Wannabee
Romans 13: 8-10
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,”[a] and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Do you remember growing up and having dreams or wishes? Or playing pretend? I heard about Anastasia as a little kid. I remember pretending my family just held me in hiding because like Anastasia there were people out there that wanted to harm me and see the end of my father's royal kingdom.
I would put on my finest velvet dress (yes, even in the summer when it was packed in clothing bags with moth balls) and then adorn every necklace and ring in my collection. I would also snoop through my mom's jewelry and nab some of her rhinestones garb. And finally, yes, I would go to the bathroom to grab some ruby red lipstick that was my moms and put some not only on my lips but checks and eyelids. My mom would find me and get so mad that I had out her "good jewelry" and had crushed her lipstick with my shenanigans. She would tell me that I looked like a "wild gypsy". I always took it that she didn't want the "people" that would harm me to get a glimpse of my royal beauty. And, that gypsies whoever they were had a great sense of style.
Once I went to school I found a new dream....to be a teacher. I've wavered along the path but always found my way back to education and my original dream of teaching in a classroom. I've been blessed to have taught kindergarten, at Headstart, and preschool. And, then God's clever joke on me was to send me back as a paraprofessional at the high school here in town. That was my dream after all to be a high school English teacher. Yeah, and the joke was that I used gyp high school rather than be there....let's not talk of my junior year when I was gone more than there. Ahh, but God, led me back to four and half years of high school right here in town and I'm glad to say that I didn't gyp those days.
The verse from Romans keeps coming back to me throughout this past week. It basically says that your one debt as a Christian is to love one another above all others. And when you love someone you are fulfilling God's dream for his people. I love that thought! And, how it plays into my life right now.
"Wanna" is a strange and taxing thing that we allow into our spirits. Even as a kid I "wanna" entered in to my world and followed me through my teens, and adulthood. I find my "wannas" at this point sounding more like whines than those dreams that I've always had. I hear inside my head ; I "wanna" feel well physically so I can be a mom to my kids and a wife to Ted. I "wanna" feel free daily to run into the city if I chose to nab treasures. I "wanna" be able to paint freely, design, and work creatively without pain when I bend. I "wanna" be able to go back and sub if I need to financially so I can afford Emily's education. I "wanna" be able to make the bed each morning, throw in a load of clothes, and do the dishes, and tidy up the house without cramping for hours with pain. I "wanna" walk upstairs at night on my own because I'm tired not because I'm cramping or need to vomit. I "wanna" make Christmas cookies, go to Crown Center on my birthday to see the decorations and window shop. I "wanna" be able to have gifts for the kids and not feel every darn day that I'm failing them as their mom. I "wanna" go on a date night with Ted and not have to go home early because I'm cramping or have thrown up.
Ahh, that "wanna" list is huge, peeps. I betcha yours is too, right? We all have "wanna" in our inner core. It is so hard to close "wanna" out and allow "love" in. That's right I said it allow "love" in. That means calming "wanna" and allowing your words and actions to be "love" rather than your own emotional or physical needs. That is where a true challenge begins. I was blessed to have Ginny Brown as my neighbor lady as a kid. She dealt in "love". She took me to the Des Moines Art Center weekly, we went to plays, fun bakeries and restaurants, and she invested time in the artsy little neighbor girl. Ginny Brown died when I was in junior high from cancer. And, even as she layed in her bed at home she would call her neighbor girl weekly and ask me to come over. Did she need something? Nope, she would ask how I was and let me confess all my teen "wannas", problems, and tell me that she was there for me. We'd play animal snap like when I was little and laugh together. She would tell me how I may feel like I was different but that was because I was designed for greatness among the masses. And, I believed that until she passed from cancer after her year long struggle.
If I have to confess my biggest "wanna" right now during Christmas it is to have God's grace like Ginny Brown. To seek out others in love and allow them someone that will listen to their problems. I think right now that is the form of "love" that I've got to give. God graced me with the mass on my ovary to slow me down. To make me stop the "wanna" in me and figure out how to "love" effectively for Him. For that I'm grateful.
I'm also grateful for those who have wrapped me in prayer, reached out to our family, and stepped up to help me. I'm still working on the "ask" portion of my character. I think that once my surgery is done I'll have gained a greater perspective in learning how to "ask", creating a new "circle" of trust, and learning to "love" in a way that God wants me to and allows me to if I just give up all I think I know and follow him.
That being said I need to share my top 10 joys for this past week and "ask" for 10 more things. Yeah, I really am taking this "ask" thing to a another level but I adore how God is allowing me to.
Top 10 Joys
1. Last week I picked up my check from the shop. With that check, some smallish orders, and orders from ETSY I was able to pay over a half of Emily's tuition. God is good!
2. Ted is relieved about Emily's tuition payment is able to focus on working with me to rework our finances right now. God is good!
3. My mammogram is done! I'll find out the results in a couple of days. They wanted to do a sonogram too but my doctor wasn't in the office and couldn't sign the paperwork for it...uggh. But, I was graced with a gal pal that took me, sat with me, and even took me for Starbucks afterwards. God is good!
4. A gal pal contacted me and bought two newbie pillows that she can't use. Her hubby doesn't like them. She is going to bring those over and I can gift them to Em and Dale for Christmas. I always give them each a new pillow for Christmas ....it is something smallish that I started when Ted was in college and money was tight that has continued. The tradition of a pillow gift continues....God is good!
5. Friday dinners are planned and happening. God is good!
6. Tomorrow I'm blessed to have a gal pal and her kiddos come in the morning to decorate the mantel and hang greenery outside for me. This perfect because later in the afternoon I go for my surgery consult with another gal pal. My whole day is filled with friends so I don't have time to dwell in my pain or fears. God is good!
7. Em had a tough day last week. My heart and spirit were literally broke for her. I prayed with her and then prayed by myself to God. I cried because it seemed like things were overwhelming for her and I wasn't there to help or even hug her. I prayed for God to give me 5 women I could ask to pray for Em and that loved her like me. And withing minutes he answered that prayer. I was able to contact each and ask for continued prayers for her and within minutes they answered back and were praying. God is good!
8. I had enough in ETSY sales last week to buy Emily train ticket home tomorrow & pay on her tuition payment. God is good!
9. Dale helped me this week with laundry, doing dishes, making beds, and sweeping the floors. He is a great asset to me and keeps me going. He sometimes will look at me and just come over and hug me and tell me to "Stop thinking all those things. You are loved so stop it"....the thing is it is when I'm quiet and trying to figure out how it is all going to work out, feeling guilty, or that I'm taking away from my family financially. God graced me with Dale to calm my fears and guilt. God is good!
10. I feel not alone in feeling sick right now. I'm blessed to have reach out and "asked" and people are willing to help me. That not only makes me know I'm not alone but has taken the weight off my shoulders to do things. And, I've got to rest more and create more in the last week for a while. God is good!
Top 10 Ask For The Week
1. I've had a couple of gal pals say they would make Christmas cookies and bring them by. If you are baking and want to make some extra for the Sniders do it. I would love it to have my cookie jars filled so I can be the neighbor lady that always has a cookie and kool-aid for you (yeah, that is part of my "love" thing since I moved to my neighborhood 15 years ago).
2. Ted & I are working with our mortgage company to see if they would allow us to do a forbearance on our loan. Pray that we can fill out the paperwork and that they will hear our request and help work with us through this time.
3. I would love to take the kiddos to the movies on Christmas. It is our tradition but I'm trying to save back money for my surgery co-pay. So, if you want to but four family movie tickets that would rock.
4. I need someone to pick Dale up from school tomorrow (Wednesday) while I'm at my surgery consult. If you can do that please get a hold of me asap.
5. Emily is coming home tomorrow and will be a huge help to me. She is my cleaner/organizer. I need some cleaning stuff : 1. Tide, 2. Snuggle fabric softener, and 3. Bounce sheets, 4. Clorox wipes, and 5. 409 spray. That way she can be equipped to help me and not have to worry about driving to get supplies.
6. Each year our family collects mittens and gloves for an elementary school in Hickman Mills. Ted used to work there and knows the principal. Anyway, throughout the year we collect them and buy them. This year we are falling short. If you would consider going to a dollar shop where they sell them for $1 each and buying $10 worth that would rock. Our goal each year is to have enough so the staff and teachers can give a pair to each child in the school before Christmas break.
7. We need some sound advice about our health insurance. We are planning on making an appointment next week to go and talk with someone to make the best choices for our family. Pray about that for us. Em has meds and sees the neurologist each month, Ted is a diabetic and has monthly meds and supplies for that, and I've got the upcoming surgery on January 7th.
8. We bought a used frig and think that it needs a part to make it cool. But Ted wants a second opinion before we buy the part. If you or someone you know can look at it for me to make sure we are on the right path please let me know.
9. Do you need a "elf" to help sew or make something as a Christmas gift? I'm your gal & Emily will be home to help me soon. Feel free to contact me on facebook, in the comments for the blog, or call the house. And, of course share our story with peeps and send them my way too. All that extra biz helped pay for half of Emily's tuition last week. Ohh, and because Em is coming home she can help me with "December To Remember Workshops". Ask me for dates & what we are doing!
10. My birthday is December 16th. I usually am nagging everyone telling them what I love chai tea, candles, and sea salt carmels. Those things haven't changed...wahahhaha. But I'd really love if someone would make our family dinner or send pizza our way that night.
I want to tell each of you that God has designed each of us for greatness just like Ginny Brown used to tell me. How can that be? Well, it's easy we need to "love" like he commands us to. I know that God has literally stopped me in my tracks over this past year to teach me and I can honestly say that I ran from it, hid out for a while, and tried to make peace. But it wasn't until I surrendered all of it to Him that I'm learning who He designed the Anastasia wannabee to be. He designed me to be a strong, capable, and a force to be reckoned with for His kingdom....I just love how that feels to my very core. He slowed me down to recalculate it all and for me to choose to serve him and others in "love". And, for that my soul and spirit is grateful. I would pray that in the coming week you choose to serve God in "love" by what you can do for others that surround you, you allows a new "circle" to form, and that you "ask" when you need help and lean in on your faith always. Challenge this week: calm your "wanna" and see that "love" that God allows you to give and share will outweigh any "wanna" in the world.
Blessings - Sherry
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