While driving into KC today I got overwhelmed at the "hot mess" that cancer has made me. I pulled into the parking garage and started to cry. As I started up the row of cars looking for a space I thought of the scene from A League of Their Own where Tom Hanks says, "There's no crying in baseball" and I literally laughed out loud, wiped the tears from my face, parked & walked to the elevators.
That movie memory got me thinking about cancer and how the cancer experience is a lot like baseball. Here's some of my rationale:
1. Striking Out : Cancer is like an opposing team that wants you to "strike out", to not make it, to give in to its misery, and succumb to it.
2.Rally : Each day you rally yourself aka your team from the tips of your toes to the top of your head to persevere, keep going, and win.
3. Bases Loaded: From your initial diagnosis of cancer, complications, expenses, and heartache you literally feel emotionally that your bases are loaded. You pray that God will find a batter aka treatment plan that kills off the cancer cells and allows you to go home rather than be in the hospital.
4. Wild Card Status: There are so many side effects to cancer ; physical, emotional, and financial that it all seems overwhelming. It causes you to not be yourself, seek self preservation first and foremost, and really brings out a wild streak of emotions, words, and actions.
5. Seventh Inning Stretch: At a baseball game it rolls around to the seventh inning stretch and what do you do? You stretch. Cancer takes you on a wild ride that stretches you both mentally and physically beyond what you believe you can do.
6. Keeping Score: In baseball they are detailed with how many strikes, balls, hits, and runs that are made. With cancer you keep track of how many scans, radiations, chemos, and infusions you have.
7. Home Run: Everyone loves to see someone knock it outta the park and cheer. Each time that you go to the oncologist, seek treatment, and persevere you are hitting a home run.
That was a synopsis of what I wrote in my journal this morning before my consultation. I found out today that my scan still showed the cysts are in my stomach and the formation of an ulcer. My doctor reminded me again the importance of rest and learning to relax. I shared with him about feeling like my stomach was on fire over the weekend and that it literally felt like it was burning. I told him about the hives that I feel in my throat and mouth. He checked me out and I've got sores in my mouth and blisters on my skin. All those things are par the course with radiation, meds, and infusions. He told me to take benedryl, gave me a prescription for some meds to ease my pain, and told me to use Aqua 4 Advanced Healing on my skin to help with the blisters. He also had the nurse give me a list of other small stuff that I can get over the counter to help with the blisters in my mouth. He continues to feel like the radiation with the medication and infusions are a must for my treatment plan. And, I survived a double dose of radiation today, and an infusion.
Each time I go to the clinic I try to park the car myself and walk to the elevators rather than use the valet service. It is something small that I do to prove to myself that I've got control and am fierce in this world. After the second radiation was done I rested and left once I felt like I could. I felt a little foggy but thought shoot who wouldn't after what I've done today. As I was walking into the parking garage I realized that I had no idea of where I parked the car or what kind of car I drove. I wandered around and saw a white SUV that I thought was Betsy Bravada and when I got to it I realized it wasn't my car and remembered Betsy Bravada was in the shop. I started walking back to the elevators and saw a blue jeep and literally opened the door and started to get in when I realized it didn't have a top on it and was a wrangler not our Jeep Liberty. Afterwards, I went back to the elevators and went back inside the hospital and asked the security guard to help me. I told them I had radiation and an infusion today and couldn't find my car. The gal was super nice and told me to take a seat and wait inside. Between she and the valet they took my keys and found the jeep. The valet even drove it to curb for me. They told me to just use the valet next time and not to worry about it.
I took time to pray before heading home for my blessings of the day, for God filling my spirit with faith that is like the air that I breath. And, I asked for him to keep me safe on the road home. I made it home, the kids walked me inside, and got my meds for me. Like in baseball there were some tears shed today but I persevered and made it home....God is good.
Peace be with you- Sherry
Updates:
I shared via Facebook today that I'm feeling overwhelmed and need help to take care of some small stuff this week. Here's a list of stuff. Feel free to call or text Ted or Emily if you can help. As for me I'm going to take my doc's advice and rest.
- I need to renew the plates on our Jeep which expire this month. I got the inspection done today and have the renewal form and the rest of the paperwork. I need someone to go to the DMV in Lee's Summit for us and pay for the tags. The cost is $55 for two year tags or around $30 for one year....either would be remarkable.
- Our weed trimmer broke a couple of weeks ago. If you have one we could borrow once a week for a while let us know.
- We need gas money for Ted (to get him to work) and for me (to get me into KC) this coming week. If you would want to get us a gas card or drop off gas money let us know.
- Pharmacy Needs (all of them are over the counter): Aqua 4 Advanced Healing cream which comes in a tub for the blisters on my skin from radiation. For the blisters in my mouth I can use Orajel. And, they want me to mix : xylocaine viscous solution, Zovirax, and Mylanta. I need all three of those so I can mix them for my mouth to help with the pain.
- Personal Needs for Sherry: a bar of Bert's Bees Baby Soap, some T-gel shampoo, Aveeno Oatmeal Bath, and some new socks.
- We got a bill for Emily's classes this fall for $116 which is what her scholarships don't cover. If you need a babysitter, house cleaner, etc. please let her know so she can pay her bill by July 16.
- I continue to thank God daily for his peace over what I'm going through and what my family is. I'm thankful to each of you for your prayers and encouragement.
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