No Is A Sufficient Answer

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

When I was a kid my dad used to tell me "no".  When I would question what "no" meant he would say that "no" is a sufficient answer.  Hhhmmm.....yeah, that lacks explanation, right?  But as I grew up I saw circumstances and times where "no" should have been a sufficient answer.  Have you seen those moments as well? 

This week has been a challenge to me...shoot, if I'm honest this year has been a challenge for me.  Instead of saying "no" to radiation, infusions, bills that pile up, and a car that doesn't run right I said, "yes" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Even though radiation has made my skin itchy when I get warm I choose to say, " You betcha I got this because God's got me".  My post yesterday on Facebook was that it was "gonna be a greeeeaaaattt day" because if you send postivity into the world you are destined to have it come back to you.

Yesterday, the kiddos & I headed into KC with Ted early birdy to drop him off at work and then take our Jeep (because it has air conditioning) into KC to plant a fairy garden at Gilda's Club, for me to check in with my docotr & get bloodwork drawn, and to attend support group.  The phrase easier said than done describes yesterday perfectly.

We hit the road later than Ted would have liked which stressed him out and led to an argument in the car over finances. I was early for my doctor's appointment so we headed to Gilda's Club to plant the fairy garden in the bright sunshine.  I stayed to help the kiddos and got sweaty and super duper itchy.  My skin isn't the same since radiation but I was thankful to have the Jeep to ride in that has air conditioning.  I trooped to my doctor's appointment where I found that I had forgot my insurance card....geez, it is the same card as I always carry couldn't they just copy the copy from two weeks ago?  The answer was "no" they would need me to fax a copy of the card or bring it in today.  I got my bloodwork drawn and waited to consult with my doctor.  I've been hopeful that the cancerous tumors that they see in my stomach are not going to grow & that the drug companies will approve meds for me since my insurance will not.  The doctor came in and told me that she had some good news for me & I was sure that my "grrreeeeeaaat" energy I sent out to the world was going to come back to me.

She shared that the insurance company had approved radiation as a treatment plan and they would like to schedule radiation for Monday.  All I could do is sit there and sob when I wanted to scream "NO!".  I asked about the meds and she said she had consulted with the team and they felt that once the meds get approved they can use them with the radiation. And, my head, heart, and mouth told her "no".  I shared with her what a fiasco it was for me to ride share with Ted  that morning.  I shared that I have an older car which overheats & runs the heat full force.  I told her that radiation the first time was harder than I thought & I couldn't imagine trying to do it in the summer with  my current ride.  I told her I needed time to think, process, and I would call the office back. 

Afterwards, I sat in the Jeep and cried to God.  I said "yes: when they wanted to radiate, do infusions, medicate me, and to dealing with it all.  I said "yes" to taking care of me and not focusing on my family, the bills, etc. I nabbed the kiddos afterwards and took them to lunch and we went back to Gilda's Club for my support group.  I'm usually pretty quiet and yesterday was no different until the end of the group when I shared what was going on and told balled.  I told them I just wanted to shout "No!  I don't want radiation.  I don't want cancer".  My counselor told me it was the perfect place to say that, cry, and let go.  I shared with them about my Betsy Bravada that overheats and runs the heat full tilt . All I could think how uncomfortable I was last week just driving her with the kids through the heat & rain storm & trying to imagine doing that daily for a 4-6 weeks has me screaming "NO".  How my skin itches so badly and how I just don't feel like I can do it again with the worries of my car, the financial strain & drain on Tedster, and the emotional strain on our whole family. 

After the support group the kids & I sat at the clubhouse for another hour and half because we had to go nab Ted from work before we could head home.  I shared with Ted on the way home what was going on and cried.  He told me that we could just ride share but that isn't going to work because I have to go with him early birdy and then wait until 5 in the evening to get home.  I told him that radiation makes me loopy, tired, and it is all I could do to drive home before and I didn't think I could just sit and wait until 5.  We thought over him using Betsy Bravada for work but she has issues with overheating not to mention the heat that runs nonstop and that isn't a solution either. 

This afternoon I'm supposed to call my oncologist and let them know to schedule radiation on Monday and the answer is "no".  I'm done until I can figure out a way to get our cars fixed.  Emily's little subaru needs a new engine and Betsy Bravada needs the thermostat fixed, radiator replaced, and newbie tires.  I need to figure out a viable car before I take on cancer again through radiation. 

Have you ever found yourself at a point of where "no" has to be a sufficient answer no matter how hard it is or what it costs.  Right now I've got to reach out in faith & trust that God will conquer cancer for me.  I've got to reach out in faith & trust that I know someone that can help us with the car repairs & the cost.  I've got to know in my head, heart, and soul that God has great things planned for me, the Tedster, and the kiddos and this is all a space of time that He can resolve.  Today, I say "yes" to a God that loves me & my fam beyond measure.  I say "yes" to not knowing the solutions to cancer, bills, or cars but rely fully on Christ who does.  I say "yes" to restoring my own positivity & faith.

If you would be so kind feel free to pray over our fam & my health.  I would appreciate it more than words can say. 

Peace be with you - Sherry

Needs & Updates:

• Dale is headed to South Dakota in about a week for a mission trip...God is good!  Here are some things that he needs for the trip:   Bottle of sunscreen, spray bottle of bug repellent,  because of lice within the community he will be serving we would like to send him with a box of RID (a lice treatment kit in case he gets lice), 2 bags of beef jerky, tea tree or lavender shampoo.** Dale is collecting color books, soccer balls, basketballs, and volleyballs to leave with the kids that he works with.  If you would like to go to the dollar shop and buy some color books that would be great.  If you have a used soccer ball, basketball, or volleyball that you could donate that would be awesome. 
• Emily is going to be working with the cancer counselors at Gilda's Club this summer with their kids program.  She will be working primarily with the preschoolers. She will need to have bug spray to use while working.  If you would be willing to nab some for her that would be fantastic. Pray that she stays seizure free & can shine God's light into each child she comes into contact with.  
•  This coming week Emily meets with Voc Rehab to renew her scholarship.  Say a prayer that the meeting goes well & is productive.
• I've started to contact a few agencies to see if we can get financial help.  I've been stonewalled at this point because:  we live in Cass County, my diagnosis of ovarian cancer, and just people that have been burned by helping others. I feel a weight on my heart in how I can help my fam financially & do what I need to healthwise.  Say a prayer this coming week that I'm to get a hold of an agency or person that can help with a utility bill, medical bill, etc.