Ohh, Let Me Be

 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Today was a rough one for me.  Not because it was a Monday but because I had a hard night. Last night the Tedster took me on a date in my jammies to get me a chai tea in the car.  We talked on the drive there and back and all seemed well.  Well, by 9:30 I found myself having my old pal nausea kick in followed by vomiting for the rest of night.  I got up this morning & nausea was right by my side along with my guard pooch, Duke. 

But once I got sick a couple of times I took time out to sit and talk with God.  I told him thanks for my insurance, the cancer doc and nurses, for my fam & friends.  I thanked him for the ability to be creative, love teaching, and be there for my fam & friends.  I asked him for a day without the nausea, the vomiting, the achy-ness and if he couldn't give me those to allow me to do the smalls that make me, well, me. 

And, yes, did I get dressed today...yup.  Did I get out my art journal that has stayed stagnate for over a month? Yes.  I even went to my artroom and cut fabric while feeling achy and queasy.  Emily got up and taught her mama how to use her tablet to take pics and instantly list vintage clothing on Etsy....aren't kids the best tech support?  And, I even managed to take Em to Sonic to nab her lunch and get home before I got sick again.  I rested for the afternoon and got up to nab Dale and his pals from school ...Mondays are my day.  Finally, I got home and just allowed myself some time with my Heavenly Father to thank him for the day of doing smalls.  Thank him that although it wasn't perfect I got to do the small things that make me, well, me.

Then I talked to my Heavenly Father about tomorrow, my fear factor, and how I just want to be me everyday and not see glimpses of myself.  I told him how unfair, ruthless, and angry I felt and finished up with a good old cry.  I know God knows, sees, and realizes how frustrated this independent girl is with her situation.  That is why he gave me Ted, Emily, and Dale and a marvy group of friends.  He allowed me to share via FB this afternoon how crappy I feel physically and emotionally and ask for prayer....that's big because I'm the gal that says it's all "fine".  I shared today that it's not and I let God have it. 

Now it's evening and I'm trusting God to take all those ambiguous feelings and replace them with faith, strength, and positivity.  Those are three things that he embedded into each of us to use no matter the situation, season, or time.  I'm reminded of that this evening and thought you could use a reminder too from God....he created you to have faith in him, seek strength through him, and shine with the positivity of knowing who stands beside you, has your back, and is leading the charge ...your Heavenly Father.

I want to thank each of you for your prayers this afternoon....they are working.  Although, I feel discouraged, overwhelmed, and unqualified I know God is with me each step.  I'm praying that each of you know that too.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I go tomorrow for my second iv infusion down in KC.  I'm hoping to go a little early downtown and swing by a shop that has this really, really good bread.  That is my treat if I get there early.
• Emily will need rides on Mondays and Wednesdays out to Longview...if you are running an errand to Lee's Summit in the afternoon and can drop her off let us know.
• I love that I'm walking on faith when I open up about my feeling, thoughts, and needs.  God is so faithful and encouraging in each of the people that have reached out to help encourage, do the small stuff, and love on me.  I'm asking if you are would want to and can bring a meal, send a pizza, etc. feel free to do it.  I'm learning that it is better for me to rest.
• My latest freak out is that I already have thin hair and I got a batch over the weekend in my hairbrush.  One of the side effects of the treatments is hair loss....eeek!  Yes, that's worse than the nausea to me.  Pray that I get the confidence to get my hair cut short this week and that I feel up to it.