Lean On Me

Everybody Hurts Sometimes

 John 11:31-36

I'm going chitty chat today about the remarkable power that comes from having friends in the world.  And the ability to allow those friends to serve, help, and entrust them like they have you.  I had gals show up at the shop last Friday (they drove over an hour) to tell me that they are praying for me and my family.  I was blessed on Saturday with my college chum that came to hang out & even loaded Betsy Bravada for me.  I went to a consult with my doctor this morning.  I was blessed to have a gal pal from church go with me and was able to keep my composure when dealing with my doctor today.

We talked about three different ways to deal with the mass on my ovary.

1.  Let it go for a couple of months and see where we are then.
2. Take the mass off and remove the left ovary.  Evidently, it is on the left ovary rather than the right.  They can't find the right ovary on the CT scan or sonogram. 
3. Take the mass and both ovaries.  This throws me into early menopause and I'd be on an estrogen patch for a few years.

Wowsies, finally!  I told the doctor I wanted to do the third option.  She told me that the surgery is usually handled a little differently.  Because they can't find the right ovary and  (I know is there )she will open me up in order to get to it.  Completely, fine, good, and well with that I just want them gone.  Ever heard that "Ain't Got Time For That" gal on you-tube?  Yup, that is completely how I feel.  And, I feel empowered because I will never have pain from my ovaries again with cysts, masses, etc.  So, yup, bring on the patch.

I know that after they remove it all they will send it to pathology to biopsied.  That is where my fear factor comes steaming in full circle.  I've got a family history with cancer and it scares the daylights out of me.  I've been tested for the cancer gene and yup, I've got it.  The consider high risk for cancer 20% and I'm just a mere 16.8%....yup, that has me worried.  But unlike last year when I ran for the hills....literally, I did.  I'm not running this time.  I serve a God that is bigger, badder, and bolder than any fear that I can come up with and He will walk each step of the way with me.

 My biggest battle at this point is three-fold :

1. The ability to work and be able to pay for Em's tuition through part of my earnings. Yes, we still owe and Em can't register for classes this spring until it is paid.
2. The ability to have the surgery and pay for it.  Just my $80 co-pay almost did me in this morning. I've got mom guilt about spending that money on me rather than putting it towards Em's tuition.
3. The ability to keep myself to one "pity party" per day to just cry out the fear.  I literally have started to set the kitchen times for 15 minutes each morning after taking Dale to school and whine and carry on.  Afterwards, I get on with my day because that is how God has designed each of us. 

You may see the scripture at the beginning.  It comes for the story of Lazarus.  He and his sisters were friends with Jesus.  And, like all of us that get busy Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick but couldn't get away from his job aka ministry.  When Jesus did make it back he cried over the death of his friend.  But he also mourned in his heart and spirit for Lazarus' sisters and friends.  He felt the weight of all that loss, hurt, and remorse and he cried.  You might say that Jesus had his own "pity party".  Because later in the scripture he says to Mary (Lazarus sister) "Where have you put him?" and gets on with his day and ability to rise his friend from the dead.  But first he allowed himself time to for a "pity party"....wowsies, if we as believers are supposed to be guided to be "Christ-like" does that mean a little 15 minute "pity party" when times are tough is all right?

 As I have my own "pity party" in the mornings I let it all out through my tears : fear for the unknown, guilt and pity over my relationship with my brother and mom, my inability to afford my daughter's college without working myself ragged, and what if the big "C' happens to me and how that will affect everything and everyone around me.  Ohhh, my goodness, I know what a gift it is to just release all those emotions.  I also realize what a huge blessing it is to time that out and then get on with the goodness and graciousness that God has brought to my life. 

So, this week's challenge. When sad, bad, or frustrations hit allow yourself a 15 minute "pity party".  Then, wrap it up when the timer dings and go out and find the blessing that God has for you.  My blessing comes when I go to the shop and see the table & chairs up for grabs right now.  Yes, would I love to see them sold but I see more in them.  Dale and his friend helped me to scrub them, sand them, and even stain each of them so they would be ready for sale.  They also helped me to move them into the spot at the shop and I didn't have to do any of the lifting or bending which literally causes me pain right now. When I see the set at the shop I'm reminded that even though we have things that go on in our world we are not designed to break we bend with God's eternal strength and support. 

Blessings on your week- Sherry aka mamasunbear2

Blessings Jars

 

 

 

 

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


Funny how we get so jaded at times with our "problems".  My son shared with me about his friends complaining at school how they didn't get the latest I-phone when it came out.  He told them "Ahh, stop with you white people problems.  You have no idea of what hard is.  There are people that walk 5 miles one way daily to get drinking water and you think you have it hard?  What about moms who see their kids die or sick and can't get them medical help because it isn't available?" and with that he left the lunch table at school.  

Now, Dale, is still friends with those kids but he put them in check.  That is God's blessing to us when we find the right circle of friends.  We can be there to confide, laugh, and share with each other but we can also call each other out on our own crud at times.  And, yes, I'm blessed like my son with not only one handful but two handfuls (yup, that would be 10) of people in my world that have seen my ultimate bestest days, been there to pick up the pieces, and know my darkest secrets and woes.  

Last week, I was prepping for a women's event at a church.  I've been compelled over the last couple of years to make my work more spiritual and true to the GG (God's Gal) that God has designed me to be. I was looking through my art journal where I draw out ideas, make notes and write inspiration scripture and quotes in.  I took a break and glanced at the computer and saw the "blessing jar" that I had placed there last year.  

When Emily left for college last year I was left in a house filled with boys....Tedster, Dale, and two of  our three dogs are boys.  My boys love technology, the tv, computer, and x-box. I noticed at times they couldn't pull themselves away to help with chores, to prep meals, or even talk.  I prayed over what to do and came up with the idea of a "blessing jar".  I took to mason jars, a pencil, and scratch paper and sat them near the computer and tv.  I then told the boys at dinner that night this- "Before you power up (meaning the tv or computer) I need to you to power down.  I want you to take and write a blessing in your life on the scratch paper and then throw it in the "blessing jar".  Once you've done that you can turn on your technology".  I shared with them that if we are feeling frumpy, sad, angry or hurt that we are going to go to the "blessing jar" and pull out a "blessing".  The "blessing" could be yours or another persons.  Once the "blessing" is pulled out we "power up" and give God some praise for that blessing in our family's life and that we are a family.  And we release what is troubling us to God.  

Needless, to say, I thought yeah, fat chance the boys are gonna do that.  But they did.  And I even gandered into the "blessings jars" being snoopy the first week and found that the "blessings" they wrote about weren't just one word but whole sentences.  And, yup, at each of them that I read I thanked God for the blessing, for the writer, and for God giving my boys that love the Lord and me.  

I made "blessing jars" with fun paper blooms with a vintage button in the center.  And shared with the gals at the women's event last weekend about them.  I told them that they didn't need to buy one of mine if they had a jar, some scratch paper, and pen at home just use it with your family.  And, yes, I shared with them about Emily and why I work creatively to help pay for her college tuition.  Those wonderful gals listened to me talk about Emily and how she wants to be a dentist and go into mission work.  I shared with how she mentored at a free kid's dental clinic in our area over the summer.  And, those gals, told me they would pray for Em and my family.  And, yes, that was a blessing that was wrote on a slip of paper and put into my blessing jar at the computer.  


You may have seen the scripture at the top of the blog this week.  It is a scripture that my mom would say when I was feeling frumpy, grumpy, or upset as a kid and more days than not as a teenager.  She often premised it with "I don't know what you are going through but I do know - Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus".  I remember as a little kid it gave me peace but as a teen I thought , "Ohh, geez, my mom is going all Tammy Faye Baker on me.  What's next the blue eye shadow?" and telling her in my best "Church Lady" voice "Isn't that special".  Geez, I hate to admit what a turkey (best possible word) I was.  Low and behold this weekend I was reminded of the verse by my pastor who used it in his sermon about prayer.  I quickly recognized the scripture and the context that it has played in my life and thought yeah, I should write that down.  

This week I went to my ob/gyn appointment.  I shared how over the course of the year that "ignoring" my medical stuff has caught up with  me.  I told her that I cramp daily and have nausea and vomiting.  I shared with her that if I bend to do a load of laundry it is hard for me to bend upright again and I have a to take a 30 minute or more break from my day after doing a load of laundry.  Ohh, and I shared with her about my bladder that feels like it is the size of a pea. I told her that I've got such intense cramps at night from trying to keep going through the day that my hubby and son have to help me get up the stairs at night more nights than not.   She did a pap, a basic exam (yeah, I cried from the pain of it) and scheduled a sonogram for the next day. She also reviewed my family's history of cancer (my mom, aunt, cousin, grandmother...yeah the list goes on) and my own scare when I had a partial hysterectomy.  She reassured me that she didn't know what was going on exactly but would look over my CT scan from last week and figure something out.  She assured me that if she couldn't help me she was going to find a doctor that was trustworthy that could.  

Yesterday, I went to the sonogram. They were only able to find part of the left ovary which had a couple of cysts on it but they couldn't get it to turn to get a better picture of it to see what else there may or may not have on it.  The right ovary showed a mass of 5x6 on it or roughly the size of an orange.  As the tech tried to get the ovary to turn I started to cry from the intense pain.  She then went back to try to find the left ovary.  By then I was crying and trying to breath in and out (like they teach you in child bearing class).  The tech looked at me and said "Your hurting aren't you" and I shook my head.  She told me "We're done for the day then".  She told my my doctor wasn't there to consult with me.  But that she personally was going to go access the CT scan and see what the ovaries looked like in it.  She said that my pap wasn't back so there was no news on that.  She told me that my doctor should be calling this week to talk with me and bring me back to consult.  

Once I regained composure and could walk without a ton of pain I left and thought of 1Thessalonians 5:16-18,  "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus".  I thought in the car, Sherry, thank God for today that you could leave the hospital and walk out.  That you are going home to your family.  And, so I did.  I praised Him for my Betsy bravada that got me there safely, the ability to stop at the grocery store and work through the pain to nab milk, bread, cheese, and a pizza.  And, when I got out I spotted two of my friends from church pulling in to the grocery store and silently thanked God that for them.  I stopped at the workshop on the way home to paint and some boards to do some work here at home and rest this week. As I left I thanked God for that little shop in Greenwood and it's owners that allow me to work there.  I got home and Dale was here and he carried in the groceries, made the pizza, and helped me to sit down....and yup, silently, I praised God for Dale, the ability to be his mom, and to have him there to help me.  Ted called on his way home from work and I could tell him about the sonogram without a tear shed....and yup, I praised God for that strength and mercy he showed me to do that with Ted.  I've come to the conclusion last night that God blessed me yesterday to know this: 1. Yes, there is something medically wrong with me and it's not all in my head, 2. God designed me with an inner and outer strength that really is remarkable and should never be taken for granted.  

So, with that in mind I'm going be working on some "blessing jars" to sell this weekend.  Focusing on orders that need to be made and shipped or delivered.  And, on my family who I love dearly and that God blessed me with.  And, yes, tomorrow, if I don't hear back from my doctor I'll call her office and try to either set up a time for the consult or talk to her directly.  Know why?  Because I praise God for the remarkable way He designed me to be strong, capable, and level headed with a dash of creativity and a pinch of spunk.  

Take care this week, peeps. Know that through it all we need to remember to thank God for our blessing no matter how small (try making your own blessing jar or contact me for one).  Don't forget to pray about your personal needs, your kiddos needs, and your family and friends.  God has designed us to be the change in our circles so show you strength, character, and love that He has given you daily.

Blessings- Sherry

Shopping For Something New

                                                  Shopping For Something New

First off gotta tell you all what a blessing this blogging thing is for me.  I've always said that I come across so much better on paper yet when I was an English major at Northwest I told everyone that I hated to write but loved literature.  Hhhmm....maybe I do like writing more than my 18 year old self ever knew.  Our pastor this week talked about how God will take and use you for more than you ever thought.  He challenged us with the idea that God won't want to use your "gifts" but that really "crappy"...yeah, that was his word (love that guy) part of yourself that you don't even think of or trust.  That through me into thinking about this blogging thing and how I'm sharing my personal thoughts and ideas to potentially anyone ....eeek!

How did those letters come along last week?  Any word from those pessimists in your life?  Yeah, you'll probably be waiting for a while on that one, peeps.  I know I will.  I do have to share a story from a gal that e-mailed me to tell me she sent her letter out to her special "pessimist" and it opened a dialogue with her sibling that hasn't been there for years.  Wow, I love how God is connecting them all over again to that love and respect that they had as kiddos.  As for the rest of us we will wait, pray, and maybe even send another snail mail letter during the holidays.  I know it's heartbreaking not hearing back from your pessimist but know that you've opened the lines of communication, peeps. 

Ohh, and I wanted to make angel wings for the shop to decorate.  I'm proud to say that after blistered hands from cutting out cardboard they are done.  Here's a sneak peek of them before I painted them.  I wanted, Duke, my little dog to sit with them so peeps could see how big and awesome they are.  Check out the pic....yeah, that is the wings before paint and Duke yawning.  Tells you what he thinks of my hard work....wahahahaha.

This past week I was really thrown into reminiscing about my marriage during the early years. I heard Everclear's , I Will Buy You A New Life, and was instantly taken back to a marriage that was crumbling, a hubby with no faith, the possibility of being a single mama, and all the drama that has came and went.  In the song it says,
                                            "   I will buy you a garden
                                              Where your flowers can bloom
                                               I will buy you a new car
                                               Perfect shiny and new
                                               I will buy you that big house
                                               Way up in the west hills
                                               I will buy you a new life
                                             Yea I will buy you a new life ".

It made me think about two years into my separation from my hubby.  He honestly had made huge strides in learning to be an adult that not only was functioning but caring and compassionate.  He had a full time job, insurance, and not only helped to pay the bills on our little house but paid for his own too.  I was able to let him spend time with our daughter without fear that was huge.  He and his family had once told me they would take her and I'd never see her again.  I was actually letting that guy take our daughter to Burger King, the park, etc.  He shared with me one night that he had accepted Christ as his Savior and when he did things weren't great but it rocked his life. When day when he brought our daughter home he said, "Would you listen to something"....and I thought, ohh, yeah, sure buddy but I did. 

He went to his car and got out the Everclear CD and played, I Will Buy You A New Life.  He told me, "Sherry, I'm so sorry about the past and there is nothing that I can do to change it.  But I want you to have a good life.  I'll do whatever it takes for that to happen and you don't have to take me back.  I've been a liar, a cheat, and hurt you in ways that break me just to think about.  But if you allow me to I want you to have those good things and more".  And for the first time ever he prayed with me that he would be able to provide for our daughter and me.  Wowsies....that got my attention. 

As I was going down memory lane though, I thought, yeah, that is exactly what God has been saying to me and all of you all along, "I Will Buy You A New Life".  We may never see the new cars, houses, etc. while we are here on Earth but in our Heavenly home I can only imagine that my dream bungalow with a little workshop in the back exsists.  Wouldn't it be amazing to not have all the wrinkles on your hands and face (yeah, I've been noticing that lately as I get ready to turn 45 in December) and all the physical pain we have now would be gone.  And, the thought of all pain of our spirit and soul would be no more. 

I really believe at this point in my walk with God that we can just drop off all that pain that curses our spirits and souls with God right now.  All the feelings of being cheated, hurt, and torn apart from Him we can give up because we serve a God that is bigger, badder, and stronger than any of those pains.  Isn't that amazing to just think of?  And to think that God is taking me and using me in my "crappy" writing skills to talk to you....wowsies, peeps, He is something awesome!

Alright, are you ready for the challenge of the week?  This one is harder than some so get ready.  Take some of your baggage, hurt, anger, and pain and just hand it over to God.  Pray daily this week for God to take those pains away from you and give you a "new life".  I know I plan on setting the alarm about 30 minutes early to do this.  And, hey, we did just fall back on Sunday so no biggie....that still gives you the blessing of an extra 30.  Be sure to include all the good, great, and merciful things that you see God doing in your life, the lives of your kids, family, and friends.  Then ask Him for the sweet release of your baggage and the reward of a "new life" here on Earth with Him guiding your path.

Ok, that's all I got for this week. I have to share that my house is crazy this week.  I'm trying to work at the shop to get it all ready for Christmas Open House this coming weekend.  I wanted to sew slippers (from my grandma's pattern) this week....needless to say they are cut but not sewn yet.  Here's a sneak peek of the front of the shop...my son blessed me with helping me to get the outside of the shop done.  Ohh, and I've got an appointment with my girly doc on Monday this week for all the cramps and pains I've got going on.  Say a prayer if you will that I find out what is going on and it can be handled.

Doing A Little Cha Cha Through Life

I read a quote this week that absolutely inspired this week's blog.  It said "Optimist: someone who figures out that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's more like a cha cha".  I had to bear this in mind after getting the results of my CT scan and bloodwork this week.  So, what if I don't have Crohn's disease like they thought when I went back to the doctor this fall.  So, what if they are leaving it to my OB/Gyn to deal with my ovary issues...shoot, that is on November 10th and that is just a hop, skip, and jump away.  I did give myself a 30 minute pity party and then thought, "Geez, Sherry, you are whining over not having Crohn's for goodness sake be thankful.  So, what you've got your OB/Gyn appointment scheduled just go to to it".  And, that's just what I'm gonna do. 


I've got one older brother, David.  He does have Crohn's disease.  When he was diagnosed in his 40's my mom & I couldn't help but chuckle that David has been an old crohny his whole life.  As kids and even adults we couldn't be further apart in our likes, dislikes, and in general how we are.  My parents used to say that God gave them one of each....the pessimist and the optimist when it came to their kids.  Guess you probably can realize which I am....hoping so.

Remember that challenge I gave last week?  Wowsies, how to did that turn out for you?  Let's just say that I crashed and burned on Sunday, no less.  I was mad about the dishes in the sink....that really infuriates me.  Then, the boys, teased me while I was writing my FB page post for Sunday....it's my rule that I only write one post on Sundays and allow time for my family.  Then, we realized my son, Dale, didn't bring all the stuff he needed from the workshop in Greenwood to build his Tardis for Halloween and I blew a gasket.  Let's just say the boys road tripped happily to Greenwood to get the screws and the drill bits and leave me here at home.

Well, instead of continuing my crabfest on Sunday after they left I literally sat and praised God for all His blessings in my world.  And told Him that I needed to stop the crabfest and go on an Honorfest for Him.  So, I made an Oriental Grilled Chicken Salad for lunch which was waiting for the boys when they got home.  I told them I was sorry about my nasty attitude and I wanted our day to be better.  I grinned and beared it through an episode of the Walking Dead (uggh, zombies, really those boys were pushing my limits).  And, I was blessed to get to sit on a fold out chair and listen and watch Dale and his friend work on building the Tardis for their Dr. Who Halloween at the house.  I sat there in my shades on a nice warm, sunny October day and thought, "Wowsies, God, I'm blessed.  Thank you for taking this mess of a gal and giving her the family that she never in her wildest dreams would have thought she would have".

So, yeah, if that is the "optimist" you can only imagine how my brother is. He is not alone when he complains.  There are plenty of people out there that suck the vibrancy that God grants each of us daily.  I pray daily for him to be restored to his childlike faith in God, to see the good in people, and to have an inner peace within his soul.  Do you know someone that is the "pessimist" in you world?  Do they drain the vibrancy from your spirit?  If so, I challenge you this week to not avoid them.  Instead, pray daily for that person, snail mail them a note to tell them that they are valued and appreciated not only by you but by God.  I know that I've got my letter wrote to my brother and it is in the mail this afternoon.   What would happen if we did this to the "pessimist"?  Would God change them?  Well, maybe not overnight but this "optimist" would prefer to give them a dose of God's love rather than the cold shoulder.  And believe that through our love we can change the world one person at a time.

Ohh, and for those of you wondering about Dale, my son, and his Dr. Who Tardis it is built.  He and his friend took and trouble shooted, worked at it and got it together this week.  I'm sharing a pic of them with this.  Also, I'm sharing a link this week to my church.  They have an awesome way to watch the sermon from home via a link....so pull out your jammies, make some popcorn , and watch, learn and grow in the word.  Here's the link : http://vimeo.com/110271286

Blessings throughout your week- Sherry

Playing Pretend

Since my last blog the world seems a little clearer....or maybe that is just the October sunshine today.  Nope, it is clearer because my conviction and the fire I let almost die out is back ....back with vigor. Since my last blog I've been to the doctor, got bloodwork drawn, and have a CT scan on Monday.  I've also made arrangements to go see my OB/Gyn in November.  Woo-hoo! 

I've been working on some newbie creative designs that are less taxing on me to do physically but still inspire my creative soul.  And, when I create I listen to music and there are certain artists or songs that just bring back a flood of memories or inspiration.  I love when that happens.  But I heard the Foo Fighters "Pretender" as I was driving home from the workshop this past week and it just spoke to my wounded spiritual side....funny when a rockin' group like the Foo Fighters could speak to your soul, huh. 

Here's the lyrics that caught me off guard although I cranked the song a bazillion times and sang, ranted, and yelled the lyrics...yeah, I'm not a pretty singer. 

• Keep you in the dark

  You know they all pretend

  Keep you in the dark

   And so it all began
• Send in your skeletons

  Sing as their bones go marching in, again

  The need you buried deep

  The secrets that you keep are ever ready

  Are you ready?

  I'm finished making sense

   

  Wowsies, those lyrics are omninous, menacing, and even a little scary right?  What is a  girl of God's grace doing listening to something like?  And then the loop repeats those words and it took on a whole other meaning to my soul.  It was like God was talking through those lyrics to me.  He was saying are you done staying in the dark?  Done with all your past garbage that weighs you down?  Are you done keeping secrets, Sherry, and ready to real?  All I could think is "Geez, God, yeah, I said I was"....and then the lyrics looped and repeated and I thought "Yes, I'm done with all the garbage of the past.  Let's get this going, God".
   
  What "this" is still remains for me to see.  I know that I've got a gift creatively.  I like to say it is my "vibe" and speaks to my "heart"...which it does but why?  Well, because God designed and graced my soul for creativity and to see the world differently.  
   
  My dad used to tell me one of the hardest things for him to understand about me and best parts of me was my ability to forgive.  He shared that I would be furious at someone and then within five minutes I was done and all that they had done is forgiven.  Wowsies, isn't God like that?  He often must just shake His omnipresent head at us?  And then He forgives what has been done and goes on.  What an extremely powerful tool that is! And, hey, maybe I've had that all along?  What if we all are designed that way?  Wouldn't that be something.  Here's your challenge for the week and mine too:  **At a time of anger set a timer for five minutes.  Once the timer dings sit down and pray over the situation with God.  If there is a need to "forgive" someone then just do it....don't blink an eye.  And then "thank" God for giving you the ability to rant for five minutes and the good judgment to let it go and "forgive".  Maybe we can't change the world.....but we can change our world.  
  

  
  

  
  

  Go in God's Grace this Week- Sherry
   
  P.S. - Yup, that is my "Grace Given" creativity I used when making "tye dye" pumpkins this past weekend.  Best part of that project was my hubby, the Tedster, who is a sporto IT guy asked if he could take over the heat gun and help.  Say, whhaaat??  Yeah, well, I gave him the heat gun and he even did a pumpkin.....love that God allows me to share my creativity not only with you but with the one I love.  

The Real Mamasunbear2 of Pleasant Hill

Many of you know me personally or professionally.  I've been graced by your wonderful spirits at different times of my life and for that I'm grateful.  I hope that all my craziness in DIY, with my family and faith have made you giggle, inspire you, or just re-affirm that your not alone.  I realize that at this point in my adventure that I need to talk about something very personal to me and that is what my newbie blog is about for today.  Now, will there be other blogs on DIY, my family, and faith....yup, yup, and yes.  But for today I want to invite you into my world and let you know that I'm blessed to have you be a part of it.

This past weekend I went with a group of gal pals from church to DFL (Designed For Life" Women's Conference in Springfield, Missouri.  I literally had an ahhh-haaaa moment as I stood with sisters in faith.  I like to think that I'm a : follower of Christ, wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend in the world.  But I realized early on that I was designed for so much more if I would just give "God" a chance to work within me.  Really??  I mean I'm 44 years old, raised Lutheran, and have known God throughout my life.  But the stark reality is that I didn't really ever come to peace that God is God and would forgive and love me.....others, my children, family, my students when I taught, and everyone else...sure, no worries.  But I didn't realize that God's grace was there for me too.

I think throughout my life I knew who God was.  I attended church and Sunday School.  My mom took a kicking and screaming teenager to Confirmation Class on Wednesday nights (geez, that was Facts of Life night on tv).  My mom would daily affirm me with "You are designed for greatness, Sherry, God has a plan for you.  Before I even knew there would be a Sherry, God knew and He loved you for all the things that you are.  You need to learn to accept that and let God be God".   Well, long story short, there have been plenty of times that I've been able to do just that and even relished in the fact that I didn't have to solve the trouble, change, or turmoil in my world that God could just do it for me. That is if I had faith, was able to listen, and without my own know how or ability allowed God to be God.  Wowsies, that is a lot to ask of a girl.  But, yes, there have been times when I've been graced with the ability to close out all my understanding and allow God to be God. 

But like many others then that season of change or turmoil closes and I was left to the day to day.  I've felt that God had bigger issues to deal with rather than my life. Check the news and you see the wars, health issues, and craziness of the world and my small life fails to compare.  So, I pray daily for my family, friends, and different aspects of the world as they are placed in my heart.  I try to work within my community to make a difference by volunteering and being willing to serve.  I like to think that I'm accountable to those around me and can make a small difference in their world because I have God's grace to back me up.

In reality, last spring and fall I went through a series of doctor's visits because of my health.  I found out that I've got the cancer gene, I've got several masses on my ovaries, and that I'm totally unprepared to take the next step to figure out what is going on.  I even went to a cancer counselor who helped me see that I've got every reason to be scared (my mom's cancer history as she battles on and off with cancer for 20 years, her sister has cancer, and my cousin has breast cancer.....not to mention my grandmothers, great aunts, etc ).  She sent me to a genetics counselor that came up with my risk factor for cancer.  20% is considered high risk and I stand at 16.8%.  Because of this my insurance company wouldn't pay to have the ovaries removed because I'm not a high enough risk.  I got a letter from the insurance company in December of 2013 stating that they would pay for a biopsy of the masses and if they were cancerous they would pay for their removal.  If they weren't cancerous I would be left to figure out what to do.  Ahhh, heartbreaking to say the least and I thought I heard God say to me "Work through the pain you feel it is nothing compared to the pain you've caused to others in the world. And only a taste of what you will get in the end".....wowsies, does that seem nutty or what?  But it's the truth, I thought I needed to just deal with the pain, stop pushing for surgery, and deal with what God gave me.

Why?  Because of my past and how I was raised.  I was raised Lutheran and went to Confirmation class as a teen.  During one point in Confirmation class I recall talking about eternal damnation.  There were certain sins that God hates above others.  If we come to Him after committing these sins knowing that they are among those God dearly detests and ask for forgiveness He won't forgive you.  Why? Because you are a Christian and you know His laws. Those cries for forgiveness fall on deaf ears and we are settled into the fact that we are eternally damned.  That is how I felt to be honest with you as I read through that letter in December.  I thought, "Sherry, you know what you've done in you life and this is God's way of giving you a taste of what you deserve.....you deserve to suffer". 

This spring I had an awakening moment at church.  Our pastor was talking about the Pharisees, Sadduccees, etc. and how they "rules" and ideas when it came to right and wrong weren't what God intended.  And how we as God's people still flock around the ideas that aren't God's but mans.  Wowsies, it started my mind working on my own life and what it had become.  What if it was untrue that God was out to smite me?  What if the real fact was that God's grace was enough to cover everything from my past, present, and future.  Could that really be?  And if so why me? I thought,  "Sure, God, go ahead and bless and forgive everyone else but you know who Sherry is and what she's done. She knew there are certain sins that you hate more than others and yet she played with fire.  Isn't the daily physical and emotional pain she feels your way to make it right for those sins?".

This is where my journey begins.  I realized through prayer that maybe I was wrong about what I thought.  That maybe those were just man's take on God's laws and judgment.  And, you know what?  It rocked my world?  I'd like to say that I gave it all up to God this spring and had an awakening but nope.  Not me.....I am the little red hen, you know.  Instead, I let it brew around my mind and spirit.  This summer while my daughter was home and I thought of planning the biopsy so I would have her, my son, and hubby home to support me I let it go.  Instead, I continued to work creatively, which I love to do.  My kids and I were at the shop where I work this summer and I had worked on a painting project and literally the cramping and pain that I had was overpowering.  I couldn't even walk.  My son nabbed a chair and he and his sister helped me to sit down.  When I sat I started to cry and yell "It's not fair!  This is my time!  And it's all being taken away!!".  I can say at that point I was angry, mad, and furious with God and myself.  How could God let me work creatively like I had always dreamed and then take it all away?  And on top of it make my kids see their mom be weak?  Really, God, really?  And for days this summer I felt like God was mocking me to see what I would do, where I would turn next, and how I would handle it.

What I found in July was God's grace.....I wouldn't have called it that at the time but I see it for what it is now.  We had moving and shaking going on at our church and I felt confident to step up to help in Children's Ministries for VBS.  My son and I wrote the drama skits with my daughter and hubby for VBS.  We got together as a family and prayed that all we could do was for God's glory and would lead each person involved in the skit, VBS, or was there to hear it to God.  I was also able to serve as the Missions Leader where we shared about three projects that families and kids can do within the community and world to make a difference.  I think God's graced me with the ability to write the scripts with my family and plan the missions portion to bring me back to Him.  To show me that He doesn't forget you and He ultimately forgives you when you come to Him.

This fall has been hectic with moving my daughter back to college and having my son start high school.  Wowsies, I'm really not a mom of small kids anymore.  Daily I've felt the prompting to call the doctor's office and make an appointment and get the ball rolling.  But I've refused to do.....I'm busy helping with Em's financial aid disaster (yeah, it really was), helping a friend who lost her mom to cancer, being there for friends that just need someone to talk to and pray with them.  And, so, I worked on creatively and then about a month ago things started to fall apart again.  I cramp daily, throw up more, I can't lift or carry groceries in or sometimes even pick up our small dog. There are some days and nights that I'm in so much pain that I can't walk and my hubby or son have to help me get upstairs to the bathroom or to lay down.   And that's not the worst part .  The worst is is that I've tried to work through the pain.  I hear in my head, "Suck it up", "You deserve the pain now get on with it", and "Failure".   That is the worst part. 

This past weekend I did something that was totally selfish and even decadent for a gal like me.  I went away for the weekend with gal pals from my church.  I cried the night before I left because "They are all so much nicer, kinder, and better girls than I am.  They aren't going to want to be around me" and the dreaded thought of "what if they really knew what I face daily" came into mind.  As I blubbered to my hubby about it he told me "You need to go to DFL and if you don't you need to figure out where to go for the weekend.  You've got to get it together, Sherry.  We love you and are here for you but you are a mess".  Yup, I was, because I was being an "ugly crier"....you know like described in the movie, Bridesmaids??  That was me.

Thursday morning rolled around and I finished my packing.  Yeah, after my "ugly cry" I brushed my teeth and went to bed because I was cramping.  I got to the church and asked a friend to park my car in the back with the keys for my family to nab.....why?  I was cramping so bad that I thought if I go and park it in the back of the church and have to walk up the steps I'm done for the day.  So, yes, God graced me to ask for help.....not something that comes easily to a little red hen.  God graced me again by rooming me with three gals that I didn't know.  When I whined about that to the hubby he said, "Think back to your Sigma days in college and how they always had you work with the pledges".....yeah, but I''m about as far from a "God trainer" as you could get at this point in my life.  What I really needed is a "God trainer" for myself. But each of the gals were awesome, friendly, and loved God. I could sense we were all at different seasons of our lives but our common bond was Chirst.  And, yes, I think right now, we could be the future cast for "Bridesmaids the DFL edition".....that's just the working title in my head.

Ahh, back to needing a "God Trainer".  Well, the speakers at DFL were just that!  I was raised a Lutheran and to be reserved in church.  When we started going to our church I told them this and that I could either sing or clap but not together.  It's still the truth.  But with each speaker I found myself hearing "God's grace is enough, Sherry, God's grace is enough".  And, I would start to cry a little and stop myself.....Heaven forbid the little red hen cry and among other Christian gals that are praising God.  Nope, don't want to get all emotional and showy....uggh.  Well, God wasn't done with me and even on the second day when I left early to go back to the hotel and rest since my cramps were horrible did He stop coming after my heart. I literally could hear His presence in my mind and spirit and it was encompassing me......drowning out all the noise that I have in my mind, all the pain (physically right now and emotionally).  The clencher for me was Saturday morning I felt not only God but my Grandma Hout's prescence with me.  She loved the Lord and had that "childlike" faith that we all try to attain as adults.  Yup, she was creative, loved her family and friends, did mission work and loved the Lord with her whole heart and spirit.  I thought of how she told me there was nothing I could do to separate me from God when I was growing up.  I remember thinking to God on Saturday morning, "Ok, what do you want me to do?".  And all I could think of was to get ready, pack up, and don't wear mascara.....how silly is that?  I am a gal who loves, loves, loves me some make up!  Geez, really, God? Well, He, was right.  After entering the arena at DFL I felt a prescence overwhelming me, who I was, and all the things that I didn't do because it "wasn't appropriate" went out the window.   I went and found a quiet place and prayed that morning.  Then after the music portion I left, found a prayer card and filled it out.  When I returned it I sat and talked with a prayer counselor at the event about all my worries about my health, my ability to pay for my daughter's college, and what if I couldn't work for a while.  She just listened. God bless her and prayed with me.  By the time I was done there I went back to the arena and sat with my group I could feel God saying "My grace is enough, Sherry".  Then they broke into this hymn that my Grandma Hout used to sing and play on her record player.  I just began to cry.....ahh, the time wasted, all the self doubts, worries, concerns, all of it slide down through those tears.  Debbie Lindell was on the stage at that point and said "If you've had enough and are ready for some grace get down here".....eeek!  What??  Did she just say "grace".  That's the word God keeps placing on my heat.  And, then the hymn continued and I got up, got through the gals in my row and I'm not sure what else.....all I know is that I was "ugly crying" it all the way to the front and being hugged by a complete stranger telling me that "I was enough" and "God's grace is enough" and I just lost it.  I'm blessed that two of my gal pals came out from the crowd to form a circle around me and hug and pray with me. 

I went home still physically in pain but all my hurt, anger, and excuses are gone.  I told my family that I loved them and have worked on getting an appointment with my doctor for next week.  I know that financially I can't even afford the co-pays to see the doctor let alone the co-pays for the biopsy or surgery.  But what I do know is that God's grace is enough and He will take care of all of that.  I know that when my mom told me "He's known you all along and has great plans for you"....that she was right.  I just have to get over this physical hurdle in my life and then watch me and what I can do for God's glory. 

SPLAT! That

Wowzies peeps!  It has been forever since I blogged!  Truly it has...soooo much has been going on in my life with my mom's health (she has brain cancer) and my own.  It has truly been so time consuming that I forgotten the things that I love to do like crafting, being artsy, etc....so I took a break.

But.....I'm baaaaacccckkkk!  Wow, can you just see my kiddos both holding there hands on there ears?  They so would have been if they were here.

I've found inspiration through my kiddos and family as I've been working in my art journal lately.  I have found joy in collecting vintage sheets for nursing covers....working on the prototype this week and boy is it hard since my kiddos are 18 & 13.  I can remember that whole time in my life and want to come up with something washable, pretty, and resourceful for moms.  I will blog (promise) once I come up with something.

Want to know what my secret is while I've been taking time to rest?   Hulu!  We got rid of our satellite tv to save money and got Hulu and how much fun have we had watching not only current shows the day after they air but watching vintage shows with my kiddos.  Dale, my son, has become a lover of Dr. Who and Lost In Space.  I have been reconnecting to my kiddos through my past with tv shows. 

OK, promise this is going somewhere.  My daughter & I have been watching the Carrie Diaries. Both of us love it and for some of same reason...they fashions, the music (Em says I don't know the name of that but I know all the words and she can sing the songs....love it!).  As we are watching Emily said to me, "I'd like a purse like Carrie's bag and know you can make it".  To which I said , "Em, that is SPLAT! painting and you could make one".  What a blessing this inspiration has been for Em and I as she learns she has talent when it comes to SPLAT! painting and we get to bond. 

Our new line on ETSY is all about SPLAT! painted purses and one better, are you ready???  We were down at the Plaza in KC over the weekend and she saw girls with their prom dress and cowgirl boots on....she said to me, "I never thought of wearing boots with my prom dress".  Wowzies, again because she had SPLAT!-ed on accident a pair of leather boots in our garage.  I said to her, "what about those boots with the green paint in the garage if we SPLAT!-ed them would you wear them??".  She squealed (yeah, that's not typical of my ubber serious Emily, and said, "I would wear them even more because they are so different from the rest".

Ahh, I love originality and my dear Emily is showing signs of loving it too.  That is why I say SPLAT! painting + purses +boots = priceless times with my daughter. 

As I close this blog out I want to ask each of you following me to keep my dear, Emily, in your prayers as she is trying to get scholarships to college to ease some financial stress on our family.  Please pray that if she is meant and designed to fit that scholarship that God guides it to her.  She was blessed to be accepted to a Christian college where she feels she will fit in....Fontbonne University in St. Louis.  Please pray that God is with her each step of her journey.