The Gift of Gab

The Gift of Gab 

 Luke 7: 39-48

I truly do feel blessed right now.  Did I wake up this morning and feel 100% better? Nope.  But what I've done in the past few weeks is allow others into my world right now through blogging, talking, and those beloved inboxes on Facebook. 

The small stuff like : having someone bring us dinner last Friday night, having dog food (that I didn't have to lift), and some cleaning supplies (Em just got home and is putting them all to work right now).  Knowing someone will pick Dale up from school, deliver a scarf, or  nab stuff for Emily (deodorant, contact solution, and nail polish remover) like I normally do before she comes home.  And having kids that came with their mama to decorate for Christmas at my house so my kids would have some kind of normalcy.  These are  all smalls that mean huge to my spirit right now.  Then there is the big stuff like having gal pals to go to mammogram and doctor's consult with me yesterday.  The joy is that it looks like the mammogram was normal... God is good.

As for my consult well it was scary, less than perfect, and the kind that last year freaked me out. The difference is that God have overwhelmed my heart and spirit over the course of a year.  He has redirected me , set me on a path, and I know anything from my past is forgiven, over, said and done in His book.

 I was blessed to have a gal pal drive me there.  She is a little older than me and reminds me of my mom & Emily.  She sensible, rational, and orderly all the things that I admire but am far from.  God placed her in my path for a premise and reason and yesterday I know why.  I could have easily cried my heart out and ran away from it all....but hey, that was last year.  This year I had my gal pal that is steadfast in her faith waiting for me, who talked with me about the consult briefly, and then just gabbed with me.  No time for worries when you are gabbing, right? I love what a joy & blessing she was to my world.  Oh, and did I mention she had inboxed Emily on Facebook to say that she was with me ...yes, they are kindred spirits.

This year God granted me the sanity to get through the consult without tears.  To take it head on and to absorb what Dr. Angell told me.  Here's the scoop :  I'll have surgery on January 7, 2015 at 1:00.  Dr. Angell has consulted with another doctor that will help her with it.  She was unsure if she could get the mass out with laparoscopy but with the other doctor they feel confident that they can do the job.  The danger would be in getting the mass out this way because of its size.  And, if the mass is cancerous and would burst as they try to get it out the cancer cells would flood into my organs.  That is some kind of crazy girl scary right there, right?  But they have pathology ready to take the mass, cysts, and ovaries and get to work on them as soon as they are out.

She then shared with me that my blood pressure has been up each visit this fall and that is a concern to her and the other doctor.  The concern is two fold : It is up high enough that I could have a heart attack now.  And when they do the surgery I could have a heart attack or stroke. Because of this after the surgery I can't go on estrogen right away.  They need to make sure the blood pressure is down before we start that.  Dr. Angell said that in recovery if I have a hard time waking up or if my blood pressure is still high they will keep me overnight.  To that I told her I would actually prefer it so my family doesn't have to deal with me for the night and we laughed and talked about them.  I shared about my financial situation and Emily.  She told me she knew I was in pain and it wasn't perfect and to try to have a good Christmas.  She also said that consult was a freebie....God is good!

Last night when Ted got home we talked about my consult and I cried.  It is far from perfect or any sort of normal that we know.  I'm the one that plans out stuff, my birthday is a couple of weeks away, and Christmas with the kids and no gifts....ugggh, what a failure I am.  I just let it all out through my tears.  Finally, Ted, said, "Uhhh, Sherry, don't do this to yourself.  If you've already got high blood pressure it must be racing right now".  And on his face I could see the Ted that I know and love that would follow me to the ends of the Earth, try to do what I ask, and love me patiently through it all.  And, yup, I cried some more. 

If I'm completely honest right now I want to be on a pity potty and cry.  But my I hear my mom's voice saying , "Sherry, crying is a natural release of emotions.  But you have to stop because pretty soon all you do is make your eyes all red and your nose all runny".  Today, I was reading through my devotional and came across the story of Jesus with the gal that wiped his feet with her tears and put oil on his feet. Within the story it says " I tell you her sins -and there are many- have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love.  But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.  Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven".

In some weird way I think my mom was right through your tears they are a release.  They are a release of your fears, failures, and the unknown that we all have.  Today as I cried I felt that "release" factor that my mom talked about.  But I also feel enveloped in love from my family....I mean what college chicky wants to come home and clean her family's home?  And what son wants to help his mom to bed each night and then comes and checks on her? And what hubby diligently goes to work day in and out knowing that his wife isn't well, finances are a mess, and his world is being shaken?  My family and they do it out of love for God and that they love me too.   And my friends have rallied around me to take to me appointments, get Dale, bring over some groceries, some pretty soaps,  a gas card to help ensure Ted gets to work.  All of shows me God's love reaching out to this family.  God's  love reaches out beyond people that we know to others that we don't that offer a dinner, a conversation, or prayers.  It has me believing that God's warm, loving embrace is not only Heavenly but earthly.  And, the biggest blessing is realizing that this dorky, quirky, artsy chick is forgiven and loved by her Heavenly Father and others around her.

May you find through your tears that same love and support.  It's not easy to admit we need help, are broken in spirit and body, and hurting.  But when you do God will send the right people in your world to be his hands and feet to lift you up, encourage, wipe away the tears, and love you.

If you want to help our family this week or in December I would love it. Ask me how and I've got a list of "smalls" or if you have something in mind just do it. Thank you all for showing God's love through your words & actions to our family. 

Peace be with you- Sherry