My word of the week is "learning" and I've been reflecting on what I'm "learning" in this season of my life. I feel like a weary soul traveler. What's that look like? Tired, worn, beaten up, and looking for a "win" in the day no matter how small....just a "win".
I've been blessed to have a cancer advocate, Kenny. He is working on our family's behalf with our former health insurance company. He told me that each time they call me to refer them onto him. I've been doing that literally each day for the past week. The insurance company has called to offer me a "settlement". They will reinstate our insurance for $2,200 and we won't have any better coverage than we did when it was dropped. When I ask them about our appeal we wrote this spring when they raised the rate they can't confirm anything about it. They simply want the $2,200. I simply have given them Kenny's name and number. And, still they call me each day.
This week I got a letter from them stating the terms of reinstating our insurance....basically paying the $2,200. Within the letter they told me I had a pre-existing condition and that it would be very hard if not impossible for me to get insurance elsewhere. Now, here is where the word, "learning", came into place for me. I learned the day after they dropped out insurance for the American Cancer Society that I could go to the "marketplace" aka Obamacare to get insurance in November to get insurance for our family. I "learned" that my pre-existing condition wouldn't matter through the Obamacare program and my rates would be the same as others with our same income. Without what I had "learned" I probably would have been brought to tears, have a wave of guilt wash over me about what I'm doing to my family, and self doubt would have been my advocate. But, with what I've "learned" that big bad insurance company and their letter didn't scare me....it made me mad. And, instead of calling them I called my advocate and sent him a copy of the letter.
When I was in college I worked as a pharmacy technician. I "learned" through that experience that you can purchase daily, weekly, or monthly amounts of medicine. This has helped me when dealing with how to pay for my daughter, Emily's seizure meds. Her meds are $800 a month. And, last week she took her final dose on Saturday morning. I promised her that I would figure out how to pay for her meds and told her not to worry about it....worry for her can cause a seizure. I asked Ted to call pharmacies and get prices for one day, one week, two weeks, and for a month. I then went to my Heavenly Father and prayed for our ability to figure out how to make it work. On Sunday we were able to afford one week's worth of her meds ($174).
This week is coming to a close and I don't have the $174 for her meds and my heart is breaking. My friends have encouraged me to set up a "Go Fund Me" page to help us. Just the thought of asking for help breaks my spirit and shakes my core. I should be able to be the mom that my kids can rely on, the one that jumps at adversity and chases it off, and can make it work. But, I'm not that kind of mom....I "learned" that this week. I did "learn" what I know in my heart that I'm a mom that loves her kids and would sacrifice for them. Know what I did? I sacrificed my pride, stubbornness, and guilt and set up the "Go Fund Me" page to help pay for Emily's meds this morning. Here's how you can find our "Go Fund Me" page : https://www.gofundme.com/snidermedical
As I thought of my sacrifice and how so badly I want a "win" I realized that I already have a "win" each day....it is the gift of my salvation through my Heavenly Father. He made the ultimate sacrifice for me. It made me realize that I needed to stop mocking God about talking about my sacrifices, complaints, and whines. I dare to mock his sacrifice by comparing it to my own right now. Uggh, there's a thought, peeps, am I right?
Today, I need to find myself giving back to the Lord through praising Him for his ultimate sacrifice. I need to take the gifts that he gave me : teaching, creativity, care, and empathy for others & invest those gifts and plant them into my family, friends, and community. The time for me to "learn" that is here and now. How about you? Are you willing to stop mocking God about your sacrifices because you are comparing yours to his? There is no comparison....he will always trump yours 100 x 100. His sacrifice gives us the hope & glory of eternal life and through that hope we are set free.
Peace Be With You- Sherry
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