Monogrammed For Greatness

I remember being a kiddo back in junior high & it seemed essential that I have a sweater monogrammed with my initials.  There is just something so personal & special about a monogram.  It is a pride thing I suppose about who you are & your ability to have the monogram work done. 

I remember back in the day having two wool sweaters with my monogram.  Those sweaters were the absolute itchiest ones that I've ever had.  Despite the itchiness I wore those babies each week with pride.  They were totally awesome sweaters....ok, yeah, I grew up in the 80's & had to get that in.

Maybe the resurgence of monogramming in home decor & personal style is that it is so totally personalized.  We as humans crave personal service, interpersonal relationships, and the ability to have others know us on a personal level.  Why is it that we crave those things in the worldly but not in the Godly ?  Meaning why don't we daily crave a personal relationship with the Lord? 

Perhaps, you are like me.  You are consumed in life.  Life that shuns you away from interpersonal relationships with others & more importantly life that shuns you away from a relationship with the Lord.  My life is consumed by cancer right now....I literally eat, sleep, and never loss the thought of cancer.  How did that happen?  How did a girl after God's heart lose her focus? 

Or more importantly is there a good excuse for losing that focus on God?  No.  There's your answer nothing trumps our personal relationship with the Lord.  If we give our list of personal excuses we need to realize that none of them work or give us an "OK" to not focus on the Lord.  God is like that he's all in, omnipresent, and loves you.  I know from learning the 10 commandments & their meaning as a kid that He wants you 100% of the time & doesn't take excuses....even one from your oncologist, cancer counselor, or family.  He is jealous of my real time relationship with cancer that consumes my time.

What can I do?  Yesterday, as I was waiting to see if my white blood cell count was high enough for an infusion I took time to talk to God.  To thank him for getting me to KC safely, allowing Emily to be by my side, and to praise him for the doctors & nurses in charge of my care.  I asked him to take control of the situation and I told him that I was sorry for not being more personal in my relationship with him.  I asked him to be with my spirit and allow me to see him in all situations and praise him.  Then, the nurse came out & told me that my white blood count was up enough for the infusion....God is just that good!

Now, about monogramming again, what if when we receive Christ as our Savior, we are monogrammed on His heart.  What if he takes us and monograms us as his own.  God's monogram takes us to times of stress, strain, hurt, and pain but it allows us to get up, fight again, and keep going....don't you love that you can wear His monogram?  That description sounds a lot like hope for your spirit, grace for your heart, and peace for your mind.  And, I betcha that God's monogram doesn't come in the form of a itchy wool sweater but a quiet, content, omnipresent Savior...love that!

This week I'll be working on praise for my Savior.  Thanking him for the very smalls like a warm cup of chamomile tea this morning to soothe my throat.  For relieving the nausea that came like a hurricane yesterday afternoon & through the night.  Thank you Lord for all you have been & all you will be in my life....maybe that is the best praise that he can receive from me today.  It is a simple praise that knows all he's done & trusts all he will be in my life.

Take care this week. I'm thrilled that it is Holy Week and Dale (my son) has his birthday this week! I'm hoping that each of you seek to praise the Lord this week & find his peace.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've got a super cute short hair....who would have thought I would think that?  That being said I'm looking for super cute head bands.  If you've got one bring it by I would love it.  I'm trusting that God will meet my girly need. 

• Dale's birthday is on the 28th & he will be 16.....God is good to have graced me with a splendid son. 
• I'm super tired & feeling worn out.  I think between the physical & emotional tidal waves that I've been under God is telling my body to be at rest.  I'm thanking God this morning for this precious time to be with him & rest. 

Insignigantly Small

	Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.
	- Psalm 143:10

It was Super Tuesday here in Missouri & a chance to vote in the primary.  I was thrilled to go to the polls with my Emily this morning.  It was her first chance to vote.  I got my ballot before her, filled it out, and was done before she even sat down.  She just looked at me in that way that kids do when they want your help.  I said to her, "Emily, I can't help you, but those nice ladies at the registration table will".  She walked back, told them about voting for the first time, and they filled her in with the details.

Afterwards, we headed to KC for me to get an iv infusion.  I've got a total of two left & could not have been in a better mood.  I was filled with confidence until the nurse took me aside after my blood work today.  She told me that my white blood cell count was too low to undergo the infusion.  They did a scan & my ulcer is still open.  They advised me to go home, rest up, and come back on Thursday.

Shoot, Thursday, is St. Patrick's day down in KC.  It is fun, crowded, and rowdy in that order....and usually I love to go for the parade & stay for the antics afterward. And, truth be told, after an infusion I feel about as loopy as if I were at the parade...lol.  I shared with the nurse that I didn't think it would be a good plan because of the traffic & I didn't want to have Emily have to drive in it.

What that means is that I've got to wait until next week to do this week's infusion.  It means that my "schedule" that I had in my head of when I would be done is thrown off.   I left heartbroken from the clinic today, defeated, and feeling really insignificant in the world.  I decided to go find some solace at the Kemper Museum of Art but as I drove I noticed the Unitarian Church on the corner.  I've always wondered about that church & what it looks like inside since I moved to KC years ago.  Today, that church seemed like a beacon for this wounded gal after God's heart.  I drove in, parked, and went in.  I told the guy at the front desk that I always wondered about their church and today I just needed a place to pray.  He showed me to their sanctuary and asked if I wanted the lights on or off.  I was stumped and he told me "sometimes I focus better with the lights out is that all right?" and I nodded.

I sat down and poured my heart out to God .  I told him how worthless, hurt, and defeated I am and then I sobbed in silence.  I remembered my grandparents telling me to pray the Lord's Prayer when I felt all was lost, I was scared, or hurt and that God would remind me that He is there.  I prayed the Lord's Prayer a couple of times and then just sobbed some more.  Then I felt I stillness in the sanctuary that wasn't me or anyone else.  That calm, steady, stillness was God.  I heard in my head , "Sherry, you are not insignificant or small.  You are mine" and it kept repeating.

 It was exactly what I needed to hear.  The past couple of weeks have been low for me, I feel like I'm burdening my fam & friends.  I haven't went to God in prayer because I felt like He had enough to handle without my small, petty problems.  I've tried to go on faith that he knew already.  Today, though, I realized I had forgotten something that was so basic to who I am & what I believe....you take everything to God in prayer & you leave it with him.

The words "insignificant & small" totally summarize how I've been feeling.  The world sees me as someone that is "insignificant & small" & the enemy has taken advantage of that feeling in my core to reap havoc in my mind, deter me from my God given right to come to God in prayer, and take and squeeze God's grace from my mind, heart, and soul to leave me feeling very alone.  God took and washed that all away for me today because I stepped up and came to him in prayer.  He knew my heart, mind, and soul along & was waiting for me to silence myself & the world.  He gifted me with the knowledge that I'm not "insignificant or small" that I am His.

I'm not sure how this week will play out for me.  I know I need to listen to my doc & nurses and rest.  I know that I need to find the favor that I seek in time of prayer with the Lord.  And, I;m looking forward to taking this week as my very own "spring break".

I want each of you to know that you are NOT insignificant or small.  Your value is in Christ who gifted you His grace through Christ.  I'm hoping that you will find solace in prayer this week. I challenge you to take a "spring break" from what the world tells you & to hunker in & listen to what God is speaking to you.

Peace be with you - Sherry

Reassurance Through Resilience.

I remember being a kid and feeling invincible.  With my first set of car keys that invincible feeling got even stronger.  Once I became a mom invincibility seemed a thing of the past. I needed to be responsible, reliable, and resilient.  Those are the three things that my kids gifted me with learning through the years.  For me invincibility of youth refined itself into resilience as an adult.

This past week a friend got a hold of me.  She told me she was praying for me, sorry for the miles between us, and that she loves to see my resilience no matter what life throws at me.  She said that I always roll with life with grace.  It took me back.  Why?  Well, it's hard to take compliment....anyone else have that problem?  Secondly, since my last infusion I feel like the life has been sucked out of me and my ability to be resilient, graceful, or reliable.

I was reminded of  Ephesians 6: 10-18.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

  

This morning I'm getting ready to head to KC for another infusion and feel the weight of life on me.  I'm achy, tired, and whiny.  I don't want to get out of my jammies let alone put on the "armor of God" and take it all the way to KC.  Then I'm reminded in God's subtle way as I read through the last of Ephesians 6:10-18 "to take up the shield of faith".  A shield would be lighter weight than armor, right? Let's see it also recommends a "helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God".  I feel encouraged at this point because I wear hats most days to cover my head.  The English major that I was once reminds me of the quote about the pen being mightier than the sword and I think of how I take & journal on infusion days.  How I write out silent prayers to my Heavenly Father to take the burden, the hurt, and the pain that I feel physically & emotionally from my spirit and grant me peace. 

Perhaps, my subtle reminder from Ephesians 6:10-18 can be one for you in your life. You may not feel like you can handle the armour of God, the shield, helmet, or arrow.  You may carry life with you each day through how you react to your situations rather than God's tools. I've been there and done that.  I would encourage you to dialog with your Heavenly Father this week when the burdens and stress of life is too much to carry.  Here's my prayer from my journal last week: " Heavenly Father you must pick me up, invade my thoughts, and provoke persistence that is relentless to fight, go, and take it on.  For your light to shine through every fiber of my spirit.  That you grant me peace and rest.  In your holy & precious name....amen". 

That prayer is how I found my resilience last week and this week.  Through reading Ephesians 6:10-18 each day I found resilience.  And, this morning, I would rather whine & pout but God's light doesn't shine through that.... and as a girl after God's heart I silence it and put on my hat to head to the city.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• Last week my tests showed that my ulcer was opening up.  I was told to go home, rest, and de-stress. For once in my in my life I'm truly trying to not thrive on the stress but to relent it all to God. 
• Emily goes to her neurologist on Wednesday of this week.  Pray that I can get her there safe & sound. 

 

 

Photograph By

This morning I was thinking what the two words "photograph by" meant.  Naturally, one thinks of a photographer and their artistic work.  But I was challenged to think of "photograph by" in terms of  everything that encompasses our days.  I took the words photograph and used them in terms of God being the grand photographer of my world.  He gifted me with a creative streak that causes me to see the smalls in the big picture and the care provider that takes care of the smalls in my life.

I know that I've become frustrated and ill prepared most days because instead of focusing on the big picture I'm wrapped up in the small details.  An example of the small details for me right now : Saturday night I took a shower and had clumps of my hair come out.  I fell to pieces and had a good old cry that caused my whole family to stop what they were doing and check on me.  Ted , my hubby, went through my scalp and said it wasn't that bad as compared to him. ( For those of you that don't know Ted he shaves his head because of balding on the top),  Emily said that we see bald women every week now and that I needed to be thankful for the hair that is on my head and forget the clumps that are gone. She also said that she has enough hair for both of us.  And, Dale, my son?  Yeah, heard his mama sobbing and stopped playing his video game to come and console me.  He told me ; "Mom, why are you crying about it?  You love hats.  This is your time to rock a hat! " and in a whisper  between only us , "And, if it gets too bad you can get a wig and rock that too". 

God is challenging me today to see him as "photography by" your Heavenly Father.  He is challenging me to not focus on the small details but to see the greater whole picture.  I feel Him overwhelming saying to me :

1. You self profess to be a city girl that loves the Lord and lives in a small town.  You need to cherish this time to run to KC twice a week, to forget you are a wife, mom, and to focus on you alone.  That thought scares me & I feel very small in the big city.

2. I gave you a daughter that rides twice a week by your side to KC. Take time and enjoy that ride with her.  See how I love & care for you through her and the rest of your family's actions.

3. Allow your kids to show you how to see the "big picture".  They see it daily, they find solace in it, and see their purpose.  Take note of of it, take time to absorb everything on a greater scale, and find what I've got to offer you.

4. Thank me for allowing you to have family & friends that are picking up the pace to run your race for you.  I'm showing you that I've got you through them.

At the end of my infusion this afternoon I could see the big picture and thank God for it.  I thank Him for the ability to challenge me through the cancer experience to see something grander and larger than myself.  To praise Him not only for the small but for the very thought of being here.  To stop deluding my day with all the small stuff and let it go....to experience the joy of the big stuff like seeing your family & friends show His love to you daily. 

I've said that life is not about me or you.  It is about serving the Lord, being faithful, and being open to the experience known as life.  Are you ready for the adventure?  Can allow  Him to mold you far past any possibility that you could see?  I'm not there yet but my eyes are wide open as of today to the larger picture that He has for me. 

Challenge:  My challenge for this week is to not see things in terms of the smalls but to allow myself to speak life into my spirit, heart, and mind through praising God for the "big picture".  God doesn't create a small snapshot and go on.  He is creating a panoramic view filled with family, friends, and promise.

Peace be with you- Sherry

True Bliss

Ephesians 3:18-20
 I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

This weekend I sent out an SOS to friends to ask for their help doing stuff for me.  I also asked two groups of friends to pray over my children because I literally forget to pray over Emily & Dale each morning.  It is one of those precious things that I've done daily since I was preggers with each of them.  After I sent those emails out I felt guilt like none that I've ever felt and wept.  How could I love my kids and not pray over them?

Tuesday I got to my infusion early and had to wait a little. My restless mama heart went to the Lord in prayer.  I repented for not talking with Him daily, I shared with him my praise for all the small details that he was taking care of in my cancer journey,  I praised Him for the gift of my husband and my two kids and then I got out my journal and wrote a "Pure Bliss Prayer".  I know you may not want to use it, need to use it, or care.  But it is a part of my mama heart that I wanted to share for all you mamas out there that time flees before you have time with the Lord....I'm with you.

True Bliss Prayer :

Thank you Lord for the gift of my children.  For the small lives that they once were to the almost adults that they are.  You created them keen, acute, kind, and articulate.  I thank you for the ability to see them grow, change, and become who you designed them to be.  Thank you for the gift of each moment, each frustration, and each glory of being a mom.  I came into motherhood ill prepared but have learned to love, cherish, hope, and praise through the blessing of Emily & Dale. Thank you for their love, loyalty,and ingenuity that they place in my mind, heart, and soul.

God you have an awesome and ultimate design for my life that is far greater than I can imagine or fathom. I relent to give my life unto you.  I will work with integrity to follow and listen to you.  And look forward to your solace in my heart, mind, and spirit today.

*Ok, that's it folks for this week.  I'm blessed that Tuesdays infusion only made me mildly sick with nausea and a headache.  I'm so thankful for the group of friends that heard my SOS call, responded, and are helping me "make it work" through this season of my life.  God is good!

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• Tomorrow I head back to KC for a scan & cancer support group.  This Saturday I'm praying I feel well enough to go back to KC with the kiddos to do a watercolor painting project for cancer patients & their families.  
• I'm reminded today to thank God in all the smalls that happen or that I do have & am capable of doing.  

Northern Winds

" Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory." Psalm 50:15

 



Do you hear that roar outside your window?  If you are lucky it was just the north wind blowing this week.  I heard the north wind but I also have been hearing the wind that is brought on by the world too.  The worldly wind roars, wants you to get lost in the small details, have failures make you surrender, and wants you to lose what God uniquely has gave to you.

Yesterday, was trying for me.  I woke up feeling rested but not rested.   That statement doesn't make sense. Let me put it this way I was physically rested due to a fam that is going above and beyond to make my life easier.  But my heart and soul were worn, beaten, and bruised.  The world simply wanted to shut me up, shut me in, and silence me.  Instead, I got dressed & prayed over heading into KC for an iv infusion that God knew I didn't want to do.

What happened was the world hit like a ton of bricks.  They are trying to ease the nausea before the infusions with meds.  Last week I had an allergic reaction to the nausea med, Zofran.  This week they tried something different and my heart started racing and I literally felt like I was running a marathon while simply sitting in a chair with an iv running through my veins.  They were able to stop the reaction and let me rest before proceeding with the infusion.  Afterwards, I was tired mentally, physically, and cried to go home.

The world had other plans as my car overheated not once but twice on the way home from the infusion. I got pulled over to nab lunch for Emily and let the car cool down and discovered that I barely had enough cash for lunch for my kid.  I called Tedster  and wept in the restaurant, threw up twice, and literally sat in a stall in the bathroom and prayed that God take it all away because it was too much for me to handle.

Have you been there ?  Have you heard the world calling you out for not having the right car, the right body, the right finances?  Of course you have....we are not alone in the fight with the world over the judgements that it makes to mock, wound, and destroy both us, our families, and relationships.  And, if I'm honest it isn't the world rather than it is the enemy.  He loves to see us feel lost, alone, hurt, weary, and inept.  He sends things in this world to destroy our relationships with our Heavenly Father that would allow us to send fault on ourselves rather than feel victorious in our redeemer.

Literally, crying while in a bathroom stall and begging God to cover me, Emily, Ted, and Dale.  Begging God for his forgiveness in my daily neglect of him, and crying because I know my redeemer lives in my heart, mind, and spirit....I just need to call on him and he will bring me peace.  Do you realize that it is just that easy?  Call on him and ask for some peace....see what happens.

For me, I still have cancer cells that are being taken to battle through the transfusions and the meds to seal their fate.  Those infusions take the wind from my sails, cause me nausea that is unreal, and make me feel helpless to take on the role of wife, mom, and friend.  Know what I forgot in all that worldly misery?  That is is the world and not my Heavenly Father.  I forgot to call on Him and demand peace for my soul that is being rocked by the enemy.  Once I got that straight I do have peace and that worldly wind is blowing but it will not knock me down.

As, for today, my car still needs to have anti-freeze each week....it's old & is having to go into KC twice a week.  My nausea is horrid but it will not break me.  Feeling both physically, mentally, and emotionally challenged each day is less about me and more about my ability to give all that to my Heavenly Father and ask for him to fill me with peace.

I pray that as those north winds blow that you are safe & warm.  I also pray that as the worldly winds blow trying to take you down that you refuse to be defeated, cheated, and lied to by them.  I pray that you find the strength and courage to call on your Heavenly Father and demand his peace to wash over you and allow you to feel loved.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I've had several friends tell me that all I need to do is ask.  My plan is to get a hold of some of them to ask for smalls that our really need help with from grocery shopping, errand running, etc. I realize all too clearly that God is showing me that I can't do this fight on my own after yesterday.  I need the help and will be contacting several of you. 
• On February 13 (this Saturday) marks Tedster & I being married for 23 years....eeek!  To think that I met Tedster when I was 19 freaks me out a little.  And, it also, brings me to tears to celebrate the Lord for his mercies in our relationship...God is good.
• Thanks to all of you for your prayers & encouragement...God is good. 

Ohh, Let Me Be

 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Today was a rough one for me.  Not because it was a Monday but because I had a hard night. Last night the Tedster took me on a date in my jammies to get me a chai tea in the car.  We talked on the drive there and back and all seemed well.  Well, by 9:30 I found myself having my old pal nausea kick in followed by vomiting for the rest of night.  I got up this morning & nausea was right by my side along with my guard pooch, Duke. 

But once I got sick a couple of times I took time out to sit and talk with God.  I told him thanks for my insurance, the cancer doc and nurses, for my fam & friends.  I thanked him for the ability to be creative, love teaching, and be there for my fam & friends.  I asked him for a day without the nausea, the vomiting, the achy-ness and if he couldn't give me those to allow me to do the smalls that make me, well, me. 

And, yes, did I get dressed today...yup.  Did I get out my art journal that has stayed stagnate for over a month? Yes.  I even went to my artroom and cut fabric while feeling achy and queasy.  Emily got up and taught her mama how to use her tablet to take pics and instantly list vintage clothing on Etsy....aren't kids the best tech support?  And, I even managed to take Em to Sonic to nab her lunch and get home before I got sick again.  I rested for the afternoon and got up to nab Dale and his pals from school ...Mondays are my day.  Finally, I got home and just allowed myself some time with my Heavenly Father to thank him for the day of doing smalls.  Thank him that although it wasn't perfect I got to do the small things that make me, well, me.

Then I talked to my Heavenly Father about tomorrow, my fear factor, and how I just want to be me everyday and not see glimpses of myself.  I told him how unfair, ruthless, and angry I felt and finished up with a good old cry.  I know God knows, sees, and realizes how frustrated this independent girl is with her situation.  That is why he gave me Ted, Emily, and Dale and a marvy group of friends.  He allowed me to share via FB this afternoon how crappy I feel physically and emotionally and ask for prayer....that's big because I'm the gal that says it's all "fine".  I shared today that it's not and I let God have it. 

Now it's evening and I'm trusting God to take all those ambiguous feelings and replace them with faith, strength, and positivity.  Those are three things that he embedded into each of us to use no matter the situation, season, or time.  I'm reminded of that this evening and thought you could use a reminder too from God....he created you to have faith in him, seek strength through him, and shine with the positivity of knowing who stands beside you, has your back, and is leading the charge ...your Heavenly Father.

I want to thank each of you for your prayers this afternoon....they are working.  Although, I feel discouraged, overwhelmed, and unqualified I know God is with me each step.  I'm praying that each of you know that too.

Peace be with you- Sherry

Updates:

• I go tomorrow for my second iv infusion down in KC.  I'm hoping to go a little early downtown and swing by a shop that has this really, really good bread.  That is my treat if I get there early.
• Emily will need rides on Mondays and Wednesdays out to Longview...if you are running an errand to Lee's Summit in the afternoon and can drop her off let us know.
• I love that I'm walking on faith when I open up about my feeling, thoughts, and needs.  God is so faithful and encouraging in each of the people that have reached out to help encourage, do the small stuff, and love on me.  I'm asking if you are would want to and can bring a meal, send a pizza, etc. feel free to do it.  I'm learning that it is better for me to rest.
• My latest freak out is that I already have thin hair and I got a batch over the weekend in my hairbrush.  One of the side effects of the treatments is hair loss....eeek!  Yes, that's worse than the nausea to me.  Pray that I get the confidence to get my hair cut short this week and that I feel up to it.