Hot Mess

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.  -Ezekiel 36:26

Last week Emily & I spent the week cleaning and organizing the artroom.  To say the artroom looks like a "hot mess" right now would be putting it mildly.  As Emily & I hung out and learned how very differently we organize things....lol.  I had planned on spending all last week on the artroom and getting it done.  Well, I get tired easier and break into cold sweats followed by fevers.  So, let's just say that I'm giving us the whole month to dedicate to getting the artroom in order. 

That being said I had planned for a whole different blog for the week.  But last night my sister in law called my hubby.  Their mom moved back to Japan a couple of years ago to live out her days with her family there.  Long story short is their mom got a hold of my sister in law a couple of months ago saying she was ill.   Yesterday, my sister in law, got a call from their family in Japan to say that they took Aiko (Ted's mom) to the hospital last week and on Sunday she went into a coma.  The rest of the conversation was filled with trying to figure out details and what they should do.  They are planning on talking again tonight.

This call brought up a flood of emotions for our whole family.  Ted grew up in an abusive household. Long ago we realized that his mom was mentally ill, manipulative, and unkind to say the least.  Her odd behavior, manipulations, and abusive words came to a head a few years ago after we moved her to KC.  We had prayed over it and thought maybe if she had us to check in on her and she could see her grand kids regularly it would heal her heart and spirit.  Needless, to say that didn't work and although our family prayed together for God to restore her heart and mind she continued to escalate her unusual behavior and abusive ways.  When she left for Japan a couple of years ago we all breathed a sigh of relief and prayed to God to keep her safe and help restore our family.

After praying  last night about the situation  I ran across Ezekiel 36:26.  I've been praying over this for myself, Ted, Emily, and Dale today.  I'm asking God to forgive our hearts that were broken, protective, and stubborn when dealing with Aiko.  I'm asking God to allow the tender and responsive heart that we have to lead the way to help Ted through this.

 I know that his heart and mind hurt inside about his mom.  He is filled with regrets that he couldn't help her. That she didn't change even though he prayed. And that no matter how many times he tried to reach her with the love of God she refused to hear him.  For Ted today I prayed that God give him a new heart and spirit.  That God take out his stubborn heart that is filled with self doubt, defeat, and hurt and in place put a restored heart that is tender and responsive to the needs of his family, friends, and community. 

That verse got me to thinking about all those less than ideal relationships that we all have. It might be with a family member, co-worker, neighbor, or friend.  Shoot, I had a teaching job that I loved at one time.  But a co-worker poked fun of me for coming early to the school to pray over my students and my teaching abilities.  It literally broke my spirit and made me never want to teach ever again.  What is that relationship for you?  What would happen if you were able to take the high road, remain positive, and be who God designed you to be?  How could that be possible? 

I'm thinking perhaps by praying over a verse like Ezekiel 36:26 and asking God for his mercy and care with that person.  I know that even though I prayed over that co-worker and my ability to stay positive I didn't renew my contract the next year at the school.  It was just too much for me to take.

I prayed over my relationship with my mother in law since before she was my mother in law.  My prayers started for Ted's parents and sister after I met them for the first time. I know that with my relationship with my mother-in-law I became guarded over my children and my husband because of her manipulations and abusive words.  I even told her that she could say or do anything to me but to leave the kids and Ted out of it.  I thought I could save the kids and Ted and take on her "hot mess".  But in the end I couldn't solve her problems, make things better, or get the happy loving family relationship that I craved.  I simply had to give up and put that relationship to an end. 

Sometimes once you pray for God to help you take the high road, be positive and who he designed you to be he opens a door.  Now, maybe that door is one that you close by leaving a job that you love, or cutting off a relationship with a friend or relative.  I know those things are difficult but after living & learning I've come to accept these things for a fact : 1. God wants for his people to be happy, 2. God wants his people to be safe, and 3. God never intends for you to be hurt or abused.  If that is happening he wants for you to leave.

This week I'm praying over my own "hot mess" relationship and using Ezekiel 36:26 to guide me when I talk with Ted about his mom.  I'm praying that I can be there to listen to Ted, support him through my strength, and pray over him for God to guide and protect his heart, spirit, and mind. 

My challenge is simple for each of you this week.  Ask God for the ability to stay positive, allow your heart to be opened and for his strength to take over when you deal with "hot mess" situations  this week and see you through.

Blessings on your week-Sherry

Update:

• I've got a doctor's appointment on the 16th which is next week and then another on February 25th.  Pray that I've got the finances to make it to both, that the test results from the 16th are good, and that I'm able to see what I need to do with my health on the 25th.
• We had great news last week.  Emily went to the doctor and she got a letter stating that he feels that she can pursue a career in nursing.  Why is that so important?  Well, she can get a VoTech scholarship for $1,000 per semester and her textbooks paid.  This week we are planning on making calls and an appointment to Longview.  She is planning on taking a couple of summer classes to make up for this semester and they start in May.
• Last week our furnace stopped running.  We were blessed to have a friend loan us space heaters for the night.  And, the furnace got fixed by noon the next day.  And, the blessing was our repairman waited for payment until Friday on Ted's payday.  
• My latest letter to my mom and brother came back in the mail as return to sender.  It breaks my heart but I'm determined to keep sending them.  I re-addressed an envelope today and mailed them back. 
• Please pray for Ted and our family this week.  It's never easy to know your parent is sick but Aiko, Ted's mom, is literally an ocean away.  Pray that God can help heal Ted's wounded heart and spirit and allow him strength and courage to keep going for his family. 
• Finally, Emily & I are working through the artroom menagerie.  Pray that God continues to allow us a sense of humor as we work, my ability to say stop when I feel tired and worn out, and that we get things together in a timely manor.  I feel like I can be a blessing through the creative workshops I intend to do there.  I also came up with the idea of doing a WOW (workshops on wheels) for preschools and daycares.  And, I even thought of using the idea of a WOW as a blessing for events within my community.  I'm praying on how to approach event planners and preschool providers this week that they would see my professionalism, love of art in my spirit, and what a blessing I could be. 

Treasure Is Found In The Trust

"Livin' Life. Growin' by faith. Keep on keepin' on. Treasure is in the trust"....that was the Facebook post from a gal pal of mine this morning & I love it!  And it so fits my mood and spirit after this challenging week.

This week I got a call from the shop owners in Greenwood that they are going to close the shop.  Awww, geez, just when I was resting like I was supposed to since my surgery.  I had a game plan of doing workshops this year as a creative outlet and doing small stuff so that I can work around doctor's appointments, etc this year.

I'm left to re-group, re-focus, and to "trust".  Why did I mention "trust"?  Well, my journey since this fall has been on learning to trust and grow in my faith.  I've been blessed to have people praying for me & my family, following our journey, and taking time to make a one on one connection with me. 

I've got to "trust" my doctor when she told me that I'm considered "high risk" for cancer and that she got the mass out.  I've got to trust and accept her plan of care for me.  I've got to trust that when I call her and tell her that I'm feeling bad, in pain, and running a fever she will call.  And, guess what?  She did that this week.  I've got an appointment with her this month and at the cancer center to find out what I need to do this year for my health.

This week I found myself reeling with that phone call.  The joy that I've got doing all the creative and fun things that I love and having a workshop space and a home base for Mamasunbear2 is gone.  Then I thought to myself, Sherry, go pray.  And, that is what I did.  I told God how I loved to work creatively, felt like I let the shop down by being sick, and that I just needed him to guide my path. 

That's the funny thing with "trust" and your definition of it.  To me "trust" is allowing God into my heart, knowing that my salvation is through him, and that all that I say and do needs to be for his glory.  I "trust" that I can do all things through him.  And, that is what hit me this week....through Christ I can do all things.  Now, the things that I can do may not be great, publicity worthy, or change the world.  But the things that God "trusts" me with are going to happen.

I believe that God "trusts" me with:

• The care of my children and to be a mother of faith and comfort to them.
• The care and maintenance of my home that he has blessed my family with.
• The ability to do selfless acts of kindness daily through my words and actions for his glory.

Within those three I'm not sure which is my purpose is.  It changes doesn't it with the day, the moment, or the time?  At first I glance I would say it might be the first because I've come to the conclusion that Emily and Dale need their mom.  It could be the second ....I've still got shingles missing from the roof. And we had a leak last night from the rain in my kid's bathroom that served as a reminder to it leaking this fall too. 

But when I see the third in my list it encompasses the other two and then more.  It leaves me with feeling challenged for what the day brings.  Knowing that God made me smart, capable, and "trusts" me with those abilities and so many more.  With that I've been able to re-group what I need to do with Mamasunbear2, my family, home , and faith.

I still have the drive and determination to be in a classroom setting.  This week I'm going to get my college transcripts and apply to substitute teach.  Secondly, I've talked with Emily and Dale and they are willing to help me organize my art room this week.  And on Sundays we will be going to Greenwood to clean the workshop and purge what I can't use and load up the things that I can.  I've priced all my work at 20% off at the shop and "trust" that God will provide me with buyers to nab stuff.  I "trust" that if I move some stuff home that it will fit in my artroom or in the garage until I can find a "home" for them.  And, if the kids and I can get my artroom organized and the garage I feel like I can do "Workshops" here at home....how awesome would that be to be able to personally invite people into my world and be able to show God's love through my words and actions for his glory?  Ahh, God is ahh-mazing! 

And, the glory in it all is that it shook me up, caused me to re-think, and re-group what dictates my life and what God "trusts" me with.  I'm looking forward to a challenging February....yeah, it's gonna be one.  But more importantly I feel the ability to "trust" God with my heart, spirit, and soul.  With that kind of "trust" I know that I'll be all right.

I know today is the Superbowl...right?  Well, I would challenge you to make a "Superbowl Worth of Trust" List.  What would that be?  Well, simply three things that you believe that God "trusts" you with.  I challenge with those three to ask God daily this week to be allowed to do those things for his glory.  Let's see what happens.  I'm in for this kind of "Superbowl" challenge....are you?

May God's peace shine on you- Sherry

Update: 

This is my challenge to this month to "trust" that God is going to help me with gal pals, friends, etc. that are going to help me. 

• I called the doctor this week because of my fever and the pain on the right side.  She asked me what I've been doing and she told me to rest and stop.  She thinks that the fever and pain is more than likely from over doing it.  In reality who tries to lay wood floors in their bathrooms a week after having surgery....yeah, that would be me.  Anyway, pray that I take time to rest each day to help me heal so that I can go on the 16th to see her rather than sooner.
•  In the coming days Emily, Dale, and I will need help in the artroom and garage. The main person to help me will be Emily and she's only one person.  We need someone that can help her.  What does that mean? Here's a short list:  1. a dolly cart to help her move some big items around the artroom and garage. If you've got one we can borrow that would be awesome!  2. We've got a couple of pieces that we want to just donate : a couch, a desk, some old tvs.  If you would be willing to help load them and take them to the thrift store here in town that would be remarkable. 3. We will need someone that is willing to help move a cabinet/armoire to the artroom.  It's heavy!  4. Someone that would be willing to come and pick up smallish donations that we might have for the thrift store.  If you can help with any of these get a hold of me.
• Thank you all for your continued prayers and support.  I'm thankful for each of you and the ability that God has given me to "trust", have faith, and live life. 

Competitive Streak

Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow.  -Psalm 25:4

Remember as kids being picked for the kickball team?  I actually had my best friend tell me he didn't pick me because I stunk at kickball in second grade.  Well, I showed him.  I made two home runs....yeah, I've got a competitive streak in me but only for things that I value.  So, sports or games I'm really not that into it.  Wanna know what makes me competitive?  Learning something.

My dad told me when I was little that your worldly possessions, family, and friends can all be taken from you.  The only thing that can't be taken from you is what you know and have learned.  That is why he pushed for my brother & I to do our best in school.  We didn't have to get the best grades but we needed to try and work hard.  My dad dropped out of school at 16 and went into the Navy. They wanted to send him to engineering school.  He refused to get his GED and therefore never made it to college for engineering.  He told me it was one of the biggest mistakes of his life and not to follow his path.  So, yeah, I can write, read, and research like no one else....I simply love to learn.

I think that I've passed that onto both of my kids.  I've told them that they are blessed that God made them strong, capable, and with the ability to learn.  I've shared that God has great things planned for them and they need to pray and be guided on his path for them.  And, I've told them along the way that all your worldly possessions, family, and friends can be taken but what you've learned can never be taken.  I've told them that is why school is so important and even shared that I'm not competitive unless it comes to learning.

This week I was reminded of that with Dale.  He is my artsy kiddo that loves to read and literally absorbs knowledge like a sponge.  The summer before first grade we found an encyclopedia set at a garage sale and he wanted it and promised to read it.  I bought it and giggled inside at the thought of a six year old that wanted to read the encyclopedia.  I figured he would do the same thing with them that I did as a kid....glance at the pictures and briefly read what interested him.  Wowsies, was I surprised to find that my kiddo wanted to read them from front to cover.  And, he could tell me all about what was in each of them. And, even more awesome was that he read them all in one summer. 

Since then I take note of what interests Dale and buy books with that in mind.  The fab thing is that he reads them.  Dale is my blessing in my world because he loves to read, sculpt, and has a sensitive heart and spirit.  And, I would have never guessed that he was competitive....kind of like me.  But this week he got a letter from an engineering and technology camp.  And, as he opened the letter he said, "Yes, yes!  I've got bragging rights tomorrow!".  He explained to me that one of his friends got a similar letter and hasn't stopped bragging about it.  Now, Dale, could brag away....who would have thought my quiet, sensitive kid was competitive with education like his mom?

The funniest thing about the letter is that Dale has no idea who would have nominated him from his teachers to go to the camp.  He also saw the $4,000 price tag and said that it was enough to know he's smart enough to go.  That truly is God's grace for me that I've got a smart, capable kid that realizes what his family can afford.  He did say if there is a letter from a paleontology camp that comes we are going to have to think about it.

It's funny how we pass onto our kids what I like to think of as the best and worst of us.  We do that through genetics and through them just living everyday with us.  If we are blessed they tend to focus more on the best we have to offer rather than our worst.  I will admit that Dale called me out a couple of years ago with "You taught me!  Your the original potty mouth sayer".  Yeah, that's me....my gal pal suggested that I tell him, "But now I'm the potty mouth slayer"....wahahahahha.  Isn't that the case?  Our kids start to do some of our worst traits and we feel the need to correct them?  Maybe we should look at correcting our own ways.

That is why I love, "Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow" -Psalm 25:4.  I've literally been a WIP (work in progress) since my birth.  God has seen all the good, bad, and ugly parts of my life and still loved me and guided my path if and when I allowed him.  Geez, imagine having the ability to control every moment of your child's life and decision making and having to sit back and just watch it all play out.  And, what if they ask for your intervention here and there when times were really tough but ignore you the rest of the time.  That is heartbreaking for me to think of having that kind of relationship with Dale and Emily.  Imagine how God has felt for 45 years with me....uggh, that makes my heart break.

The good news is that each day is a new one.  We've got the ability to pray over the Psalm 25:4 and allow God's guidance and direction in our lives.  I can think of countless times that I could feel a sixth sense telling me not to do, listen, go with, talk, or react to things that way and I ignored it.  My dad used to say it was a sixth sense that God gave us to remind, help, and guide us. For the past few months I've literally been listening to that sixth sense and allowing myself to be the person that God designed for his glory.  I can admit it hasn't always been easy and many times I failed to listen.  But this week I'm going to work harder on listening to the sixth sense that God blessed me with.....it is that connection that each and every one of us has and all we have to do is ask for God's presence in our daily words and actions and he will show up to nudge and correct his kid....that would be us. 

May you have a great week knowing that you are God's kid.   Feel free to pray over Psalm 25:4 and feel God's direction in your world.

Blessings -Sherry

Update For The Week

• I've literally overdone it.  I will admit defeat.  Instead of resting after surgery for the past two weeks I've been deep cleaning my house, arranging things, lay wood flooring in my bathrooms and trying to run errands. Through it all Emily and Dale have been trying to help me and get me to rest.  I knew something was wrong over the weekend when I got a huge pain in my right side that went through my legs.  I was blessed to push it on Sunday and teach the kiddos in Rock City (Sunday School) and then went home as soon as I was finished.  I'm up today and writing my blog but should have listened to my doctor and family and stayed resting.  Yeah,I'm seeing that God gave me a knowledgeable doctor and loving family and I should have rested sooner than later.  
• Dale is still playing his guitar nightly which I adore.  And I asked if he bragged to his friends about his letter.  He said no it was enough that he got one.  Say what?  Yeah, that is God's grace that my son has.  Unlike his mama who would brag about it he passes that over and is fulfilled knowing he is good enough and smart enough....love that. 
• Em has been busy with her mama these past couple of weeks.  I heard her say to her dad over the weekend "You just have to sweet talk her and she will go rest trust me"....hhhmmmm, isn't that what I've told her over the years when dealing with difficult people just sweet talk them.  Well, I'm so thankful that she listened to me. 
• We received great news about our mortgage....it is going to be refinanced which is awesome and a huge weight lifted for Ted and I.  We are working together to budget, to fix things at the house, and communicating with one another.  That is a huge blessing for us and I would ask that you continue to pray for us that we are able to reconfigure our budget and lives with our health insurance costs, meds, and continued care I need over the course of this year.  
• Finally, I do have a list of needs this week: 

•  1. I've got shingles and nails but need someone to come and replace the missing shingles on our house.  Em wants to do it with Dale but I'm a little jumpy about that since she has seizures.  If someone would come over and work with my kiddos to get it done that would be remarkable. 
•  2. We've got some metal deck furniture that we want gone....does anyone do scarp metal?  If so send me your number so I can get it out of here. 
• 3. Pray that I'm able to rest this week rather than "little red hen" myself. 

Little Red Hen Moments

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.  Proverbs 12:15

When I was a kid one of the joys of my world was going to visit and stay with my Grandpa & Grandma Hout in the summer.  My brother, David, and I went for a week or two at the most every summer.  And even when David decided he was too old and stayed home I went and stayed with them.   They lived out on a farm in rural Iowa when I was little and then moved to town when I was in late elementary school.

It is through my summers with my grandparents that I learned that there was more than one way to do things.  There are lots of memories that I have from being with my grandparents in the summer.  I, the city gal, was actually surrounded by nature and loved it.  I got to drive a little tractor, in reality, that it was a rider lawn mower but my Grandpa Hout told me it was a "little tractor just for me". I honestly had never seen a rider mower and didn't know the difference.   I learned to sew in my Grandma Hout's sewing room. My mom didn't have a sewing room and rarely used her sewing machine.  I watched shows like Flipper and Green Acres that were on in the afternoons on their one tv set....we had three at our house and I loved each and every moment of it.

I should correct that....I loved most of the moments with my grandparents.  I was a head strong gal even as a little kid.  My grandpa was not into sass, opinionated kids (if their opinions differed from his), and didn't share the same style of doing things like I did at home.  A perfect example of this is the infamous "spaghetti dinner" he and grandma made for us.  They had forgot to buy spaghetti sauce at the store (that was about 30 minutes from the farm).  So, grandpa, decided to use bar-b-que sauce instead.  I saw him do it and refused to eat (my wiser older brother just said that he wasn't hungry).  But me, nope, I told grandpa, "I'm not gonna eat that!  That is wrong!  You made it all wrong and we aren't gonna eat something that is wrong!".  Ok, it escalated from there and my grandpa wound up saying he was going to spank me.  We actually chased through the old farm house, outside, until my grandma grabbed me and took me to her room and locked the door.  She told me that there was more than one way to do things and that I broke her heart by being so mean with my words.  That stung more than a spanking to me that I hurt my grandma who loved me so.  But not enough to say I was wrong to my grandpa but I did tell him that I was sorry that he chased me around the house and that I loved him.

When I got home with my parents I was still mad about it all.  I told them all about the spaghetti, what I said, and that my grandpa dared to spank me.  My dad stopped me and told me that I was in the wrong.  He said there was more than one way to do things in the world and lots of people did things differently than we did.  He told me that they weren't wrong and that I could actually learn something from watching them.  Then he said, "Sherry, there are lots of ways to do things and the Dickey (my maiden name) way which is the right way".  Yeah, that kind of ruined his awesome talk.  From then on I actually took it that there were lots of ways to do stuff but the right way was my way.

I actually went all through school, college, marriage, and motherhood with that philosophy.  That there were lots of ways to do things but my way was the right way.  Just ask poor Ted that has dealt with me for over twenty years and my kids that have been along for the "little red hen" moments.  That is why it is so appropriate that I found this scripture this week, "  Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others".  Proverbs 12:15

If I had just listened to others in my life I wouldn't have made some of the major mistakes that I have.  I would have appreciated my friends, my parents, bosses, and others along the way so much more.  Within the past few years I actually have been letting lose of my controlling "my way" attitude and actions.  This past year though, has literally, made me see what a "fool" I've been.  Instead of asking for help, where to get things, or how to do them I've wasted time, energy, and focus trying to do it all.  Remember my "little red hen" name that my family gave me?  Well, that's me and at my best I'm nice about it and at my worst condescending, ridiculing, and mean.  And, when I'm at my worst I always tend to think that if "they would just listen to me" it would have worked out swell instead of the boggled down mess that things have turned into.

Here's been my challenge to myself this past couple of months is to :  Let things go and totally rely on God and who he brings into my world to help me.  Wowsies, that is a tall order for a "little red hen" but I've been doing it! And, finding that each time I let it go for God to help and handle things that 1. they get handled, 2. not always in the way the "little red hen" would have done it but they are done in a far more remarkable, kind, and caring way.

Yeah, I'm "little red hen" enough to share that I've prayed in the past for my words and actions to be pleasing to God.  But what I forgot along the way is to ask God to allow me to be gracious and accepting of others, their help, and their faith.  That is what I've been asking for these past couple of months and God has heard me loud & clear.  He realizes that I'm done with me "foolish" ways and ready to listen and accept others like I've never done before.

This week may you be able to start to release your "little red hen" and allow those around you that care and love you take care of things.  Let your kids make their own breakfast (poptarts & cereal aren't the worst things in the world), let your spouse do the dishes (yeah, that's a hint to Ted), and be gracious for the moments that your family and friends share their care and concern for you.  When you do that you will find a remarkable "wisdom" that God will bless you with.

Blessings -Sherry

Update:

• My next doctor's appointment is on February 16 and it is going to be all right, remarkable, and a joy to go to.  I've got a series of these visits to do this year and I'm thankful to be able to go.
• Emily is officially withdrawn from Fontbonne.  She is helping me here at the house as I recover and I'm blessed to have her.  She reminds me of my mom so much.  I literally started to cry yesterday after she brought in my "Sandy Blanket" that she freshly washed and dried for me.  I told her that there have been times that I wish and pray for my mom to be here and help me but I've had to let that go because she can't.  I shared with Em how God blessed me with her to be like my mom who is caring, takes care of the small stuff (laundry, dishes, algebra homework assistance for Dale) and that loves me.  And I hugged and thanked her....she of course got the Kleenex and told me "here your eyes are getting red and your nose is getting runny"....that's what my mom always says....love it!
• Emily is working on getting into her doctor to get a letter that states she can successfully go into nursing as a job.  With that letter she can get a small scholarship with Voc Rehab and they will pay for her books.  Once that is done she can look into seeing how to use her A+ scholarship and getting admitted into Longview.  
• Dale has started to play his guitar again this week.  He stopped this fall  because he was having to help me so much and be responsible for a lot of stuff here at the house.  One of my joys this week has been to hear him play again.
• Please pray for Ted & I.  We are working through our finances.  We generally are able to afford our bills, mortgage, and health insurance but with my additional doctor's visits and medicine it is going to be tight which is scary for both of us.

 

 

Five Ways I'm Not Like My Mom

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

 

In many ways I am like my mom.  I've got hazel eyes and look like a bigger version of my short & petite mom.  I'm strong, capable, and headstrong....all things that she is.  And throughout adversity in my life I lean on God....she does that too.  

 

But my blog isn't about all the ways I'm like her.  It's about a new kind of list for the week.  This list is entitled :  5 Ways I'm Not Like My Mom

 

1. My mom grew up in Iowa on a farm and loves peace and serenity of nature.  I grew up in the city and love the hustle and bustle that makes the world work.  And, yeah, I don't like nature.

 

2. My mom loves her some Kenny Rogers.....uggh, don't even ask about how she and her best friend took my to his concert at the Iowa State Fair and embarassed me.  Truth be told I took her precious "Kenny" 8-track tapes and hide them in my closet afterwards.  It wasn't until I moved to Kansas City in my twenties & was packing things that I found them and gave them back.  

 

3. My mom can hold a grudge and crab about something to the ends of the earth.  She is the first to admit this.  She even crabs about how I can get mad and then get over it so fast....yeah, I've heard that "crab" for years from her.

 

4. My mom always thought I would be a nurse, an RN to be exact, just like her.  Rather than "a teacher that makes no money...." ahh, I digress to another one of her "crabs" about her daughter.

 

5. My mom stays strong, talks to no one about what hurts her, and let her health go when she was in her late 40's. When she was about 47 she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  From there she went on to have uterian, ovarian, and cancerous cysts in her intestines.  Why?  Because each time when she was told to do chemo she refused and thought to just splice & dice and go one like it didn't happen would work.  She is now in her 60's and has had several small brain cancer tumors taken out with other that still grow.  She sleeps most days and I rarely get to talk to the vibrant, atticulate, smart mom that raised me.  

 

Ok, why this list?  Why is that important?  Well, it's important to my story and who I am and what God has designed for my life.  He designed me to be smart, capable, articulate, and vibrant like my mom.  He also designed me to be forgiving without care, not to like Kenny Rogers (sorry), and to love art, music, and the city.  He designed me to want to help people like my mom did as a nurse but in a different way as a teacher.  And when it came to my health he allowed me try to run, ignore, and not talk about it like my mom.  But that didn't work for me much like it hasn't worked for her.  I literally was at the end of my rope and found the God of forgiveness that was has been waiting for me all alone.  That is one thing that my mom did know all alone but I ran from.  

 

Unlike my mom I choose after a year of running to accept what the doctor's needed to do and what their best course of action for me right now is.  I went to Dr. Angell with Emily this week.  Dr. Angell shared with me that my surgery went "beautifully"....even better than those with normal removal of the ovaries.  She said when they got in a saw all the scar tissue they would have to go through, that my left ovary and the mass were adhered to my abdominal wall that she and the other surgeon knew they were in for a challenge and it was going to take time.  Normal removal of ovaries is about 2 hours and they were able to get done in 45 minutes.  She said she had no idea why it had went so easy and well but it did.  I told her I thought it was a "God Thing" and she smiled and said she was thankful for it.   Pathology showed that there were some bad cells on my left ovary.  But the course of care is to remove the ovaries and the fallopian tubes.  This has been done which is a blessing!  

 

What happens now?  I go and see Dr. Angell throughout this year.  Because I am now considered "high risk" for cancer I will have a couple of mammograms a year.  And, I'll have some other tests done if I still have problems with nausea.  She also thought it would be good for me to re-connect with Donna, my cancer counselor, and talk with her about things.  But, the remarkable thing is that I'm cancer free as of this moment.  All those bad cells, worries, frets, and fears are gone.   I'm not living my mom's nightmare.  

I wanted to get back with all of you that have prayed, sent me messages, and been so kind. I'm sorry I didn't get this wrote earlier.  Yesterday, Emily and I went and celebrated by having lunch and then coming home for me to rest.  I've got to the end of January to recover.  The incision on my right side is larger than the left because once they got the left ovary & mass detached they couldn't get it to go through the left side and had to take it through the right.  So, yes, I get tired easier than I would like to right now.  

Can I tell you what the best part of yesterday was once I heard from Dr. Angell?  I wore a pair of boots that I bought this last fall.  I've only worn them twice because when I bend I've had such extreme pain that felt like hard contractions in child birth and it just wasn't worth it.  Yesterday, I was able to put on those boots, zip them up, and take them off all without pain....wooo-hooo!  In many ways I know that I'm not like my mom....yes there are more than five!  But in many ways I'm her girl....if you ever question that just refer to my best of my day from yesterday.  Yes, I learned the ways of being a "fashionista" from her.

Again, thank you for your prayers, kind words, and sharing what you've been through.  It has all been a sweet blessing to me and a learning process for me.  I've learned to share my thoughts, feelings, and fears with each of you......yeah, and my small circle of trust has turned into an outstanding circle of friends that are as close to me as family.  The sweetest reward is that I know that I'm cared about and that I need to accountable in my health.  I know this next year will be amazing because I'm accountable for my health, I've got family & friends that are willing to walk with me through the worst of days and the best, and that God is truly the one that will hold me up and support me through it all.  

Peace Be With You-Sherry

Make It Work

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (NIV)


This morning I was blessed to not feel well...putrid would be a great way to describe how I feel both physically and mentally.  I'm worn out and feel ready to pack it in for the day.  But I remembered what my personal goal for the day was: 1. to get up (done), 2. get dressed (done), 3. make dinner for my family.  So, I trooped downstairs, defrosted a roast and put it in the crockpot.  Dinner is pretty much now done for me.  I'll sit and rest and peel some potatoes for the roast in a little while.

I also finished writing a letter to my brother this morning. You might remember him....he's the pessimist.  His birthday is this week and since I've been writing him weekly I sent him a card with this week's note.  I even looked up scripture for him and was blown away when I found Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do".

Say, what?  God is the original DIY!  I love the very thought of that.  From when I was little I remember my mom saying that God knew me before there ever was a Sherry and that he created me for greatness.  I still don't know about the greatness factor but I do know that he created me, have faith that he knew me before anyone else, and has a design for my life for his glory....wowsies, that's quite a bit.  That must mean that I need to re-do my personal goal list.  It should look more like this : 1. rest up today, 2. go with courage to Dr. Angell's office tomorrow to hear the results from pathology, 3.  be fearless as I do what Dr. Angell says is needed, 4. get well so that you can do the "good works" that God designed me to take care of for him. That third one is a do-sey and I'm not sure I'm ready for that but with prayer with my designer (that would be God) I know I can make it work.

Yes, I have been watching Project Runway as I'm recovering....thus, the "make it work" reference.  I think that I may be the only one that is enamored when she hears "battle of the tartans"....that's plaid fabric.  But we were talking about "make it work", right?  Yeah, we do that each day: dealing with our family, co-workers, and friends.  Then there is a budget, finances, and job concerns.  Finally, we've got all our insecurities, hopes, and dreams that bundle into the "handiwork" known as us.

 Somehow, throughout each day we've got to "make it work".  If we are lucky we allow God to enter in and trust him to take care of it all. I like to think that's when we're at our best.  At our worst we become the "little red hen"....that is my alter ego that my family gave me.  What is the "little red hen"?  She does everything by herself for everyone and herself....she needs no one!  Yeah, well, I'm here to tell you that this "little red hen" is learning by being sick that she does need help, has to ask for it, and be gracious when it comes. 

My hope for the week is that you can "make it work" by asking for help and receiving it graciously. Even if it is as small as asking the kid at the grocery store to load your groceries or having your kids pick up their dirty laundry.  All those "smalls" that we do that can be done by others allows them to do the good works that they are designed to take care of for God.  Who would have guessed that having your kids pick up a sock, you hubby take out trash, or the kid at the grocery store load groceries by all things that are designed by God?  Well, guess what?  They truly are because they help you so you may help others.  How you do that is something that God has specifically designed within you.  

Ok, time to peel potatoes and rest.  I may even watch a little Project Runway while I'm at it.  Know that I blessed to have each of you in my world.  And thankful for your prayers, e-mails, and calls.  I know that tomorrow's appointment is not going to be easy but God has designed me in a way that I know I can "make it work".

Blessings on your week- Sherry

ps....The pic is of some of the roses that I made and then added some vintage junky pearls, bingo pogs, etc. It was a super duper fun project that I did a couple of weeks ago to do as part of my Valentine's "Let Me Take You In My Surrey" stuff. 

Heavy Hearted

Isaiah 54:10 ESV /

For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

  Ok, maybe it the pain meds that has me blogging today or maybe it is the "raging hormones" that they warned me about when they discharged me.  It could be the  U2 that I've got playing while I'm resting. But I think it is my heavy heart.

Heavy heart?  Yup, for all the blessings that have been wrapped around my family through prayers, people helping do stuff, and just knowing that I've got an amazing circle of friends that God has sent my way to get me through.  From the gal that knocked on our door on Christmas Eve with soft, warm blankets for each of us to my gal pal that came over yesterday to spend the day with cherry lifesavers and popsicles.  All those small gestures have had a huge impact in my world.  Then I checked my FB and saw that my "Mighty 5" of friends from life all checked in but I also had messages from others that now make my "Mighty Circle of Friends". 

It just overwhelmed my heart and spirit and leads me to have a "heavy heart" only in the best way....one that is encouraged, loved, and determined and filled with God's joy.  

I had surgery this week.  The right ovary looked normal but the left was not.  The mass and the left ovary both had attached to my abdominal wall.  When they went to take them out the cysts burst on the left ovary.  The mass and both ovaries are in pathology right now.  If they are normal then the cysts bursting is all right.  But if there is cancer then there will be problems. My appointment to find out the results from pathology is scheduled for Wednesday.

Yesterday, Ted and Emily, went to St. Louis and moved her back from Fontbonne.  The cost of her college and our ability to pay for my surgery was just too much.  Emily seems really good about the decision to come home.  Which is a blessing.  She is planning on working on finding out how to use her A+ hours and going to Longview this summer to make up for some of her classes this semester.  The great thing is that she will have a small scholarship from Voc Rehab and they will pay for her books too. Taking time off will give her a chance to re-group and get all the scholarships in place for this summer. And allow her time to get put on the waiting list for the Penn Valley Nursing program. She is determined and not defeated which is a remarkable blessing.

Dale, my quiet, artsy soul, is doing all right with everything too.  He brought home all his homework yesterday from school and I told him to not worry about it he would have it done within an hour or hour and half tops. He had it done in less than an hour and we got to watch tv together and when I went to go upstairs to rest he yelled, "Hey, stop!  Let me help you".  It's his natural reaction and we both smiled because I didn't need his help to get upstairs.  Ok, I'll confess that I had him help me put on socks last night so I wouldn't have to bend but don't tell him I told you.

As, I went to pray this afternoon, I came across Isaiah 54:10 which states "For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you".  I feel right now that the mountains and hills are starting to move.  New ones might take their place but I'm secure knowing that God's love won't depart from me or my family.  And I love the fact that his compassion has been reflected daily in my world...so much so that I'm heavy hearted.


Thank you for the blessing of your friendship, prayers, and actions.  I'm off to go cry a little....Coldplay's "Fix You" came on.....uggghh.  Once, that is over, I'm going to go rest for a while.  If you would be so kind please continue to pray for our family and the results from pathology.

May your weekend be blessed and may we all feel a little "heavy hearted".

Peace be with you-Sherry