Extraordinary Process

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 "Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you should have always been" - David Bowie

Ahh-haa, moment.  Just take that quote in, digest it, ponder it, & then confront it.

How old is too old?  How young is too young?  And, at what point to do we wake up and realize that age is just a number.  Start to work together in cooperation rather than judgment.  How about leading with light & grace each morning rather than worry, regret, and fear.

Nostalgia has kicked in for me over the past week.  I seem to be reminded daily of my earthly dad who was my confidant & fixer.  In the last couple years of his life he really took God on full force.  He talked to everyone about God and fearlessly did so.  He took time daily to talk to my brother & I about God and how we need to bond with our Heavenly Father.  His words, "I won't always be here to fix your problems but God will.  He always has been and always will be here to love you. He'll be here to love you when I'm dead and gone".

My earthly dad always bragged on me.  He told me daily how smart, decisive, and capable I was.  He told me I was a beauty on the outside and inside with my ability to love & forgive freely.  In the last year of his life he became excessive in telling me all those things and how prayed that I would know God like he did before I was old like him.  "I can only imagine the impact you would make on the world and how God could use you.  You are smart, capable, and likeable, Sherry.  You could be a force to be reckoned with". 

In my early 20s I passed it off as my dad being a "Jesus Freak" and laughed at him with my brother. In reality it broke both our hearts to think of a world without our earthly father & made us uncomfortable to think our confidant & fixer would ever die. His death left a hole in my heart that only the grace, hope, and love of a Heavenly Father could fix.  My Heavenly Father took that hole and gave me empathy for others beyond what I knew before.  He filled my heart with love, encouragement, and light.

I'm now 40 something & have cancer.  I'm battling with my insurance company & drug companies for affordable chemo meds. I've got a mass on my left breast and have to wait for a mammogram to be covered by insurance.  Most days I could sink into the darkness that the world offers.  The negativity that tries to bury itself in your mind, heart, and soul.  It would be so easy to be all consumed, all angry, and well up in self pity and doubt.

For the past two weeks I've woke up early around 5 am and feel completely rested. I hear, ""I can only imagine the impact you would make on the world and how God could use you.  You are smart, capable, and likeable, Sherry.  You could be a force to be reckoned with".  I know it's not my dad talking to me but my Heavenly Father.  He is challenging me to wake up and get going.  He knows what I'm capable of.  He knows I'm; smart, decisive, capable, and likeable and wants to use me as his allie in this dark world.

Because I have cancer I realize that it is not going to be anything huge and world changing.  I do realize power in my actions that they may serve others to encourage, facilitate, and mentor their minds, hearts, and spirits.  I could be one of the small factors in cooperation with others that lights the dark world for the Lord.  The best part is how God shows off for me to inspire, encourage, and spur me on.

* Waking:  Up early I have time to praise God, confide my needs, and praise him again for his influence in my heart, mind, and soul.

*Listening:  I wake up and see its dark out and then check the clock to see its 5 am. There was no alarm that went off but my internal alarm is going off.  Instead of laying there to whine I've been getting up and then feel a sense of what I should do in my heart, mind, and spirit.

*Compulsion: Being compelled by your heart & mind into doing things. These are all things that I have the time, ability, and materials to create, do, and give.

*Provision: I'm finding that as the world darkens that I found a small ray of light and then start praising God for it which leads to a floodgate of light to shine.

Each of these serves as reference in the small, outstanding ways, that God can use, propel, and provide for each of us.

I love the Bowie quote because it speaks to my heart right now.  I realize what I should have been doing all along but it wasn't until 40 somethingness and cancer kicked in that I feel propelled to be who God designed me.  There was always a worry of what the world would think & fitting into the gaggle.  I love the idea of being the girl that my Earthly dad saw and my Heavenly Father created.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• Today is a city day filled with a consult aka check in, blood work, and I had hoped to get my mammogram done.  I'm still waiting to see if the mammogram is going to happen but am "provided" for as I had time to get lunch, relax, and finish blogging at Gildas Club just down the road from the clinic. 
• Open Artroom has been lively for almost a month.  It's once a week on Sundays from 3-6 where anyone can come use my materials, tools, and space at no cost.  If you know of a scout troop, dance troop, cheer team, sorority, school group or other group that would like to use my artroom please let me know and I'll reach out to them.  They can call me, schedule a visit, or book a time to come create at no cost.  If they would prefer to have a project available I would love to schedule a workshop for them.  
• This year I actually want to put up our Christmas tree.  If you are willing to help Emily carry up the tree from the garage and decorations let me know.  Also, we have greenery for above our garage doors and front door.  If you are willing to help Dale with it please let me know. 
• My birthday is December 16th and I would adore celebrating it with friends.  I'm praying on what that looks like and how to make it happen.  
• We are working on saving to purchase a car from a friend that will get me to KC and home safely and be reliable.  Another friend offered to help Dale fix the problems with Betsy Bravada over the next few months so that he will be able to use it as his first car.  God is good.