhausted, and being scared because I don't know the answers. Ted is being stretched to take over not only working full time but all our finances, the kids stuff, and dealing with his wife's health. It is a time of not knowing our path, the area, and feeling lost and pushed into a corner we can't escape. This season of our lives we literally pray over Psalm 25:4, "Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow". We are learning to give up self control and allow God to be God.
Are you ready to be stretched? I don't think anyone possibly can be. I think we can pray that because we love the Lord and want to serve him. But would we choose the road that He chooses? Would we actually want to go through the paths that we never would choose or want? How would we deal with feeling lost and far away from the Lord as we are being stretched? I'm not sure I was really in it to win it for God in this capacity if I'm honest. I would never chose to be sick, dependent, and a germ-a-phob. But here I am and each day and thankful to my Heavenly Father for teaching me that I could be stretched in ways that I would never choose or fathom and that I'm never really lost as long as I keep focused on Him.
Usually, I end my blog in a prayer for you but I wouldn't choose for you to be stretched by God. That is something that you will have to do on your own. You must be willing to accept the path he places you on, accept the courage He gives you daily to walk along the path, and grow in your faith when it feels like the world is pushing in on you.
Peace be with you -Sherry
Needs For The Week:
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Two gallons of milk and orange juice on Wednesday & Friday. This is gonna be the weekly thing that I know we will need. If you are willing to take on one of these days for the next month let me know. It would bless my family's world.
- Two bottles of Freebreeze. I got sick over the weekend from the smell of food cooking. We freebreezed the house last night to help with the nausea and it seemed to help.
- For me personally: Aveeno Oatmeal Bath, warm socks (my feet get really cold), Dove Pink Soap, Bert's Bees Baby Bee Buttermilk Soap (I've been washing my hair with it because the smell of my shampoo & conditioner makes me sick)
Updates:
- I started iv infusions this past Tuesday and I can say that I felt all right afterwards just tired. Almost a week after the first I'm achy, feel chilly, and tired. On Thursdays I go to a cancer support group at Gilda's Club. I'm a self professed city girl and love the city but right now KC has lost its appeal since my drive is always the same: to the doctor's appointment , the next treatment, or to Gilda's Club to decompress. I'm really just too tired for the city and all the fun haunts that I have there which leads me to be melancholy.
- Our dryer is still broke. We dried our clothes at a gal pal's home this past week. It was awesome to sit, gab, and bird watch. She served Em & I lunch and literally fed not only our stomachs but our souls with her kindness. God is good!
- Tuesday when I got home I was tired and had a headache. I told Emily that I wished I had a chocolate cupcake and went to sleep....lol. Wednesday night a gal pal brought our fam dinner complete with chocolate cupcakes. No one knew except Emily, I, and God that I was craving them ....God is good!
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